by Robert McKay
“What are you, anyway?” asked Alice, lowering her sword, not because it was too heavy to hold up any longer, because she decided she liked this strange and ornery creature. Her aching arm was relieved anyway.
“I’m late, that’s what I am. The queen will have my head if I’m not back soon,” muttered the ship-creature. “I’ve got to get my mushrooms and go.”
Suddenly dozens of tiny tendrils sprouted from either side of the creature’s head and began to pluck the mushrooms and pull them back. Alice shrunk from the strange display. Each of the light pink tendrils was roughly the width of a fingertip. They wrapped carefully around the stems of the mushrooms like pink snakes. Then they constricted and pinched them off and took them away toward the ship-creature’s neck. Alice followed them and found they were being pulled inside an open hatch on either side. With them open she could see entirely through the bizarre creature. If she hadn’t been talking to it, she would have assumed it was some sort of vehicle. A hovercraft, since it clearly floated about a half meter off the ground.
The mushrooms were stored in compartments just inside the creature, toward its rear. They opened very much like a normal drawer or cabinet would, sliding or pulling out. Everything inside was the same light pink as the tendrils. A soft glow emanated from recesses in the ceiling, giving her a decent view down the length of the creature’s insides. “Wow,” commented Alice, unable to find a better word.
“Stay away from there,” said the creature, pausing in its mushroom collection.
“You surely are an amazing beast,” said Alice, reaching out to touch its white exterior. It was as hard as steel, but warm to the touch.
“Hmph,” it said in response, and went back to its mushroom collection.
Alice tucked her sword back inside her sash, carefully raised her foot, and stepped up on the edge of the creature’s open hatch. The floor was slightly spongy in texture, but plenty solid enough for walking on. Before she could convince herself it was a bad idea, Alice walked toward the rear of the craft, which it clearly was now that she could see inside it. She brushed past the tendrils going about their job of stuffing mushrooms into cabinets and drawers and found there were large crates and bags stacked inside, bursting with other goods. “What is all this stuff for?” asked Alice.
“None of your business,” replied the creature. Its tendrils deposited their mushrooms and then slowly retreated into tiny holes in the ceiling and walls. Flaps closed over them like eyelids. “Now get out of there, I have business that I’m late for. Out with you.”
“And if I don’t?” asked Alice, climbing a ladder made of the same white metal material as the creature’s hull.
“Well, then I shall be forced to pull you out and drop you on your ear.”
“You’ll have to catch me first,” called Alice, hurrying quickly up the ladder and further toward the rear of the ship. The tendrils were back out and floating toward her. One tickled her side and she let out a giggle. It wasn’t very pirate-like, but she figured it was her intentions that truly mattered, and she intended to take this ship.
“Hey now,” called the creature. “That’s not fair, I can’t reach back that far, and—oh, stop that, it tickles!”
The tendrils danced and waved in front of Alice’s face, obviously stretched to their limits. She poked at them playfully, eliciting further laughter from the ship. “No, I don’t think I’m going to leave. I think I shall make you my ship,” replied Alice.
“I can’t be your ship,” replied the creature, suddenly sounding sulky.
“Well, you don’t seem to be able to stop me from staying aboard, so I think that makes you mine,” said Alice.
“Oh, bugger this, I don’t have time to deal with you. If you continue to tickle me, know that I can jettison you into space any time that I please,” grumped the ship.
“Space?” asked Alice, a bit of trepidation obvious in her voice’s slight quaver.
“Of course, silly girl,” said the creature, closing its side hatches, sealing Alice inside. “I can’t very well be a spaceship if I never go into space, can I?”
“I guess not,” said Alice, wondering if it was wise to go into space while inside the belly of a living creature. Especially one that seemed to be cross with her. She comforted herself with the fact that this whole thing was quite impossible and that she had to be dreaming, so nothing could hurt her.
“Hold onto something, little girl,” said the creature, and then lurched upward with astounding speed. “Breaking atmosphere can be a little rough on those that have never done it before.”
