by Robert McKay
“Every living thing deserves to live the life it was given," said Seamus. He gently handed the sword back to her. "Snicker-snack told quite a story about your escape. The two of you together are truly magnificent. What are your plans now?"
"Well, I'm not really sure what to do. I'm sure the queen is still looking for me. She doesn't seem to be the type to give up something that she believes is hers." Alice sheathed the sword and took a seat at the table. It groaned loudly when she leaned her elbows on it. "What I want to do is meet up with The White Rabbit and see if he'll give escaping with me a try."
"White Rabbit?" asked March, one of his bionic ears perking up.
"Oh, that's right, I haven't told you all much of anything about my adventures," said Alice.
So, Alice recounted her tale from her parents sending her to bed, all the way up to meeting Seamus. When it was said all together it sounded completely mad. The hatter, the hare, the dormouse, and she assumed the Cheshire cat, listened with rapt attention, gasping and jeering in just the right places during the story. Lyla seemed particularly impressed with her escape from The Red Palace and reaffirmed her wish to put up her sword next to Snicker-snack and battle to the bloody end. The more the dormouse spoke with no one scoffing, the more Alice believed she might actually be as fierce as she claimed.
"This White Rabbit sounds like quite a noble creature, so I approve of you giving him a name relating to my short-legged cousins,” said March. “I should love to meet him some day. Too bad that's impossible.”
"Impossible?" asked Alice.
"Oh yes," said March sipping his Tea. "The Red Palace is an impenetrable fortress. I don't see you just marching in there and getting your friend the ship to fly away with you. You could wait for him to go on one of his excursions like the one where he picked you up, but who knows when that will be and the queen would probably find you by then. So, I don't see any way we're going to ever get to meet him."
"Impossible?" asked Seamus. "Impossible is my favorite flavor. People said that a sword that could cut through anything and be smarter than its user was impossible, but there she sits on our young friend's hip."
"Right," piped in Lyla. "I say we storm the place and give the bloody queen of hearts and her lackeys what they deserve. If we're lucky, she’ll put out the Jabberwock and I'll get to take my revenge."
"You keep talking about this Jabberwock," said Alice, looking down at the dormouse. "What is it exactly?"
"It's a hideous beast," responded Seamus. "Covered in scales and horns, it breathes fire, and its roar is a shrill psychic attack that drives people insane. It's the most horrible creature ever to exist and it answers only to the queen. Nobody knows how she controls it."
"If it doesn't kill you, it leaves you mad as a...um, hatter," said March. "Pardon the expression, Seamus.
"Don't worry about it," said Seamus. "It's not like I'm really a hatter anyway. They just started calling me that because of my sense of style once I went round the bend." He tipped his oversized top hat and grinned. "Besides, it was that beast that drove me to it."
"The longer I'm here," said Alice, "the less I think that any of you are truly mad."
"You're probably being affected by the Jabberwock already. I'm sure if you have some Tea, you'll be back to thinking us all off our rockers in no time," said Seamus, pouring some more Tea into the cup in front of her. At some point Violet must have dropped some more off because there was a new steaming pot next to him.
"Oh fine," said Alice, gingerly taking a sip of the piping hot Tea. "If it will make you feel better, I'll drink the stuff."
"The point is that it will make you feel better," said March.
Alice took another sip of the Tea and smiled. It really was quite pleasant to drink. It had a rich earthy flavor with just a hint of mint and it warmed her stomach nicely. "Well, it tastes nice, but I don't feel a bit different."
"Give it a moment," said Seamus.
All three of her companions watched her expectantly. Alice was surprised to find that she thought of them as friends already. Things happened so quickly in Wonderland, it was hard to believe that anyone lived beyond the age of ten. She'd only been there the span of a day and already she felt as if she were nearly a hundred years old.
