Mama comes into the kitchen. “We are closed until tomorrow night, May. Y’all come on back up front.” She hands me my rings and chain and Carlos his cash. Then she reaches under the sink and gets the Pine-Sol and a couple of rags, and from the side of the refrigerator she gets the bucket and fills it with cold water and then she walks up front with us.
Michelle, her father, and Ms. Carol are standing in the vestibule at the door. Uncle Doug is on the couch. The other two guests are gone.
Mr. Pickens walks from the vestibule to my mama and hugs her. “My apologies for my actions. I see now that you had the situation under control.”
My mama is caught off guard by his hug. I can tell because she doesn’t hug him back. Her arms are dangling at her sides. Her eyes are also blinking nonstop, which is what happens when she is startled.
After he has freed her from the hug, she says, “Oh, no, I had nothing under control. If you all hadn’t moved when you did, things could have gone the other way.”
For the first time tonight, Ms. Carol laughs. “Yeah, but you weren’t giving up those rings, girl. I think you shocked them stupid with your refusal. And your guy leaping up from the floor surely startled them. I’m going home, and I’m thanking the good Lord for making it possible that we can all go home. He’s got a way of showing you what is important and what’s not. I should have been thankful that my son made it home tonight. He and your daughter, Mr. Pickens, could have been in some ditch, dead. Yes, they were wrong for worrying us, but they’re home safe, and that’s more important. I will be waiting for your call tomorrow. Come on here, boy. Good night, all.”
Michelle leaves through the door without saying a word. She and Carlos exchange a worried look, and both leave with their parents. The only person still here is Uncle Doug. He takes the bucket and the cleaning stuff from Mama and says, “I’ll get this blood out of your carpet, Gloria. You go on and rest. I’ll let you know when I’m finished, and, if I’m here in the morning, I’ll plaster that bullet hole in your ceiling, too.”
He is grinning while looking at my mama like she is the apple of his eye, like Papa used to say. I turn my back on both of them and head back to my bedroom.
Chapter Six
I collapse on Grandma and Papa’s big sleigh bed. Mama moved it back here when she took their room up front. I got the big bed, but she got the big bedroom. This used to be her room, and when it was hers she had it painted yellow and white. When I moved in, I had her get the walls painted a pastel pink and the ceiling hot pink. Uncle Doug, who painted it, calls my room “Mary Kay Central.”
I’m tired of the pinks now. I want an all-tan room because Grandma’s winter comforter bedspread is light brown, and the one she used for the spring is beige. None of her bedding matches my pink walls, and now I want to use her bedding with her bed because it will be like having a little bit of her around.
My old room is across the hall. Now, it is the library. Mama put in bookshelves that reach the ceiling, a schoolteacher’s desk, and a computer. She filled the shelves with the books Papa had scattered all through the house. He had books stacked in corners, lining the baseboards of the dining room, and on closet shelves. She gathered them all and made a library. Papa read fiction, how-to books, and biographies. He tried to get me to read a couple books by Toni Morrison, but I would rather watch a movie. It’s not like I don’t read. Vibe, People, Vogue, Essence all hold my attention, but books take too much time. I added the magazines to our library.
Reaching into my bra, I pull out the fifteen crisp twenty-dollar bills from Samuel. “Now, that’s what I’m talking about.” $300 cash. What will I buy? What can I buy that won’t get Mama suspicious? Well, first I’m going to replace all my underwear with new, matching sets. The good sets from Lord & Taylor. I would like to get Mama a good set too, but she would ask too many questions: where did I get the money, who gave it to me, and why? And those types of questions would put her deep into my business, but I’m going to buy her a couple sets anyway. I will tell her I got them from a booster or something.
Tomorrow is allowance day, and she knows my plans are to go shopping. I used to go with Edith, but we haven’t talked. I need to call her, but she hasn’t called me either. I want to talk to her about Samuel, too, but maybe not. Since she’s been going to church, our boy conversations have changed. Between my going to a new school and her going to church we barely talk. It’s a lot like Mama said: “Life changes your friends.”
