by R. Linda
“Hey, B! Over here,” Ryder shouted over the noise of everyone talking and laughing. Trying not to let it show how much it bothered me and trying to ignore the fact that the entire cafeteria fell silent when he called out to me, I made my way over to where he was standing in line for food. An undeniably beautiful smile stretched across his face. I could almost see his eyes light up as I approached. Almost. He was that good at faking this relationship. And I was just awkward.
As soon as I reached him, he gripped my waist with one hand and the back of my neck with the other. Tangling his fingers in my hair, he pulled my face close, our lips almost touching.
“Everyone is watching,” I whispered as my breathing began to shallow out and pick up the pace again. I was aware people were standing too close to be considered comfortable. It was making me nervous, and I had the sudden urge to throw up again.
“I know. Let’s give them something to watch.” He grinned, pulling my body against his. I didn’t want to. I wanted to crawl into a dark hole and not come out. But I was dating Ryder, after all, and he did have somewhat of a reputation, so I reached up and threaded my fingers through his thick curly hair.
“Your hair’s getting long,” I said, trying to distract myself from the thoughts of being the centre of attention and gain control of my increasing panic. I never received as much attention when I was with Chace.
“I know. I’ll shave it soon.”
He couldn’t shave it. I liked his curls.
“No, don’t. I kinda li…” I began to say, but he cut me off by pressing a finger to my lips. His eyes flickered somewhere above my head, and I knew immediately that he had seen them.
“Shut up and kiss me already, B,” he said, closing the minuscule distance between us. The moment our lips met, all thoughts and worries were forgotten, and all I could focus on was Ryder’s mouth on mine. I barely noticed when the cafeteria erupted into catcalls, whistles, and some crude remarks. Ryder pulled back after a minute and pressed his forehead to mine.
“Well, that was fun. I think I’m going to like having a girlfriend.” He bit that lip ring of his, and I began to wish I could too.
“You wanna keep moving? Some of us are here to eat, not suck face.” I flinched at the venom in the voice coming from behind me. Ryder automatically put his arm around me and placed himself between me and the angry voice.
“Calm down, Chace. The line’s not moving far,” Ryder said over his shoulder, protectively tightening his arm around me. I knew it was just for show. Staking his claim. Marking his spot or whatever, but I was grateful I had his support.
“I don’t want to see you two going at it in the lunch line. Ruins my appetite,” Chace spat back. The whole cafeteria was watching again.
It was like a reality TV show around the school, and I just wanted to cry. Chace being so close hurt. My chest was constricting, and I couldn’t breathe properly. All I could do was replay the image of him and Christina kissing that day. I bit my lip to stop it from trembling. I wouldn’t cry. Not in front of him. I just wished the line would move faster so I could escape. Maybe I could skip the rest of the day. I was sure my mother wouldn’t mind.
“Then get lost somewhere else.” Ryder’s arm dropped to my waist, and he began rubbing gentle circles on my hip to relax me, whispering in my ear. “It’s okay. Breathe.”
“You gonna let him speak to me like that, B?”
I tensed when I realised Chace was talking to me. I slowly turned to see Christina joining our little unfriendly interaction, wrapping her arms around Chace’s waist. Why not just stab me in the back and twist the knife while you’re at it?
“He can speak to you however he damn well pleases. Don’t call me B. You know I don’t like it.” I tried to sound firm like my heart wasn’t breaking all over again as I looked into his clear blue eyes, but my voice gave me away, quivering slightly at the end. I couldn’t believe I was speaking to Chace, the main reason for my hurt and heartbreak.
“Why not? Ryder called you B.” Christina challenged me, her lips pursed together, making her look like a duck. I was aware of people moving closer again, trying to listen to our conversation. I wished they’d all get a life. I didn’t need this many people to witness my breakdown. At this rate, I knew it would happen soon.
I focused on Ryder and only him. His warm hands on my hips, his body pressed against my side, the light kiss he placed just below my ear. I started to relax again. How did he do that to me? Calm me down with a simple touch?
