Chapter 10
Charlotte
The sweet taste of Xander’s lips linger as I sink farther into my bed. I hate that I made him leave. All of the things that I want to do to him, have him do to me, swim around in my brain. We could be ripping each other’s clothes off right now, but no, I had to make him be a good son.
What in the fuck was I thinking?
He could have been devouring me in the most primal, perfect of ways right now. Right here. And I made him leave. But, it was the right thing to do. We’ll have more time together, right? He’ll come back. He has to. He promised.
Or at least I feel like he promised.
My head is spinning.
Everything is so terrible and so perfect all at once.
I can’t wrap my mind around all of it.
The bullshit with Scarface.
The horrifying things he said to me about Andrew.
The realization that Xander actually wants to be with me.
The fact that he wanted to stay with me instead of going to his father.
No one has ever really put me first like that.
No one other than Xander.
Rolling my neck slowly, I try to compartmentalize the day’s event. But it’s no use. My mind is a jumbled mess of euphoria, confusion, and terror.
Should I tell my parents about Scarface? Would they even care? How would I even begin to explain it?
My mom might care. Dad would just tune me out and continue reading The Wall Street Journal.
That’s an issue for another day.
I really can’t handle any more of this right now.
A gentle tap on my bedroom door breaks me out of my swirling thoughts.
“Charlotte?” my mother’s soft voice whisks into the room.
“Yeah?”
She cracks the door, peeking her head in. “I didn’t hear you come in. How was your session with Hilary?”
I wave her into the room. She smiles at me as she takes a seat at the foot of my bed.
“It was good,” I lie through gritted teeth.
My mom looks too hopeful, too excited for me to break her right away. I want to bask in her being a doting mother for just a little bit longer.
Cocking her perfectly filled and nipped head to the side, she narrows her eyes at me. “What’s going on, sweetie?”
How in the hell did she see through that?
I shrug. “I just don’t like talking about all of it. It’s all so unclear still and I just don’t want to deal with any of it anymore.”
It wasn’t a complete lie. Just half of the truth. Better than nothing, right?
What I remembered...the haunting memories bubbling to the surface...what if they weren’t real? What if it was all just a result of the anxiety I feel about Scarface? And the despair I still feel about losing my brother? What if the accident messed with my head and now I’m confusing everything with my own unresolved emotions?
How can I tell any of it to my mother, tearing open old wounds when I can’t say for sure that it really happened?
Or maybe I’m just trying to convince myself of that because the reality is a hell of a lot scarier.
“I know it’s hard, honey. But in time it will all be clear. Maybe once you’re back in school and have a normal routine again, you’ll start to feel better.” Her petite hand lands on mine. “Are you up for that?”
I chew on my lip, closing my eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe?”
“The doctor said that you can go back as long as you’re feeling up to it. So, you decide.” Her thumb rubs circles over the back of my hand. “I don’t want you to push yourself too hard, but I also hate seeing you like this.”
I search her eyes. They’re clear — not hollow, bloodshot, or droopy. Her voice is even and bright. She’s clean for the first time since I have been home. I haven’t seen her like this in...well, since before Andrew died. Nothing could have made me happier in this moment. Well, nothing that PG, anyway. Xander could definitely make me happier — with his face between my legs.
I shake away the lustful thoughts and focus again on my mother. She’s perfectly dressed in an off-white pantsuit and gorgeous black heels. The double strand of pearls hugging her thin neck glistens in the afternoon sunlight as she lifts her short blonde hair off of her neck.
I can’t help the tears that well up in my eyes. I don’t even really know why they are forming. Is it Scarface? Xander? My mother being a real mom for the first time in ages? Who the fuck knows? All I know is that I have no idea what is actually going on in my brain right now.
Another sign that school should probably be on the back burner for a little while longer. In reality, I don’t want it to be. I would rather get back to school, get back to some form of normal. Normal is a stretch in my life, but going back to Ridgeview Prep would be a start.
My mother’s hand shoots up, battling a few tears that had the audacity to fall onto my cheek.
“Honey?” she murmurs. “What is it?”
“I just feel so overwhelmed right now. I don’t feel normal. Everything feels off.” As the words escape my lips, I see my mother’s face twist.
As her brow furrows, she closes her eyes and nods. “I know that this whole ordeal has been so much for you to handle and I just wish that there was more I could do to help you. I want to help you and I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you before.” Her words crack as she looks into my eyes for a brief, heart-felt moment. She does care. “Did Hilary have any advice?”
We didn’t get that far. I stormed out.
I shook my head. “I just kind of talked about what I remembered and she told me that it was going to take a little while to piece it all together.”
Another half-truth. Still not lying.
