The present, the future, she could fix.
It was the past she couldn’t control.
“IT’S STILL SNOWING.” Cal stared out the kitchen windows in amazement. At 11:00 p.m., there was a good six inches on the ground. The trees were coated in white and moonlight reflected off the snow, giving everything a tranquil wintry glow.
“It’s been so long since I’ve seen snow,” Ashley murmured, appreciating the beauty of the big fat white flakes still falling from the sky. She shook her head wistfully. “I wish I could go out in it.”
Cal came up behind her and wreathed his arms around her waist. He buried his nose in the hair on the top of her head. Their bodies touched in a warm, electric line. “So what’s holding you back?”
“We’re not kids.”
He guided her around to face him and winked at her playfully. “That’s not what you said when we were playing hide-and-seek last night.”
Ashley laughed softly. “As I recall, that game had a very sexy ending.” She still tingled every time she remembered his hot, passionate kisses.
A speculative gleam came into his eyes as he leaned close. “So could this one.”
Ashley flushed at the sensual promise in his low tone. “Not in the snow,” she protested. It was too cold to stand out there, kissing.
But Cal was not to be dissuaded. “It could start there,” he told her affably, already off collecting their cold-weather gear. “But it would end up before the fire.”
Ashley let him help her on with her winter coat. Still of a mind for the ultimate in comfort, she said, “Or in the bed upstairs.”
Cal stopped suddenly and stared at her. “You really want to make love tonight?”
Why were they still holding back? Hadn’t they already proven there was a lot of love—and life—left in their marriage?
“Maybe,” Ashley allowed cautiously.
He grinned as he helped her on with her boots.
Then again… Ashley bit her lip, unable to decide. She wanted Cal. No question. On the other hand, their no-sex situation definitely had them communicating a lot more, and that had them getting closer than ever. “Or maybe not,” Ashley said finally.
Cal shrugged on his own coat, stepped into his boots. “Playing hard to get?”
Maybe. And maybe I’m just scared that one step in the wrong direction would have us feeling distant and alone again. Wanting to keep the light mood, she batted her eyelashes at him flirtatiously. “Is it working?” she asked him dryly.
Cal thrust out his chest. Every muscle in his body looked taut, ready for action. He tilted his head slightly to one side. “You know us competitive types, when it comes to challenges….”
Ashley managed not to smile, but could do nothing about the happiness glittering in her eyes. “Hmmmm.”
They stepped outside, still inching on their gloves. “You know what this reminds me of?” Cal asked as he took her hand and they trudged through snow piled on the front porch, down the porch steps and in great drifts on the ground.
Ashley savored the feeling of being there with him. “What?”
“The first year we were dating,” Cal said as they walked through the stillness of the cold winter night, their breath forming frosty puffs of air. “When you were a freshman at the university and I was in first year in medical school.”
“And sometimes the only time we could make our schedules mesh and see each other was late at night,” Ashley finished for him.
Cal nodded, remembering. “And we used to walk around campus. And talk. And go to the library and stay up all night, studying. And then go have breakfast.”
I felt so close to you then. Ashley smiled at him affectionately. “Those were fun times,” she said quietly.
He considered her for a moment. “We still have fun times ahead.”
Looking into his eyes, she believed him.
“In fact,” Cal continued playfully, “we could have a fun time now.” He ducked down and came up with a handful of snow. A few running steps backwards, and a ball was arcing her way.
It hit her in the shoulder just as Ashley was reaching down to scoop up a palm full of snow herself. By the time she had it patted into an orb, he’d hit her two more times, once in the thigh, the other ball had ghosted across the top of her head. Grimacing, Ashley threw hers and…missed.
Laughing, Cal looked as if he were a superhero operating in fast-forward. He circled around her and hit her four more times, while Ashley stayed her ground, boot-clad feet firmly planted in the snow.