I took a deep breath and tried not to think too hard about what I was about to say. It would make Chace even madder and, I hoped, a little jealous. It was completely out of character for me, but I guess that was the point of reinventing myself and moving on.
“Yeah, but coming from those lips…” I reached up and dragged my thumb across Ryder’s bottom lip. “Everything sounds good coming from this mouth,” I said, staring at Ryder’s mouth as it curved into a smirk. I couldn’t look at anyone else or I’d begin to freak out again. I couldn’t believe I’d said it.
“Damn, B,” Ryder breathed before crashing his lips to mine, immediately tightening his grip on my waist. “I’m not hungry anymore. Let’s get out of here,” he mumbled into my mouth. I found myself nodding in agreement, happy to get away from them.
Ryder grabbed my hand and started leading me away when Chace stopped him. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he asked, gripping Ryder’s arm so tight it was sure to leave bruises.
“Taking my girl away from here. Back off.” Ryder glared down at Chace’s hand on his arm. Christina tried to get Chace’s attention but failed miserably, and I was just left standing there staring between my fake boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend, wondering who would throw the first punch. My money was on Ryder if Chace didn’t let him go soon.
“Chace, baby, let them go. It’s not worth it. Why do you care anyway?” Christina pleaded with him, but he ignored her. I couldn’t help but feel a little smug that he was brushing her off. Ryder was right. Chace was jealous. And it made me smile.
“You’re not leaving with him.” Chace turned to me, dropping Ryder’s arm. “Come on, B. You’re smarter than that,” he said, reaching out to me instantly. I stepped back. I didn’t want him touching me. Before I could respond, Ryder had moved in front of me. His shoulders were hunched, and his back was tense. If he screwed his hands any tighter into fists, he would draw blood. I could feel the tension in the room. Everyone was watching with bated breath.
“Get lost, Chace. Don’t you dare touch her. She told you not to call her that. She’s my girlfriend, not yours, and we’re leaving.” Ryder glared at Chace, tilting his head to the side as if he were challenging him.
“You had your chance, and you screwed it up for…that.” Ryder looked at Christina, whose mouth fell open at his insult. He smiled before giving them a little wave and dragging me out the door before they could say anything else. The way he claimed me as his girlfriend made my stomach twirl. Even if it was for show, I liked hearing it.
Glancing over my shoulder as we walked through the door, I saw Christina waving her arms around with her mouth moving a hundred miles an hour. I could guarantee she was chewing Chace out for not standing up for her. Chace was trying to calm her down, but he seemed to be making things worse. It was impossible to reason with Christina when she was furious.
I started laughing, a real honest laugh—not like the crazy, nervous laugh from that morning—and it felt good. I felt lighter. I couldn’t believe that had happened. My life was a mess.
“Did you see his reaction? I thought he was gonna blow a gasket. And that comment you made about my lips, that was seriously sexy. You could see the steam coming out of the jerk’s ears.” Ryder laughed as we got into his car. I laughed with him until I eventually broke down in tears. I’d held it in for as long as I could.
That light, happy feeling faded as quickly as it came. I felt as though my chest had been ripped open. I thought I could face him, but I real
ly couldn’t, and now I was even more confused. I couldn’t understand why Chace cared so much about me being with Ryder. If he cared about me, he wouldn’t have dumped me for Christina. But if he did care, did he finally realise what he’d lost? Did he still love me? And then there was Ryder and the way he managed to make me calm down with a single touch. I didn’t get it. I didn’t get anything. It was too much to deal with. Too confusing. I tried to stop the tears, but it was useless.
“Ah, crap. Bailey, are you okay? You did great in there. Don’t cry. Don’t let him get to you, all right?” Ryder cringed at my tears but reached across and grabbed my hand to comfort me.
