by Selina Rosen
"You fight like a girl!" Arvon screamed at him before he noticed how badly Tarius was bleeding. He hadn't meant to really hurt the boy. He started to call for help, but suddenly Tarius was all over him, and it was all he could do to defend his head as the practice blade slapped into him again and again and again. Next thing he knew, he was on the ground, his head spinning, his blade gone, and Tarius was pounding him in the face with his fists.
"Never say that again! Never say I fight like a girl! My mother was a swordswoman, and she could whip your queer butt. So don't say it like it's bad!"
It took three men to haul the enraged boy off of him. Arvon's nose and mouth were bleeding, his head was spinning, and he didn't know how much of the blood was his and how much was Tarius's. One thing was for damn sure; you didn't want to make the little shithead mad. There was something else he knew without even thinking about it. If Tarius hadn't been restraining himself, he, Arvon, would be dead. If Tarius wanted you to be dead, you would be. The boy was a killer by nature.
Medics were called in to attend to both of them, and Arvon noticed with self-loathing that they were putting stitches in Tarius's head. He looked at his practice sword, thinking that a padded weapon—even thrown too hard—shouldn't have done that, and noticed that the padding had ripped away leaving bare wood. He should have checked for that before he geared up. He felt like a total heel, especially since it was Tarius who was getting reprimanded by Darian.
"What the hell were you thinking!" Darian screamed at Tarius.
"You heard him. He purposely provoked me," Tarius defended. He didn't even flinch as they stitched him.
"He was testing you. You might have killed him," Darian scolded.
Tarius looked at him then, and the look on his face told Arvon that he was truly ashamed of what he had done. Arvon could only imagine what his face must look like.
"I'm . . . I'm very sorry, Master Arvon," Tarius said.
Arvon nodded back, angering the medics who were trying to attend him. "It was my fault, Tarius, and I who should apologize. First for my callous words, and second for my blade, which I see only now was unpadded and has inflicted damage on the most beautiful face in the academy."
"And I'm sorry I called you queer."
"That's quite all right; I am quite queer," Arvon said, and laughed in spite of the fact it hurt.
When they were all patched up they stood up, met each other in the middle of the practice ring, and hugged.
* * *
Arvon was sent off to recover for the day, but that was not to be Tarius's fate. Master Darian walked over and handed him a fresh practice blade. He had one in his own hand. Darian answered the question on Tarius's face.
"Let's see how you fare against the old man. And let me warn you, if you molly-coddle me the way you have been Arvon, or if I get the slightest feeling that you are patronizing me, I won't call you names. I'll kick your ass."
Darian had longed to spar with the boy ever since he arrived. Tarius didn't disappoint him. Darian was a worthy opponent for the youth, but by no means an equal one. Tricks he used to get through the boy's defenses only worked once. Tarius had moves Darian had never seen before. Had he not been hurt, Darian doubted he could have gotten him as many times as he did.
Finally, when they were both exhausted Darian held up his hands. "Enough! You wear me thin." He walked up to Tarius. "Do not let your anger rule your blade," he said in a raspy whisper as he tried to catch his breath. "I know there is great anger inside you, and you have a right to be angry, but that anger will not serve you in battle."
Tarius nodded silently. "I'm very sorry. Sorry that I hit Arvon. Sorry if I have disgraced you."
Darian laughed. "You don't by any chance think that's the first time in the history of the academy that a sparring match has turned into a real brawl, do you? You don't put men together and have them fight without it occasionally getting personal."
Tarius nodded.
"Go get cleaned up and go to dinner."
* * *
Tragon sat down across from Tarius. "That was some fight! What did he say to you?" Tragon asked, starting to eat even before Tarius could answer him.
"He said I fought like a girl," Tarius said picking at the food on her plate.
"Is that all? Everyone's been saying he made a pass at you."
As if to add credence to Tragon's statement, Gudgin and some of his buddies walked up to the table.
"You and Arvon have a lovers spat today?" Gudgin teased.
