by Gina Wilkins
“That’s hardly surprising,” she answered with forced lightness. “I was just a kid when we met, now I’m a thirty-year-old mother of school-age twins. Of course I’ve changed.”
“You were a pretty girl,” he replied. “You’re a beautiful woman.”
Her eyes closed for just a moment, her cheeks going warm. His simple statement had rocked her to her toes.
“That’s one thing that hasn’t changed about you,” she said, her voice sounding a bit strangled to her own ears. “I still don’t know how to respond to some of the things you say.”
“It was just an observation,” he said, and moved out of her path.
She gathered her things quickly. “I should go. I’ll see you next week.”
“I’ll try not to make you uncomfortable with uninvited accolades.”
Though the words could be interpreted as somewhat defensive, he didn’t seem to be annoyed. She looked at him from beneath her lashes and saw that his mouth was tilted with a very faint smile. Which made her feel a little foolish for overreacting to what he had apparently considered a simple compliment.
What was it about Evan that made her so often feel like such a fool around him?
She moved toward the door. “Next week,” she repeated, vowing she would have herself firmly under control by then.
“Renae?” His voice stopped her just as she reached for the doorknob.
“Yes?” she asked without turning around.
“I miss him, too.”
Once again, he had floored her with a few simple words. Unable to respond, she merely nodded and opened the door, stepping through it and closing it quickly behind her.
Sitting in her car a few minutes later, she gripped the top of the steering wheel and rested her forehead against her hands, remembering Evan’s words. His tone had been sincere, and his voice had held an old pain she believed was genuine. Whatever still simmered between her and Evan, Evan did miss his friend.
She reminded herself that their one impetuous kiss hadn’t exactly been a betrayal of Jason, especially since they’d walked away quickly and had never allowed themselves to be alone together again after that. It hadn’t been long afterward, in fact, that Evan had joined the army, saying he wanted to make a contribution to the war against terrorism that had been raging so furiously then. He’d been home on leave the weekend Jason died.
Even knowing they’d done nothing wrong, she still struggled with old guilt Evan probably couldn’t understand. Guilt because she and Jason had parted with an uneasy truce after a quarrel. And guilt because, even though she had been a good wife to Jason and had loved him very much, she’d never been quite sure what she would have done had Evan answered differently when she’d asked him to give her a reason not to marry Jason.
* * *
Thursday evening, Renae sat in an uncomfortable, straight-backed chair in the school auditorium, watching Leslie and Daniel take their bows on stage along with the other first graders who had participated in the program at this month’s PTA meeting. Along with the other audience members, Renae clapped heartily, laughing wryly when irrepressible Daniel pumped a fist in satisfaction that the performance was over.
“They did so well,” Lucy said, beaming with pride. “I think they were the stars of the show.”
Because neither of the twins had been featured singers in the medley of children’s tunes the classes had performed, Renae merely smiled.
Janet Caple, a mom who sat at Renae’s left, looked her way, still applauding as the players filed noisily off the stage under the direction of the first grade teachers. “They were all great, weren’t they? And how cute was it when Mickey Johnson forgot the words to his solo and all the other kids shouted them out for him?”
Renae chuckled. “The twins are looking forward to coming to Jacob’s birthday party Saturday, Janet. Thank you for inviting them.”
“Jacob wouldn’t have it any other way. He loves playing with Daniel and Leslie. I hope you’ll plan to stay. I’m providing food for the adults so we can visit while the kids play.” Janet angled herself a bit farther forward so she could see Lucy on the other side of Renae. “You’re welcome to come, too, Lucy.”
“Thank you, Janet, but my Sunday school class is having a luncheon Saturday. Renae will bring the twins to the party.”
Janet leaned closer to Renae and lowered her voice to a conspiratorial murmur. “Mike Bishop is bringing Cooper and Jackson, because it’s Mike’s weekend to have the kids. He’ll probably hang around to chat awhile. He’s awfully cute, you know.”
