by Selina Rosen
But it was so wrong! Women weren't supposed to take up steel. It was an unwritten but widely understood law. Women made life, they weren't supposed to take it. It went against the very laws of nature.
But she was good. Damn good, and not just for a girl. She was graceful and strong. She knew where to throw a blow, and when she went against Harris instead of Tarius she matched him blow for blow.
Darian watched them practice for several minutes. Then the youngsters took a break. Jena and Harris sat on the downed log and Tarius lay on the ground with his head in Jena's lap. Jena looked at the lad, and her love for him shone through every fiber of her being. It had been years since anyone had looked at him like that. Not since Jena's mother had died, leaving him to raise their baby daughter as well as he could.
He was a man, he knew nothing of raising babies or young women, but Jena was all that he had of her mother, and he couldn't bear to be parted from her. He'd done the best he could, but it was no small wonder the girl acted the way she did or even that she had a lust for steel. She had grown up in a swordsman's academy for the gods' sake! What chance did she have to learn to be a lady? A few weeks at her aunt's whenever Darian thought she was becoming too wild and woolly. Ruefully, he realized that it hadn't been enough. Not if he really wanted Jena to be a lady of refinement like her mother.
But Jena was happy, and she'd found a man who accepted her for all that she was. Who loved her for the person she was, and not what he could make of her.
Darian should stomp into the field and condemn the three of them. He should order Jena to stop these lessons. He should let Tarius have it for inflicting his strange ways on his daughter. And he should give Harris living hell for helping and for keeping their secret from him. Truth was, he just didn't feel like it.
It would be an act, a show, inflicting on them what he knew other people expected. Truth was, he was proud of all of them. Besides he doubted very seriously that either Jena or Tarius would bow to his wishes or even pretend to, no they'd argue with him and he just wasn't up for it. Quietly, he turned and walked back to the house without saying a word. It was easier to pretend like he didn't know.
* * *
Tarius now lived in the house with Darian and Jena, and most mornings found Jena mysteriously missing from her bed. Darian knew if he looked in Tarius's bed he'd find her there, so he just didn't look.
It was early on a weekend morning, so the banging on the door aroused him from his sleep. It was a messenger from the king. He handed a note to Darian, clicked his heels and left.
The letter was for Tarius, and Darian feared what it was. He stopped outside Tarius's door, and he heard what sounded like scuffling coming from the other side. Knowing those two, it was just as likely that they were wrestling as making love.
He knocked on the door, and it was suddenly quiet on the other side. In a few seconds Tarius opened the door a crack. Seeing it was Darian he walked out, fully dressed—if obviously hastily so—his sword on his back. He closed the door quickly so that Darian shouldn't see into the room.
Darian handed Tarius the message, and Tarius opened it carefully. He read the letter twice to make sure.
"Well?" Darian asked impatiently.
"The troops morale is at an all-time low. The king will ride into battle and take over command of our forces. He wants me to serve beside him. To command." He looked up from the paper. "Tragon and I will leave with the king at the end of this next week."
Darian was surprised. Tarius seemed less than pleased with the honor. Then he saw the boy's eyes go back to the closed door and knew why.
"Harris will be going with us," Tarius said thoughtfully.
Darian nodded. "I had expected as much. It's Jena you're worried about."
"I want to marry her tonight," Tarius said quickly. "That will give us a week together as husband and wife. I don't plan to die. But if I should, I don't want to leave her unmarried with no pension." Tarius added almost to himself, "Damn it all, she has ruined everything."
"Why's that?"
Tarius looked at him and smiled. "Because before her all I ever loved was my steel. All I ever longed for was battle and a chance to revenge myself on my enemies. Now none of it matters to me as much as just being able to look at her."
Darian smiled. "I thought as much. May the gods watch over the man who comes up against one who has everything to live for. I will get the Shaman; you tell Jena." He motioned his head knowingly at Tarius's door, and Tarius blushed.
"I don't ask her to come to me; she just does," Tarius said in an embarrassed tone.
"I know. After this evening it won't really matter where she's been sleeping these last few weeks." He smiled and left.
* * *
They had put the ceremony together quickly, and Tragon wished to the gods that they had forgotten to invite him all together. He was happy when Tarius chose Harris to stand with her instead of him.
Jena looked more beautiful than ever, all dressed from head to toe in swirls of dark blue cloth. She never even looked at him; she had eyes only for Tarius who wore her armor as was traditional of a warrior in her country. Besides that, the only thing that wasn't traditional for a Jethrik ceremony was the giving of a token. The betrothed gave to one another a thing of significant personal value to them. Tarius gave Jena the gold chain she always wore. It had belonged to her father and had a coin on it marked with strange letters and symbols, the origin of which Tragon could only guess at. Jena gave Tarius a necklace of blue and white beads that had belonged to her mother. It was very sweet and made Tragon mad as hell.
By all rights he should be marrying Jena. He could make a proper lady of her and give her things that Tarius never could both physical and monetary.
