by Lexy Wolfe
Chapter 59
Nolyn nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder, scattering the journals and papers he had fallen asleep on top of. He glared blearily at Ellis. "Don't you have meetings to hold?" he asked sourly. He grumbled at the man's smirk. "You look like Ash when you do that," he muttered.
"If reminding you of Ash would get you to go home and sleep in your own bed, I would consider it a great boon. However, you remind me of a certain young mage who was too stubborn to let go of a problem." He said dryly before Nolyn could comment, "My brother."
The comment startled Nolyn out of his surliness. "Bennu?"
Ellis nodded as he sat a glass of water by Nolyn's hand, sitting in the chair beside him. "Whenever we hit a wall on a problem we needed to fix, Bennu all but lived in libraries. He had always been obsessed with finding the answers first. He could not abide not having everything figured out whenever we had to tackle an issue." Ellis rubbed one side of his face. "Problem was, not everything we came across had been encountered before. Sometimes, not even one thing remotely similar."
After getting up long enough to gather the scattered materials, Nolyn picked up the glass and leaned back in the chair. "I thought Bennu was always good with figuring things out on the fly." If that were the case, I would still be alive, a soft voice whispered in Nolyn's ear. The mage looked around, frowning, as he looked for the prankster. When Ellis regarded him with a mixture of confusion and worry, the Edai Magus forced himself to relax. "He always seemed to know the right thing to do, the right words to say."
Ellis snorted softly. "After years of working hard at learning to think for himself and not depend on others having discovered the answers before him. When he was your age, he was like so many mages now who think that not only did our great mother have all the answers, so did the libraries that honored Her."
Nolyn stared at the papers and journals. "So you are saying all this is useless? Why do we even bother keeping journals at all?"
"It isn't useless. Not everything is a new and unique happening. If it is possible to learn from those before us, then we should. Much safer learning how to recognize and avoid bear pits than walking into them ourselves. Or at least learning how someone else got out of them before us." He tilted his head as he regarded Nolyn. "Have you written in your journal since the attack in Andar?"
The man grimaced and looked away. "No. I've barely been able to review the daily reports from your… my circle on the running of Verusia."
"Don't worry about those of my circle who left to join yours. Most of them are as old as me and none had the boon of the Timeless One turning the clock back for them. They are more comfortable staying with old routines and training their replacements than the daunting task of taking on all of Forenta, the Magus Academy and trying to rebuild everything Ysai had worked to weaken for the five decades she was in power."
Pushing himself to his feet, Nolyn walked away to lean on the end of one of the many, massive bookshelves, forehead on his arm. "If I'd done what I should have and at least had a few in my circle—"
"The Illaini Magus refused to build a circle upon his mastery," Ellis interrupted, his voice droll. "When you have examples like we have had in the Edai Tredecima, who you don't want to be like, it is easy enough to see all that they do as being part of the problem." He shook his head dismally. "In some ways, it was, but that's beside the point. A mage's circle is supposed to be an extension of him. That means work, and you know many of those lazy asses on the Edai Tredecima do as little work as they can get away with."
"If the others of the Edai Tredecima are so terrible, why does the great mother not dismiss them?"
Ellis shrugged one shoulder. "To give them one last opportunity at redemption. And failing that, giving others the time to grow and be ready for the burdens that await them." He regarded Nolyn sadly. "Do you think She chose you lightly? That She did not know the burden She was putting on you might be too much? The Knowing One loves you, Nolyn. But She also needs you."
Nolyn smirked. "I'm better than nothing, I suppose."
Ellis frowned. "While for the sake of stability of our people, yes. Having all seats held is better than no one holding them. But don't you start denigrating yourself. You think just because you can't transmute material into gold by your will alone or can't rip a hole through the ether that you're weak?" He snorted. "That is as presumptuous as thinking you are naïve because you don't know as much as the Knowing One herself."
"You aren't comparing your grandnephew to a god, are you?" Nolyn asked dryly.
