by Lexy Wolfe
She grabbed the front of his robes, glaring up at him. "You do not even know what you go to face! You cannot go into a battle blind to your enemy. Do you expect me to remain here knowing what you risk? Knowing you may never return?!"
Nolyn smiled, putting his hand over her fist. "Citali bid me to take care of you, my heart." He touched her lips with his free hand to silence her. "And I could not live with myself if I put the woman I love in danger."
Anger faltering, Star blinked, her grip on his robes loosening as she took a half step back. "You… you love me? But I am Desanti! You are— Our people are enemies to each other."
"So? It does not matter to me what you are on the outside, Star. Desanti are as much a part of the fabric of this world as any beast, any plant, any human. So few recognize that among my people. How could I love anyone of my own nation when I consider myself a part of the world and they hold themselves separate or above it?" He let her pull her hand away as she released his garments, watching her as she assimilated both his words and the truth of the feelings behind them. "When Storm il'Thandar and Skyfire il'Kailee came, not only did I see they recognize that fact, it was a part of them. Just as it is a part of you.
"I envied my brother Ash so much, knowing he won Storm's heart. It was like he won the heart of the world itself." His self-deprecating chuckle drew her gaze back to him. "I used to joke about my intentions of going to Desantiva to find a Swordanzen of my own. Especially when Kelafy kept trying to find a wife for me. She wanted to give me something more than my duty to Forenta. Something to live for, since… well. Performing my duties have nearly cost me my life many times already."
"I am Githalin Su'alin," Star stated defiantly, her hands on her hips. "I have duties, too. One day, they will cost me my life. As much as yours may cost you yours." She frowned at him. "This is who and what I am! You know my heart. You cannot change that, and I do not want to change."
Nolyn's expression saddened as he exhaled in resignation. "I know, my heart. As much as it makes me ache to know, I cannot deny you your devotion to your duties. It would deny who you are, what you are." He took a step to her, reaching out to her right shoulder, his hand hovering over the beaded image of her Githalin mark. "If I tried hard enough, I could change a lyon's spots. But then it would not be the lyon I found so beautiful to begin with. I admit I hoped you would agree to stay." He brushed his fingers along her jaw. "The idea of losing you—"
"You should not have opened your heart to me so much. It will only cause you pain, Edai Magus Nolyn Lirai." She looked away. "When the Githalin Swordanzen return, I must return with them to Desantiva. That is where I belong. The time until their return is not long anymore."
Nolyn shrugged one shoulder. "You belong wherever you want to belong, Githalin Su'alin Star il'Citali." She looked up sharply, but he was already heading back to the house. "We will be departing for Quoesia in the morning. Please do not leave without us." He looked over his shoulder with a knowing grin. "You Desanti will frighten my more fragile people terribly."
After a moment, she smiled. "I understand, Master Nolyn. We will wait."
Chapter 72
Seated by the campfire with Tobias and Eptina, Valerian accepted the mug of tea Ana handed to him with a smile. The girl blushed and lowered her eyes at his appreciation, turning to Eptina to pour for her next. Several paces away, Seeker and Nolyn were shouting at each other, looking ready to come to blows. "I suppose there is something to be said for consistency," he observed in droll tones. "Third night, third argument over the merits of stopping for the night."
Eptina glance up from beneath the cowl of her robe at the pair, then smiled, shaking her head. "I heard the Desanti had traveled with a gypsy clan from the port they came in through to Ithesra. I have to wonder if they argued with them this much as well. If so, I might find it in my heart to pity the gypsies. A little."
"I hope they don't punch each other again," Tobias muttered into his mug. "I cannot believe I miss traveling with that woodsman Ursin Farover." He sighed with exaggerated relief when Seeker threw his hands in the air and turned to stalk back to the tent the Desanti shared. The journeyman healer heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Oh, thank goodness he did not hit you."
"He could have stabbed me instead," Nolyn pointed out as he joined the other three. The glare Tobias gave him brought a chuckle to the others. "Given their consistent insistence to continue traveling every time we stop to rest, I am torn between whether the Desanti have that much stamina or they simply are willing to push themselves past their limits on a regular basis." He looked back over his shoulder towards the desert folk. "I am almost tempted to find out."