"Jealous because you want my ass all to yourself, Gudgin?" Tarius spat back, not looking up from her plate.
Tragon laughed in spite of his best efforts, spitting potatoes back into his plate.
"Why, I ought to kick your little queer ass!" Gudgin said.
Tarius jumped to her feet. "Maybe you'd like to try." Today she was just tired of it all. Tired of being tested by every dog and his brother. Let all the bastards who wanted to, come and try to take a piece out of her. Let it be done and over with once and for all.
"Wow! What the hell has he been eating?" Tragon mumbled, picking up his plate and quickly moving out of the way.
* * *
Jena had come to the mess hall looking for Tarius, having heard from her father of his injury. She had tried to stay away, but she just couldn't. She had to make sure Tarius was all right.
As she walked in she saw Gudgin gearing up to hit Tarius in the face. "Come on, butt monkey, let's see what you have!"
Jena knew what butt monkey meant, and she took immediate offense. She had seen the way Tarius looked at her. It was obvious that Tarius liked girls.
She walked up and took hold of Tarius's arm. She looked at the cut above his eye and the growing purple ring, then she glared at Gudgin with real hate. She let go of Tarius and poked Gudgin in the chest with her finger.
"Oh, big man! Fight with him when he's already hurt. You disgusting pig!"
"Leave me be! This is between we men. If Tarius can be counted as a real man."
Tarius gently took hold of Jena's arm and pulled her back to him and away from Gudgin. "You watch how you talk to her, or I'll spit you," Tarius hissed.
"Why, does she help you with your knitting?" Gudgin taunted.
"I'll . . . " Tarius started to move forward and Jena stepped in front of him. She wrapped her arms around Tarius's neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Tarius kissed her back and she felt like her whole body was on fire.
Jena pulled back from him with more than a little effort and said in all the voice she could find. "Now, you can stay here and fight with this idiot, or you can come with me." She took hold of Tarius's hand and started leading him towards the door. Tarius followed her without argument. Jena turned in the doorway and glared back at Gudgin.
"Now who's a big ole butt monkey?"
They disappeared to the wolf-whistles of the entire room.
Gudgin picked his jaw up off the floor, and he and his friends went back to their seats.
Darian and Justin, having been informed by one of the servants as to what was going on, ran in just moments too late. Everyone tried to act as if nothing had happened.
"Harris!" Darian screamed.
The boy ran over obediently.
"What happened?"
Harris filled him in . . . "Then she kissed him, and they left together."
Darian looked at Justin. "You deal with Gudgin however you see fit. I'll go find Tarius and my daughter."
* * *
Jena dragged Tarius into the courtyard.
"You didn't have to come save me, you know," Tarius said. "I can take care of myself. I'm certainly not afraid of Gudgin."
"I know," Jena said. She stopped walking and turned to face Tarius. "You like me, don't you?"
Tarius swallowed hard and nodded her head silently.
Jena wrapped her arms around Tarius's neck and kissed her again.
Tarius didn't fight it. She wrapped her arms around Jena and pulled her closer. She ran her hands up an
d down Jena's back as they kissed. It felt good to have a woman in her arms again. It felt good to touch Jena.
Suddenly reality kicked in, and she pushed Jena away. "I . . . I can't. We shouldn't be doing this. I'm ruining your reputation. I have respect for you and for your father. This is wrong, I am not even of your country."
"I don't care about that, and my dear father would like nothing better than for you and I to marry and have lots of little sword babies," Jena said with a smile. She looked shyly away, then turned back and looked deep into Tarius's eyes. "Tarius, I love you."
The word echoed in her head, causing instant and intense pain. She loved Tarius, but she didn't love her. Jena loved this person that Tarius pretended to be. She could never love the person that she was. It hurt. It hurt not to be able to tell her the truth and hear her say that it didn't matter. It hurt not to be able to give Jena what she needed. But before she knew what she was doing, she had spoken from her heart instead of her head.