But how was I ever going to muster up the courage to tell my mother that her son might have been murdered? That it is very possible that someone tried to do the same thing to me? Assuming I’m not a complete basket-case and the memories are actually based on fact. What if that information sends her down the rabbit hole of pills again? Right when I finally got her to be the mother I always wanted her to be. There wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell I was going to spill those beans. Not now at least, and possibly not ever, especially if I can't even confirm that what I fear happened actually did.
“Maybe after a few more days of therapy she will come up with a great game plan for you. She helped a lot when we lost your brother, right?”
My pulse quickens. I can feel it in my neck. My breath catches in the back of my throat. I try to swallow but I damn near gag on my own spit. All I can do is nod.
“How did you get home from the office? Rolland has been out with your father’s car getting it detailed since he dropped you off.”
I tighten my jaw. Should I tell her? Fuck it, she deserves a little more of the truth.
“Xander gave me a ride, actually.”
To my surprise, her eyes soften as her lips curl up at the corners. “I am glad that he’s been a good friend to you through this.”
What in the fucking world?
“When I saw him at the hospital, I could see how much he really cares for you,” she continues.
My jaw drops. I can’t help it. There was no way I was expecting that to come out of my mother’s mouth. Also, how did I not know that Xander saw my folks? Why wouldn’t he have told me that? More secrets. Fucking perfect.
“He has been a good friend,” I finally mumble, swiping my face with the side of my hand. “I feel pretty lucky to have him and Ellie in my life.”
“I am so glad that you have friends looking out for you, Charlotte. That is really important.” She smiles sweetly at me while getting up. “I have a nail appointment in thirty minutes. Want me to see if they can get you in, as well? A little pampering might do you some good.”
I purse my lips. My mother hasn’t offered to bring me to the spa with her since I was ten years old.
“That would be really nice.”
As she stan
ds to exit my room, I call out to her, “Mom?”
Turning toward me, her cell clutched in her hand to call the spa to add me to her appointment. “What is it, sweetie?”
“I think I should go back to school tomorrow.”
Her head bows a little. “Are you ready for that?”
I nod.
“As long as you’re not pushing yourself too much, I think that is a wonderful idea.”
* * *
My mother and I had a wonderful time together getting mani-pedis. It was incredible to just relax with her for once. She sipped champagne, laughed, told me stories, asked more about how school was going. It was mind-blowing. Who would have thought that after everything, Cammie Hawthorne would turn over such a big leaf? I sure as shit didn’t.
It wasn’t lost on me that all of these sudden changes were directly correlated to the fact that I could have died only a few days ago. But I was not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
After scarfing down Moira’s signature beef bourguignon at dinner, I made my way back up to my room to try to keep relaxing.
Looking down at my perfectly done French manicure, I swallow hard. It’s been hours and Xander hasn’t even sent one lousy text message.
Maybe all of this really was too good to be true. Maybe he was just blowing smoke up my skirt, yet again. At least I didn’t sleep with him this time, much as I wanted to. That would have really added insult to injury.
Pulling out my phone, I stare at his contact on the screen.
To call or not to call — that is the question of the century.
It would break my heart all over again if he didn’t answer.
Maybe he is still with his dad.
That could very well be what is going on, right?
It would make sense.
Fuck — I wish I knew what was actually going on.
I’m so over all of the secrets. Over all of the bullshit.
I tap the call button.
It rings and rings until his answering message comes through the line, “You’ve reached Xander Iazetti. You know what to do.”
I hang up before the beep.
“He’s with his father,” I mutter to myself, trying to calm myself from letting my girl-brain run amok.
Now is not the time to continue to second-guess everything in my life.
He loves me.
He said he loves me.
That has to mean something to him.
Because it means everything to me.
Right as I am about to put my phone on the charge, it starts ringing.
I hold my breath, but it’s not Xander’s ringtone.
“Hey, Ellie,” I answer.
She clears her throat. “How are you feeling?”
“A lot better, actually. I think I am going to try to go to school tomorrow. I need a distraction.”
Understatement of the century.
“That’s amazing,” she sings out. “It’s been super boring without you!”
“I am kind of excited to get out of this house for longer than one-hour stretches at a time.”
“I hear ya. Being cooped up is never fun. I guess I can just give you your assignments in the morning, then. I am sure the teachers will understand if you’re a day or two behind on homework with everything that happened.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you bright and early.”
“Can’t wait.”
After ending the call, I plug my phone in and make sure it is set to the loudest setting.
Xander will call me back.
He has to.
Right?
Chapter 11
Xander
“Sweetie, you need to eat.” My mother, Gaia, smiles at me, her deep brown eyes lighting up as she heaps a serving of linguini onto my plate, topped with her famous marinara sauce.
“I’m not really hungry.” I sneak a glimpse at her. Her mouth twists into a grimace and her arms fold over her chest.
