by Karin Baine
Lola attempted to steer him towards the role he’d have in another eight months. He’d had plenty of parenting practice over the years, and although it would be a shock, he’d shown himself to be decent father material. It was an attractive quality—even to a non-pregnant bystander.
Unfortunately the snort of derision he gave rendered it a moot point. ‘One family is more than enough for me.’
‘Are you saying you don’t want kids of your own some day?’
Lola’s heart splintered into a few more pieces. Despite all the impracticalities they would have to overcome, she’d been clinging to the smallest hope that they could somehow make a future together. Now he’d ruled himself out of the loving family she’d imagined around her in that deathbed scene.
‘Although my parents didn’t intentionally leave us, I feel the same sense of abandonment as Gabrielle and Bastien. I have no intention of extending the legacy. How could I ever be an attentive father to anyone when every minute of my time is accounted for elsewhere? I have a responsibility to Angelique and the children, and I won’t be another one to walk out on them.’
It was an admirable speech, with Henri making it clear there was no room in his life for anyone else—including Lola. She wanted everything he was telling her he couldn’t give her. The fairy tale was coming to an end—without the happy-ever-after she’d longed for.
‘I’m sure Angelique wouldn’t want you to sacrifice your own happiness on her account.’
Lola couldn’t decide if Henri was being completely altruistic or incredibly selfish in his loyalties. She’d endured the crummy childhood and fractured relationships, too, and it had only served to make her desire to create a loving environment for this baby even stronger. Saying he was committed elsewhere was an easy way to avoid admitting he had feelings for anyone other than his family.
Tough. She was going to make him tell her once and for all what she meant to him, and if he wasn’t interested she would do this on her own. Lord knew she’d overcome worse problems than having a helpless baby depend on her.
‘No, but like my sister, I know my own mind—and nothing is going to change it. Now, enough of the serious stuff. Let’s talk cake. Gabrielle’s signed up for the local swim team, so she can’t make tonight’s home baking session.’
Lola’s head was spinning and her thoughts were jumbled, piling on top of one another until she was sure her skull would explode with the pressure building up inside. She needed him to shut up so she could think straight.
‘I’m pregnant, Henri.’
Suddenly the room was too quiet.
* * *
Henri must have misheard. He’d thought she’d said she was pregnant.
‘I said I’m pregnant.’
There it was again. The pair of watery green eyes staring at him held no trace of humour.
The bottom of Henri’s world plummeted through the floor.
He loosened his tie and gulped in some much needed oxygen. A baby? He was always so careful, so responsible, so terrified of this ever happening.
‘How? When?’
Lola’s tears dried up with her frown. ‘I hope you don’t expect me to draw you a diagram of how it happened—I’m pretty sure you were there at the time. As for the when...it must’ve been that first time...you know...we were kind of in a hurry.’
He cast his mind back to that day, when they’d practically thrown Angelique and the kids from the moving car in their haste to get back to his house and consummate their relationship. They hadn’t used a condom, but since Lola had never voiced any concern, he’d assumed she was protected.
‘Aren’t you on the pill?’
‘No. Don’t start blaming me, Henri. We both messed up.’
‘If you’d told me we could have prevented this whole sorry mess with one little pill the next morning.’
Now everything was ruined. Never mind the professional disgrace of getting one of his junior staff pregnant, there was the impact it was going to have on the rest of his family. He’d spent the last ten minutes telling Lola exactly why he didn’t want children of his own. For him to turn his back on Angelique and the children now, to support a family he didn’t want, simply wouldn’t be fair. Fate was playing a desperately cruel joke.
‘Do you think I planned this? I’m only weeks into a career I’ve been studying for years to make a success, living off the goodwill of my flatmate and pregnant by a man who only wanted me in his life for six weeks. It’s not the stuff of fairy tales, is it?’
Lola put up a very good argument, but she would have support from her brothers and her friends to get through this. She could go back to work after the baby was born and he would make sure she was financially secure in the meantime. Whereas Henri was the one people turned to in their hour of need—he had no one to do the same for him.
‘Who can fathom what goes on in that head of yours? Perhaps you saw me as a safe option? You knew I would never shirk my responsibilities for a child, and I earn enough money to support a woman who can’t handle the career she’s chosen. I’m the one man you knew wouldn’t hurt you.’
‘In which case I was sadly mistaken. I’m not asking you for anything, Henri. I simply thought you should know what’s happened. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to at least keep up the pretence that I can do my job until my baby daddy buys me out of it.’
Although Lola’s voice had lowered to a gravelly whisper, it was more powerful than if she’d punched him in the place where all this trouble had stemmed from.
Damn it! Deep down Henri knew this wasn’t her fault, but the outcome was the same whether she’d planned his downfall or not. He was trapped by circumstance and stupidity with absolutely no chance of escape. This fun, no-strings, short-term thing had suddenly become a lifelong commitment.
He opened his top button, whipped the tie from around his neck. Breathe in. Breathe out.
