‘I won’t mess up again, Kat. I won’t hurt you. Either of you. Promise.’
47
Tuesday 28 October
Charlie turned off the taps and climbed into her bath. She let the warm water soothe her tired body. It was after midnight, she’d got home after a long evening in the office and had almost fallen asleep listening to music on the tube. As she sank down into the foam, a memory drifted into her mind. An early morning by the sea, the fresh air, the exhilaration of running. Of laughing.
Was any job worth missing out on life for?
Kat and Séraphine’s words echoed in her head, and what she had feared losing didn’t seem so important any more. Maybe it was time to be open again, even if that meant the risk of falling flat on her face. Ben’s betrayal might have tripped her up, but what she did with that experience was in her hands. Her past was written in stone. But her future wasn’t. She was in charge of that.
The next day, Charlie called in sick.
It’s been a few weeks, I know. So I hope nothing’s changed… Charlie tapped out on her phone to Euan. Because I’m coming up to see you. Cx
It seemed as if she’d held her breath for a full half-hour, until Euan’s reply came through. Nothing’s changed. I can’t wait to see you x
‘Hey,’ Euan said, when she arrived on his doorstep later that same day. ‘You’re here.’
‘I’m here.’
He closed the front door behind her and they stood for a moment in his hallway, close but not touching. ‘I missed you.’
‘Me too,’ Charlie said. A smile spread across her face. Euan’s expression mirrored hers and he put his arms around her, drawing her in towards him. He pulled back slightly, so that he could see her face. ‘It’s been quiet without you.’
He kissed her on the mouth, one hand tracing the sensitive nape of her neck. With the touch of his lips she felt grounded, more sure than she’d ever been that she was finally in the right place.
‘So what happened?’ Euan asked, handing her a glass of wine. ‘When you didn’t reply to my email I thought maybe I was making an idiot of myself.’
‘You weren’t,’ she said, quickly. ‘You were braver than me, that’s all.’
She took a sip of wine while she composed herself. She’d tried all the other ways out: the only one left was the truth.
‘Euan, you’re a nice guy…’
‘Oh no, I’ve heard this one —’ he said, shaking his head.
‘I don’t mean nice nice… I mean gorgeous. Hot. A bit of everything I like.’
He smiled. ‘Better.’
‘But I don’t find this easy. It wasn’t long ago I was planning to get married to someone else.’
‘Really? God. Well, I’m glad you’re not still doing that.’
‘So am I,’ she said, ‘It would have been a huge mistake. But what I’m trying to say is that, while I thought I was over it, perhaps I’m not yet. I’m a little…’
‘Emotionally backward?’ Euan said.
‘Not quite how I would have put it, but yes…’
‘Well, you’re not the only one.’
‘You seem so chilled out.’
‘I’m not. I find it hard to trust, to commit, all of those things. I’m rubbish at relationships.’
‘So, what… what are you saying?’
‘When I met you I realised I wanted to change, to try and find a way to be better at this stuff. And it was so obvious I couldn’t ignore it. When you care about someone enough, your whole outlook on life gets turned upside down.’
‘And now you want us to blunder together into the unknown, as clueless as each other?’
‘That’s exactly what I want.’ His eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled.
She reached across and touched his cheek, ran her hand over his stubble. He tilted his jaw towards her hand and kissed it gently. She moved closer and kissed him on the mouth.
‘OK,’ she said, pulling back. ‘We can do that.’
He stroked her hair and brought her close to him, kissing her again.
‘Stay with me here tonight?’ he said.
‘You’re back!’ Flo said, clambering on to Charlie’s lap the next day. She put her arms around her aunt’s neck and nuzzled her head into the crook of her neck.
‘I missed you too, sweetie,’ Charlie said. ‘It’s good to see you all again.’
Charlie looked across the room to where Pippa was sitting on the playmat with Gracie and Jacob, who was dangling a toy over his baby sister’s face.