“Who’s to say that I’ve never done it before?” said Alice, grabbing onto the rail that lined the upper walkway. Her stomach dropped into her feet and then threatened to jump up and out of her mouth. When she was confident that she wouldn’t empty the contents of her stomach, she said, “And if we’re going to be traveling together, you should call me by my name.”
The creature didn’t respond. “It’s Alice,” she said finally.
“Nice to meet you, Alice,” said the creature, his tone strangely subdued, as if he were dreading something.
“And what is your name?” asked Alice.
The creature sighed and muttered, “One-zero-three-one-zero-four.”
“What kind of a name is that?” asked Alice, her brow furrowed.
“It’s not really, just something the dock master writes on his chart, so they know that I’m accounted for.”
“Well, what do your friends call you?” asked Alice, the crease between her eyes deepening in disapproval.
“I don’t have any friends,” said the creature, banking hard to the side and then leveling again. The ride suddenly smoothed out. “We’re through the atmosphere now, smooth sailing for a while, so if you want to move about, you can.”
Alice climbed down the ladder and moved slowly toward the front of the ship. She had to think of it as a ship when she was moving around inside, or it made her queasy. Because if it wasn’t a ship, then she really was just food inside a large beast’s gut. When she reached the front of the ship, her eyes opened as wide as saucers. They truly were in space. A black blanket spread out before them endlessly, dotted with sparkling stars, so many more than she’d ever seen from her own yard, and they were all around. Not just up, but down as well. She was so lost in her reverie that she forgot about their conversation for a few minutes. “You must have friends,” said Alice, taking a seat in what was most definitely a chair. It even swiveled. “What about this Absolem you are on the way to meet?”
The ship laughed so heartily that she could feel it shake beneath her feet. “Absolem doesn’t have any friends either, only business associates. If he had a friend, he might not screw them out of their last penny, and then he wouldn’t have his reputation.”
“So, you don’t have any friends, or a proper name?” asked Alice, her heart breaking for this strange creature.
“I guess that about sums it up,” said the creature, obviously uncomfortable.
“Well, let’s change that right now. I’m going to be your friend and I’m going to give you a proper name, like any person or ship should have,” said Alice, cupping her chin in her hand. “Which one are you anyway, person or ship?”
“I’m both!” huffed the ship-creature. “Don’t be so narrow-minded. It won’t serve you well on Wonderland.”
“Hmmm,” said Alice, rubbing her chin. “I don’t have much experience in naming people, so I shall name you like a ship and many of the best ship names come from their appearance, in my opinion. I never understood nonsense like naming your ship The Jolly Roger. That doesn’t fit at all.”
“No, I don’t like that name one bit,” said the ship-creature.
Alice thought for a moment about her initial impression of the creature with its large eyes and floppy ears. “I think I shall call you The White Rabbit,” said Alice, a smile lighting up her face. “If that’s all right with you.”
Alice got the impression of a smile in th
e creature’s voice when he responded, “Oh, I do so enjoy watching rabbits scurry and scamper about. They’re so fast and they run through tunnels. I think it’s a great name for me indeed.”
“Good! I think I’ll call you Rabbit for short,” said Alice, her smile stretching to ridiculous proportions. Now she had officially commandeered her first ship and given it a new name. She was truly a pirate in the real sense of the word. Forget her parents and all of their nonsense about how she couldn’t be a pirate. Too bad it was only a dream.
CHAPTER THREE
Alice leaned forward in her chair, watching the stars slip by, intent on studying every aspect of her first adventure as a real pirate. It was all terribly exciting for the first few hours. She and Rabbit talked about their families and their adventures. Alice did most of the talking, but she didn’t mind. Rabbit was a good listener and objected to the right things and laughed in the right places.