Cal darted back around to face her. He stopped just short of her, rubbed his gloved hand across his jaw. “You know,” he drawled thoughtfully, “you’d come out better if you ran a little instead of just standing there, taking all my hits.”
“You think I got a raw deal?” Ashley shook herself from head to toe. To little avail, as there was still snow all over her. Ashley knelt and got another handful of snow, then straightened to her full height.
“Didn’t you?” he said.
“Well, let’s see.” Ashley tranquilly continued shaping her weapon. “Which one of us is all out of breath?”
“Clever.” He came toward her to take her in his arms. As he reached her, she rubbed her snowball into the back of his neck. He grimaced as the cold wet stuff went down his shirt, and he looked at her as if he had expected her to do something just like that to him before all was said and done. “You know I’m going to have to punish you for that.”
“Now, Cal,” Ashley said, laughing at the teasing expression on his face. She put her hands up in front of her. “You wouldn’t hurt a lady.”
“Maybe not with snow,” Cal allowed wickedly. “But I’m not promising anything…about…my lips.” He caught her around the waist and tugged her close. The next thing she knew her eyes were closing and his mouth was on hers. His lips were cold and the inside of his mouth was hot. Feeling as though she had come home again, as though she had found her heart again at long last, Ashley melted into the kiss, melted into him.
“Okay, you win. I surrender,” she whispered finally, winding her arms about his neck and kissing him back with all the pent-up passion she had inside her.
Cal stroked his hands down her back. “We’ve got all night. Playtime doesn’t have to be over…yet.” Cal flashed her a mischievous grin as he tugged on a lock of her hair. “You want another chance? I’ll let you have a running start.”
Ashley shook her head. Serious now, she kissed his jaw, his cheek, his lips. “I’m not ever running from you again.”
“ASHLEY, this is ridiculous,” Cal murmured from the other side of the locked bedroom door.
“Says the person with the perfect body.” She opened the door and motioned him in.
In no hurry—he wanted the night to last forever—Cal followed her inside, drinking in the compelling fragrance of her orange blossom perfume. The master bedroom was softly lit and he took the opportunity to admire the way Ashley filled out her pale-yellow flannel nightshirt. The rounded fullness of her breasts and pouting nipples pressed against the soft cotton, a hint of cleavage visible in the notched collar. His whole body tightened as his gaze dropped lower, and he took in the sexy swell of her hips, the hint of long slender thighs visible beneath the knee-length hem, sexy calves, trim ankles and dainty feet. Honestly, he didn’t see what she was so self-conscious about! He smiled in sincere reverence. “You look perfect to me.”
Ashley flushed, her gaze drifting over his gray jersey boxers and the arousal clearly visible beneath. “Well, I’m glad you like it.” Her glance went to the apex of his thighs before she dashed back to the bed and climbed beneath the covers, which were promptly pulled to her chin.
Abruptly, she looked as nervous as a virgin on her wedding night. “Now turn out the lights,” she ordered even more hastily.
As confused as ever, Cal obliged nonetheless and climbed beneath the covers beside her. Maybe this new phobia of hers was something they should talk out, he reasoned. Delaying the mome
nt that he took her in his arms, and losing sight of everything but making her his once again, he reached over and stroked a lock of her dark silky hair. “I don’t get it.” He let his eyes adjust to the darkness of the bedroom. “You used to really like making love with the lights on.”
Ashley sighed and cuddled closer. She turned onto her side, facing him, and ran her palm across the bareness of his chest. “And one day soon I will again.”
He felt her hands stroke his shoulders, upper arms, before moving back to the mat of hair on the center of his chest. “Just not right now?”
She leaned down to kiss the U of his collarbone. “I’m feeling a little shy,” she continued breathlessly.
Cal could have sworn from the tone of her voice that she was fibbing. He took her hand and pressed it to his lips. Then he kissed the inside of her wrist and forearm. “I was able to help you with that once,” he whispered back as her skin heated and she trembled against his lips.
