Satisfied with my decision, I hummed to the radio the rest of the drive home.
North
I sat on the bleachers and waited. I’d finally gotten everything arranged with my brothers, set up everything I needed for my classes and made enough products to last the rest of the month and into the next if sales were slow. My next free day–depending on Hadley–I’d have to make more surplus since Christmas was only a few short months away. I was tired, but it was a good tired, and I had come to skate only to find that both Hadley and my skates were gone.
It irritated me a little bit. Avala had told me she’d driven into Morris by herself. I had specifically told her I’d drive in with her. True, that had been days ago, but if she had called and told me, I’d have taken a break to go with her.
Now as I sat, I worried that something happened. Not necessarily an accident though that was in the realm of possibilities, but what if the tire went flat? What if she skidded on ice, spun the Jeep, and was too startled to safely drive the rest of the way home? And what if… I stopped my thoughts. What ifs were all kinds of poison to the soul.
I was relieved of further negativity when the door creaked open and slammed. I turned to see Hadley carrying two enormous bags. I quickly jumped down from my seat and moved to assist her.
“Thank you.” She said when I took both of the bags. I noticed she limped a little and instead of following me up the walkway to her apartment, she sat on the bleachers.
I set the bags down and turned to her, “Are you hurt? Is something wrong?”
“Slipped on ice.” Hadley grimaced. “I’m feeling it a bit now is all.”
“Ice?” I frowned. “There’s no ice here, I made sure of it.”
“Not here, in Morris.” Hadley gestured to the bags. “Most of that is yours anyway. Let’s get it upstairs and you can go through it.” She stood again. “Why are you here anyway?”
“Came to skate, since I’ve got everything straightened out with my brothers, college, and the workshop, but my skates were gone.” I hefted the bags again and this time walked behind Hadley worrying over her limp. It didn’t look bad, it was as she said mild, but I still didn’t like the idea that she slipped.
“Took them to be sharpened and cleaned like I told you I would.” Hadley commented absently and just as carelessly rubbed her left thigh.
“I told you,” I began.
“Everyone told me they’d go with me.” Hadley cut me off. “I wanted to go by myself. In a way, I needed to. I need to know I’m not helpless. I need to know I can still go out and do things whenever I want. It’s a security thing for me, North. I needed that security that I am still my own person.” She paused her face screwed up. I realized she hadn’t meant to say so much, or at least not put so much of her heart on her sleeve.
“You’re alone here,” I pointed out. “Why isn’t that peaceful?”
“The same reason, I would guess that your shop doesn’t always solve your restlessness.”
She had me there, but I refused to acknowledge that. “And if the Jeep broke down?” I asked instead.
“I’d have called the roadside assistance number in the glove box. I’d have called Avala to let her know, and I think Morgaine and/or Avala would have driven out to wherever I broke down; one of them would stay with the vehicle and the other would have probably brought me home.” Hadley shrugged. “I’m not a complete moron.”
“I never said you were,” I sighed and decided if I let her know some of my mind maybe she’d relent a little. “I worried.”
Hadley paused in her steps, turned and looked up into my face. There was enough of a pause that I nearly dipped my head to finish the connection but her eyes moved over me searching. I didn’t know what she was looking for but when she dropped her gaze, she sighed.
“I’m sorry.” She murmured, “I didn’t mean to worry you.” Then she turned and continued back to the apartment.
She let me empty the bags on the dining room table. She took the pink jacket before I could make comment on the color. “This is mine. You needed equipment. We’ll worry about costumes when it’s time to compete, but the simple ones you made for your programs aren’t bad. If we can clean you up enough, I’d actually like to use those programs–the vocal music has to change though–for sectionals in March. I want you to get your feet wet, if you’re ready, before Junior World Championships. And without Sectionals, or at least a few other minor competitions under your belt the only way for you to get into Junior World would be to skate before the panel which I’d rather not put you through either.”
I listened as I studied the pants, shirts, light jackets. Leg warmers? She didn’t really think I’d wear them did she? When I got to the box of skates, I frowned. “Skates?”
“You should open the box first.” Hadley commented.
I shrugged and flipped the lid open. My skates were in the box. They were cleaner than I remember them ever being and I knew without touching them the blades would be deadly sharp. It even looked like someone had rubbed oil into the leather of the boots. I fingered the soft fabric.
“These can only be for leisure.” Hadley slid another box across the table. “You’ll need to compete in these.”
A little scared, I flipped open the second box and stared. My heart pounded in my ears as I stared at the brand new skates. I couldn’t breathe and had to sit down.
Hadley was up from her chair in an instant and pushing my head between my legs. “Deep breaths, in and out. Slowly. Don’t hyperventilate on me. You’d think a guy would react better when given an early birthday gift.” Her tone was teasing but I didn’t have the air to respond.
I did as she commanded unable to find my voice to joke that I was fine. I definitely wasn’t fine.
Her small hand rubbed slow circles on my back as I slowly breathed in and out and counted my breaths. When I reached fifty, she crouched down in front of me to peer up into my face.
“You shouldn’t crouch.” I pushed out, glad my voice had returned even if it was gritty and slightly hoarse.