After a while though, Alice started to run out of things to talk about and the view didn’t change much. She’d read that during calm seas it could get dreadfully dull on the sea, but it never really seemed possible. The life of a pirate was so full of adventure. How could it ever get boring? She decided that it had to be due to the lack of a crew on the ship. Things were bound to get boring if you only ever had one other person to talk to. Maybe she could find a crew on this Wonderland that Rabbit said they were headed to. Then they could start doing some real plundering.
“How long until we get to Wonderland?” asked Alice.
“Not long now,” said Rabbit in a speculative tone. “I’m nearly to the place where I can make my Tunnel.”
“Tunnel?” asked Alice. “How does one make a tunnel through space? It’s nothing but one big empty hole to begin with.”
“That’s a great question that I’m not nearly smart enough to answer,” said Rabbit, a chuckle coloring his words. “I just know how to do it.”
“That’s mad. How can you do something you don’t understand?”
“Well, do you understand how you digest your food and turn it into energy to keep your body moving? Or how your heart beats and pumps blood through your veins?” asked Rabbit, his voice taking on the tenor of one of her school teachers.
“No, not really,” answered Alice, seeing the point Rabbit was trying to make. “But that doesn’t mean that I can’t continue to do them.”
“Exactly, my dear, exactly. Now hold on again, the Tunnel can get a bit bumpy sometimes. Wouldn’t want you to bang that pretty little blonde head of yours.”
“I can take care of myself, thank you very much,” said Alice, though she did grip the arms of her chair more firmly. “I’m a pirate on an adventure to a distant world. I don’t need any help.”
Rabbit sniffed impolitely and covered it up with a cough. “All right, here we go.”
In front of the ship appeared a ragged tear in space. An orange glow seeped through the crack, which gradually widened into a round hole just a bit larger than Rabbit himself. The view through the ship’s eyes was amazing. Inside the hole was a swirl of colors twirling through an orange glowing mist. They plunged forward and the mist engulfed them, whipping by at immense speed. It was the most beautiful and terrifying thing that Alice had ever seen. Traveling through space was very different than the Tunnel. Large shapes constantly formed in the mist, looking like solid objects. Every time, Alice would hold her breath and wait for them to be obliterated, and then the ship would pass through them unharmed. Rabbit was heartily enjoying himself, letting out a cheer as they passed through each cloud of insubstantial matter and Alice gripped her seat even harder.
After what seemed like an eternity, they passed through the other end of the Tunnel and into the black of open space again. This time though, there was immediately something else in their view. It was a small circle in a red hue that steadily grew closer and closer. As they approached, Alice could see two smaller white circles around it. Planets. No, not multiple planets. Just one planet being orbited by two small moons. They grew larger and larger and eventually the moons had some color too. One was a light blue and the other a pastel green.
“Is that Wonderland?” asked Alice, barely above a whisper.
“Oh, yes, it really is quite beautiful from up here when you see it for the first time. It’s been so long for me that I can barely remember.” Rabbit’s tone was somber and it felt to Alice that he was moving slower than before.
“You don’t seem happy to be back home,” observed Alice, finally loosening her grip on her seat.
“Not particularly, but what else am I supposed to do?”
“You’re a ship that can travel the whole universe, why not strike off on your own and see where the wind blows you?”
“Oh, don’t think I haven’t tried, dear Alice. She always finds me. If I run off again, I’m certain I’ll lose my head,” said Rabbit, no hint of a joke in his tone.
“That’s just silly, nobody does beheading in this day and age. Nedra hasn’t even executed a prisoner in a hundred years. Father says that execution was the most barbaric thing our society ever came up with and that it was never even proved to be an effective deterrent.” Alice nodded as if she were rather satisfied with herself and her knowledge of politics.
“Well, you’re not on Nedra any more, and the queen of Wonderland doesn’t care about whether it’s an effective deterrent. She just likes the dull thud a head makes when it hits the ground. I’m sure mine would make a particularly loud one and she would laugh her head off. Not literally of course, she’ll never lose her own head. She’ll live forever with her collection of hearts.”