Valerian smirked a bit. "You want to see if you can keep up with them. Sorry we mere mortals are holding you back." Eptina choked on her tea at Valerian's comment, patting her chest as she coughed. The Unsvet patted her back. "Tea is for drinking, not breathing."
"Unsvet Guardians. Not only can they scry time, they can also point out the obvious," Nolyn teased. Valerian's response was a rude hand-gesture that set Marcus and Tobias to laughing.
"You are both terrible," Eptina stated archly. "Though I suppose propriety doesn't mean much in the middle of the forest." She sighed softly.
"Are you all right, Edai Magus?" Valerian asked, his expression turning serious.
She shrugged, eyes fixed on the fire. "I admit I dread arriving in Quoesia without my usual retinue of servants. Ignoring the ettiqute of propriety that highborn travel with an adequate number of servants to attend them, there will be no question to my father that I have betrayed the family. Those assigned to me were his choices, not mine."
"All the more reason we should go to this Andar directly," Seeker growled as he stalked over to the fire. He accepted the mug that Ana handed to him after she took a sip from it, holding it more for warmth than the drink, though the Desanti aversion to wasting food prompted him to drink anyway. He leveled a look on the pale woman. "There should be rage burning in your heart. You did not betray your family. You serve your goddess. Your family betrays your goddess, thus they betray you."
Eptina managed a half-hearted smile. "You are kind to say that, Swordanzen Seeker."
The man snorted, his scowl not lifting. "There is no kindness in my words, only truth. If any Desanti betrayed our great father, I would kill them or die trying, even if they were blood kin." Handing the mug to Ana, he stated, "I am going scouting." Without a backward look, he headed into the forest. Those around the fire watched him depart, glancing towards the other Desanti who kept to themselves on the other side of the camp.
"I know the Desanti tend to be rather abrupt," Valerian said, a slight frown creasing his brow. "But there is something about their current behavior that troubles me. I just cannot put my finger on exactly… what it is that is bothering me."
Nolyn picked up a stick to poke at the wood on the fire. "They are agitated about the creature in Andar. Ash told me about some of the things the Swordanzen guard their tribes from, things that are not even tainted by darklings that are the stuff of nightmares. Given Eptina's description seemed to be more of a reminder than a surprise, I can only imagine the things that dwell in their desert home." He looked towards the Desanti, frown creased with worry. "I suppose when facing death so directly, they are justified in being abrupt."
Valerian shook his head. "It is more than that. I mean, they are an abrupt people, but they have their own social protocols, just as Forenten do. They are simply more… abbreviated than yours." He rubbed at his temples, grimacing a bit. "I very much wish I had more than my childhood memories of the Desanti people. Maybe I could pinpoint what is bothering me." Grumbling under his breath, he rubbed his face with both hands. "Of course, if I could simply see clearly when I scry in this land, it would make my life easier."
"Do you ever feel anything when you scry, Unsvet Valerian?" Marcus asked.
The question surprised the Guardian. "What do you mean, Apprentice Marcus?"
Marcus's cheeks reddened w
hen he became the center of attention around the campfire. "Well, the Desanti's god is the Raging One. And, well, he does rage a lot, I guess, but all things considered, I guess I'd be pretty mad about things, too. But I read some things in Illaini Magus Terrence's journals about when he had been in Desantiva and he said they often call their god the Heart of Desantiva. The heart is about, you know. Feeling things. He wrote that the Dusvet was surprised at the intensity of other senses when Swordanzen Storm shared her memories with him." He fidgeted with his mug. "I just think, you know, maybe we are not looking at things from the correct perspective."
Valerian arched an eyebrow, thoughtful. "An interesting observation. But what brings that to mind for you?"
Marcus waved a hand towards the Desanti. "Maybe that is why they are acting strange to you. They feel stuff." He looked at Nolyn, then back to Valerian. "When Master Nolyn and I went to Quoesia, I told him that there was a different feel to Quoesia than Ithesra. I never really noticed there were differences in realms when I first came to the Magus Academy. If I can feel something like that, they must feel a whole lot more and Forenta has to be pretty strange to them."