“It’s easier to get up from than kneeling.” She commented her eyes never leaving my face. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s real.” I said quietly. “You’re serious.”
She tilted her head frowning a little. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Only Mom was ever serious.” My voice had dropped so low I barely heard it myself but Hadley must have because she gave me a quick hard hug.
“Your brother’s a dick. I’m definitely serious, and it’s okay to be a little scared. You’re doing something new.” She ran a hand through my golden hair and down my cheek.
I couldn’t prevent myself from turning my face into her hand. “Thank you, Hadley. For the thought and the gift.”
“There’s space downstairs to store your gear. I expect you to wear practice gear Monday morning.” She stepped back and dropped back into her chair.
“Yes, ah,” I glanced at the table, “how much do I owe you?”
“That’s something else we have to talk about.” She rolled her shoulders. “For now, fold your stuff up and go stow it. I’m hungry and then we can talk.”
After two weeks of Hadley’s coaching I considered–briefly–quitting. My entire body hurt. I sat in a bathtub with my head leaned against the wall and as much of my body submersed in the ginger and rosemary laced water. It was a blend from Avala to help with the pain and muscle sores.
I couldn’t even say the pain was from landing hard against the ice. I almost wished it were. That pain was at least familiar.
Hadley hadn’t started me on the ice as I’d hoped. Instead, we spent an hour in the morning doing yoga, and then I spent time on the treadmill running five miles. Hadley had said that my routines shouldn’t leave me breathless. If they do, my endurance was low and it was a good chance that without the right air flow I could screw up or fall and injury myself.
So I spent the beginning part of my day working on flexibility and endurance. The second pa
rt was nearly as mind numbing as the first part. I got to skate at least, but Hadley was reviewing everything I knew already and correcting the little flaws. I knew why, but it was still tiring to repeatedly perform the same move until she was satisfied. I’d learned quickly “one more time” with her just meant “do it again”. It never actually meant “one more”.
I closed my eyes and let the bath do its job. Just as I let Hadley do hers. I knew I was faster already because my jumps were better. And I knew I was more flexible because Hadley had commented that I didn’t look like a cardboard cutout earlier. But, geez, the road to greatness was full of aches and pains.
She had also been careful not to intimately touch me. I knew she wanted to, I had seen her reach to touch and stop herself several times throughout the last few days. She was drawing the line because of professionalism, and that was nearly as insane as my practices. I would have to break it. I needed to break it. She may have the willpower to do so, but I didn’t want to keep her at arm’s length.
When the door popped open, I didn’t even sigh. After years, and years of sharing a bathroom I knew no privacy existed between brothers. So I sank lower in the steaming water blissfully thankful the heat was helping.
“Aren’t you a little old for baths?”
I ignored Rhett and kept my eyes closed. I heard my brother take a deep sniff of the air.
“And with girly stuff in it.” Rhett added.
“What do you want?” I didn’t turn my head or even crack an eye.
“We’ve been invited to the Knifeblades for dinner. Apparently, Avala has a really nice hunk of beef shoulder that she doesn’t want to wait until Sunday to cook.”
I sighed and finally looked at my brother. Rhett sat on the toilet seat his darker gold hair going limp with the heat, and curling madly at the nape of his neck. “You need a haircut.” I muttered to him.
Rhett grinned. “The ladies like it.”
“How are you getting along with Glory?” I asked thinking of the lady he spent the most time with. He did ride back and forth with her five days a week. And he hadn’t mentioned any other girl in some time. I worried a little my brother was turning into Thierry, who, I’m pretty sure hadn’t gotten laid since he graduated high school.
Rhett frowned. “She’s…difficult. Don’t get me wrong, she’s polite to me. Says hi in the halls and what not.”
“But?” I prompted.
“Even interacting with her I feel like there’s a pane of glass between us. I can’t tell if she’s just accustomed to being the person looking through the glass or if that’s just who she is. I feel like I’m under a microscope sometimes. It’s unnerving.”
“I could ask Hadley for you, but I get the impression, other than the times Hadley goes into the kennels to help or sits in the parlor with Glory, she doesn’t really know her sister either though they are fiercely protective of each other.”
“Glory doesn’t talk about her sisters.” Rhett sighed. “Anytime I try, she closes up. Again, I can’t tell if she’s just protecting privacies or she actually doesn’t know anything about them. It’s kind of sad.”
“I can’t answer that for you.” I said trying to stretch out in the limited space of my tub. “You could bring your concerns to Avala or Morgaine.”
“I don’t want her snapping at me that I should mind my own business.” Rhett huffed. “I’m being nice. Just like I’ve been warned to be by everyone from Thierry to Avala, but she’s not being nice.”
“She’s far from what she’s always known as home. That’s probably pretty scary, and probably has her back up pretty good.”
“I guess.” Rhett sighed. “Dinner’s in an hour. You need to get out and dressed. Wesley’s driving us over in about thirty.”
“Fine. Get out.” I grimaced as I stood and grabbed my towel. “Can’t get a damn moments peace.”