“Bailey. Hey, come here?” Ryder was suddenly dragging me out of the car and into his arms. I hadn’t even realised we’d left the school or pulled over on the side of the road. He held me and gently rubbed his hands up and down my back until the tears slowed and I could breathe again. I was left wondering for the millionth time that day how he could manage to have that effect on me.
Chapter Eight
I couldn’t return to school after lunch. I think I would have broken down in the middle of class or something. Instead, after calming me down, Ryder took me to get some of the best ice cream I’d ever eaten.
My mother wasn’t at home when I arrived, so I knew she must have been teaching a class. Maybe in the park, down by the river, or at the community centre. She taught so many classes in so many different locations it was hard to keep up, so I quit trying. Deciding to take advantage of the empty house, I immediately made my way upstairs. I flopped down on my bed and replayed my disastrous first day in my mind.
I couldn’t even do homework to keep my mind occupied because I had left all my books at school. Instead, I was left replaying the day over and over. I think we pulled off the fake relationship quite well. Ryder made it easy, though. He was surprisingly good at being a boyfriend, considering he’d never dated anyone seriously. He was always controlled and didn’t care what people thought of him. I could probably learn a lot from him. I tended to worry about people’s opinions and reactions, and I knew it was stupid.
I was a nervous wreck when we got to school that morning—all that unwanted attention that came with being Ryder’s girlfriend was daunting. I wasn’t used to that kind of exposure. Sure, when I was with Chace, I was fairly popular. Being best friends with Christina certainly put you in the spotlight, too. But it wasn’t nearly as intense as the first day back at school with Ryder. I had gone from having a preppy boyfriend who was preparing for one of the top universities to seeing the bad boy everybody wanted or wanted to be. It drew a lot more attention than I was anticipating. It was certainly different.
But if I was honest with myself, I wouldn’t have made it through half the day if it hadn’t been for Ryder. If I’d had to walk into school that morning on my own and seen Chace and Christina together in homeroom, I would have broken down. I was glad I only had homeroom with them. Spending those few minutes with them at lunch was enough to rip open the stitches holding my heart together and make me feel the pain all over again. I just hoped I never had to face them together when I was alone. If I could get through the year without being alone with them, I would be okay. If I had to see them, then I hoped I’d have Ryder by my side because he seemed to make it easier, even though I didn’t understand how. Maybe it was the time we had spent together over the summer holidays, or maybe it was the fact that he had been the only person to speak to me since Chace dumped me. There was just something about Ryder’s carefree attitude that calmed me down. If he wasn’t affected by them, I was less affected, if that even made sense.
It was going to be hard, but I had to get over Chace. I knew I did. I couldn’t keep feeling like this. Like a part of me was missing. They say time heals all wounds. I’d had almost two months of healing, but when Chace spoke to me for the first time in the cafeteria, it took everything I had not to cry and fall to pieces. Time may heal wounds, but I didn’t have any more time. I would see them every day. I needed to improve now, and I didn’t have a clue how to do it. I thought I was doing well over the summer. Ryder made me forget. But I guess I wasn’t healing. Just masking my pain.
Feeling restless and bloated from too much ice cream, I decided to go for a run. I needed to clear my head and burn off those calories.
An hour later, I found myself at the bookstore. It was the perfect place to keep my mind busy, even though I was not meant to be working that day. But what could be a better way to lose myself than in a place full of books and fantasy? I walked to the back of the shop, where Mrs. Romanov was flicking through a stack of papers.
“Bailey, my dear, what are you doing here? How was your first day back?” She blew a string of grey hair out of her face and smiled at me.
“I needed to get out. It was a horrible first day,” I told her, shrugging and willing the tears to stay away.
“Have a cup of tea with me. Tell me about it.” She took me by my hand and led me into the little kitchen at the very back of the store through a door concealed by a bookshelf.