Hearing someone isn’t hungry when they enter the House of Iazetti is like a personal attack in my mother’s eyes.
You eat and you like what you’re served because it’s always fabulous.
Period.
Except today, I’m not in the mood to shovel in the food. My stomach roils and rumbles, but it’s not because I’m starving.
It’s because I fucked up.
For the past few years, I’ve been grousing about the fact that my father gives my dipshit brother Jase freedom to do whatever the hell he pleases, whether or not he’s making more enemies for the family. He doesn’t take things seriously. He doesn’t ever think without acting, case in point, the night I saved his ass because he made a very fucking bad call against a very fucking bad dude.
For all of this time, I’ve been waiting for the day my father tells me that he’s proud of what I’ve done to support the family and that he wants to give me more responsibility.
I thought I was close.
At least, I’d hoped I was.
But over the past few weeks since Charlotte’s been back in town, all the work I’d done to deserve my own gig has been decimated by my own hand.
Or cock, if I’m being honest.
I finally felt like I had been given an out. If I couldn’t run my own shit here, Phoenix would take me on in Chicago and I’d work for him.
It seemed like a perfect solution for getting me the hell out from under Jase’s toxic cloud.
But then the bad decisions followed.
I lost sight of my responsibilities, let my focus get clouded by lust, and completely fucked Phoenix over…he is the only ally I ever really had in my family.
All because I let Charlotte crawl under my skin.
It was easier to hate her and let the rage seep into my work. It kept me angry and dangerous, and helped me make a lot of money for the family. And as a bonus, my rumored brutish torture techniques scared the shit out of plenty of our enemies, keeping them away from our territories.
“Well, if you don’t eat now, I guess I can leave some food on the stove for you,” Mom says in a clipped voice, and I know I offended her with my lack of appetite.
Old-school Italian moms. What can I say? Their main goals are to keep your mouth full and to make your jeans almost bust open.
Fatter people are happier, I guess.
I don’t know.
I’m pretty fucking miserable right now.
I shove back the dining room chair and rake a hand through my hair. Mom lifts an eyebrow, her mouth now stretched into a thin line. I flash a quick grin and drop a kiss onto her forehead.
“Don’t be mad. You know there’s no other woman on Earth who can satisfy my stomach like you can.”
She gives my arm a playful smack. “I can’t promise there will be any left after dinner.”
“Well, then, I guess I’ll be plenty sorry later.”
“You sure will,” she mutters, turning her back on me and busying herself with the post-cooking cleanup process. And that alone can take hours, judging by all of the pots, pans, and splatters of sauce streaking the counters and floors.
My mother is a true artist and the kitchen is her canvas.
The whole kitchen.
I slip on my shoes and stare at my Apple watch. I can’t wait around here any longer. If I do, Dad will get home from work and Jase will storm in looking to gloat about some bullshit job Dad gave him that he doesn’t even deserve.
Christ, birth order is a real bitch.
That’s the only reason why he’s over me.
Dad doesn’t want to shake things up by promoting me over my older brother. He’s afraid of what it will look like to our crew and to our enemies. I get it. Jase wouldn’t accept a demotion quietly. He’d bitch and moan, and hell, he might even dissent. Dad doesn’t want to take any chances with that, so he keeps an eye on my loose cannon of a brother.
Dad thinks playing it safe will keep things status quo, but any idiot knows that if you get complacent with the way things are, your competition will fly the he
ll by you, leaving you holding your dick in your hand.
We’re not in a position to stand still.
We need to move, but in the right direction.
For a little while, I lost sight of this, but now I know what needs to be done.
Of course, it goes against what my father would want, but fuck him.
And fuck Jase and Phoenix, too.
If I want to be taken seriously, if I want to take back some of the control I’ve lost, I need to grab the reins.
I missed the boat when I let Phoenix go looking for Lorenzo on his own, choosing Charlotte over my duties.
I know that’s why Dad wants to get rid of me. It’s not so I can spread my wings. It’s to get me away from Charlotte.
The thing is, I don’t know if I want that life anymore.
I’d been convinced when she was in London that there was nothing holding me here in Ridgeview, so I made other plans.
And so it seems, plans are made to be broken.
Not that anyone knows that yet.
Jesus Christ! Why can’t I be a normal fucking high school teenager with a normal fucking life where I just have to worry about getting laid and making it into a good college?
“I’ll see ya later, Ma.”
“Where are you going, sweetie? Don’t you have homework to do?”
I snort.
As if.
I mean, yeah, I do, but let’s get real. Beating the shit out of Lorenzo takes a whole lotta precedence.
And colleges want an application that really stands out?
Try adding in all the skills I have with cutlery. Maybe include some video clips as a bonus.
Princess: Ridgeview Prep Book 2 Page 7