This was the only time he’d actually sympathised with his ex-brother-in-law and understood a fraction of the reason he’d run away. This overwhelming, suffocating sense of responsibility was as close to a panic attack as he’d ever wish to get. His lungs were heaving with every shallow breath, his heart was racing and sweat was breaking over his skin. If he didn’t get this under control he’d pass out.
Although unconsciousness was preferable to his current mental state. A few minutes of complete oblivion might be nice, until he got used to the idea that he was going to be a father.
It would be easy to shake everything off and disappear—pretend Lola had never happened. But the difference between Henri and Sean was that he was an adult—not a man-child who’d happily let the woman in his life struggle on without any help. Henri had stepped up to the plate when he’d been able to, supporting Angelique financially and emotionally as she’d done for him. Now he’d ruined another woman’s life.
He girded his shoulders for another load of guilt to be added to his burden. Although he’d do what he could, he’d let both Lola and Angelique down. Even if he couldn’t give either the commitment they deserved, he’d die trying to help.
CHAPTER TEN
LOLA BARELY MADE it through the rest of her shift without emotionally imploding. The one saving grace of the day was hearing that after six hours in surgery the young male with the head injury had pulled through. His family were at his bedside, waiting for him to come round. There was a long road ahead of him but he’d made it this far against the odds.
Only the fear that she’d never stop crying if she started, and the determination to prove she could do anything she put her mind to, had stemmed the flood of tears and prevented her from drowning. Of course the news of impending parenthood was always going to come as a surprise to Henri, but she hadn’t expected the slap in the face of his denial. The lovely, caring, child-friendly registrar she’d fallen for had turned out to be just another
man capable of inflicting pain.
She’d had more time to get used to the idea—a whole extra twenty-four hours—but at no stage had she pointed the finger of blame. It didn’t achieve anything except perhaps shifting responsibility entirely onto her. There was a baby on the way and it would be wanted and loved by at least one parent.
Lola rubbed her still flat belly and imagined the tiny person growing inside who’d caused all the trouble. This mightn’t have been the introduction to motherhood she’d planned but, ready or not, it was happening. In a matter of months she’d have a little bundle of her and Henri’s genes in her arms. One more to add to clan Roberts.
It was still early days, and there was no need for her pregnancy to disrupt the status quo just yet. She’d tell everyone when she was in the safe zone. Preferably when she was in labour and too high on gas and air to care what they said. For now it was best simply to carry on as normal, with a broken heart and a baby from a relationship no one knew about.
She turned the key in the lock slowly, trying to sneak into the apartment without Jules hearing her. In the privacy of her own room she’d be free to cry and wallow as much as she wanted, without fear of judgement or ridicule. Jules had warned her about the devastating effect the handsome French registrar had on newbies, and now she was paying the ultimate price. She couldn’t face I told you so on top of everything else.
‘Lola—is that you?’
She’d only made it as far as the hall before Jules sprang her.
‘Yeah...’
‘Well, hello, stranger. What brings you home?’
‘I’m not feeling too well. I think I’ll have an early night.’ Lola hustled towards the bedroom—only to find a Jules-shaped obstacle in her path.
‘Don’t tell me your secret lover is otherwise engaged tonight? I thought you two were joined at the hip.’
‘Wh—what?’ Lola stuttered, racking her brain for a better cover story. Apparently she wasn’t the expert at keeping secrets she’d thought she was.
‘You didn’t really expect me to buy that rubbish about staying with the family when you were so desperate to get away from them in the first place? Besides, you’ve been wearing that cat-got-the-cream smile that only comes from great sex. I should know. It’s been killing me, waiting until you were ready to tell me. Patience never was my strongpoint, and since I have no gossip of my own it’s only fair I get to hear yours.’
Jules widened her stance and folded her arms, trapping Lola in the small corridor so she couldn’t outrun her lies. This was the same kind of pressure she’d put on Gabrielle when she’d been tasked with extracting her troubles. She’d forgotten that finally voicing your worries also released the emotions bottled up alongside them. The final barrier gave way and a torrent of sorrow began to pour down Lola’s face before she even got to confirm Jules’s suspicion.
‘Oh, my God, Lola—what’s wrong?’ Jules immediately wrapped her arms around her and let her cry her heart out.
Lola was sure that was literally what she’d done. All that was left when she stopped was an empty space in her chest where Henri had once resided.
It only hurt because she cared for him so much. Regardless of all the warnings her heart and head had given out, she’d fallen for him during those glorious hours in his bed, discovering everything about him, and herself.
‘I...’ She choked, unable to find the beginning of her sorry tale. So much good had come from her tryst with Henri it seemed a shame to erase it and focus on the bitter ending.
‘Come and sit down and I’ll get you a glass of water. Do we need cookies, too?’
Jules manoeuvred her towards the kitchen and into a chair. However, no amount of cupcakes or cookies could fix this one. Although she’d usually eat her feelings away, her appetite had vanished along with her periods.
After a lot of banging about, Jules returned with two glasses and a bottle of wine. ‘I thought this might require something stronger.’
