Small talk was the order of the day, literally, since Joe frowned on talking shop while they ate. A logical request. These men and women lived with danger routinely. There should be some small part of their lives free from the memories.
Everyone ate all they wanted, and Sanchez and Jim announced they’d take the cleanup detail. The others adjourned to the living room, where Ty tuned in a football game on the television.
Nate didn’t usually have the patience to sit in front of the tube for several hours to watch grown men carry a ball up and down the field, and tonight was no exception. Rayna had already called it a night. Alex appeared spent, and Marco tried valiantly to stay awake, but yawned frequently.
Tapping her shoulder, Nate nodded toward Marco. “Let’s go put you and the kid to bed.”
She gripped his hand to pull herself up, smiling her gratitude. “Marco, time for bed, sweetie.” With one hand on the boy’s arm, she started from the room, then stopped and turned to Joe. “What time will you leave in the morning?” Anxiety and something close to fear swept across her face.
Joe apparently saw it too. He stood and walked toward her. “There’s no rush—don’t repeat that to Cara.” He grinned, but concern remained in Alex’s eyes. “Don’t worry. You won’t be able to pry us out of here until you get up and say good-bye.”
Alex’s eyes grew moist. Joe slid his arm around her shoulders and hastily led her from the room. Nate trailed along behind, hating the fact she was hurting and feeling like it was his fault.
Outside the living room, Joe stopped. “This isn’t good-bye. You’re part of the family now and so is Nate. You can’t get rid of us that easy. Whenever you’re ready, you’ll always have a home with us. If Nate talks you into staying here, I’ll still check up on you. Trust me on that, okay?”
“I owe you . . . everything.” Alex choked halfway through the words.
“Well, here’s what I want in return—you to be happy. So put a smile on that face, would you please?” Joe pulled her close, kissed the side of her head, and then released her.
Alex smiled halfheartedly and strode toward the stairs where Marco waited, swinging on the railing.
“She’ll be okay once we leave. My place is the only stability she’s ever known up until now. This is all new, and she’s scared—but she’s also tough.” Joe sidled up next to Nate, and they both watched her bound up the steps, holding her ribs, with the same enthusiasm as the five-year-old boy.
What could he say? Nate couldn’t tell Joe that he suddenly doubted that staying here was the right thing for her. That maybe she needed that stability more than she needed love, and passion, and a home of her own. Was he being selfish? Damn right he was. He wanted her to stay—but it had to be her decision.
He met Joe’s gaze. “I’ll bring her back myself if she decides she’s made a mistake.”
Joe was silent for a second and then nodded.
Nate followed Alex upstairs. He found her and the boy in the room next to his. She’d picked out some pajamas a couple of sizes too big for him and had rolled the sleeves and legs up several times. Leaving the light on in the bathroom, she cracked the door just enough to allow a slice of light to escape. She pulled the blankets up under his arms, and Marco yawned when she bent to kiss him on the cheek.
“Don’t forget . . . Nate is in the room next door, if you need anything or get scared during the night.”
“I know,” Marco replied.
“All right. Then go to sleep, kid.” Nate ruffled his hair as Marco smiled shyly.
Alex turned off the bedside lamp and preceded Nate to the door. Once alone outside in the hall, she was obviously uncomfortable, glancing everywhere but at him. He hadn’t missed her instruction to Marco, placing Nate in the room next door—but not her. He’d be damned if that was going to happen. Even if she decided to leave him in the morning, he needed her to sleep in his arms tonight.
She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry I broke down in front of you and Joe. You must think I’m way more trouble than I’m worth.”
“Let’s get out of the hallway so we can talk in private.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her inside his bedroom door. Flipping the light switch, he turned to face her. “If you’ve changed your mind, darlin’, just tell me. I won’t try to talk you into staying if you’re not ready.”
A perplexed frown wrinkled her forehead. “Have you changed your mind?”
“Hell no.”
Her frown deepened. “Why would you think I have?” Her tone suggested he’d just stepped on a land mine and, no matter which way he jumped, it was going to be ugly.
“I know how hard it will be to see your friends leave in the morning. I understand how important they are to you and . . . the stability. You’ll have to start over here. It kills me to see you sad.” He stepped toward her and trailed his fingers down her arm.
She placed her hands on her hips and drew in a slow breath. “That’s all you’ve got? Friends . . . and stability?”
Aw, shit. She was so hot, standing there like that, Nate’s brain shut down completely. He should have just stopped right there, but . . . no. “You also told the kid that I’d be in the room next door—me . . . by myself . . . alone. What was I supposed to think?”
“He’s five years old! He doesn’t need to know our sleeping arrangements!” She raised her hands as though to push him away. “This is too hard.” Pivoting, she strode to the door, grabbed the knob, and yanked it open.
Nate shut the door with one hand and leaned against it with his shoulder. “Don’t leave, Alex. Not like this. We’re going to hit some hard things. Everyone does—but this isn’t one of them. When we do, we’ll work through them together.”
Alex gave a short laugh and started to turn away.