Ashley took his chin in hand and held it still as she brought her mouth to his. She wanted him and let him know it with a sweet, searing kiss. “You don’t need to remind me you’re the one who helped me lose my virginity.”
Deciding she had been in the driver’s seat long enough, he turned her onto her back and moved his body over hers. The timing of their encounter and the darkness of the bedroom may have been her call, but in what fashion they actually made love for the first time since she had been back home was going to be his.
“Now that was a fun night.” He used his knee to separate hers and slipped between her thighs. Taking both her hands in his, he lifted them up over her head and pinned them there, then moved up, until his arousal fit against her femininity. Her breath caught at the intimate contact. The cotton of their undergarments provided a pleasurable friction.
Still holding her wrists in one hand, he threaded his other hand beneath the nape of her neck, and angling her head beneath his, he kissed the top of her head, her temple, the sensitive place behind her ear. She shifted beneath him restlessly, moaning as he found his way to her other ear.
“Cal.”
“Hmm.”
“I want you,” she whispered as he lifted the soft veil of her hair and kissed his way down the exposed line of her throat to the U of her collarbone.
“I want you, too,” he murmured. Bending his head, he took advantage of the languid ribbon of desire threading through her, kissed her full on the mouth, until a hot flush swept through her entire body and her toes curled against the mattress. Then he kissed her again. And again. And again, knowing no matter how long they were together, he would never get enough of her. Never stop desiring her. Cal had been wanting to make love to Ashley for days now. And his desire was a helluva lot more than just a search for physical release. He wanted to kiss her, touch her and possess her, make her see how right they were together. He wanted her to see how much they were meant to be together, not just for now or next week, but forever. And the best way he knew to do that was by letting their emotions run wild in hot, fevered kisses and caresses, marathon lovemaking sessions and nights spent cuddled in each other’s arms.
Whether she wanted to admit it or not, Ashley had been his from the moment they had made love for the first time, years ago, and she always would be, just as he was hers, and hers alone.
A lot of things had driven them apart. Things he still didn’t understand. But when he held her in his arms like this, when he kissed her and she kissed him back, he wanted Ashley as he had never wanted any woman. More telling was the fact that he needed her just as desperately. And judging by the way she was clinging to him, she needed him, too.
He was already undoing the buttons on her nightshirt. Tendrils of white heat swept through her as his mouth moved sensually on the hollow between her breasts, then returned with devastating softness to her mouth.
“Tell me you’re not too shy for…this,” he whispered in a low sexy voice that stirred her senses, as he deepened the kiss and slipped his hand inside to cup the soft curve of her breast.
Ashley arched against him, unable to think of a time, since first meeting Cal, when she hadn’t wanted him more than life. He was everything to her, so much more than just her husband…so much more than he ever knew. “You know I’m not,” she moaned as his fingertips closed over her nipple, massaging it to a point, then he followed it with his mouth. The pleasure was almost unbearable; everything around her went soft and fuzzy except for the gentle caresses of his lips and teeth and tongue. How was it that he always knew just how to kiss her and touch her? she wondered dizzily, as the familiar feeling of tenderness and excitement swept through her. How was it that he could always make her want to give up everything for him? How was it that he could make her feel so damn good, and so damn vulnerable, all at once? All she knew for sure was that he was so strong and wonderful. He tasted—and felt—so good, so undeniably male, so right.
Cal chuckled softly. “How about this?” he murmured in masculine satisfaction, sliding ever downward and tasting the silky stretch of skin across her ribs.
Ashley’s desire to keep a self-protective wall between them faded and she made a soft, yielding sound as he dipped his tongue into her navel. Then he was letting go of her hands, divesting her of her nightshirt. Desire trembled inside her, her tummy feeling weightless, soft. Heat swept through her. Her whole body straining against him, she gave an exultant cry as he slid lower yet, ran his palms across her thighs and found her…there.