Now Rabbit was speaking plain nonsense. “I think you may have gone a bit mad, Rabbit,” said Alice, shaking her head.
“Oh, I’m certain of it, as has all of Wonderland. If you point out everything that’s mad on Wonderland, you’ll never do anything else.”
Rabbit was silent for a few moments, and Alice didn’t know how to respond, so she waited and watched the red planet draw near. It was so different from the pictures of Nedra she’d seen from space in school. She felt a little cheated that she’d gone into space and not even gotten to see her planet before they set off. It was always a blue-green in the pictures in school. The deep crimson of Wonderland seemed so exotic by comparison. And also, a bit intimidating. It reminded her of the velvety coat of one of the terrifying Colarians that had been making war on her planet. Her mother had told her the war would be over soon. Alice still shuddered whenever she remembered the image of that dark red beast charging down the street, its mouth gaping, showing its fangs.
“What is this Absolem fellow like?” asked Alice, trying to break free of the terrible thoughts the red planet had brought up in her mind.
“Oh, he’s not a bad sort, really,” said Rabbit. “Not a good sort either, though. Pragmatic, I guess is the word. Now hold tight, atmosphere again.”
Alice gripped the arms of her chair and watched the planet’s surface draw closer and closer. The red color she’d seen from space wasn’t a natural phenomenon as the coloring of Nedra was, from its foliage and oceans. On Wonderland, nearly everything glowed with lights, mostly neon, like the open signs in the front of shops on Nedra. Some places, entire buildings were covered in lights. Many of them depicted crude things her mother had always told her she wasn’t old enough to talk about yet, which was ridiculous because they had taught basic sex education two years before in school.
Ever since then, Anna had been obsessed. She invited Alice over and then dragged her up to her room and pulled out a whole pile of dirty magazines she’d found in her older brother’s room. Alice had found them both disgusting and intriguing. They were for private time, though, and the images on the screens and in the moving lights were broadcast large enough for the whole planet to see. It was disturbing.
Thankfully, not all of the images were so upsetting. Some of them depicted strange and exotic animals eating leaves. Others showed acrobats performing the most amazing feats Alice had
ever seen. If they were willing to show that just in an advertisement, Alice couldn’t imagine what the full show would be like. They flew at high speed, each giant screen was only visible for a few seconds, and yet they just kept coming. Wonderland appeared to be one humongous city, sprawling as far as the eye could see and then some. “Where is the countryside?” asked Alice when she was able to close her mouth and wet her tongue again.
“There isn’t one,” replied Rabbit. “Why do you think I was scavenging mushrooms on your planet?”
“I honestly hadn’t given it much thought,” she said, her eyes still glued on the city below, expecting to see a break at some point, even if it was just a park with a few trees. On and on it went, until they finally made it to a part that had a few less lights than the rest.
“Well, you may want to start giving things more thought,” said Rabbit, banking to the right and downward at a sharp angle. “Not thinking in Wonderland can get you into a lot of trouble.”
Alice sighed and rolled her eyes. She’d just left her parents behind, and here was her ship, telling her how to behave. She’d do exactly as she pleased and deal with the consequences herself. She was a strong pirate woman and she didn’t need help from anyone.
Rabbit slowed to a crawl and then stopped altogether before dropping to hover just above a large patch of pavement. Small dirty buildings huddled around the open space, as if they were just waiting for an opportunity to move out into it and get some more distance from their neighbors.
The buildings themselves were in various states of disrepair, except for one. It was larger than the others and was in immaculate condition. It even managed to have a bit of space between it and its neighbors. The space was still paved over, but it was covered with potted plants, some of them full grown trees. The house was light blue with a bright red door. Approaching from the walk that led to the house was a large figure. It was night on this part of Wonderland and it wasn’t possible to make out much more than shapes unless they were in direct light. What Alice could see of the shape was large…and undulating. It sent a shiver up her spine.
