Giving her one last kiss, Reed thrust himself from the bed and located the phone. He punched the On button and held it to his ear. “Yeah?”
Josie watched his face. Even in the dim light and halfway across the room, she could see his open expression close down with each word the caller spoke. Her bad feeling spread. She tossed the covers off and started trying to locate her clothes.
“No comment.” He punched the Off button.
“No comment?”
“Seems what happened last night is today’s big news story.”
“That was a reporter?”
“Yeah. And according to him, the judge is saying we have his baby. He’s calling for us to do the decent thing and bring Troy to his ranch.”
“But the baby might not be his.” She’d always wished it, even when she was trying to play devil’s advocate with Reed. But now Troy’s parentage had taken on an even greater importance. She’d never been so close to getting everything she’d always wanted, everything she thought she’d never have.
“The baby isn’t his. And he’s not touching him.”
The phone’s ring sounded more shrill this time, more invasive. Reed turned it off.
“What if the detective finds something? What if he calls?”
“We can call him in a couple of hours. Check in. Right now we’d better get dressed. The first guy said he was with one of the cable news channels. I think they’ve decided it’s a great story to break on their morning show.”
“It’s a national story?”
Reed nodded. “And they’re sending over a camera crew.”
By the time Josie got dressed and fed a now-awake Troy, not one but three camera crews had staked out the front yard. Every few minutes another one of their reporters would ring the doorbell. Every few minutes Reed and Josie would try once again to ignore the bedlam outside.
The chime echoed through the boxy little house once again. Someone pounded on the door with a fist. “Reed! Por Dios.”
Reed pushed back the kitchen chair and lurched to his feet. “Esme.” He raced for the front door.
Josie could picture the gentle woman being pushed at and prodded by the story-hungry media outside. After Bobby Crabb’s attack, Reed had told her they didn’t need her to babysit, but had said nothing more for fear of worrying her. However, they’d forgotten Esme was still planning to stay with the baby this morning. If only they’d remembered, they could have called her and warned her away.
Voices came from the living room—Reed and other men. Heavy footsteps thundered across the floor. How many people were out there?
Esme scampered into the kitchen, her brown eyes wide with alarm. Reed and another man followed her. The man wore a tailored navy suit and pink tie, the outfit far more expensive than the suits of the newsmen outside.
Reed’s expression was drawn, shuttered. A muscle along his jaw flexed.
Josie sat straight on her chair, trying her best not to telegraph her worry to the baby.
Reed nodded to her. “Josie, this is…”
“Steven Albright,” the other man provided. “I represent Judge Teddy Wexler.”
A cold chill skittered down Josie’s spine. She held the baby to her shoulder and started patting his back. “I hope you don’t think you’re here to take Troy, because you’re not going to get him.”
“I’m afraid I have to disagree, Ms. Dionne. That child belongs to the judge. Ms. Dawson might have abandoned the child, but Judge Wexler certainly did not. As the baby’s father, he has the right to assume custody under the law.”
Josie’s cheeks heated. She could feel Esme’s shocked stare. Even though she had been worried something like this was coming, she felt plenty shocked herself. “Honey didn’t abandon the baby. She trusted him to the care of Reed Tanner. The baby’s real father.”
Both Esme and the lawyer turned to look at Reed. The lawyer narrowed his eyes. “Real father? Do you have documentation to prove this?”
“We should soon.” Josie knew she should probably keep her mouth shut, let Reed take the lead. After all, Troy was potentially his child, not hers. And though Reed had told her he wanted the twins last night, a part of her was still uneasy about raising her expectations so high. She wasn’t used to putting that much control over her own happiness into someone else’s hands.
The lawyer turned to Reed. “Is this true?”
“Yes,” he said in a strong voice. “I submitted samples for DNA testing. We should be getting the results soon. But I can tell you, I did have a relationship with his mother around the time he was conceived, and he shares many of my traits. So I think it’s me who has the law on my side, and the judge who is going to have to prove he has any reason to suspect the twins are his.”
“Twins?” Esme whispered, as if having trouble fitting any of it together in her mind.
Josie nodded. “A girl and a boy. We just talked to someone who located the little girl yesterday.”
“Information you’ll have to turn over to us,” Albright said.
Reed let out a laugh. “Right. At the same time we give you this little guy.” He didn’t say it, but his inflection suggested it would be a cold day in hell before he let that happen.
Josie smiled at him. Her chest tightened, as if there wasn’t room enough for her growing feelings.
As Reed led the lawyer out among the media, yet another ringing phone jangled her nerves. But this one was different. “My cell. Can you take him?”
Esme gathered the baby from her arms and took over the back-patting ritual, murmuring to him in Spanish.
Josie raced into the bedroom where she and Reed had made love. Her cell was still on the beside table, where she’d left it. She flipped it open and held it to her ear. “J. R. Dionne.”
“Josie? It’s Simon. I have your results.”
Chapter Sixteen
Reed knew there was something wrong as soon as he saw Josie’s face.
She sat on a blanket on the floor watching Troy’s awkward attempts to roll from tummy to back. But instead of the expression of wonder she usually projected while taking in his daring feats, red rimmed her eyes and furrows pinched her forehead.
