“You’re going to be fine,” he said softly and I fell into his arms.
I could have died today! The realization hit me like a rock, and I clung to him like he was the only one who could make all this go away.
We were standing in the middle of my bathroom, and Rodeo was holding me tight, stroking my back and my hair softly.
“You need to get some sleep, woman,” he said, and before I knew what he was going to do, he had lifted me up in his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and allowed him to carry me out of the bathroom and back into my bedroom.
He laid me down on the bed gently and was beginning to tuck me in.
“Rodeo,” I said, gripping his wrist tightly. He stopped and looked into my eyes.
“When will I see you again? I asked him. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forward. He was smiling, his blue eyes were glittering.
“Go to sleep, Jordan. You’ll see me in the morning. I’m not going anywhere,” he said.
Those words were like music to my ears. I felt my breath catch in my throat as I tried to control the excitement. I couldn’t believe that he had suggested this, all on his own! He was going to spend the night with me again. He was going to sleep in my bed!
I watched as he walked around the bed to the other side and got in under the covers beside me.
“Goodnight, Jordan,” he said in the dark, and I slid over closer to him. He was cradling me in his arms and I breathed in his scent.
“Goodnight, Rodeo,” I replied softly.
Chapter 15
Rodeo
This morning when I woke up in Jordan’s bed, I didn’t panic the way I had the previous morning. I turned to look at her and saw her beautiful face deep in sleep. I reached out and stroked her cheek softly and her eyelids fluttered in her sleep.
I got out of bed and went to the kitchen to make us both two mugs of coffee. I wanted to make her breakfast, but I’d never cooked anything a day in my life. So, I had no other choice but to throw open all the cupboard doors till I found the box of cereal. I poured it into two bowls, poured some milk into a jug and I arranged all of it on a tray.
In the bedroom, Jordan was just about waking up when I walked in.
“What’s all this?” she asked groggily, and she had a smile on her face.
I placed the tray on the bed between us, and got in beside her again.
“Just wanted to apologize for my rudeness yesterday,” I told her and she leaned over towards me and we kissed.
I didn’t want to fight it anymore. It satisfied me way more to please her, to spend time with Jordan and keep her safe—than it made me angry while resisting this new change in my life.
Jordan sat up in bed and sipped her coffee. She couldn’t stop grinning, and I couldn’t stop staring at her.
“I am in shock!” she said with a laugh, while she poured milk into the bowl of cereal. I was already eating mine. I couldn’t remember the last time I had breakfast with someone I’d slept with the previous night. That had probably never happened; and yet this felt natural. It felt like the most comfortable thing to do.
“So am I!” I replied and we smiled at each other. When I looked into Jordan’s dark glittering eyes, she shied away from me and bit down on her lip.
“I’m guessing you’re going to be busy today again?” she asked and I breathed in deeply.
“I need to sort this out before it gets out of hand, and after what happened last night—I want to make sure that you’re safe,” I told her. Jordan nodded her head and kept her eyes averted from me. I’d reminded her of what happened last night, I’d made her worried and sad again even though that wasn’t my intention.
“But I don’t want you to spend the day by yourself,” I said and she snapped her head up to look at me.
“Can I go with you?” she asked, and I saw the eagerness in her eyes. She was like an excited child and I couldn’t help but smile.
“It might be a little too dangerous, I’m not sure where I’m going to go and what I might have to do. You’ll be safer here,” I said and she seemed disappointed by my answer, but nodded her head anyway.
“Yeah, I’m sure you’re right,” she said.
“But I’m going to ask Lila and Girth to come over and spend the day with you,” I added and she was looking at me again.
“Really? I like Lila,” she said and now she was smiling again. It was crazy how happy it made me to see Jordan smile.
“And Girth is the best man for the job. I trust him, and he’s a good bodyguard,” I said and she was nodding her head.
“Thank you Rodeo, that makes me feel much safer,” she told me and I reached for her face to stroke her soft luscious cheeks. I couldn’t believe how lucky I felt to wake up beside her, for her to give herself to me. I was glad that I’d kicked down her door. That Hugh had told me about his uncooperative witness.
“You don’t have to thank me, Jordan. I want to do this for you. I want to make sure you’re being looked after,” I said and she leaned towards me so that we could kiss again.
***
I parked my bike outside Fred’s apartment building. The last time I was here was ten days ago. After a night of drinking, we had both stumbled up the stairs and into his apartment. I’d taken the pull-out couch in his living room and Fred had passed out on the floor with a bottle of beer in his hand.
I pushed my hands into the pockets of my jacket now, as I stared up at the window of his apartment. I hadn’t been able to make myself go to his place before this. I didn’t want to be flooded with memories of laughing and chilling with the man I most looked up to. I had to clench my jaws so that I wouldn’t growl out in anger.
I needed to do this. I needed to go into Fred’s apartment and look around. Girth might have been right—if there was a personal connection between him and the Hell’s Drifters, this was the only place I could find it. I had been mad at Girth for suggesting it at first, but now I had my doubts.
