by J. H. Croix
“Tell you what?”
Dani returned to the table with a basket of bread and a bowl of artichoke dip. She glanced back and forth between us, and added, “You can’t keep secrets very long around here, but you already know that.”
I closed my eyes and let out a groan. Opening them, I met Shay’s gaze, feeling my cheeks flame. “Oh God, if you know, does that mean Jackson knows?”
“He just called me,” she said, casting me a glare. “If you’d given me a heads-up, I could’ve managed the situation.”
“How the hell does he know?”
“Look, he already suspected something was up. He confronted Mack about it, and Mack fessed up. He assures me he didn’t hit Mack.”
“Oh God,” I repeated before taking a gulp of water. “Look, it’s no big deal.”
Shay held my eyes for a moment, understanding softening her gaze. “You know none of us would judge you, right?”
“I know, it’s just—” I snatched a piece of bread from the basket and scooped some dip onto it.
Shay did the same, giving me the moment to collect myself. Dani, always on the move, was over checking on something.
“I didn’t plan on it,” I said after I finished chewing. “And I’m not really sure what I would call what we’re doing.”
“Jackson thinks Mack really likes you.”
Dani returned with a tray of pizza and slid it between Shay and me on the table. “That’s what I thought,” she chimed in.
“We’re friends. Of course he likes me.” I stuffed another piece of bread with artichoke dip in my mouth. “This is ah-maz-ing,” I said with my mouth full.
“Everything Dani makes is amazing,” Shay added. “That’s not what Jackson meant when he said he thinks Mack really likes you. He thinks he likes you, likes you.”
“I have the worst luck with men.”
Shay shrugged, waving a hand dismissively. “So what? I could say the same until Jackson.”
“I know,” I said, instantly feeling like I was exaggerating my own situation.” I didn’t mean—”
She shook her head quickly. “Oh God, don’t apologize about thinking you had worse luck than me. Just because your fiancé wasn’t abusive doesn’t mean he wasn’t an asshole. Brian was cheating on you, and you got naked pictures of it. And Kyle was just a player. I sure hope he was incredible in bed.”
I rolled my eyes. “His skills were not worth all the trouble.”
“How about Mack’s skills?” Shay teased.
My cheeks instantly got hot, and my friends burst out laughing.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Mack
Leaning toward the center of the table, I picked up the platter of seasoned potatoes. After I served myself, I felt Ash’s eyes on me. When I lifted my head, my gaze collided with hers. I wasn’t totally sure how to read it, but I was confident she was pissed with me. Considering we were surrounded by friends, I couldn’t do a damn thing about it now.
“Hey, can you pass that my way?” Dawson asked, elbowing me in the side
I lifted the platter again and handed it over, replying, “Words work, you know.”
“Dude, you were zoned out staring at Ash. I think my elbow was necessary,” Dawson quipped.
I didn’t dare look in Ash’s direction now. Instead, I rolled my eyes. “Whatever,” I muttered before stuffing a bite of garlic bread in my mouth. Fortunately, anything Dani made was thoroughly distracting. I focused on my food rather than Ash’s mood. I finished chewing and let out a satisfied sigh before glancing at Dani. “That is some fine garlic bread.”
“Seriously,” Wade affirmed. He leaned over and dusted a kiss on her cheek. “But everything you make is good.”
Dawson snorted beside me. “Ever since those two kissed and made up, we are treated daily to Wade being a total sap.”
Grace, who didn’t happen to be waitressing in the restaurant tonight, cast a grin at Dawson. “You’re a sap about Evie.”
Boone chuckled. Ash stabbed her fork into her salad, her gaze arcing around the table. “Seems like it’s a table full of saps these days. I go away for a year and a half, and everybody falls in love.”
Jackson’s eyes lingered on me for a beat, but he stayed quiet. I silently let my breath go. Ash was going to find out Jackson knew about us one way or another, so I knew I’d have to face the music. I just preferred not to do so in a group setting, especially not this group setting. Too many people here were too comfortable sharing their opinion about their friends’ private lives.