Nolyn smiled and patted Marcus's shoulder. "Good observation, Apprentice." He glanced over at the Desanti, his eyes falling on Star as she sat in meditation, one of the Swordanzen standing guard over her while the two remaining slept. "Though I would not dismiss that they sense something as being off. Our lands are different, but they have similarities between them, too. A dissonance is still a dissonance."
"You sense something?" Valerian asked, studying the other man.
"I am not sure," Nolyn answered at length.
Chapter 73
Seeker crouched down atop the giant root swell, touching the craggy surface briefly then sniffing his fingertips. His frown deepened. He dropped to the forest floor, kneeling on both knees. He took a deep breath, exhaling gustily as he drew his sword, drawing it across his palm and impaling the ground. "Anibu," he stated in a low voice. "I need your help."
The soft rumble of thunder announced the Totani's arrival as he knelt across from the human. "My Seeker," the shadow jackal returned in an affectionate voice. He looked around as he sniffed the air and frowned. "I see why you are troubled. There is sickness in the land here. I can smell it in the air." He looked back to Seeker. "What troubles you?"
"Kiya…" He closed his eyes. "Star says what we hunt will take both Paths of the Sword and Spirit to face. She is trusting us… trusting me… to do our parts. Her life depends on us. I am trying to find clues to face it… to find it. But what I am. What we are. It is not enough."
Anibu tilted his head to one side. "Why do you think you are not enough? You are one of the best Swordanzen alive." He shrugged. "Except perhaps for Thandar and Kailee's Githalin, but you know of Storm. No one fixates on the martial arts as she does. Those who train with her are pushed to match her. Your older brother has had to excel to keep up to stay alive. Given time, you will match their skill. Even surpass, perhaps."
Seeker frowned. "I am not in competition with any of the Githalin, Anibu."
The dark man laughed. "Do not lie to me! Or to yourself, Rengi." He touched the man's cheek, turning his face up. "I know you have been seeking your father's acceptance all your life. You felt flawed because you had not Radisen or Kiya's gift of Su'alin sight. When Radisen's sight was impaired, he chose to follow the Path of the Sword to serve Desantiva, as Su'alin serve it through the Path of the Spirit. You thought to follow his path. When he became Githalin…"
Seeker turned his face away from the Totani. "Father still does not accept him or his choice. Radisen became Githalin. Chosen by the Totani! And still, that is not enough for him. Because he blames Radisen for Mother's death." Hesitating a moment, he confessed, "And he blamed me for not having the sight at all. Like it was a personal insult to him when his other children had the gift."
"Is that why you want to be Githalin? To prove yourself worthy to a foolish old man who nearly drove the strongest Su'alin to cross the blade from loneliness so painful not even the bayuli-volsha could ease?"
Seeker looked up sharply, frowning. "Kiya would never— It would be a disgrace to our great father to throw a life away. She would never—"
Anibu smiled sadly, tilting his head. "Why do you think Star wanted you to leave to follow the Path of the Sword? She knew it would only have been a matter of time before she would simply cross the blade and not return. Even the strongest souls can only be strong for so long alone."
He looked down at his clenched fist. "I knew she hurt. I had no idea how much."
Anibu chuckled. "It is a Desanti failing. You hide your hearts when you most need to open them to share your burdens." He shifted to catch Seeker's gaze again. "Just as you are doing right now." He shifted to his jackal form to ease Seeker's struggle with the blood magic, sitting primly. Why did you call on me, my Seeker?
"I need help," Seeker confessed, shoulders slumping in shame. "All I know… everything I am… it is not enough to keep Star safe."
That is hardly true. I would not have Named you my Seeker unless I believe you were enough. The jackal licked Seeker's cheek lightly. But you are distracted, and that is dangerous for you.
Seeker clenched both fists, blood seeping from his cut hand. "What is wrong with me, Anibu?"
Absolutely nothing.