I’ll let Mama think I’m going to the Plaza like usual, but I’ll catch the “L” downtown and go to the Water Tower. Oh, wait, I don’t have to catch the “L.” My man drives.
And my man knows how to do it.
That was the best time of my sexual life. I have never shivered from the inside out that many times before, and to think I almost didn’t do it because I didn’t think we were going to get his ding-a-ling inside me. Grown men do it better than boys, but he was just like a boy not wanting to pull it out. I wonder when all boys get grown if their ding-a-lings grow to be as big as Samuel’s. I roll over to my nightstand and reach under the top drawer and untape the pill pack. I pop one out and swallow it dry and tape the pack back under my drawer.
I look at the phone on my nightstand. He never said when I couldn’t call him. Saturday, 4:05 a.m., the clock reads. What he said was call him when I thought about him. Well, I’m thinking about him. He might be up, or he might be in bed with his wife, and he might be doing it to her right now. If we were married, he would be doing it to me right now. I wonder if he does it to his wife like he did it to me.
No, he doesn’t, because if they did it like we did it, he wouldn’t have gotten with me because he would have been satisfied. She met him first. That’s why she is his wife. He told me he is going to find a way for us to be together. He said we are soul mates. If they did it like we did it, he wouldn’t have said those things to me. It would have been just sex. We made love, just like he said we would.
But, I don’t think I love him. I love how we did it, and I really love the money he gave me, but I don’t think I love him. We made love, but I don’t think I fell in love with him. No, he is not my soul mate, and I certainly wouldn’t marry him. I don’t even want to see just him, and he certainly is not taking me to my prom.
I think Michelle loves Carlos, but he doesn’t love her. If she’s pregnant, he’s screwed. Ms. Carol will make him marry her. I should call Samuel and tell him I love him just to get inside his head. Uncle Doug loves Mama. He risked taking a bullet for her. He jumped up off the floor and socked Mooky right in the jaw when he made a move toward Mama. I wonder if she would marry Uncle Doug if she could. I think he’s married. One day I’m going to ask him and see what he says. If he says he’s not married, I’m going to tell him to marry Mama and see how he acts. It would be nice to have a comforter on my bed. This pink thermal blanket gets lint balls in my hair. Mama said she had puppy love for my daddy, but he didn’t even have that for her. When I asked her who and where he was, all she said was, “He is a filthy junkie with a needle in his arm who the State couldn’t even find. He doesn’t give a damn about you or me so don’t ask me shit else about him.” And I didn’t because she made him sound so horrible. Besides, I had Papa, and he was better than any daddy.
I pick up the phone and push in Samuel’s seven numbers. He answers alert like he wasn’t even asleep.
“Hey, baby, it’s May. No, I haven’t been to sleep. Some dudes tried to rob the store tonight, but Mama shot one, and the other two got beat down. No, none of us got hurt. Why are you up so early? Every day you have to be there at four in the morning? Yeah, I know school buses are out early, but I didn’t think you started to work this early. Oh, since you, like, the boss you got to be there to make sure drivers get out on time, I understand. For real, you been thinking about me? I been thinking about you too. Yeah, you made me feel good. Yeah, special. Yeah, like a queen. Yeah, you my king. Yeah, call me at your break. Maybe today, if you feel like driving downtown t
o Water Tower—
“You don’t love me. Why did you say that? Okay, we will see. Call me on your break. Good-bye.”
I don’t say “I love you” back to him. Those words can’t flow from my mouth like they do from his. So, I guess I want to be playing with his head. He told me he loved me. Maybe he does love me. He ought to. I look way better than his wife.
What I need to do is get up out of this bed, take off these clothes, and head for the shower. But I don’t want to hear what Uncle Doug and Mama might be doing, and going all the way downstairs to the bathroom would be a bit much right now.
It bothers me to hear Mama’s lovemaking noises ever since I figured out what the noises were. She moans and chirps like a bird when it’s good to her. And when she and Uncle Doug get together she goes chirp crazy, and I don’t want to hear all that. Besides, I feel the Sandman pulling me right into dreamland. All I have to do is not move.