Nate caught her wrist. “I understand what you’re feeling right now. You’re letting go of everything that’s familiar to you, and you’re scared. That pisses you off because you’re not supposed to be afraid of anything. Who told you that, by the way?”
She raised her eyes to his, confusion and sorrow giving the impression she was lost and wandering in the dark.
Her bewilderment tore at his heart. It probably wasn’t a good idea, but he pulled her into his arms anyway. “I’m in love with you, Alex, and I want you to stay . . . but only if you want to. It’ll take some time to get acclimated here, but not as long as you think. I’ll help, and my sisters will help. They’ll love you, and my nephew will think you’re the best thing since Xbox.”
A choking sound came from her where her head leaned against his chest. Was she crying or laughing? He tipped her chin up. Turned out the strangled noise was from doing both at the same time. Tears ran down into the curve of her lips. Hope revived within him as she slid her arms around his waist and leaned into him.
“I want to stay, Nate. I’d like to meet your family, become a part of your life, and make you happy, but I can’t promise anything. Nothing in my future will change my past. Every day when I get up, I don’t just make a list of the things I need to take care of that day. I deal with everything I’ve done in the past, too. It terrifies me that I don’t know how I’ll react to something that triggers one of those memories. You’ve seen how I get. What if I hurt your nephew? What if I hurt you?” Her voice broke, and she buried her face in his shirt.
Nate pressed a kiss to her head and hugged her tighter. “You won’t. I know you.”
Chapter 19
THE IDEA THAT he believed in her blew her away. Loving her was mind-boggling enough, but Nate trusted her. How was that possible when she didn’t even trust herself? What if she proved him wrong?
She rose onto her tiptoes and kissed him lightly. Disappointing him wasn’t acceptable.
He smiled, his eyes sweeping her face. “There’s my girl. Let’s get you to bed. Do you need some pain meds?”
How did he
do that? Be so concerned about her? The pain in her rib cage was a constant dull ache, but he had no way of knowing. “That’s a good idea. They’re in my room.” She reached for the doorknob.
“I’ll get them—and this is your room now.” He kissed her on the nose playfully and opened the door.
“Could you bring my bag too, please?”
Nate winked before he disappeared.
Alex entered the bathroom, found a clean wash towel, and scrubbed her face. One of Nate’s shirts hung on the back of the door, and when she brought a sleeve to her nose, it still smelled of him—the faint scent of old leather and spice. The sudden urge to feel the soft fabric against her skin overwhelmed her. She shed down to her panties and slid her arms into his shirt, buttoning it down the front.
The bedroom door opened and closed, and, a moment later, Nate knocked on the bathroom door before he pushed it open and held out her bag. When he saw her, he stopped and his smile faded.
The heat rose in Alex’s cheeks, sure she’d overstepped her bounds somehow, and she reached for her bag. “I’m sorry. I’ll change.”
He stepped into the room, set her bag on the floor, and slid his arms around her waist. “Don’t do that. You’re about the sexiest thing I’ve seen in a long, long time.” His voice was thick and raspy, and when his lips covered hers, a jolt of energy pulsed between them. “Problem is, I promised myself I’d just hold you in my arms tonight and let those ribs heal.”
“Oh.” Alex tried to keep the disappointment from her voice. “I suppose that is a good idea.” She kissed him, tracing his lips with her tongue.
Nate groaned, turned her toward the mirror, and swatted her behind. “Just remember . . . after tonight all bets are off.” A mischievous grin broke free, and he turned to go.
The bottle with her pain meds lay on top of everything in her bag, and she picked it up, weighing whether she really needed to take them. On impulse, she opened Nate’s medicine cabinet and perused the selection, finally reaching for the container of extra-strength Tylenol that occupied the center shelf. She swallowed three tablets, brushed her teeth, turned out the light, and stepped back into the bedroom.
Nate lay on top of the covers in a pair of briefs, reading a book, his upper torso bare. His sculpted biceps and pecs drew her attention, and her gaze swept slowly over his amazingly well-muscled abs. She longed to run her fingers over those hard ridges, and she trembled at the prospect.
“Stop undressing me with your eyes.” Nate didn’t look up—just turned another page in his book.
Alex sighed in an exaggerated fashion. “You’re an easy man to look at, Detective Sanders.”
He laughed softly. “You’re not going to make me change my mind, so behave yourself.”
She strode to the opposite side and dropped onto the bed. “Really?”
Nate closed his book and tossed it on the nightstand. “Once I make a promise, even to myself, I keep it. You might as well get used to that.” He stood and flung the covers back, pulling her so she moved sideways onto the sheets.
She lay back against the pillow, studying him skeptically. “And how often do you plan on making this particular promise?”
He grinned as he slid into the bed, threw one leg over hers, and tugged her against him. “Just to hold you all night? I don’t expect to ever make that promise again.”
“Well, thank God!” Alex snuggled into him, inhaling the familiar scent of his skin.
“I’ve got a couple weeks’ vacation coming. I’ll call in the morning and tell the captain it starts now. He won’t care—he’s been trying to get me to take a break for months. So, what do you want to do first?”
“I just want to be with you.”
“That goes without saying, darlin’.”