The swiftness of her pinnacle caught them both by surprise, as did her wantonness and lack of restraint. The next thing she knew he was slipping off his boxers with the same sense of unbridled urgency. Moving over her once again in the moonlit shadows of their bedroom, he parted her thighs and slid in between. He raised her knees, and entered her—slowly, deliberately—watching her face as he did so. Joy swept through her as their bodies became one and the boundaries that still existed between them dissolved. For the first time in what seemed forever, she felt as if they were really husband and wife. Equal partners. Lovers.
Cal brought her even closer, so her breasts were pressed against the unyielding hardness of his chest. Their mouths mated, just as their bodies did, in one hot, incredible, endless kiss that went on and on…until her breaths were as short and shallow as his, and he was obliging her with ever deepening thrusts that she met with a wild abandonment of her own. Until she was experiencing everything it was possible to feel. Loving him without restraint, and still not able to get enough of him…would never be able to get enough of him.
Just when she thought she could stand it no more, he slipped a hand between their bodies. Her hips rose instinctively to meet him as he touched and rubbed and stroked, and loved her with an intensity that took her breath away. And then there was no more thinking, only feeling. Her heart soared and he took full possession of her. She urged him on, her body tightening implacably around his. He thrust forward, surging completely into her, and then all was lost in the intimate physical passion that defined their marriage.
Chapter Ten
The pain came out of nowhere. One minute Ashley was walking down a street in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her brother-in-law, the next she was doubled over in agony.
“Ashley?” Mac wrapped a strong arm about her waist. “What is it?”
Ashley felt the warm liquid running down her legs, even before she saw the drop of blood hit the sidewalk. “Oh, God, no,” she cried. “No…” This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t be losing Cal’s baby!
“Ashley! Come on, Ashley. Wake up, honey.”
With difficulty, Ashley opened her eyes. The lights in their bedroom were on. Cal was bending over her, a concerned look on his face. Her face was damp with tears and, to her horror, she heard herself sobbing out loud.
Cal’s hands tightened protectively over her shoulders as she struggled to get control of herself. “It was just a dream, honey.”
“More like a nightmare.” Ashley sat up, wiping the tears from her face.<
br />
Cal let her go, albeit reluctantly. “You were calling Mac’s name.”
A cold chill went through her. “What else did I say?”
“Nothing that made any sense. Just ‘No. This can’t be happening. God, no.’ Things like that.” Cal paused. “Were you dreaming about your car going off the road this afternoon?”
Ashley shuddered as another chill swept through her, more devastating than the first. She turned her glance away from Cal’s and buried her face in her hands. “I must’ve been. I—I just know I was really scared something awful was about to happen.”
She swallowed hard and threw her legs over the side of the bed. One hand went to her abdomen, testing. To her relief there was no pain. She seemed fine. The baby seemed fine. “I think I need to get up and walk around,” she said. “Shake it off. Maybe go down to the kitchen and get some warm milk or something.”
“Good idea,” Cal said. “I’ll join you.” He got out of bed and went to the closet to get his flannel robe. He was shrugging it on as Ashley disappeared into the bathroom.
To her relief, there was no blood. Nothing to indicate cause for alarm. Which meant, it had only been a dream. Brought on, no doubt, by what had happened earlier…and her guilt.
Mac had been right about one thing, Ashley thought. Keeping secrets from your spouse was a hell of a way to live.
She was going to have to tell Cal what had happened some day. And she would, just as soon as she felt their marriage was strong enough to handle it.
“I DON’T KNOW how you’re going to feel about this,” Cal said. “I know I just bought you that Mustang. But I think we need to trade it in for something with airbags, all-wheel drive and antilock brakes.”
Ashley thought about the baby she was carrying, and how devastated she would be if anything happened, especially something that could easily have been prevented by a little common sense on their part. “I think you’re right.”
Her Secret Valentine Page 12