He shot a questioning look at Esme.
The older woman gave a little shrug in response. “Miss Dionne received a phone call. She will not tell me what it was about.”
Josie didn’t look up from the baby. But Reed didn’t have to catch her gaze to know what the phone call had been about.
An empty pain hollowed out just below his rib cage. “Esme? Would you mind heating up a bottle for Troy? Josie and I need to talk.”
Esme stepped toward the baby, but Josie raised a hand, stopping her. “Could you leave him here while you warm the formula? Please?”
Esme glanced at Reed. He nodded, and she left the room.
Reed sat on the floor beside Josie. Stretching his legs straight out in front of him, he leaned back on shaky hands. Part of him didn’t want to ask what he knew he had to. Part of him didn’t want to know.
As if not knowing would change anything. As if he could choose what reality to believe.
He pulled in a deep breath. “It was the lab, wasn’t it?”
Josie nodded. Her eyes glistened. “There was no match. The twins aren’t yours.”
A few days ago he’d wanted to hear that news more than anything. Now that he’d accepted the prospect of being a father, now that he’d embraced the dream of a family of his own, the news stung like a cruel and cheap joke.
“I just keep thinking about how empty my arms are going to feel without him in them. How dreary mornings are going to be without seeing his smile.” Josie looked up from the baby. Tears coursed down her cheeks and dripped off her chin. “I don’t want to give him up.”
Reed’s chest ached. He tried to breathe, but his lungs wouldn’t fill with air. “I don’t want to give him up, either.”
Josie leaned toward him, and he wrapped her in his arms. Her shoulders shuddered. Hot tears dripped onto h
is shoulder and soaked into his shirt.
As painful as this moment was for him, he knew it was much worse for Josie. She had wanted babies her entire life, and she couldn’t have them. She had endured adoption lists, waiting and disappointment. And this was her greatest disappointment of all.
A disappointment he had created.
He felt sick. He had drawn her into this mess. He had led her along. He’d even painted a vast fantasy of them as a family, a fantasy he’d wanted to believe in, but still a fantasy, however you cut it. He’d set her up to trust he’d be there for her, that he could give her everything she wanted, and all along he hadn’t even been the one to father those children. He’d sold her on a fantasy he couldn’t deliver.
He’d let her down.
He swallowed into an aching throat. He couldn’t undo the damage he’d caused. All he could do now was try to lessen the pain she had to endure. Pain that was his fault. “I know how hard this is for you. I’m so sorry. If you want to go home, I can wrap things up here.”
“You mean give Troy to the judge?”
Is that what he meant? He supposed it was. If the baby wasn’t his, he had no other choice. Not unless Honey suddenly showed up. But if she hadn’t shown up yet, he didn’t see how she was going to magically appear now. “I can handle it. There’s no reason you have to go through that.”
“No reason? How about to be there for you?”
He didn’t know what to say. The betrayal was so thick in her voice. He didn’t know where it was coming from. “It’s okay. There’s no reason you have to put yourself through it. I don’t need you to hold my hand. I can deal with it on my own.”
“I know you can, but you don’t have to. Whether the twins are yours or not, I’m here for you. Don’t you believe that?”
He didn’t know. All he could feel at the moment was a swirl of disappointment and hurt and confusion. But more than all of that, he felt the pain in Josie’s voice. And he knew he had failed her. “I’m so sorry, Josie.”
“For what?”
“I know you want a baby. More than anything. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you that.”
“Is that all you think I want?” Her eyes grew wider, glistening like sapphires. “Is that all you think we have?”
Was it? He didn’t know. He’d had a picture in his mind. A picture that included four. To adjust to a picture of two was a big step. To adjust at all was a big step, and he’d been doing a lot of adjusting.
But all that aside, he knew why he was hesitating. It had taken a lot, but he finally saw what had haunted him all these years with his mother, through his time with Honey. And he could see what haunted him still. “I don’t want to make things worse.”
She shook her head, as if she wasn’t following.
“I feel like I’ve failed you.”
“Failed me? What are you talking about?”
He wasn’t sure. It sounded so stupid when he said it out loud. Yet the feeling was there, deep as bone. “All my life, I couldn’t give my mother what she needed. I couldn’t be what she needed.”
“And you think I need a baby.”
“You said it yourself, Josie. And I could see it in your eyes every time you held Troy.”
She looked down at the infant. The infant who wasn’t his son.
The tender sadness in her eyes ripped his heart in two. “You can’t deny it.”
“I’m not denying anything. I always wanted a baby. The one thing I don’t have control over. The one thing I can’t get on my own.” She brought her focus back to Reed. “But I can adopt. Eventually. I’m still on the list.”
He nodded. The list. Her hope was amazing, especially while she still faced saying goodbye to Troy. But all he could focus on was how hurt she’d be if that list fell through, too. All he could care about was keeping her from being disappointed further. “It might take years for you to get the chance to adopt a child. You know that.”
“Then I’ll wait years. We’ll wait years.”
He couldn’t speak. He didn’t know what to say.