The warmth of the Tea suffused her body, making her fingers and toes tingle. It was rather a pleasant feeling. Then her problems loomed large in her mind, threatening to overwhelm her. There were so many. She was trapped in Wonderland. Her only means of escape was locked inside The Red Palace. She was being chased by the queen of Wonderland who most likely wanted to take off her head, and lastly, she was starting to miss her parents. For a moment she felt cold dread at having to face those dilemmas. Alice was only a small girl after all. How could she ever hope to do anything to help herself?
Then, like magic, her problems began to shrink. One by one they got smaller and smaller in her head until they only occupied the tiniest corner of her mind. All that mattered was that she was sitting with friends and having a pleasant cup of Tea. They may be barking mad, but they were her friends. A slow smile crept across her face.
"There," said Seamus, nodding. "That's it."
March smiled and went back to drinking his own Tea. "Much better," he said, though it wasn't clear if he was talking to himself or Alice.
Alice nodded anyway and took another sip of her Tea. This time the effects were much more immediate. It seemed as if everything in the world were being shoved through a keyhole. It twisted and pulled at Alice, threating to pull her in.
Her companions didn't seem to notice anything. They just chatted idly and drank their Tea. Alice's insides began to writhe and she grasped at her stomach, but her hands were entirely too small for the task. Seamus' voice grew impossibly loud and Lyla's started to deepen into a husky human female register.
All at once the world dimmed and began to spin. Alice had read plenty of descriptions of the feeling before. She was passing out. It wouldn't be long before everything would go black and then she wouldn't have any thoughts until she came around again.
The table fell away above Alice, as she expected, though she didn't feel a sensation of falling. Her insides finally righted themselves, but there wasn't anyone around. In front of her was only a large screen of cloth. When she looked up all she could see was darkness. A sudden breeze drifted through the space, chilling her backside. Alice reached back to pull up her pants and found that she wasn't wearing any. In fact, she was completely naked.
Her cheeks burned red. She instantly crossed one arm over her chest and squatted down to try and hide her lower half. She scuttled over to the cloth screen as quickly as she could, hoping no one would see her. That didn't seem to be a problem though, as she was completely alone in the strange cloth room. In the darkness above she could hear rumbling that sounded vaguely familiar, almost like voices, but they were impossibly deep and loud.
Then one voice called out in a normal pitch, "Banzaaaaaiii!" And the cloth room shook around her.
"Hello," called Alice, pulling the light blue fabric as best she could around her naked body.
"Alice?" called a husky feminine voice. "Are you down here?"
Alice debated not saying anything because she didn't want someone to find her naked. Then it occurred to her that whoever it was, knew her name, and at least they were a woman. "Yes, I'm over here," she shouted.
Fabric rustled, then a large hairy beast toppled over one of the fabric walls opposite her. It had a long furry tail and was wearing clothes. There was a sword strapped to its back. As soon as the beast looked up at her, Alice recognized her. "Lyla! You've gotten so large!"
"Not quite, Alice," said Lyla, standing up on her hind legs. She wore an expression that was hard to interpret; possibly a strange mix of concern and amusement. "Don't you recognize the fabric you've got yourself wrapped up in?"
Alice looked down at the light blue material and tried to place it. It wasn't until she saw a splotch of reddish brown that she underst
ood. She was naked because her shirt was the massive pile of fabric laying around her like walls. Lyla hadn't gotten larger; Alice had gotten smaller. "I've shrunk!"
"Indeed you have," said Lyla. "You're probably just about my size now, which is quite a nice size to be if you ask me."
"It most certainly is not," groused Alice, and then immediately regretted it when Lyla's ears sagged. "I'm sorry Lyla. I didn't mean that it was a bad size to be. It's just that--"
"Hush child," hissed Lyla.
"No, really, I didn't mean--"
"Hush," growled Lyla, baring her four sharp front teeth.
Alice jumped and then stepped back into the fabric of her shirt, trying to hide. "Sorry," she whimpered.
Lyla stepped closer and Alice shrunk further back. "Don't be scared," whispered the dormouse. "I wasn't angry at you. Can't you hear the commotion up there?"