‘Mum told me you’ve landed a brilliant promotion,’ Flo said. ‘She’s so proud of you.’
Charlie’s eyes met Pippa’s. ‘That’s nice of her. Yes, I’m very excited about it.’
‘We’ve got something new too,’ Flo said. ‘Shall I show you?’
‘Don’t say it,’ Pippa said. ‘I know I must be mad.’
Intrigued, Charlie followed Flo, who pulled her by the hand into the kitchen.
In the corner of the kitchen, prowling by the door, was a scruffy black cat with hair sticking up and a chunk missing from his right ear. Venus, the Prussian blue, was cowering in her plush cat basket.
‘His name is Roger,’ Flo announced proudly. ‘Roger the Punk Cat.’
Luke came into the kitchen dressed in jeans and a polo shirt. ‘It’s all Adam’s fault,’ he said, smiling. ‘Last thing we need, as you can see – the other cat’s petrified.’
‘You love him really,’ Pippa said, snaking an arm around her husband’s waist. ‘I caught him chatting to Roger the other night.’
‘This is what working less has driven me to,’ Luke said. ‘Instead of yakking in a boardroom all hours, I’m in here talking to an ex-street cat.’
‘I’ve made the bed up for you in the spare room.’ Pippa turned back to her sister. ‘Do you want a hand taking your things up? Is your bag still in the car?’
‘No, thanks. It’s fine. I’m staying somewhere else tonight.’
Pippa raised an eyebrow.
‘OK, OK. Put the kettle on and I’ll tell you all about it.’
‘Here you go,’ Euan said, passing Charlie a cup of tea in bed.
‘Thanks,’ she pulled the duvet up around her and kissed him. His lips were warm and soft. She felt content and secure there – as if the two of them existed in a bubble where nothing could touch them.
‘Are you sure you have to go to work today?’
‘Afraid so,’ he said, sitting down next to her on the bed. ‘As much as I’d love to stay in bed with you all day, I have a feeling the buyers won’t accept that as a reason for not meeting their deadline.’
‘Good luck,’ she said, running a hand over his arm, feeling the warmth of his skin. ‘Do you think you’ll have time for lunch?’
‘Of course. I’ll call you. What are you going to do today?’
‘I have a few things to return to your mum at the tea rooms, then I’ll give Kat a ring and see what she’s up to.’
‘Cool. I’m sure you guys will have a lot to catch up on.’
‘I hope you’re not suggesting we’ll be gossiping.’
‘Never. Listen, I’d better run.’ He kissed her and stroked her hair gently. ‘See you later.’
Charlie showered and dressed, then got the folders Letty had given her out of her bag to make sure she had everything.
The past two nights with Euan had left her feeling calm, complete. Even the dozen missed calls on her mobile from work couldn’t take that away. Charlie had no idea how she was going to explain her three days off when she got back.
With Euan she didn’t have to try and be anyone else but herself, it had been natural and easy. She felt at home in his flat, as if waking up in his bed was where she was always meant to be.
Bagel barged into the room and bounded up to her, jumping and licking her face. He knocked the stack of folders off the bedside table, and a card fell out of one of them on to her carpet. Thank You – the words were in silver script, and there was an image of a bouq
uet of flowers on the front. She opened it and saw a handwritten note.
‘Shh, Bagel, sit,’ she said, pushing him down and away from her.
She read the note.
August 1988
Dear Leticia,
I can’t thank you enough for what you did for us. You have made our lives complete. I know it wasn’t easy for you – but we will always be grateful for the sacrifice you made. I have always dreamed of being a mother…
Charlie read the card to the end. Then she sat back down on Euan’s bed, steadying herself, the card still clutched in her hand and her head spinning.
48
Friday 31 October
Séraphine stepped off the plane and out on to the tarmac at Bordeaux airport. She put on sunglasses to shade her eyes from the bright winter sun. Her parents and the twins were waiting for her at Arrivals holding a sign with her name on; she smiled when she saw it.