Lola considered drinking herself into a stupor for a split second—before her subconscious piped up to remind her that her body was no longer hers alone. She promptly erupted into another bout of weeping.
The glasses clinked beside her as Jules set them down to comfort her again. ‘You’re scaring me now. All I did was offer you a drink—’
Lola gave her non-existent bump a fleeting glance, but it was enough to make her friend gasp in horror.
‘You’re not...?’
What could she do but nod her head? ‘I’m pregnant.’
Jules collapsed into the chair beside her and grabbed her hand. ‘Oh, sweetheart. Who’s the father? Scrub that. It doesn’t matter. I take it he’s not interested, or you wouldn’t be in such a state. Don’t you worry. We’ll get through this together.’
‘Thanks...’ Lola mumbled into her BFF’s cleavage as she was swamped in another hug.
This was the reaction she’d wanted from Henri—a promise that everything would be all right, not resentment and blame. Losing Henri was the most upsetting aspect of all this for her—not the prospect of having his baby. She’d wanted him to love her as much as she loved him.
‘What do you want me to do? Run you a bath? Make you a cuppa? Tell me what I can do to make this better for you? Give me the word and I’ll hunt down the scumbag who’s done this to you and make sure he’s not capable of doing it again.’
The idea of Jules turning up on Henri’s doorstep brandishing her stilettos as lethal weapons appealed to Lola’s warped sense of humour. He deserved to feel as frightened as she was, but there was no need to burn all her bridges. When the dust settled they would have to have some sort of grown-up conversation about their child and Henri’s involvement in its life—if any.
‘Thanks for the offer. I might take you up on it some time. To be honest, I think I need to clear my head. I could do with some fresh air.’
‘Whatever you need.’
What she needed was for Henri to be the one to put his arms around her and tell her everything was okay. Instead she set off outside into the night with no clue where she was going. She didn’t know how or why, but she found herself walking into Angelique’s burlesque class. Perhaps it was because it was the one place she’d ever really been free to be herself before Henri came along.
‘Lola! I’m so glad you came.’ Angelique, dressed in nothing but feathers and sequins, greeted her with a double cheek-kiss.
‘I haven’t booked or anything. If there’s no space I can come back another time.’ Lola could see there were already a few excitable women present, including a lively hen party. She’d made a mistake in coming here on her own, without Jules to chivvy her along.
‘Not at all. We’d love another body—wouldn’t we girls?’
Angelique took over the pushy-friend role, ensuring she joined the whooping women and became part of their strange dancing troupe.
‘Now, I thought we’d do something special for the occasion. Most of you have been here before and learnt the basics. So why don’t we put it into practice on the stage...for your stags?’
Angelique clapped and a small band of jeering men walked out onto the dance floor. The women were equally raucous at seeing their counterparts, and Lola imagined they’d stopped off in a few pubs before they’d brought the party here.
Lola held up her hand. ‘That’s me out.’
Dancing on stage for the entertainment of a group of inebriated letches wouldn’t help her mood one iota. Besides, they wouldn’t miss an ugly duckling like her slinking away, when there were so many bright and beautiful birds willing to shake their tail feathers.
‘Where do you think you’re going?’ Hands on hips, Angelique did the best impression of a strict school headmistress she could manage in her frou-frou outfit.
‘It’s a step too far for me I’m afraid. Thanks, Angelique, but I think I
’ll head home.’
All she’d wanted was space to forget—not to have another bunch of men wheeled in to heap more humiliation on her and add to this day from hell.
‘Hey, I get that this is a big step, but if it’s confidence you’re working on then this is exactly what you need. Do you think I wasn’t nervous about sharing the stage with girls half my age in Paris? You bet your ass I was. But I did it, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t care who was looking at me—it was enough to know I was there, dancing for myself and no one else. Tonight was the bridesmaids’ idea, and these guys are all taken. I’ll keep them in line, so you’ll have no worries on that score. My advice is to get up and do this for yourself.’
Angelique delivered her motivational speech and walked away, leaving Lola to make her own decision on the subject.
She looked again at the crowd behind her. Certainly the stags and hens had paired off, with eyes only for each other. A couple of other unattached ladies chatted excitedly, apparently none of them experiencing the same level of anxiety she had as she anticipated dancing up there.
She moved quietly towards the stage without anyone taking any notice. There was nothing special about the area itself—no spotlights or dazzling effects to make it any more remarkable than a raised platform. Lola supposed it was more about what it represented that frightened her. This was where they were supposed to show off, and she’d gained a lot more than dancing skills since attending the class.
In another few months her body would change beyond all recognition. This could be her last chance to do this. Especially when the news broke about her pregnancy and her friendship with Angelique changed irrevocably.
The only other time she’d been on show for a baying crowd had changed her life for ever. Maybe this time she could make it for the better. The prospect of being a single parent left no room for insecurities. She would have to lead by example if she was going to raise her child to be a warrior rather than a victim. Although if she did this it would be her choice—and she most certainly wouldn’t be naked.