Alice tilted her head up, listening intently. The rumbling that she recognized as speech by the full sized people had intensified and there were loud metallic sounds. If she mentally adjusted the sounds down to a smaller size, she imagined them to be the ringing of drawn swords. The voices were angry shouts. "Is someone fighting?" asked Alice.
"Only with words," said Lyla, climbing back up the pile of fabric, her head tilted to the side. "Quiet now, so I can listen."
The sounds intensified and Lyla drew her sword. "If I go up there, you stay put."
Alice nodded and pulled her shirt closer. There wasn't anything she could do at her current size. Even her sword wouldn't be any help, now being many times larger than she was. She could imagine the palace guards roughing up March and Seamus. If they were taken by the guards, she had no idea what she would do.
Lyla climbed down from the fabric wall and heaved a great sigh. She licked her paws and then flicked them over her ears in a nervous gesture. "That was close. I think you owe your life to Cheshire."
"What happened?" asked Alice.
"The card guard showed up looking for you. They knew you were here and that they were charged with bringing you to the palace to face the queen's judgment. They looked all around and couldn't find you. I think Cheshire must have hidden the vorpal sword because it's not on the floor any more. If they had found it, you would have been sunk."
"Are they gone now?" asked Alice, peering up into the black space above and still not able to see anything other than the underside of the table.
"Yes, they stormed off, threatening to behead anyone who gave you aid," said Lyla in her normal speaking voice, which was quite beautiful to Alice's small ears.
"What do we do now?" asked Alice. "I can't just stay here hiding in a pile of my clothes. They'll eventually come back if they can't find me elsewhere."
Lyla nodded. "True enough, and while my size is nice for me, I don't think you'll be very effective without some good strong paws and my agility. We need to get you back to your original size."
"How did I end up small in the first place?"
"Must have been the Tea. Guess you weren't mad after all. It's supposed to shrink your mental problems so that they're more manageable. I guess it just shrunk all of you instead."
"I kept trying to tell you all that I wasn't mad," groaned Alice. "But nobody would believe me."
"Well, one of the classic signs of being mad is that you generally don't know you are to begin with. Everyone here tends to just assume they're at least a little bit mad because of the Jabberwock."
"So what do I do about this shrinking business?" asked Alice.
"First, I'll go grab some spare clothes from my bag up on the table. You can't get anywhere if you're going to cower behind your enormous shirt."
She said it with such a sweet, mothering tone that it made Alice smile. "Thank you."
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Alice stood on the top of the table, looking down at her new outfit. Lyla had a shirt and vest that fit her quite well, and since she didn't wear pants, they'd been able to make a simple skirt out of a bit of her old shirt.
Seamus and March looked down at her and fretted. "We didn't know that could happen," they said repeatedly.
"It's fine," said Alice, realizing that she truly believed it. "We'll figure this out, or find someone who can."
"Yes!" exclaimed Seamus, pointing a finger up into the air. "I know just the one to figure this out."
"Great," said Alice, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Who is it? How can we find them and get me big again?"
"You've already met him," said Seamus. "Absolem is the one who imports the stuff they make the Tea out of. He probably knows more about it than anyone in Wonderland. He'll know what to do about this."
"Oh yes," said March. "Absolem will know just the thing. There is one small problem though."
"Payment," said Lyla with a sigh. "That caterpillar is the greediest bugger in Wonderland next to the queen."
"The only thing I have of value is the vorpal sword," said Alice.
The sword had appeared on the table by the time Alice had made it up there, clutching to Lyla's back. Seamus had offered to pick her up, but she'd been too afraid of getting smashed between his fingers.
"Oh, no," said Seamus. "You can't give up the sword. You're going to need it to storm the palace."
"Well, I can't very well storm the palace with a sword that's ten times my size, now can I?" sniped Alice, crossing her arms in front of her.
"Point for the girl who's not insane," said Lyla.