It’s Mama’s wedding. Papa and Grandma are here in the backyard, and relatives who haven’t been over to the house in years are here. Papa and Grandma are sitting in the front row of white chairs. I can barely see their faces. The backyard is fixed up pretty with white chiffon trails from the chairs, and there is a white gazebo in the middle of the yard. White ribbon is weaved through the chain-link fence, and a path of white carpet leads to the gazebo.
As I walk through the sunny yard, I greet my cousins, aunts, and uncles, but no one answers me. Sitting next to Papa is Uncle Doug and when I look to see who Mama’s groom is I see the bride is not Mama anymore but Michelle and the groom is Carlos. The once clear, bright sky becomes overcast, and the wind begins to build up.
A gust of wind whips through the yard turning over chairs, sending church lady hats into flight, and rocking the gazebo. People are fleeing for shelter. I run to Papa and Grandma, but they walk through the back gate, and I can’t catch up with them. All of a sudden, the clouds start ringing, and everyone I look at has the same ringing sound coming out of their mouths.
I blink my eyes open to the ringing phone. Looking to the clock, I see it reads Saturday, 6:15 a.m. I pick up the phone and hear crying and sobbing on the other end. The voice says she has missed two periods, and Carlos wants to join the Army and marry her and not go to Ohio State. She wants me to talk to him and tell him not to join the Army, and convince him that going away to school is best.
Neither his nor her parents know she’s pregnant, but everyone will know after she takes the pregnancy test. That’s what they were doing last night: trying to figure out the right thing to do. Her mama asked her this morning why there were so many tampons left in the box she bought her three months ago. She didn’t have an answer for her, so her mama threw the box at her and called her a stupid, selfish child.
She says both she and Carlos want to keep the baby, Carlos more than her. She begs me to call him and tell him not to join the Army and to finish high school and go to college. Then she says her mama is coming, and she hangs up.
“Dang, it wasn’t just a dream.”
Since Grandma died, I have been having dreams that give me clues or hints about things that are happening in my real life. I am not sure I like the dreams because some stuff I just don’t want to know. I should call Carlos right now, but a girl like me has got to get some more sleep. I put the phone back in the cradle and return to the land of Nod.
When I wake up, it’s after eleven o’clock. I hear Uncle Doug humming in the kitchen, and I smell eggs and bacon cooking. They must have slept late too. Getting out of the bed, I make it over to my tall dresser and open the second drawer and retrieve clean undergarments. Looking back at my bed, I see twenty-dollar bills scattered all over it. What was on my mind? I grab the bills and decide right then that I am putting most of the money in a bank account.
I open my closet and put the money in the inside pocket of my white down jacket. Today is a shopping day, so I want to dress comfortably. I grab a pink Nike sweat suit and my white Forces and head for the shower.
When I walk past the kitchen, I see the strangest thing. Mama is cooking breakfast, and she has on an apron. I thought for sure Uncle Doug would be alone in the kitchen fixing Mama a breakfast that she would eat in bed. Instead, it’s her cooking, and he’s sitting at the table grinning. I tell them both, “Good morning,” and I head straight to the shower.
After I am showered and dressed, I return to the kitchen in hopes of some breakfast, but what I find is Carlos sitting at the table alone.
He doesn’t say, “Good morning.” What he says is, “Michelle told me she called you this morning. You and Edith going to the Plaza today, right? I’ma ride the bus up there with y’all. Your mama’s not dropping y’all off, is she?”
“No.”
“Good, then we can talk on the way up there. Michelle is with her parents at a doctor’s office somewhere. My mama is gonna trip. I don’t want to be around when everybody finds out. I want to give the news time to settle in, so I’ma go to the Plaza with y’all.”
“It will be just you and me. I haven’t talked to Edith.”
“Cool.” He has on his white leather bomber jacket, a pair of jeans, and his Timberland boots and cap.
“Is it cold out?”
The expression on his face is a lot like the one he had when he thought he was going to lose his basketball scholarship to Ohio State. His brown eyes are wet, but he is not crying. His thin lips are tight, and each breath is a quiet sigh. “Yeah, it’s nippy.”