“Could we go fishing again?” Alex had never been given a choice of what she wanted to do before. Even at Joe’s place her life had been structured and busy. This was definitely a freedom she could appreciate.
“Only as often as you want. What else?”
“I’d like to meet your sisters. Could we invite them for dinner?”
“Absolutely. Would you rather meet them one at a time, or the whole family at once?” His breath rustled the hair by her ear when he talked and sent a shiver down her spine.
Alex settled into the warmth that surrounded her and let her eyes fall shut. “Don’t know. What do you recommend?”
“Once they find out about you, we won’t be able to keep them away. If we have them all out at once, they’ll be much easier to deal with.” His lips pressed against her cheek, close to her ear. “Anything else?”
Meeting a guy’s mother had forever implications attached. When she was trapped in the tunnel, Nate had mentioned taking her to Rockaway Beach to meet his parents. Maybe he was simply making conversation to take her mind off the situation, but she’d latched on to the possibility. She couldn’t explain why it had taken on such importance, but, lying there in the dark underground passage, she’d built it into a larger-than-life event that couldn’t possibly be lived up to by Nate’s poor mother or anyone else.
Suddenly, his lips brushed hers, calling her back from the fringes of sleep. “Good night, darlin’.”
“Night.” Funny how easy it was to sleep in his arms.
WHEN SHE WOKE, the bedside clock said six forty-five. She’d been sleeping on her side, her back pressed against every hard inch of Nate. She grinned. Maybe not every hard inch, for the detective seemed just as much under control as he was last night.
She tried to move the arm he’d thrown across her upper body so she could slide out from under. Joe and the rest of the team were early risers, especially when they had plans to go home. A smile tugged at her lips as she pictured how her friends Cara and Darcy would be counting the minutes until Joe and Walker arrived safely home. Then she pushed that thought away as a wave of melancholy washed over her.
She wasn’t going to be sad today. Staying here with Nate . . . giving this a chance . . . was what she wanted. She could go home tomorrow if that’s what she decided . . . or the day after that . . . or next month. Or maybe she’d decide that this was home. Anything was possible.
Nate stirred and tightened his grip. In that period between waking and sleep, he mumbled something. Alex twisted around and searched his face, laughing out loud when she realized what he’d said. I love you. This time she wouldn’t overreact.
His eyelids opened slowly and ice blue eyes peered at her. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing.” She tried to stifle her merriment, but was only partially successful. “It’s almost seven. I don’t want to miss them, so I’m getting up. You go back to sleep.” She planted an anything-but-chaste kiss on him and his eyes popped open.
“Damn, woman. How am I supposed to sleep now?” He kissed her back, long and with plenty of promise, before he released her and headed for the bathroom.
Alex slid her legs into yesterday’s shorts and left Nate’s shirt on, pulling her arms from the sleeves long enough to squirm into her bra. When Nate came out of the bathroom, she was lacing her boots.
Nate’s deeply furrowed brow worried her, so she crossed to where he sat on the edge of the bed, pulling a clean polo shirt over his head. She helped him tug it into place, covering his broad shoulders. He smiled and drew her close.
She smoothed his forehead with her thumbs. “Stop fretting, Detective. I’ve got this handled.”
A spark of interest lit his eyes. “Oh yeah?”
“That’s right. I’m going to wake Marco while you finish getting dressed. I’ll see you downstairs.”
He kissed her lingeringly, clearly not caring whether she accomplished the task she’d just outlined. “How are your ribs today?”
She smiled, ignoring the slight twinge that jabbed her every time she moved just right. “They’re good as new.”
“Yep.” She turned and strode toward the door. Of course, she was lying, and Nate obviously knew it. Luckily, in this instance, he would no doubt let her win.
Alex woke Marco and received a cherubic grin for her efforts. He dressed quickly in the new set of clothes he’d worn yesterday and slid his feet into the battered boots he’d been wearing when they found him.
His face washed, teeth brushed, and hair combed, he took Alex’s hand as they descended the stairs. When she glanced at him, he was chewing his lip, and anxiety transformed his usually bright and inquisitive eyes.
At the bottom of the stairs, she knelt in front of him, pretending to even up the rolls in his pant legs. “You know this is a good thing, right? Joe, Jimmy, and all the guys will make sure you get home to your mother, and that you have everything you need. You don’t have to be afraid ever again, Marco. They won’t let anyone hurt you.” She raised her eyes to his when he didn’t answer right away.
“It’s been so long. What if she’s forgotten me?”
The fear in his eyes tweaked a longing within her and gouged a fresh wound in her heart. The despair she’d thought gone forever rushed back to wrap its tendrils around her throat. At one time, Hu Sun had convinced her she’d been forgotten and abandoned. Whether true or not, he’d used it against her every day of her captivity.
She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Did I tell you I met your mother?”
His eyes shone with interest.
“I know it seems like a long time to you, but it’s only been a few months. Anyway, none of that matters because your mother would never be able to forget you. She loves you so much and misses you every hour of the day. She’ll never stop searching for you until you come home. You mean everything to her.”
Whatever It Takes Page 26