Renae felt Lucy shift restlessly in her seat, indicating she’d probably overheard Janet’s not-so-subtle attempt at a fix-up. “I’ve only met him a couple of times, but he seems nice enough.”
“His boys are good kids, too. And he and Theresa are long past the divorce, so maybe you should get to know him a little better.”
She didn’t want to be rude, but she wasn’t interested in Janet’s matchmaking efforts. Fortunately, Lucy stood then, bringing the conversation to an end. “We’d better get home so the twins can have their baths and get to bed on time, shouldn’t we, Renae?”
The school program had been held early in the evening, barely giving Renae time to get home from work before heading out again. Lucy had fed the kids an early dinner, but Renae had opted to wait, so she was a little hungry now.
Tucking her bag beneath her arm, she stood beside her mother-in-law and took her leave of Janet, saying she would see her on Saturday. She hoped her lack of response to Janet’s unsubtle hints about Mike Bishop had made her disinterest clear. She would hate for things to get awkward at the birthday party Saturday.
She had enough awkward situations in her life right now.
* * *
“I hope you don’t let Janet Caple make you uncomfortable at the party Saturday,” Lucy said later, as if she’d read the misgivings on Renae’s face.
Having just tucked the children into bed, Renae was finally getting a chance to have her dinner, sitting at the table with a freshly warmed bowl of her mother-in-law’s delicious beef stew and a wedge of jalapeño corn bread. Lucy’s heritage was Argentinean and her late husband had come from Mexico, so peppers were a staple of her cooking. Renae often teased that the twins had developed steel-lined mouths as a result. They loved their food spicy.
“This stew is delicious, as always, Lucy. And I won’t be uncomfortable at the party. I always enjoy visiting with the other parents.”
“I heard Janet talking to you about that man—that divorced father. I hope she doesn’t get too pushy about it.”
“I know how to handle matchmakers,” Renae answered mildly. “Don’t fret about it.”
Renae had been on a few dinner dates during the past two years, none of which had been successful enough for follow-up outings. While Lucy was hardly enthusiastic about the idea of Renae dating, she hadn’t actively discouraged her, though she’d always seemed relieved when there had been no subsequent contact. Renae didn’t believe Lucy had ever dated after losing her own husband, having focused exclusively on her then-teenage son afterward. Since Jason’s death, Lucy’s world had revolved around Renae and the twins, with her church activities and a couple of close friends her only other interests.
Renae, on the other hand, had her job and a few good friends outside the family with whom she met occasionally for “girls’ night out,” usually on Wednesday evenings. And yet there were still times when she felt an emptiness in her life outside her family. A longing for something...more. Something those few unsatisfying dinner dates had not provided. She’d often wondered why she couldn’t be more like Lucy in being wholly content with all the blessings she had.
Maybe if she were more like Lucy, she wouldn’t have been so disconcerted by a simple compliment from a broodingly handsome man yesterday. She wouldn’t have lain in her bed afterward reliving the light brush of his fingertips against her cheek, and shivering in response to the memory.
The prospect of spending tim
e with Mike Bishop on Saturday left her completely unmoved. But the thought of next week’s scholarship meeting with Evan—well, that made her pulse rate jump measurably.
She didn’t even want to consider how Lucy would react to that information.
* * *
“That dinner was really good, Renae, though I’m afraid you went to too much trouble. When you said you were providing the food, I assumed you’d get takeout, as I did.”
“It was no trouble. I’m glad you enjoyed it,” she replied self-consciously to Evan’s compliment as she snapped the top back onto the plastic container in which she’d brought a salad made with roasted chicken, Bibb lettuce, cheese cubes, grapes and toasted pecans tossed with a homemade vinaigrette dressing she’d brought in a separate container. She’d provided whole wheat rolls to serve on the side. Though she’d worried that Evan wouldn’t find the quick meal hearty enough, he’d appeared to enjoy it, and had eaten two of the small brownies she’d brought for dessert.