"I'm about as penniless as they come," said March.
"Me as well," said Seamus with a sigh. "I'm afraid they may toss me out on my ear any time I try to get them to add something to my tab here."
"What about you, Lyla?" asked Alice. "Do you have any money I could borrow to pay the caterpillar?"
"Never had much use for money," said Lyla. She licked up a drop of Tea that was on the edge of a saucer. It wouldn't have been more than a speck to Alice when she was her normal size. To her now, it was a good sized drink. "Being this small has many advantages."
"Well, he gave me something for free once already," said Alice, remembering the worthless bit of mushroom in her dress pocket. "Maybe he'll do it again."
All three of her companions gasped. It was strange listening to Seamus and March talk with their booming voices, but she was slowly growing accustomed to it. "What's wrong?" asked Alice.
"Didn't you hear us about how Absolem is greedy?" asked March.
"He never gives anything for free," said Seamus. "Not even to his own mother."
"Well, it was just a measly old mushroom," said Alice, still not sure what the big deal was. Everyone did something nice for someone else every now and then, didn't they?
"What did he say when he gave it to you?" asked Lyla, gripping Alice by the shoulders.
The intensity in her gaze made Alice's stomach drop. "I'm not sure..."
"Think child," said Lyla, still staring intensely. "If you owe him something and go back there without paying, it would be worse than if you handed yourself over to the queen."
Alice thought back to her conversation with the caterpillar. He hadn't been very helpful at all, mostly talking in circles. Somehow she'd managed to get out of him to check at the palace docks for The White Rabbit. "He said something about how the first one's always free..."
"Well, that'd be the first time I've ever heard him say anything of the sort," said Lyla, relaxing her grip and stepping away. She breathed a small sigh of relief. "At least it sounds like you're not in trouble with him."
"Did he say anything else about this mushroom?" asked Seamus, a curious glint in his eye.
"You know, I think he did," said Alice, rolling her eyes up and to the right. It always seemed to help her think. "He said something about it making me feel, um..." It was right on the tip of her tongue. She tapped her chin with a finger while her friends stared at her as if she were deciding the fate of the world. "He said it would make me feel ten feet tall!"
"Oh, that's quite interesting indeed," said Seamus,
apparently missing the point.
"But what if it doesn't just make me feel ten feet tall, but could actually make me grow again?" asked Alice, helping him along her train of thought.
"That sounds impossible," said the hatter. "We absolutely must give it a try!"
Alice turned to Lyla. "The mushroom is in the pocket of my dress..." She trailed off, her chin dropping to her chest.
"You weren't wearing a dress," said Lyla, looking confused.
"I was when I was in the Imagisphere," said Alice, her tone desolate. "I changed my clothes there, but I didn't put the mushroom in my pants."
"Well, it looks like we're back where we started then," said March.
"Where is that?" said Seamus, still seeming a bit confused.
Alice glared at him and he looked so abashed that she immediately regretted it.
"I'm sorry Alice, I was just pondering the possible scientific uses for these new effects of Tea and this mushroom you are talking about. It's quite fascinating." Seamus shook his head rapidly, knocking his top hat askew. "There, shook it off. So, I guess we have to get you over to Absolem, then."
"And figure out some form of payment," said Alice glumly.
"Absolem will take some strange things as payment," said March. "I guess you'll just have to talk to him and see, since none of us has any money."
Alice sighed. Nothing was ever easy in Wonderland. "Well, I guess we should be going."
"Oh, we can't go with you," said Seamus.
"Most definitely not," said March.
Alice looked from one to the other. They looked completely serious. It was the last straw. Heat welled up to her face and she felt the prick of tears in her eyes. "But," was all she managed to say before a great sob burst from her chest and hot tears rolled down her cheeks.
Seamus flapped his hands about, unsure what to do to console Alice since she was only a couple of inches tall. He finally reached down with a finger and managed to stroke the top of her head. Alice swatted him away and continued to sob.