"I love you, too," Tarius said softly. Jena moved to hold her again, and Tarius grabbed her hands. "But it won't work. Can't you see that?"
Jena shook her head wildly. "No! I love you, and you say you love me. What could stop us from being together?"
"More than you can imagine. I am not the man you think I am, Jena . . . ."
She would never know whether she would have told Jena the truth or not in that moment, because that was when Darian had found them.
"Would you spoil my daughter's good name then, Tarius?" Darian boomed accusingly.
"In no way, sir," Tarius said.
"Then get back to the barracks. Perhaps the hit you took on your head has made you temporarily mad. We will talk of all this in the morning."
"Yes, sir," Tarius looked at Jena once more and then left at almost a run.
* * *
"What were you thinking! Kissing him . . . and in the mess hall in front of all the swordsmen for the gods' sake!" Darian scolded. "I think maybe you need to go back to you aunt's house for a while . . ."
"Don't send me away from him, Father. I love Tarius, and I believe he loves me."
"If that's the truth, then a little time apart won't hurt anything," Darian said with a smile. He hooked his daughter's arm in his and started leading her back towards their house.
"You do like him don't you, Father?"
"He is like the son I never had, but if you make yourself too available to him, you will lose him," Darian warned.
* * *
Tarius stared at the ceiling in the dark. It was all too much. Maybe she should just leave. Leave tonight; get the hell away from it all. Every day the web of lies became more complex, and every day it was hurting more people. Most of all the lies were hurting her.
Jena loved her; she loved Jena. It was an impossible situation.
She didn't belong here. She belonged with her pack. But the bloody Amalites had killed her pack, and the few who were left had scattered across the Kartik. She was alone. Forced into a world that neither wanted nor understood her.
In the Kartik, same sex couples were commonplace. In a Katabull pack there were more same sex couples than there were heterosexual ones. They procreated through mixed pairing, and no one even thought about it. It was the way life was. But the packs had scattered, and the Katabull were spread out across the island of Kartik. Soon there would be none of their kind left in the world, and the Amalites would have done what they set out to do concerning the Katabull.
She got up, careful not to wake the others, and snuck out of the bunkhouse. She ran the length of the courtyard, once again jumped the fence and made off into the woods. She headed for the creek.
* * *
Tragon had known for weeks now that his friend had a habit of late night excursions that sometimes didn't end till dawn. He had the feeling that Tarius did something on these excursions that made him a better swordsman. A secret ritual maybe. Tragon wanted to be a better swordsman. Obviously, the way to do that was to copy Tarius. If Tarius was doing some magic ritual that was helping him, then Tragon wanted to do the same ritual.
Tonight was the perfect night to follow his friend, as both moons were full and would give him plenty of light, but he soon found that he could not keep up with Tarius. Fortunately, he was a good tracker; his father said he was one of the best. He found Tarius's trail easily because he was doing nothing to cover it. It wasn't long before he heard a noise up ahead, and he quickly dove into a bush scratching his face and hands in the process. He peered through the bush and could see Tarius some fifty feet ahead. He was standing on a rock beside the creek.
Quietly, Tragon moved closer. He knew he had to be careful not to get caught because whatever Tarius did out here was very private. If it weren't, Tragon would surely have been invited along. Tarius didn't want anyone to know his secret, so if he was going to learn what that secret was, he was going to have to be very careful and very quiet. He managed to get within twenty feet of Tarius without detection. Apparently the sound of the water was concealing any noise that Tragon was making.
The creekbed here was one large slab of rock. Erosion of the weaker strata had left a hole about the size of a small cart and about as deep in the rock. It was constantly filled with clear, clean water.
Tarius started to undress.
Ah! Some sort of cleansing ritual, Tragon thought.
Tarius took off his shirt, and underneath he was wrapped in a white cloth.
Ah! Some sort of magic cloth.