I was happy to be home because it was good to be back around friends I’d known for years. But the downside was they all had opinions.
For example, Dawson. “Well, I’d say it’s your turn then,” he offered. He popped a bite of bread in his mouth as he glanced from Ash to me. “Geez, y’all are the only two single people at the table.”
Dani choked on a bite, and Wade whacked her helpfully between the shoulder blades. When she kept coughing, he handed over a glass of water.
I was relieved for the noisy interruption because it took the attention away from Ash and me. When I looked over at her again, she was studiously focused on eating. I didn’t like the tension emanating from her and was restless for this dinner to end so I could try to talk to her.
It didn’t take long for the group to start drifting apart. Grace took off to cover the last half of the dinner shift in the restaurant, and Dani hurried back into the restaurant kitchen. Eventually, the only people left were Jackson, Shay, Dawson, Wade, Ash, and me. Wade was talking with Dawson about something over by the door that led into the back offices. I was carrying plates to the dishwasher when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
Glancing back, I found Jackson. “What’s up?” I asked before I resumed walking as he fell into stride beside me.
“Are you gonna let Ash know I know?” he asked.
Talk about fucking awkward. I seriously did not want to chat with Jackson about my intimate relationship with his sister. I was relieved to have my hands full. I reached the industrial dishwasher and began putting the plates in the large rack. “Of course,” I finally said.
Jackson must have sensed my irritation. “You know, I could be a hell of a lot more pissed off about this.”
Setting the last plate in the rack, I lifted the stainless-steel coil sprayer and rinsed my hands under the scalding hot water. I snagged a clean towel from a stack on the shelf directly above the dishwasher to dry my hands, then turned and looked at Jackson. “I know. I just would’ve preferred to do this at my own pace.”
Jackson’s eyes held mine before he gave a sharp nod. “I get it. I’m just concerned. Hell, you know Remy is one of my best friends too, and he wasn’t thrilled when Shay and I got together,” he began, referring to Shay’s older brother who we’d all grown up with. Remy had moved away to Alaska a few years ago. “I get it, so I’m not trying to be a total asshole. Ash didn’t handle it well when things blew up right before her wedding, and I don’t think this year and a half away with Kyle has helped matters. Fucking idiot,” he muttered under his breath.
Because Jackson was my friend, and I respected him, I took a breath and answered him honestly. “I’m not exactly a poster boy for commitment. I don’t know what Ash wants, but I don’t intend to hurt her.” I opened my mouth to say more but caught myself.
Because I couldn’t fucking believe what I almost said. I almost told him I loved her. I supposed I did.
Jackson’s eyes penetrated mine, and a sense of unease prickled through me. He knew me as well as anyone did, so at that moment, I sensed he knew the truth of my feelings for Ash, though he was kind enough not to put me on the spot and force me to admit them.
After a moment, he gave the slightest incline of his head. “Okay. I trust you. Don’t ask me to sit on this forever. Wade knows, Dani figured it out, and Shay already suspected it.”
“I know. I’m planning to talk to Ash later tonight.”
My plan to talk to Ash went from later t
o much later when our team got an emergency call just as I was about to leave the lodge.
“A group of teens partying in a boat. That’s a recipe for disaster,” Jackson said right after he dropped his cell phone on the seat. “Obviously, an accident happened. Apparently, the 911 call came in about ten minutes ago. It took them a few minutes to ping a location because the cell reception is shitty there.”
He was driving, deftly maneuvering his truck along the narrow mountain road. He’d slapped the emergency light on the roof when we took off from the lodge. By my count, four emergency vehicles were converging at the base of a trail that led to a popular area for canoeing. The sky was inky black.
Bitter tension coated the insides of my stomach, and my chest felt cold. I’d cut my teeth as a first responder in training out West responding to fires. They’re the hotshots who went in and beat back the flames. The first responders came in the next wave to deal with anybody injured. I’d done some river rescues along the roaring and famed Colorado River.