"There has to be!" Seeker's eyes flashed with emotion. "To be Githalin, you must to devote yourself entirely to serving our great father. Even to be Named as Swordanzen! But Star says Skyfire… he did not choose to become Swordanzen to serve Desantiva. He did it for her.”
For Storm? He did, yes. Why does this bother you?
"Because my brother is Githalin Swordanzen. My sister is a Githalin and is not even a Swordanzen. Why don't you want me as a Githalin?"
Anibu tilted his head. You think I don't want you? Shifting back to his human form, he put his hand on the Swordanzen's shoulder. "You are everything I want in my Githalin, my Seeker."
"Then why have you not Named me as your Githalin?" Seeker implored. "What am I doing wrong?"
"That is not the right question," Anibu replied.
Seeker shook his head, both in frustration and growing lightheadedness. "I do not have time for this, Anibu. I need your help to keep my sister safe. To keep these soft northerners safe from the foolishness of others of their own kind." He sighed gustily when the Totani just waited. "Would you make me your Githalin if I was more like Star or Skyfire?"
"Almost, my Seeker. Almost the right question." Anibu smiled. "Ask it again."
Seeker sighed and asked wearily, "Would you make me your Githalin—?" Anibu covered his mouth, silencing him before he finished the question.
The Totani smiled as he covered Seeker's right shoulder. The human gasped, wincing at the brief, sharp pain. "I thought you would never ask."
"You were waiting for me to ask?" He watched as the distinctive pair of single-edged blades sprouted from the ground on either side of the still embedded sword. "That is… all that is needed to be a Githalin? Just… to ask?"
Anibu chuckled quietly and shrugged one shoulder. "It was all you needed. You had already dedicated yourself to Desantiva, my Seeker. Even your sister knows you will never give up the sword when the lack of bayuli-volsha becomes so excruciating you would have died from its absense."
He shifted back to the jackal form. We each choose our Githalin for various reasons, but most of all, because those we choose are special to us. Dear to us. But we do not want you to feel you must accept being Githalin simply because we asked. I know very well, even if being Githalin was the last thing you wanted, if I had asked, you would have agreed to it. That is why until Storm il'Thandar, there had been no Githalin for so long.
"Because no one asked?" Seeker wondered in puzzlement.
That, and because no one wanted it for reasons that were not tied to glory and prowess. We will not be used in that way, and the bond demands much of both mortal and immortal. Storm called
to Thandar for help when she was still a child, as her tribe was being slaughtered. Only she was saved, and none of us wished to see her die Cursed. We became her tribe, the only family she had left.
A child is the purest representation of our lord Desantiva. Before a child can walk, can speak, a child feels. A child does not know better and speaks with blunt honesty. We all adore her because she treats us as you treat each other. She scolds us when we err. She questions our motives. She did not ask to be Githalin. She asked to be taught how to protect other children, how to protect Desantiva's future. That is why Thandar took her as his Githalin. Your brother could see the purity of her heart, and he wished to protect her. When he finally understood her heart, he wished to protect what she wanted to protect. That is why Kailee took him as her Githalin.
You have all become so blindly obedient, you no longer question anything. You never ask for anything unless some anomalous reason prompts it, an altruistic or selfish reason. You love Desantiva, you love your family. But you waited for me to choose you. I just… I needed you to ask for this. I needed to know you truly wanted this bond to serve Desantiva. His sparkling eyes reflected no levity. I needed you to believe you were not flawed, as your sire had made you believe for too long. I waited so long for you to ask me why I had not yet chosen you as mine.
"The mage. He asked me…" Seeker blinked, the argument between him and Nolyn coming to mind. "…how dare I… not question… He knew?" He stared at Anibu. "How could the mage have known about Githalin?"
He did not know. But Forenten question everything. It is their nature. But he is a clever one. Citali approves of him. Anibu bumped his nose against Seeker's cheek. Now release me, my Seeker, before you are too weak to return to the others on your own. We are a part of each other now. The darkness fears Star's purity. It forces the hunt to save itself. It must fail. And victory will require all of you to no longer be the prey, but the predators.