As the last of the cloth dropped away, Tragon had to bite down on his tongue to keep from screaming out. The best swordsman in the guild was not a man at all! It didn't make any sense. Was this the secret of Tarius's great prowess, that he was a she?
Maybe he just has over-developed breasts; they aren't very big. I've heard of men having breasts before. It would be pretty embarrassing. If I had them, I'd tie them up, too . . .
Then the pants came off, and it was obvious that Tarius was not now—nor had she ever been—a man. And not only was Tarius a girl, but she was a girl with a very nice body. She got into the water, which came up to her neck, and just soaked. No doubt trying to relieve the pain of the beating she'd taken that day.
I've slept by her every night; how could she fool me? How could she fool the whole kingdom? Because no one expects a woman to be any good with a sword. What do I do now? Tell Darian? They'd kill her; she's beaten them all. Hell, she kissed Darian's daughter! They'd definitely kill her—if they could, which I doubt . . .
She crawled out of the water then and lay flat on the rock. The weather was warm, and no doubt the rock felt warm compared to the cold water she'd been soaking in. Then it happened. At first he thought it was a trick of the light and he blinked twice to clear his vision. She was changing. The skin on her forehead and shoulders was thickening. She moved into a sitting position, and he could see that her jaw had thickened as well. Her canines were protruding. He muffled a gasp, and her head swung to face him. Dark brown eyes with elongated, cat-like pupils stared at him only a minute, and then the beast was on its feet and coming for him.
He jumped up and ran. He could hear it growling and the deep huffing of its breath as it pursued him, then something jumped on his back and he was going down. Going down beneath something that weighed a good twenty pounds more than Tarius.
The creature spun him around, and as he looked into the eyes of the creature, he was sure he was about to meet his brothers.
"What the hell have you done?" the creature cried in agony.
The voice was if possible even more rasping, but it was still Tarius's voice.
The creature shook him like a child might shake a rag doll. "What the hell have you done?" it asked again. Although it was more an accusation than a question.
"I followed you. I wanted to know why you were such a good fighter. I thought that you were coming to do some magic ritual. I had no idea . . ." He trailed off, afraid to speak the words.
"That I was Katabull, or that I was female?"
"Neither." Tragon realized he must sound as scared as he was. He also realized he had wet himself. No sense, he decided, in playing the hero. "Tarius, if you understand me, please, please . . . Don't eat me."
The beast smiled at him then, and he saw his friend in the beast's features. "You should be so lucky." She got off of him and sat on the ground beside him. She made a face, moved and pulled a twig from her seat. "What the hell am I going to do with you?"
He started to crawl away. She let him move about three feet and then grabbed his leg and pulled him back easily.
"You know everything about me. You could get me thrown out of the academy, perhaps even killed."
Tragon sat up beside the beast. "Why . . . why would you want to be in the academy? Wouldn't you rather be with your own people?"
"Don't you think I would be if I could? My people are scattered in every land now. My own pack is mostly gone, killed by the Amalites. That is why I want to join you. To destroy them before they can do to other peoples what they have done to mine. Your people feared us, you made us outcasts, but at least you didn't hunt us and kill us. At least you accepted our right to exist. The Amalites would deny all but their own kind the right to even live. If your rules weren't so stupid, I wouldn't have had to lie to anyone, and maybe Jena would have fallen in love with me for who I am and not who she thinks I am."
"So you really don't like men the way they were teasing you about tonight, you do like girls but you're a girl, so that means your still queer as Arvon," Tragon said in a confused tone.
"Thank you, Tragon, that was very helpful," Tarius said.
"So, are you going to kill me then?" Tragon asked carefully.
Tarius looked at him through animal-like eyes. "Are you going to tell on me?"
Tragon thought about it only a moment. "No. I wanted to learn your secret; it's obvious now that it's not something I can cash in on. However, there is talk that they plan to pair us together when we go out into the field. Since I don't like pain, or even the thought of death, how stupid would I be to turn down the chance of riding with the Katabull? I won't even have to get sweaty unless I just want to."