‘Séraphine!’ Mathilde called out. She and Benjamin ran up and encircled her waist, nearly knocking her off balance as they did so. She kissed her mother and father hello on the cheeks.
‘We have the car just outside,’ Patrick said. ‘Here, let me get your suitcases.’ He took them from her and led the way across the car park.
Hélène hung back with her daughter, and looped her arm through hers.
‘So, your English must be fantastic by now,’ she said playfully.
‘I suppose it is better,’ Séraphine said.
‘And you taught them how to bake, I hope? You hear such terrible things about English food…’
‘I taught them a few things, but I think they taught me more.’
‘Everyone in,’ Patrick called out. The twins piled into the car and Séraphine squeezed in with them.
They drove back towards the village and parked up under the apple tree beside their home. Séraphine got out and inhaled the fresh air and sweet scents of their garden. It was as if time had stood still here. Apart from the seasonal changes to the landscape, as predictable as the sun rising and setting, the house seemed the same as ever. She could almost pretend that nothing had changed within her – but not quite.
That evening they sat down to a meal of steak and vegetables prepared by Hélène. Séraphine chewed without tasting, too preoccupied to join in with the conversation going on around her. She was desperate to tell her parents what she needed to say, what she’d been building up to saying, but the prospect terrified her. It had to be done, though – she owed it to herself, and she owed it to Carla.
She took a sip of wine, and opened her mouth to speak.
‘I have some news,’ she said, readying herself.
‘We have some for you, too,’ Patrick told her.
‘You do?’ Séraphine said, startled.
‘You first,’ Hélène said.
Séraphine’s courage deserted her. ‘No – you go ahead.’
‘A few things happened when you were away,’ Hélène said. ‘We didn’t want to worry you but —’
‘What is it?’ Séraphine’s heart raced. ‘Is it to do with the twins?’
‘No, no. It’s not that.’
‘What is it?’
‘It’s your brother.’
‘Guillaume,’ she said, her voice coming out in a whisper.
‘Yes. We heard from him a week ago.’
‘How is he? What did he say?’
‘He says he got in trouble,’ Hélène said, furrowing her brow, anxious.
‘We don’t care what he did,’ Patrick said, taking his wife’s hand. ‘All we care about is that he’s safe.’
‘He said he wants to change. He didn’t tell us everything…’ Hélène took a breath. ‘Only that he wants to come home.’
49
Friday 31 October
Letty put on a light inside the tea rooms and unlocked the door to Charlie.
‘Hello,’ she said. ‘What a nice surprise. Come in, it’s freezing out this evening.’
‘Have you got time for a chat?’
‘Of course.’
Charlie had been waiting anxiously all day to talk to Letty alone. She’d cancelled her lunch with Euan, knowing that there was no way she could sit and talk to him as if nothing had changed, when in reality she had found out something that would turn his world upside-down.
Letty’s eyes travelled down to the folder that Charlie was holding.
‘Shall we go up to the flat and talk there?’
‘Yes, sure.’
Letty switched off the till, then led Charlie through a door at the back of the café to a set of stairs. They walked up them together, and entered into a hallway lined with photographs.
‘I’ll put the kettle on. You sit down.’
Charlie sat down on a maroon-and-gold-patterned armchair and looked around the room, while Letty made tea in the kitchen. A fringed standard lamp stood next to the mantelpiece, and on a side table there were more photos – mainly of Euan as a young boy, one or two black-and-white ones of people who Charlie now knew to be Letty’s parents. The lovebirds were up in a cage hanging by the kitchen, chattering to one another.
The small arched window looked out over the sea, and from the higher vantage point Charlie could see the lighthouse in the distance. As she’d been driving up from London, it hadn’t felt like leaving home – instead, she realised now, it had felt as if she was returning there.
Letty placed a gold-trimmed tea set on the table. ‘You’ll have had your fill of tea these past few weeks, I expect. But you see I always have a cup this time in the evening. Once the customers have gone, it’s my turn,’ she smiled. Those china-blue eyes, so pale they were almost translucent – and yet, Charlie knew now, they didn’t give a thing away.