"I am using Her analogy. That Zoe said to me just the other day." Nolyn blinked. "Don't look so surprised. You think I know everything? I don't. If I did, I would not have mucked up things so badly with Ash after Bennu died. Or with you. Hells, I could go mend that barrier around Andar myself if I could figure out how. Or better yet, it would never have been built." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "The barrier was the coward's answer."
"What do you mean? You saved Ash and kept everyone else safe from whatever is in there!"
"That's the point, Nolyn." Ellis fixed him with a weary look. "We never went to face what killed our children and grandchildren. We held onto Ash to protect him, made him suffer the humiliation of being an orphaned lowborn to keep him hidden."
He sighed, looking away in shame and bitterness. "We never even had the courage to consider how to avenge the deaths of our lost loved ones. We never even tried." He waved a hand. "It is easy to forget that I'm over one hundred twenty years old. Someone was eventually going to do something to that barrier. Or something. And the havoc that would have been unleashed on an unprepared Forenta would have been on Bennu and me. Just shy of being as bad as Ysai allying with darklings."
"Don't be ridiculous… wait, no. I see your point, I guess." Nolyn sighed. "I just don't know what I can possibly do about… whatever it is. The only people in the world I know who would be brazen enough to take on something that seems as powerful as a god would be Storm or Skyfire."
"Or Ash," Ellis added in dry tones.
Nolyn looked at the star-shaped scar in his palm, troubled. "That… I am not so sure about. He has never quite come to terms with what happened to him. Going to Andar would foul Ash's focus, I am sure. It could be the one thing that could beat him." He closed his hand, making a fist. "I don't know how I can face something my brother can't. And I can't face it like the Swordanzen. Forenten are not meant to take things head on like the Desanti do."
"I have faith in you, Nolyn," Ellis stated firmly. "Speaking of faith, how is that poor child Kiya doing? I feel absolutely terrible that I might have been the cause of her troubles."
"By asking her to be an ambassador for her people to ours? I doubt your suggestion was the reason Anibu took her ability to see spirits from her. I think it was a problem that was a long time in revealing itself." He smiled wanly. "I just need to figure out how to convince her that she would be an excellent voice for her people, regardless of whether she can see the spirit world or not. The Swordanzen tend to be a little too… brusque."
"A polite word to explain a strong desire to sock people in the teeth. Then following through with it." Ellis smirked. "To be honest, there are some days I would absolutely adore having the Desanti sock people in the teeth. I have a list of people I wish I could sock in the teeth."
"At your age," Nolyn observed in droll tones, "I am sure it is an impressive list."
He keeps it in the bottom of his journal bag.
Nolyn spun, glaring. "Okay, knock it off! It's not funny anymore."
Ellis got up, approaching slowly and putting his hand on Nolyn's shoulder. "What isn't funny, Nolyn?"
"I keep hearing Bennu making sarcastic comments like he always used to do." Nolyn scowled into the darker shadows further from his work area in the library. "It was amusing at first, but—"
"Nolyn, I have not heard anything." The Se'edai Magus studied the other man's face with worried concern.
"You hadn't
?" Pressing his lips together, he sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Maybe I have had my nose in these books too much." I have tried to tell you that. Would you listen? Of course not. Stubborn child. He growled, grabbing his head and shaking it before sighing. "Gods damn it all."
"Talk to the Su'alin. She may not be able to see, but she surely knows her art enough to explain what might be happening to you." Ellis put his hands on his hips at Nolyn's expression. "Talk to her. If for no other reason, she will feel useful."
Chapter 60
Valerian watched the two Swordanzen women spar, wincing at the rather vicious attacks they showered on one another. He glanced over at Tobias on the other side of Seeker beside him. "Maybe it would have been better if you Swordanzen had not accepted Tobias's assistance." When Seeker arched an eyebrow at the Unsvet Guardian, the Vodani man waved at the combatants. "They have been particularly… intense of late."