Rhett grinned. “Sure you can. It’s called being dead. Since you’re not, I guess you’re just going to have to deal.” With that, Rhett strolled out leaving the door open to the cold air.
I cursed him loudly and his laughter rang back at me.
Hadley’s smile was tired and if I didn’t know any better, a little annoyed, when she opened the front door to my brothers and I. “Good evening. Avala says you can stretch out in the family room until supper.”
She tilted her head at me. “You look stiff.”
I shrugged but couldn’t prevent the wince in the movement. “A little. My soaking was interrupted.”
Hadley grabbed my hand and pulled me aside. My brothers greeted her and made themselves at home in the back of the house. She nodded to them, smiled, and waited. When they all vanished down the hall, she tugged me towards the stairs.
“Come with me.”
“Hadley, I don’t think…” But my words were cut off as she dragged me up the stairs down a short hall at the top and into a bedroom.
I cleared my throat, “This is definitely not proper.” Proper wasn’t the word I should have used. Safe was. This wasn’t safe. I had kept a chokehold on the attraction I had for Hadley the last few weeks because she seemed to want it. It wasn’t easy and the longer I was alone with her the harder it got. I knew I wouldn’t last forever like this, but I didn’t want to scare her.
Hadley laughed. “Whatever. This is my room when I stay in the main house.” She moved over to the wall length closet at the far end of the room and opened a door to reveal the built in drawers. I glanced around, hovering nervously by the door, while she rummaged.
The walls were a pale pink, and accented with white lacy trim at the ceiling and along the chair rail. The wall under the chair rail was white. The same kind of frothy lace hung at the windows and draped around the silver, and very female, four post bed. In a corner hung a hammock chair.
“Found it.” Hadley came out of her closet with a jar about the same size as one of my mother’s old perfumed lotion jars. She opened the jar and showed me what looked like a homemade ointment of some kind. “Rub it into your muscles before bed. I wish you had said you were getting sore earlier. We can cut back some…”
“No,” I covered her hands with mine. “I don’t want to cut back and right now it’s not really hurting anything to be a little stiff. The yoga usually works it out in the morning.”
“Still.” Hadley closed the jar and handed it to me. “Rub it on what pains the most before going to bed. It’ll help. If you’re still stiff by the end of next week, you may need to see a doctor. I’d hate to think you’re pulling muscles but it’s better to be safe than sorry.”
“I understand.” I slipped the jar into my pocket and then silently cursed myself as I stared down into her face. “Thank you, Hadley, for the gesture.” Then I lowered my mouth to hers.
I was tired of fighting myself. I had hoped she’d have made some kind of move, clearly friend zoned me or something. She hadn’t, just repressed herself. I should have done this sooner and forced the line to either be drawn or defined.
It had only meant to be a light kiss. A small gesture, but her small shiver, and sigh drove me mad. Without thinking about what I was doing, I turned, pressed her against the wall, and deepened the kiss. I tangled a hand into her beautiful hair and cupped the other on her bottom drawing her up. Drawing her closer. When she gasped I invaded her mouth with my tongue. I had to taste, I wanted to take, I needed her like I needed air.
She didn’t resist. One of her hands jerked up and rested on my chest but she didn’t push me away. The other arm snaked up to my shoulder and ran through my hair at the nape of my neck. When she whimpered softly, I jerked away breathing hard.
Her eyes were half closed, and the hand she had raised folded over to cover her heart. Her chest rose and fell in quick shallow breaths that were nearly as much a turn on as her mouth had been. I fisted my hands when her tongue darted out and lightly licked her lips. She didn’t move and I was afraid for a single moment I had hurt her somehow.
“Hadley,” I whispered softly.
Her eyes opened the whole way and she stared at me as if she didn’t know me for a minute.
“Hadley, I’m sorry.” I reached out and then thought better of it and dropped my hand.
“Why,” she asked with a slight almost drunken slur to her voice, “are you sorry?”
“That was wrong. It was wrong of me to do that.” I ran my hand frustrated through my hair, “You’ve never. I shouldn’t have…I’m sorry.” It was lame. Completely lame, and if she dropped me like a handful of hot coals I only had myself to blame.
“I think; we may need to have this conversation when my brain turns back on.” Hadley murmured and pushed shakily off the wall. She held out her hand. “Are you ready to go down to dinner?”
I stared at her hand a moment then nodded slowly. “Sure.” And I slipped her hand into mine.
I didn’t recognize the soft piano music that drifted up as we came down the stairs. Glory sat at the old spinet piano under the windows playing the gentle notes. My brothers didn’t seem to mind the piano music and talked to Morgaine and Avala as it played.
“Wondered where you got off to.” Thierry commented.
“Hadley gave me some salve for my muscles.” I answered in an easy tone I didn’t feel and sat in a chair. I would be damned if I told him any more than that and Hadley didn’t seem inclined to either.
She sat on the arm of my chair, allowing her prosthetic leg to hang off the side. “Glory has many skills,” she said down to me. “Piano is one of her favorites, but it’s not all she can do.”
“Can you play?” I asked.
“No. I never had the time nor the patience to learn it. You can’t exactly take a piano with you when you travel.” Hadley smiled amused at the thought.
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