Yet a ghost, just one, was coming back to haunt me tonight. Krista died along a different stretch of the very river where we were headed tonight. She, too, had been fooling around on a boat, just as so many kids did back when we were growing up. A fall overboard when they went over a rough patch of water in the river had slammed her head into the side of the boat, and she died almost instantly. Or so they said. My mind—the irrational, wishful, grieving part of my brain—still clung to the idea that maybe if I’d been right there, I could’ve gotten her out of the water and done CPR fast enough that she would’ve lived.
To this day, the voice of one of the EMTs echoed through my thoughts. “She didn’t feel anything. It was that fast. And just remember, you can’t change what happened.”
The fucking past. There were so many things I could change. Apparently, the past wasn’t on that list, and I doubted whether I’d ever truly get past this lingering guilt.
“Mack,” Jackson said, his voice just loud enough to knock me off the rails of that train of thought.
“Yeah?” I slid my gaze sideways. His eyes were trained on the road, which was a good thing because we were hauling ass on a side dirt road now.
“That was only the third time I said your name. You okay?”
Jackson didn’t need to say out loud what I knew he meant. We’d both been there that day, but Krista wasn’t his little sister. My guilt was compounded. All my life growing up, it was my younger twin sisters—Evie and Krista—and me. Not only had I failed to keep Krista safe, but Evie had lost her twin. I wasn’t a twin myself, but I’d watched their bond their entire lives up until that point, so I knew how tight they were. It was an almost spiritual bond. Evie lost more than I did, and I felt guilty for that too.
With my gut twisting sickly, I looked ahead at the road in front of us illuminated by Jackson’s headlights. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’ve done a few river rescues.”
“Because you could say you weren’t if you really weren’t,” Jackson added.
“I’m really fine,” I insisted, lying through my teeth. I was hoping my instincts and training would just kick in once we got there.
In short order, we were there, standing on a rocky ledge overlooking the dark river. At the base of this ledge was a curved section along the river with a grassy stretch that led to a popular camping area. There were only two ways to get there—rappelling down this ledge or by boat.
We didn’t have time to go by water, which might be the only thing that kept me sane. Our crew was quickly assembling with Jackson taking the lead on climbing along with Walker. Dawson and I would rappel down after them, and the others would set up a medical station up here once we figured out what we needed.
When my feet landed lightly on the rocky ledge below, and I could feel the rush of cooler air from the cold mountain river running by, memories came at me hard and fast. I ignored them all and turned. I needed to move because that was the only thing that was going to get me through this.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ash
“It’s a river rescue?” Evie asked.
Shay looked over at her and nodded. Evie’s brow knitted with worry, and she leaned over to pick up a puppy from the pile gamboling around on the floor.
After the emergency call came in, Shay had asked if I wanted to go check on the puppies with her. Of course I did. Anything for a distraction. Over an hour had passed since then with no updates. We were in the reception area at the vet clinic with a blanket spread in the middle of the floor for the puppies. Evie had joined us after the restaurant closed.
Shay caught my eyes, concern held in hers. I was probably as worried about Mack as Evie was. Evie had lost her twin sister in the very same accident that haunted Mack. He never spoke of it, but Evie seemed more at peace about it.
“Are you okay?” I finally asked as I reached for the puppy I planned to take home sometime in the next few days. I’d named her Betty.
Evie looked over and lifted a puppy onto her lap. “I’m just worried about Mack. I know he’s done a few river rescues out West, but y’all know what happened. He’s never admitted it, but I always thought he stayed away from Stolen Hearts because of what happened. It really messed with him, and now he’s dealing with a rescue in the same river where Krista died.”
Anxiety spun madly in my chest, making it hard to get a breath. I looked at the little puppy in my lap. Her eyes were liquid brown. “He’s going to be okay, right?” I mused to Betty.