I hug his shoulders and kiss him on the cheek. “Okay. Let me get my coat and my allowance from my mama. I’ll be right back.”
I leave him at the table and go back up front to my mama’s room. I don’t tell him about my plans for Samuel to meet me because all Carlos wants to do is go. He doesn’t care where.
I listen at my mama’s door before knocking. They are only talking, thank goodness. I tap on the door.
“Come in,” my mama directs. She has on her yellow and lime daisy and butterfly–patterned housecoat, and most of the snaps are open, allowing the top of her breasts to show. Uncle Doug is sitting up on the bed with a pillow up to his chest. His cheeks are flushed, and the bed covers are over his lower half. If I weren’t thinking about Carlos being a daddy, Uncle Doug would have been a funny sight.
“Hey, Mama, Carlos and I are headed up to the Plaza. Can I get my allowance?”
“Going to catch them King Day sales, huh? That’s my smart baby.”
Instead of reaching for the cash box on her cherry wood dresser, she looks over at Uncle Doug who nods toward his red slacks. She grabs them off the bedpost, goes into his pocket, and pulls out a bankroll. She peels off eighty dollars and hands me the four twenties. My allowance is usually forty dollars, but I take all the twenties and give her a hug and tell Uncle Doug, “Thanks.” I grab a hold of his sheet-covered foot and shake it on the way out of her bedroom.
In my room, I grab my white down jacket and check the inside pocket for the $300 and add the twenties. I am loaded. Checking my cell phone, I see the bars report it’s only half charged. That should be fine.
When I get to the kitchen, Carlos is standing by the door.
“Let’s get gone,” I say. He laughs a little, and we walk out the back door.
Chapter Seven
“It’s colder than nippy out here,” I tell him. He wants to walk up to Ninety-fifth Street, which is six blocks up. I agree because he needs to air out his head. It was a good thing I put on my white skullcap. He doesn’t say a word as we walk past the brick bungalow houses, some still trimmed in unlit Christmas lights and evergreen wreaths. I don’t mind the cold because I’m thinking too.
We are going to the bank across the street from the Plaza before we go into the shopping mall. I’m going to open up an account with $150. The rest will be spent on cheering Carlos up.
While standing at the bus stop, he tells me, “I’m glad she got pregnant. I always wanted to be a father, a real one, you know, like Papa was to us. The question is, am I ready
? My thinking is a man should take care of his child, but I am a seventeen-year-old high school senior. My mama takes care of me. I called the Army recruiter this morning, but people have to graduate before they can enlist.”
I’m trying my best not to say a word because I am waiting for him to come up with a tentative plan of his own. He always cheers up when he is in thought, especially if the thinking gets him a solution to a problem.
“And, truthfully, I don’t want to go to the damn Army. I want to go to Ohio State and play ball, but how can I do that with a child?”
The bus is half a block away and thank goodness because my toes are getting numb. “Here is the bus,” I say.
Carlos pays for both our fares because I don’t have any singles. There are plenty of empty seats. We sit together in the middle on the side facing the sidewalk. I get the window.
“I didn’t sleep at all last night trying figure it all out. This morning I came to the conclusion that ain’t no figuring it out because I don’t have money or a job. Mama and the Pickenses are going to end up telling us what to do. And that pisses me off because I ain’t a man or a daddy if our parents are calling the shots. You know what I mean? It’s like Mama will be telling me, my child, and my baby’s mama what to do.” He has hung his head again.
Softly I say, “You are not a daddy now, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be. After you finish at Ohio State and get your NBA contract, you will be the best daddy in the world. You will be a rich daddy who can provide whatever your child needs. But you got to go school, Carlos. If you don’t then you will be throwing away your dreams. You are a kid, and so is Michelle, and me too for the most part. We are almost young adults, so this is not the time for you to be a daddy. And so what if your mama and Michelle’s parents have to raise the child until you ready? Thank the Lord you have parents who can raise it.
“And if you real lucky, you might be jumping the gun. Her period might be tripping because she started having sex. Missing two months don’t always mean pregnant. When I started on the pill my period was crazy for at least three months.” And that’s the truth. I went to the doctor twice thinking I was pregnant.
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