Did I really know Fred as well as I thought I did? As well as he knew me? He had a life before we met, he was at least three decades older than me—I realized I was being naive in assuming that there were no secrets between us.
Reality was sinking in right now, as I took the stairs slowly up to his apartment. Fred was dead, and it was my responsibility now to avenge his death. That was what he would have done for me.
I waited outside his apartment door, wondering what I might find inside. What had he left behind for me to find? Did I even want to know?
***
The apartment was deathly quiet as I should have expected it to be, but it was also cold and dark. The first thing I did when I walked into Fred’s home, was pull open all the curtains on the windows.
Everything seemed to be in its place, Fred hadn’t left in a hurry. But what was he doing in that neighborhood at five in the morning?
I walked through the rooms, and I couldn’t stop picturing Fred there with me. He made a mean chocolate-chip pancake, I thought and grinned.
I didn’t know where to begin looking. I ran my fingers over his collection of DVDs and picked up his electric guitar from the floor. Why had the Hell’s Drifters picked him as a target? How did they know where to find him at five in the morning? Were they following him?
I walked into his bedroom and looked around some more. In his closet his small collection of clothes lay hanging neatly. He wasn’t packing to go anywhere.
Then I remembered something that Jordan had told me. She said that when Fred heard the biker approaching, he began to run. Why would he have run if he wasn’t expecting someone to hurt him?
I could feel my adrenaline pumping in my veins. Did Fred make a run for it because he knew that they were coming for him? Was he expecting to get shot? Girth’s theory that there might have been a personal connection between Fred and Hell’s Drifters; was beginning to sound more likely by the minute.
There was a desk in the corner of his bedroom, underneath a bolted window. I pulled open the drawers
and flipped through the stacks of papers and notebooks in there.
As I rummaged, I found one stack of what looked like letters, tied together with a string. I was curious. This was an unlikely thing for Fred to do. He had neatly tied a string around some old looking letters and he just never struck me as the kind of man to do a thing like that. I never knew him as the sentimental type.
I picked up the bunch of pages and sat down on Fred’s bed. These were handwritten letters, but I didn’t recognize the handwriting. I flipped over one of the letters and saw his name at the bottom of it. Fred had written a letter? Another unlikely thing for him to do. How many other things didn’t I know about him?
Fred wouldn’t have wanted me to read these letters—they were personal, but I was curious and I needed to know the truth. He had written this letter to a woman called Sarah. I didn’t know any Sarah, and I racked my brain to think if Fred had ever mentioned a Sarah to me.
Dear Sarah,
I know I haven’t sent you a letter in a long time, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t written any. I keep writing these letters and then decide not to send them. I don’t want to disrupt your life, I know I’ve hurt you and how much it hurts you now to receive one of these. Maybe I won’t send this one either.
How is our little baby girl? You might not think that this is true, but I would literally give anything to just see you and our daughter, just once, just for a little while. But I know I can’t, and it is all my fault.
I wish that I never got involved with the Hell’s Drifters. I wish I didn’t owe them money, but even if I paid everything back to them—which I know I will in a few years, my life and your life will always be in danger. They will never stop wanting more, they are fucking greedy sons of bitches.
See, this is why I can never send these letters to you. I’m pretty sure that you don’t want to open one of these up and see it filled up with curses and my sob story.
I hope you’re trying to lead a normal life, that our little baby is having as normal a life as possible. That is all I want for her and you, and I wish that you would let me help.
I’m sorry Sarah, that I got you involved in this. I shouldn’t have ever led you on, I shouldn’t have pretended that I could have a normal life with you. I never could, I never will because I will always be running away from them. I will always be looking over my shoulder.
I hope you understand why I had to give you up. It was for your safety, and for the safety of our little girl. If I allowed the Hell’s Drifters to ever find out that I have a family, that I have people who I love more than life itself—they would use you as leverage against me. They would hurt you. I did this to keep you safe. I want you both to have a happy and wholesome life and the only way you can do that is without me in your lives.
One day maybe, I will be able to see her in person when she’s grown up. Maybe by then I would have got these motherfuckers off my back. I’ll be waiting for that day, Sarah, when I can pull you into my arms again and tell our daughter how beautiful she is.
I don’t think I’ll post this letter after all. I don’t want you to cry.
With Love,
Fred
I was breathing hard as I re-read the letter again. The words were getting jumbled up in my head, my vision was blurring. None of this was making sense. Fred owed them money? The Hells Drifter’s were after him?
The letter was dated twenty-three years ago. Fred was involved with the Hells Drifter’s for over two decades? For longer?
I sifted through all the letters in my hands, and I decided that I had no other choice but to read all of them. Fred had secrets, I couldn’t believe that he had never confided in me!
Chapter 16
Jordan
I made Lila a cup of coffee. Girth was sitting on my couch in the living room and watching TV. It was nice having the two of them in my apartment while Rodeo was away. I couldn’t have been more grateful to him for arranging this for me.