“Mack is going to be okay,” Shay said firmly as she looked from Evie to me. “I’m sure this is stressful, but it’s good he came home. Running never solves anything.”
When Shay looked toward me again, I knew she was thinking about what was going on with Mack and me. From my conversation earlier with Dani, I knew they’d discussed it.
Here I sat with Evie, Mack’s sister, and I felt like I was keeping secrets from her, along with Jackson. Even though I now knew Jackson knew, we hadn’t discussed it. Cuddling Betty in my lap, I looked over at Evie. “I should let you know something.”
Evie brushed her dark hair off her shoulders as her blue eyes lifted to mine. Her eyes were so similar to Mack’s—that bottomless ocean blue. I had no idea how she was going to feel about this. In spite of my nervousness, I knew this likely wouldn’t be as loaded of a topic for her as it was for Jackson.
“Mack and I kind of have a thing.”
Evie burst out laughing. “I suspected as much.” Her gaze sobered almost instantly. “You’re probably as worried about him as I am, huh?”
I shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. Things like that are relative. Obviously, I’m worried for him, but he doesn’t really discuss what happened with Krista. At all.”
Evie looked down at another puppy who waddled over and bumped into her knee. She pulled it onto her lap with the other one. “Is it serious with you two? Mack hasn’t said a word to me about it.”
I heard Shay’s huff of a laugh and looked over to see her rolling her eyes.
“What’s that for?” I asked, feeling uncomfortable.
“I don’t think Mack talked to anybody about it until Jackson confronted him today,” she returned.
“What?” I asked.
Evie bit her lip and shook her head. “And you were worried about keeping it from me. I’m Mack’s little sister, and I’m not likely to get all tied up over who he’s getting naked with. Your brother probably has a different opinion.”
“Ugh,” I groaned.
Shay held my eyes and sighed. “You seriously thought people didn’t notice? Jackson asked me about it before. Then he stopped by your place when he was going to pick up Mack this morning, and apparently, Mack was there. The first time Jackson asked me, it was because he caught Mack staring at you. He’s no idiot, none of us are. When you’re not looking, Mack pretty much always has his eyes on you. I don’t know how you feel, but Mack’s totally got a thing for you.”
I looked down at Betty. The sweet puppy didn’t care how confus
ed I was about Mack. “I guess I am an idiot.” Bringing my eyes up to my friends, I shrugged. “I don’t know. I never had a thing for Mack before, never. Then, well, there was a spark when we saw each other.” I let out a breath, my cheeks puffing with air before I released it. “I wasn’t looking for anything serious, and I don’t think Mack was. Now, apparently everyone knows.”
“What do you want?” Shay asked softly.
My throat felt tight, and it wasn’t just about Mack. I was just really good at being epically stupid when it came to men. Swallowing through the emotion knotting in my throat, I shrugged again. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m afraid I might be hoping for something more, and I don’t think that’s smart.”
“Mack is the best kind of guy,” Evie said, and I heard the protectiveness in her tone.
“I know he is. That’s not what I mean. It’s just that I don’t have the best track record. Mack didn’t make me any promises, so I don’t have any expectations. But I know he usually keeps things very casual. I know he’s a great guy, Evie. I’m worried I’m in over my head. It’s like my baggage collides with his.”
Evie was quiet, understanding dawning in her eyes. “I get it. It was kind of like that for me with Dawson at first until we figured it out. Obviously, Mack hasn’t talked to me about you, but for what it’s worth, I don’t believe you’re just a fling to him. I think you mean something.”
“How would you know that?” I didn’t even try to keep the skepticism out of my voice, although my heart was spinning in circles and hope was trying to scream out to be heard over the doubts crowding my mind.
“Because of the way he looks at you,” Shay and Evie replied almost instantaneously.
Shay’s cell phone vibrated. She lifted it from the floor where it rested by her hip. “Oh, it’s Jackson. Maybe we have an update.”