She’d made the meal last night. When Lucy had commented about the size of the salad, Renae had merely shrugged and muttered something about “potluck.” It hadn’t exactly been a lie, she’d assured herself, even though she knew Lucy had assumed the potluck was one of the office luncheons that took place at the clinic.
Evan closed his laptop. “We got a lot done this evening.”
“We did. Tate will be proud of us,” she replied lightly.
“Yes, he will.”
In some ways, these meetings were getting easier, she thought as she stacked her notes and slipped them into her bag. By focusing intently on the scholarship, she and Evan were able to keep their personal issues out of the way. At least outwardly. Inwardly, she still shivered whenever their eyes met, though she hoped she’d done a decent job of hiding that from him.
Evan cleared his throat, seeming to search for an innocuous topic that was not scholarship related. “How are the kids? Looking forward to celebrating Halloween this weekend?”
“Oh, sure. They can’t wait to dress up and collect their candy. I’ll take them out trick-or-treating while Lucy stays at the house to give out candy.”
The mention of Lucy made Evan’s smile fade. His eyes were shuttered when he studied her face. “Have you told Lucy you’ve been meeting with me?”
This time it was she who cleared her throat. She wasn’t sure exactly how he’d made that leap, but she wouldn’t lie to him. “Um, not exactly. But I will.”
It needed to be sooner rather than later. It was going to be hard enough as it was to explain why she had waited so long. Surely Lucy would agree eventually that the scholarship was worth the renewed contact with Evan and Tate.
Evan glanced at the open plastic container on the table. “Tate’s going to be sorry he missed this. Best brownies I ever ate.”
So he didn’t want to talk about Lucy now. Neither did she. Cooperating with the lighter tone, she forced a smile. “I’m glad you like them, but they really are just standard brownies. I made a double batch last night, so there are still plenty at home. I’ll leave the rest of these with you. You can share them with Tate or keep them for yourself.”
He laughed softly. “Share with Tate? No way. He missed out today. These are mine.”
Her stomach did a somersault in response to his laugh. She was entranced by the deep, warm sound of it, and the way it lightened his brown eyes and softened his firm mouth. It had been a very long time since she’d heard Evan laugh. She’d almost forgotten the effect it had always had on her.
She stood. “I hope you’ll enjoy them.”
“I know I will,” he said, rising with her.
He walked her to the door, where he smiled down at her. “Have fun with the kids this weekend. Maybe you can show me pictures of their costumes next week.”
“I’d be happy to.”
“Thanks again for the brownies. And I didn’t even have to say ‘trick or treat.’”
She chuckled, smiling up at him. “Happy Halloween, Evan.” He focused on her mouth. She wondered if this was the first time she’d truly smiled at him since he’d shown up in her life again. Probably.
She thought maybe he intended to simply brush his lips across her cheek. A casually friendly parting, similar to the way Tate had left her last week. But the undercurrents between Evan and her had never been casual. His mouth touched her cheek, lingered, slid closer to her lips. Holding her breath, she froze, closed her eyes...then turned her head just that fraction of an inch so that their lips met.
It had been so long since she’d savored the slight roughness of a man’s face against her skin. Since she had felt warmth radiating from a hard body next to hers, or caught just the faintest whiff of masculine soap and aftershave. Since she had allowed herself to sink into a kiss and turn off everything except the sensations ricocheting inside her. And yet, as much as she had missed those things, she hadn’t been truly tempted to throw all caution to the wind and give in to those urges for a long time.
Not until Evan Daugherty had sauntered back into her life.
The kiss didn’t last long. Nor did it flare out of control, though Renae was aware, as she was sure Evan was, how easily it could have done so. He didn’t try to hold her when she drew away, but kept his arms at his sides, his gaze locked on her face. He could probably see the pulse hammering in her throat and the flush on her cheeks, but she wasn’t sure what he saw in her eyes.
“I’ll see you next week,” he said. Was there just a hint of question in his statement?