“I know how this feels right now, Jordan. I went through the same thing. I know it feels like you can never have your life back,” Lila was trying to console me.
We’d been standing in my kitchen and talking for a long time. I realized that I could really talk to her, like we had instantly connected.
“I don’t know if it is much of a life to go back to, but I’ve been trying to sort out my life—get it back on track,” I told her and Lila was nodding her head.
“But I know Rodeo, and I know that he’s trying his best to solve this,” she said and I pursed my lips together because I didn’t want to cry.
I had just finished telling her what had happened the previous night at the diner, and she was shocked and horrified by it.
“I do trust Rodeo, I just can’t be sure if my life will ever be the same again,” I said and Lila reached out to clasp my hand in hers and she gave it a squeeze.
“I know that’s how it feels right now, but trust me, things will get better,” she told me.
Lila had been telling me about how her life was under attack from a different MC called the Dark Legion. They had taken shots at her and nearly killed her, till Girth was appointed to protect her. He had rescued her from a kidnapping plot and they had been together since then.
“How did you get over it?” I asked Lila and she sighed.
“I guess for the first few days, I didn’t feel safe at all, but Girth made it better. He was patient and kind with me and I realized that I couldn’t let the past control my future,” she explained. I was nodding my head, I was trying to grapple with her advice, but I was finding it very difficult to fully understand it. The threat was still very real for me.
“Do you and Rodeo…” she began and I snapped my head up to look at her and she blushed.
“I don’t mean to pry, I’m sorry”
“No, you’re not prying. I just don’t know what’s going on between us”
“It’s just that in all the years that I’ve known Rodeo, I have never seen him with a woman, not like this. He seems like he truly cares about you,” Lila said. I was the one blushing now. I bit down on my lip and tried not to smile. This was the first chance I was getting to discuss Rodeo with someone else, and there were a lot of things that I wanted to say.
“I’m not sure what he wants. To be perfectly honest; I’m not sure what I want either. We haven’t really talked about anything seriously. For now, all I know is that he feels a certain sense of responsibility towards me. Maybe because he broke down my door,” I said and Lila arched her eyebrows.
“Well, he fixed your door. I would think that his job was done. But he’s still sticking around. He turned up at your diner last night!” Lila exclaimed and we both smiled at each other. I knew she was making sense, but I wasn’t sure how to explain what I was feeling.
I shrugged my shoulders and sighed.
“I just…I don’t know if Rodeo is the kind of man who is willing to give in to an actual relationship. To be fair to him, we don’t really know each other very well. We don’t even know each other for all that long!” I retorted and Lila nodded her head, but looked unconvinced.
“But sometimes these things happen and there is no explanation for it. That’s what I thought about Girth too…that he wasn’t the type of guy to be interested in anything serious. I mean, there was an obvious sexual attraction…” Lila said, and I was blushing again.
“I didn’t mean to embarrass you!” she exclaimed and we were smiling at each other again. Was it that obvious that Rodeo and I were sleeping together?
“I think it’s too early to tell if there is a future to think about right now. I don’t want to get ahead of myself,” I said, and forced myself to laugh nervously.
Lila smiled at me, but she had a knowing look on her face. As though she knew something that I didn’t.
“Yeah, I guess you shouldn’t. All I know is that I have never seen Rodeo behave like this before—to think about someone else so selflessly. And I also know that he would be a very lucky man to have y
ou. If you do decide to take him,” she said.
I couldn’t help but blush. It meant something to hear this coming from Lila, who I could sense was very close to Rodeo.
I had noticed a change in him since the incident at the diner. It almost seemed like he was more willing to give in to the possibility of us being together seriously, but like I told Lila; I didn’t want to get ahead of myself. I didn’t know how I felt either, and this situation seemed like the worst time to make an important decision.
Lila and I continued standing in the kitchen and talking. I managed to quickly change the subject from Rodeo to something else because I didn’t want to keep thinking about him anymore. I had decided to just let fate take its course.
***
Rodeo returned to my apartment an hour later. Lila and I were still in the kitchen when Girth opened the door for him.
“Did you find anything?” I heard Girth ask him, as Lila and I joined them in the living room.
“Find anything where?” Lila asked, but Rodeo just stared at her like she’d asked him a ridiculous question.
“Rodeo?” Lila urged, snapping him out of his daze. I could sense that he was in some sort of shock. Wherever he had been, and whatever he had seen—had clearly taken him by surprise.
“I went to Fred’s apartment,” he finally replied.
“And?” Lila asked, narrowing her eyes at him.
We could all sense that he’d found something. Rodeo shook his head.
“He was involved with the Hell’s Drifters, several years ago, he owed them money,” Rodeo said. Lila’s reaction was to clasp her hands over her mouth. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I could sense that whatever it was, wasn’t very good.
“What do you mean he owed them money?” Girth tried to clarify and Rodeo took in a deep breath and shook his head.
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