For an older woman, she was surprisingly easy to talk to. She reminded me of my grandmother—well, what I could remember of her—and I soon found myself telling her everything. How Chace had broken up with me for Christina, why I’d changed my appearance, how Ryder and I were pretending to be in a relationship to hurt Chace as much as he hurt me, and how I was regretting it because of all the attention that came with it.
“As petty as it sounds, it all seemed like a good idea at the time,” I told her, realising how stupid the whole fake relationship idea was when said out loud.
She smiled and nodded. “You do whatever you need to. If it helps you move on, you do it. Do not for one minute worry about what other people think or say. I, for one, believe that Chace boy needs to feel a bit of what you felt when he started parading that trollop around in front of you.” I nearly spat my tea everywhere at the way she called Christina a trollop. “If you pretending to be in a relationship makes him suffer, even just a little, I say do it. I’m not above a little revenge—a little payback. Just make sure it’s for the right reasons.”
The right reasons? Were there any right reasons for what we were doing?
I was surprised she accepted what we were doing. It was wrong, deceitful, and childish. We were lying to everyone about our relationship. I was lying to my mother too by not telling her what was going on. She thought Ryder and I were just friends.
“I’m just concerned about why Ryder is using you to make Chace suffer. I know you are using him too, but it’s different with him. You have your reasons for wanting to get back at that boy.” Her lip curled up into a sneer as she mentioned Chace. I tried to suppress a grin. She hated him, and I found it sweet.
“You don’t think I should trust Ryder?” The thought had crossed my mind more than once. I didn’t know enough about Ryder to know whether or not I should trust him and if this thing was just a big joke to make a fool out of me. I was curious as to why he wanted to make Chace suffer as much as I had, if not more.
“No, I think you can trust him. I am positive you already do trust him more than you realise. Just make sure you get the facts and that no one gets hurt, that’s all. There must be an excellent reason for him wanting to do this, too.”
Did I trust him? I didn’t think so. Not in that way. Sure, I trusted him enough not to lure me into a creepy ice cream van and kill me. But trusting him with my feelings even just as a friend? No. How could I trust anyone after what Chace and Christina did? Ryder was always so cryptic about his intentions. Always so mysterious and never talks about himself at all.
“Do you think I’ll ever move on? Be happy again?” I asked, hoping for her honest answer and not knowing what else to say about Ryder.
“You’re already moving on, and I have seen that spark of happiness in your eyes returning over the summer. You just need to stop dwelling on the past, stay as far from that boy and his trollop as possible. If you can do that, you’ll move on
before you know it.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Romanov.” I smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before making my way out into the store. She was a lovely woman, and it was nice to be able to discuss my worries and feelings with someone. A spark of happiness returning to my eyes? That wasn’t possible. I was still far from happy.
I came to a sudden stop when I saw him standing in the centre of the room looking around. My breath halted, and my heart started beating erratically in my chest. A crippling pain shot through my core, making me hunch over and put my head between my knees before I collapsed completely.
“Are you okay?” He rushed to my side and wrapped an arm around me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do anything except shake my head vigorously. He rubbed a hand up my back, and I couldn’t help but flinch away from his touch. It repulsed me. He repulsed me.
“It’s okay, B. I just wanted to see if you were okay after lunch?” And just like that, with a few simple words, the pain in my chest was replaced by a burning sensation. Burning anger. Rage. That’s what I felt.
“You don’t get to call me that, Chace. You shouldn’t be here.” I hissed at him, trying to control the tremors wracking my body.
“But it’s okay for Ryder to call you that? That’s rubbish. I know how much you hate that name.” His jaw tensed as he stared at me.
“Then why do you insist on using it still? You can’t just leave me alone, can you? Come to dig the knife in a little deeper? Hurt me some more? Well, screw you, Chace. You got what you wanted. Your perfect, fun and outgoing Christina. Leave me alone. I don’t want to speak to you. I don’t want to see you, and I sure as hell don’t want to ever hear you call me B again.” I tried to keep my voice soft and calm, but soon I was yelling. Chace didn’t even look affected by my words.