"It has little to do with having a healer." Even Seeker flinched when Windsong slashed Rockspar's deeply. It only slowed her for a fraction as she launched another attack on Windsong. "Swordanzen cannot afford to allow grief to let them appear weak."
Both Valerian and Tobias looked at the man sharply. "Grief? What are they grieving?" the young healer asked. He started forward when Rockspar nearly impaled Windsong. The two still did not stop. "They're going to kill each other!"
Grimly, Seeker stated, "It is possible. I will not let them." He straightened from the fence. "Both have lost the children they were carrying. The risk of trying again is too great."
Valerian straightened away from the fence, turning to look at the man. "Your training patterns had not changed since you came here. If you knew they were with child—"
Seeker narrowed his eyes. "We are Swordanzen! Nothing else but the Path matters, not even our lives or our unborn." Pushing Valerian aside, Seeker drew his sword and knife, interposing himself between the women, blocking their strikes on one another. All three stood statue still for several heartbeats before the women backed down, sheathing their weapons. Tobias hurried forward before they changed their minds or drew their weapons again.
Biting his lip, Tobias said in a low voice to the women, "Seeker… He told us why you were grieving." He closed his eyes. "If it was my fault for not healing you right the past few times—"
Rockspar and Windsong traded looks. "It was not," the darker Rockspar stated.
Windsong put her hand atop his when he began to heal her side. "It was not your fault. Twice as many children do not make it to birth as are born. And only half survive to earn their adult name."
Tobias looked up at her, horror and sadness in his eyes. "That is terrible!"
"That is Desantiva," Rockspar replied with a shrug. "Only the strongest survive. But just because they were not the strongest, we do not mourn their loss any less."
"Then you should not blame yourselves any more, either," Tobias replied as he sat back, finished healing. "Maybe the souls were not a good fit." The women blinked a few times. "That is what my mother says to women who lost their children. Their souls were not a good fit for the mortal shell they wanted. That it was like trying to put a wrong shape key in a lock. If you try to force it, the key or the lock breaks."
"Your mother is very wise," Windsong murmured. "Thank you."
"Yes." Rockspar smiled faintly. "Thank you."
As the Swordanzen pairs returned to the house, Valerian smiled a little to Tobias as he tossed a rag to wipe the blood from his hands. "I am impressed. You are becoming quite a skilled healer."
Tobias looked confused. "What do you mean? Their injuries were not significant in challenge. An apprentice could have managed them easily."
The Unsvet chuckled. "You don't see it, do you? Healing is more than just the body, you know. You helped them accept the miscarriages. Gave them some reason that gave them some peace of heart and mind." He looked back towards the house, smiling a little as Seeker pulled Windsong against him, kissing her soundly. "All of them."
The young man tilted his head to one side as he considered the couples and smiled a little. "So that is what Mother meant. I never really understood before." Walking back to the house, they looked over as Nolyn returned from the Magus Academy. Leaving his horse with the stablehands, the mage headed inside without a look to anyone else. "I just wish I could figure it out for everyone."
Valerian's smile faded. "I know. Sometimes, the best we can do is just to be there for others. The body might be ready to heal, but the mind and soul? Entirely a different matter." He clapped the young man's shoulder. "Come on. Miss Kelafy is making dinner. Shouldn't do healing on an empty stomach."
"Oh, Zeridus, yes. I'm starving!" Valerian chuckled as Tobias's pace picked up.
Chapter 61
Nolyn brushed passed the servants who greeted him, heading to his study. He looked at the stack of books and scroll cases he had left out and grimaced. Going to the cabinet, he took a bottle and a heavy, etched glass tumbler and went back to his room. He closed the door and set the tumbler and bottle on the table roughly. So focused on pouring himself a drink, he did not notice Kiya emerge from the bathing chamber.