She moistened her lips, fancying she could still taste him. Because she couldn’t make any promises just then about next week—not until she could think clearly again—she merely nodded shortly and turned to let herself out.
She would be back, she thought in resignation as she made the short drive home. The question that nagged at her now was whether the scholarship was still her only reason for spending time with Evan.
She was playing with fire. And terrified that she would be burned again, no matter how hard she tried to protect herself.
* * *
The temperature Saturday evening was cool, but not so cold that the children had to wear coats over the Halloween costumes they’d chosen so carefully. They had both decided to be superheroes this year, so capes and masks and tights had been donned—Daniel in black and electric-blue, Leslie in red and navy. They bounced impatiently while Renae took pictures, then dashed out the door with their plastic, pumpkin-shaped candy pails as soon as Renae gave them permission.
She followed closely behind them as they dashed down the street from door to door. Their little house was on a cul-de-sac in a safe neighborhood, with most of the other houses occupied by young families with children, so almost all the porch lights were on, signaling that trick-or-treaters were welcome. Hanging back, Renae chatted with other parents she knew through their kids. Some of the other parents had dressed in costume, but she had settled for jeans and a black sweatshirt with a Halloween scene on the front.
Daniel soon found his friends, brothers Cooper and Jackson Bishop, who were dressed as police officers. Their dad, Mike, followed behind his sons dressed as a convict in black-and-white stripes and dragging a plastic ball and chain.
Renae smiled at Mike while the kids greeted each other and showed off their costumes. “Looks like you’ve been caught.”
Lightly kicking the plastic ball, Mike laughed. “Yeah. The boys chose our costumes, needless to say. They thought this was real funny.”
“You do look funny, Mr. Bishop,” Leslie said, looking up at him with a giggle.
He scowled ferociously. “I’m supposed to look like a scary convict.”
She giggled again. “You don’t look scary.”
“Come on, Leslie, let’s go,” Daniel ordered impatiently. At a nod from their parents, the twins and the Bishop boys dashed toward the door of a yellow-sided house decorated with white garbage-bag ghosts hanging from the porch.
Mike nodded indulgently after them. “They’re
having a great time, aren’t they? Remember how magical Halloween seemed to be when we were kids? Costumes and make-believe and bags full of candy?”
She had a few fond memories of Halloweens with her cousins. And Jason had loved Halloween, throwing big costume parties every year. He would have so enjoyed taking the twins out trick-or-treating, she thought wistfully. She wanted very much to believe that, despite his mounting reservations in the months before he’d died, he’d have adapted to the demands of fatherhood and what he’d begun to see as the constraints of marriage. He would have fallen in love with the twins, just as she had, and would surely have agreed that no sacrifice was too great for them.
Jason was not like her father, she told herself as she had so many times before when doubts had crept into the back of her mind. He would never have left his children to be raised by others while he was off pursuing his own interests.
“Renae? Did I say something wrong?”
She forced a bright smile for Mike’s benefit. “Of course not. I’m just enjoying watching the kids.”
“Mom, look what we got!” Daniel held up his pumpkin bucket to display his latest candies. “That lady gave us each a whole handful.”
“That was very generous of her,” Renae said gravely.
“C’mon, Daniel, the next house is giving out candy bars!”
Turning in response to Cooper’s urging, Daniel dashed after the other children to the next house.
Renae glanced up at Mike with a wry smile. “We spend most of their lives trying to limit their sweets and teach them healthy eating habits, then one night a year we let them gather as much candy as they can carry.”
Mike laughed. “Theresa and I agreed that the boys get two pieces of candy a day until it’s gone. I keep part of it at my place and they take the rest to hers. They eat all their favorite stuff first and forget about the rest, which we finally throw out.”
Renae admired the way Mike and his ex maintained cordial relations for the sake of their sons. He really was a nice man. And he’d been flirting with her since the party at Janet’s house. She had no doubt that she had only to give him a subtle hint and he would ask her out. But nice as he was, she had no interest at all in giving that sign.