“We want a baby, don’t we? I thought we were together on this. I thought you changed your mind. God, I’m so stupid.”
“I did change my mind.” He’d wanted a child. His child. And for Josie, he would even consider adopting. His concern wasn’t about that. It wasn’t about some future baby at all. “Years. That’s a long time. Will I be enough until then? Just me? Alone? Or whenever you look at me, will you remember Troy and the twins I couldn’t give you?”
“I won’t.”
“You can’t promise that.” And he wouldn’t believe her if she did.
To her credit, she didn’t answer, but she didn’t have to. He could see her answer in the worried furrows on her forehead.
“I’ll do a lot of things for you Josie, for the chance that we can be together. But I can’t be a failure in your eyes. I can’t be the guy who couldn’t give you what you really want. I’ve lived that life, and I won’t do it again.”
JOSIE PULLED HER EMPTY suitcase from the closet and tossed it on top of the rumpled sheets where she and Reed had made love just hours ago. Less than a day had passed, and yet since then her entire world had changed.
She choked back a sob. She’d done more than enough crying in the past few days, more than she’d done the past many years combined. And yet it seemed she had plenty more tears to shed.
It seemed she could cry forever.
She threw a stack of jeans in the bottom of the suitcase, then piled in a few T-shirts and a garbage bag half full of dirty laundry. She hadn’t brought a lot, and she didn’t really care about making sure she brought it all home. None of those practical things felt important now.
All that mattered was Reed. All that mattered was Troy. And she couldn’t take them. Neither of them belonged to her.
Reed would be returning to the city by the bay, but she doubted she would see him again. He’d made that decision for her and then wrapped it in the excuse that he was pushing her away for her own good.
What crap. She didn’t feel he’d let her down. It was him who’d decided that. And she knew his decision was more about punishing himself, the way he’d done for his failure to fix his mother’s life.
A failure that was never his either.
She tossed socks and underwear and a couple of bras into the suitcase and followed with her make up bag and toiletries. How ironic that she’d believed he was irresponsible when they first met. Reed was the most responsible man she’d ever known. He took responsibility for everything, even things which had nothing to do with him.
Like the fact that he hadn’t fathered the twins.
Josie’s chest ached. She couldn’t think about what Troy’s life would be like as the son of Judge Teddy Wexler. She couldn’t picture him and his sister trying to wring some affection from Portia or fighting the obnoxious Teddy Jr. for a chunk of the judge’s inheritance. She could only hope Honey would show up. Somehow. Somewhere. Or that Troy had absorbed enough love in his first months of life to enable him to get through it all.
She couldn’t think of his future. She could only hope and pray.
She stuffed a few last items in the side of the bag. Shoes. Slippers she’d never worn. A digital camera whose hard drive held precious photos of the baby she had to leave behind. Her chest ached. Her arms felt cold.
She needed to hold him. Breathe in his sweet baby scent one last time. Kiss his downy hair. See that killer smile. She had no idea how she was going to walk out that door. How she would climb aboard an airplane and fly off to California, leaving him behind. Leaving Reed behind. Leaving her dreams behind.
She couldn’t do it.
His real parents would take custody. She couldn’t stop that. And Reed could push her away. But she didn’t have to give in. She couldn’t.
She wouldn’t.
She would be there if Reed had to hand Troy over to the judge, whether Reed liked it or not. And she’d be open to his call once they’d returned home. M
aybe he’d come around in time. Quit feeling like he’d failed her. Quit blaming himself. Maybe they’d get another chance. To get to know each other better. To date. Maybe even to fall in love all over again.
Stranger things had happened.
She flopped the suitcase’s flap closed and left the room. If Reed wanted to withdraw, he could. But that didn’t mean she had to. She would spend the last hours before the judge claimed Troy holding the little guy tight. Drinking him in. Soaking in enough memories to last until her name finally hit the top of that adoption list. Until she had a baby of her own.
She walked to the nursery door and slipped inside. Sunlight streamed through the blinds, leaving slats of light and shadow streaking the room…and falling across the empty playpen.
“WHERE IS HE?”
Reed looked up from the papers the judge’s lawyer had given him. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around the prospect of handing Troy over, and as he read the document, he searched for a way around giving the judge what he wanted. “Where’s who?”
“The baby.”
“Esme took him. She put him down for a nap.”
“No, she didn’t.”
He frowned. He didn’t know what Josie was getting at, but the panicked edge to her voice brought him to his feet. “Maybe she’s out in the yard with him.” Even to him, the idea sounded lame. What would she be doing out there? Treating him to a little sunburn? Showing him what peeling paint and overgrown weeds looked like?
“Her car.” Josie made a beeline for the front door. As she pulled it open, shouts rose from the few reporters who had stuck it out for a comment from them after the judge’s lawyer left. “It’s not there.”
Reed joined her at the door. Sure enough, the spot where Esme had parked, next to the barn, was empty.
A cramp assaulted the back of his neck. He grasped Josie’s arm and pulled her back inside. “Maybe she took him for a drive.”
“A drive? To where?”
He hadn’t a clue. “Her phone. She has a cell phone. Her daughter insisted she get one. I’ll call her.”
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