Charlie poured a cup and added milk. She took a moment to think about how to phrase what she’d come to say.
‘I know why you’re here,’ Letty told her.
‘You do?’
‘Oh yes. A smart girl like you, I wondered if you’d figure it out. Then when I realised I’d left a few personal things in those folders, I was certain you would.’
‘You’ve kept it a secret all these years,’ Charlie said.
‘How could I not?’
‘But all this time, you’ve kept the truth from Kat?’
‘I didn’t have a choice,’ Letty said. ‘Kat had a mother who wanted and loved her more than anything in the world – and I made her a promise before she died, that I would never tell Kat what happened. That once, for a brief, precious time, she was my daughter.’
‘But why —’
‘Why did I give her up? Is that what you’re going to ask?’ Letty said.
Charlie nodded.
‘I gave her to the people I knew could make her happiest, and who I knew she would bring light into the life of, and I’ve never regretted it.’
‘It wasn’t… Her dad wasn’t John, was it?’
‘Can you imagine it?’ Letty said, pushing away her tea, which was untouched. ‘How terrible a person I was?’
Tears came to Letty’s eyes.
‘Euan was young still, and John was travelling with his work all the time.’ She brushed the tears from her eyes. ‘All the other mothers around here seemed to find it easy, but the truth was I found it hard to cope on my own. I was lonely, back then.’
She took a sip of tea, then replaced the cup in its saucer.
‘My parents had recently left the tea rooms to us, and I was trying my best to run things here. John loved Euan – of course he did – but he also loved his work. There are no excuses. I hurt John, and I started a lie that has lasted – well, until now.’
‘What happened, with Kat’s dad?’
‘A man came back into my life when John was away on one of his trips – someone I’d loved when I was younger, and I was foolish enough to think still loved me. He offered comfort, I suppose.’ She shook her head. ‘But then John came back, and I found out I was carrying a child. I knew that it wasn’t John’s.
‘Not having the ba
by wasn’t an option. With Euan I’d seen what an honour it is to bring a child into the world. I wouldn’t judge anyone else for their choices, but for me… I knew I wanted to have her. But I wasn’t prepared to lie to John about it. I told him from the start what had happened.’
‘How did he react?’
‘Life’s a funny thing. He didn’t react the way I’d expected, not at all. He said he wanted to raise the child as his own. He loved me, and he knew he’d let me down by not being there. It was me – I was the one who couldn’t do it. It just didn’t feel right. I knew her life would be a lie. She didn’t deserve that.’
‘So you gave her away.’
‘I knew them well, the Murrays. They were regulars in here, always chatting and friendly. They used to play with Euan while I worked. We became close, and one day Kat’s mother confided in me that they’d been trying for a baby for years, but they hadn’t been able to have one. She was trying to be positive about it, but you could see it was eating her up inside.’
Charlie tried to imagine what that must be like, longing for a child that you couldn’t have. She felt a deep sympathy for Kat’s mother, a woman she didn’t even know.
‘So I had something she wanted,’ Letty continued, ‘and she had something I did – a relationship that was honest, and uncomplicated. I knew mine and John’s could never be that again. We loved each other so much – I loved the bones of him and, if I’m honest, I still do. But when I went away and had that baby – had Kat – away from prying eyes, and handed her over, I lost a part of me.
‘As much as John tried to forgive me, I’m not sure he ever could, any more than I could forgive myself. Over the years we grew apart, and I threw myself into my work here, trying to forget about it. Kat – such a beautiful little girl she was – she’d come in from time to time, and we formed a friendship, the one we have to this day. Her mother died, but it still wouldn’t have been right for me to step in and tell her the truth, no matter how badly I wanted to. When I handed her over, I did so with the promise to her parents that I wouldn’t ever try to get her back.’
The Seafront Tea Rooms Page 23