"Edai Magus Nolyn?" She startled when he jumped and nearly dropped his drink and almost knocked over the bottle. Both of which he barely managed to rescue. He sighed as he set both on the table and just leaned on his hands, head and shoulders bowed.
"I thought you were with your kinsmen," he stated brusquely. "I forgot you like sitting by the bathing chamber's pool."
"They needed time to grieve privately. I did not wish to intrude." She walked over to the window to look outside. "Grief is difficult for Swordanzen. They have no tribe to share their grief with. Only their th'yala if they have one and that bond is too thin to serve adequately. I am only a reminder of what they lack."
Her quiet words drew him out of his own distracted thoughts. He turned to look at her with worried confusion. "Grieve? Is everything all right? Do they need… I don't know… something? Anything?"
"Just time," Kiya replied. Her dark eyes reflected sadness as she looked in the general direction of the room she shared with her kinsmen. "Both Windsong and Rockspar had lost their unborn children. They do not believe there is time enough to make another attempt before we would be returning to Desantiva."
"Oh," Nolyn said after several moments of awkward silence. "I am sorry. I did not know. Do you know what happened? Was it the colder weather? The food, maybe?" He rubbed the side of his face. "Goddess, I hope it wasn't their constant training. It is pretty rigorous but I would hate to see a Swordanzen fettered for any reason."
Kiya smiled gently, shaking her head. "Failed pregnancies are common among my people. For every child born, two never survive to be born. Of those who survive to be born, fewer than half live to earn their adult name. But we know of each one conceived, know the number that did not live. That is our world. We accept it." She turned to look out the window towards the sky. "It does not hurt any less."
He joined her at the window, standing behind her. She raised her hands, a delicate webbing of cord and beads unfolding and catching the sunlight like a cascade of sunset captured. He reached out to touch it. "That is beautiful, Kiya."
"I will be giving it to the person who gifted me the beads." She turned to drape it over her hair. "Do you think it will please them?"
Nolyn chuckled. "Very much so. I have never seen such intricate, delicate work before." His gaze moved from her hair to her eyes. "Though it is not as beautiful as its creator." He smiled when she blushed and looked down shyly, leaning down to kiss her brow. He turned back to the table, picking up his glass again and draining it. "Are you and your kinsmen handling the cold all right?"
"It is not the cold itself but how constant it is. The nights in the desert are very cold, but the days are fiercely hot," Kiya pointed out as she placed the bead hair decoration on a piece of suede, then folded the leather around it. "It is the lack of heat in the day that is… troublesome to us.
" She slid the folded object into a cloth pouch with beading sewn into it with a similar design as the decoration. "I am curious about this 'snow' that Mother Kelafy has been telling us about. She was very earnest about explaining it to us. She seems worried about us because the season is growing colder earlier this year and she expects this snow to come."
Nolyn winced at the memory. "Ah, yes. The Dusvet Guardian and the others had neglected to warn the Githalin Swordanzen about snow before the first snowfall. It… did not go well." He looked down in surprise when she grabbed his arm, looking up at him with unveiled worry. "Storm nearly died when she got lost scrying melted snow in her palm. My brother guided her back."
"Nothing happened to Radisen? I mean, Skyfire?"
"No, nothing to Skyfire. Nothing more than a few bruises from running into the barriers the mages put up to keep them from disappearing in their panic until they could explain snow. They both thought the sky was breaking." Nolyn's bewilderment at her worry turned to comprehension. "Oh, that explains a great deal. Skyfire is your and Seeker's brother." He smiled a little. "Two Swordanzen in one family? And one a Githalin? You must be proud."
Kiya looked away. "I am proud. But I am also afraid for them both. Seeker might put down the sword when it is time. Maybe. He says he will, but I know him. He will not. But the spirits told me that… Githalin cannot. The bond to their Totani is for life. Perhaps even beyond." Hugging herself, she whispered, "We cannot live without bayuli-volsha, Edai Magus. Not for long. I am afraid of what will happen to them when—"