The feast was magnificent, but Jena and Tarius didn't stay long enough to really enjoy it. No doubt the barbarian had dragged Jena off into the woods to do whatever filthy thing she did to her to keep that stupid grin on Jena's face all the time.
"So, Tragon!" Darian popped him on the back. "Are you excited about your internship? Not many new swordsmen have as their first assignment riding with the king!"
"Yes, sir. Very excited and honored," Tragon said. And that's the only reason I don't rat the twisted beast-girl out. Tarius's fighting skill will keep me alive and give me the position and prestige I never would have had on my own riding with anyone else. Tarius will be made a captain in a week, and so I will be made a captain. When she's made a general they'll make me one as well because I'm her partner. I've even heard a rumor that I will be knighted soon just because they like to keep the partnerships even. I may have lost the girl, but I'll get everything else that Tarius can get for me. I'll keep her filthy little secret as long as it serves me.
"You'll watch his back won't you?" Darian asked. He knew of Tragon's not very well hidden feelings for Jena and sometimes wondered if Tarius's worst enemy on the front might not be his own partner.
"If he dies, I shall fall next," Tragon said. Because if they can kill Tarius, there will be no hope for any of us.
Harris was drunk, and he was funny. He was doing stupid tricks that Tarius had no doubt taught him to impress a bunch of wide-eyed young ladies. Just then, he was balancing himself on one hand, and Tragon couldn't help but feel jealous. Tarius had never bothered to teach him either hand-to-hand combat or Simbala. She had wasted all her time training this crippled boy. In fact, he got the distinct impression that she actually preferred Harris's company to his own.
Tragon glared at the room of idiots. Here they were, celebrating the marriage of two women. The marriage of one of their gentle countrywomen to the Katabull. A shape shifter who was as animal as she was human.
Arvon snuck up on him unexpectedly. "A copper for your thoughts."
Tragon all but jumped out of his skin. "She should have been mine, Arvon," he hissed.
"Ah! But she didn't want to be yours," Arvon said.
"So I've been told," Tragon said bitterly.
Arvon glared at Tr
agon's back. Tragon didn't know that Arvon knew about Tarius, but Arvon knew that Tragon knew, and he didn't trust Tragon because of it. Arvon owed Tarius a debt he could never repay, and anything that might cause her a problem he saw as his own threat. He could see Tragon stabbing Tarius as she slept, and he'd told Tarius so. Tarius had just laughed.
"He is my friend, my partner. He wouldn't have been allowed to stay in the academy if it hadn't been for me. He knows that; he told me so himself," Tarius had said.
"You're marrying the woman he loves."
"Thinks he loves. Tragon doesn't really love anyone besides himself. She's beautiful, and he wants to possess her. That's not the same as love."
"And yet you trust this man?" Arvon had said skeptically.
"He knows that I can get him up the ranks just like I kept him in school. He knows that as long as I am alive, he has a better chance of staying alive," Tarius had answered.
Tragon observed the merry makers with no joy, and Arvon, still at his back, whispered in his ear, "Tarius saved my life. If any harm were to come to her, or if her secrets were to suddenly leak out . . . Well, I wouldn't take too kindly to that. I'd have to take revenge on whoever had caused her harm." Arvon put a meaningful hand on Tragon's shoulder, just to remind him of how much bigger he was than Tragon.
Tragon stiffened. "You know Tarius's secrets?"
"Let's just say that any beast can smell its own kind, and that Tarius isn't the only one who broke the admittance rules." Arvon said and let out a low, not very human growl that made the hair on the back of Tragon's neck stand on end. Arvon walked away, leaving him alone.
The growl was one of the few Katabull traits Arvon had, but Tragon didn't have to know that.
* * *
Tarius had taken Jena to a large rock by the creek. There she had made love to her long and slow, but of course still didn't remove her clothes own or allow Jena to touch her.
"Tarius . . . We are man and wife now, surely . . ."
"I don't want to risk impregnating you before I go into battle," Tarius said. She'd worked on this excuse for months, and it seemed to her to be a sound one. "I don't want you to go through it all by yourself. Nor do I want to miss the birth of my child. I want to be here for you."
"You wouldn't have to put your seed in me, you could . . ."
"That is forbidden by my god," Tarius said quickly.
"Then let me find some other way to give you pleasure. Let me give to you what you have given to me."
"Jena . . . Please, don't ruin everything, Jena." Tarius rose sadly to her feet and walked to the water's edge where she stood and stared into the surface of the water. She swallowed hard, trying to clear the tears that filled her throat. Damn it, Jena! I want you to touch me so much I hurt, but it can't happen. Why can't you just be happy with what I can give you? Why do you force me to make up more and more and more lies, when all I want to do is to tell you the truth? When all I want to do is love you?
Jena came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her. She slipped her hands up under Tarius's shirt, running her hands over Tarius's bare stomach. Then she kissed the back of her neck. "Is it wrong to want to please my husband? To want to feel all of his naked body sliding against mine? To feel him inside me?"
You are killing me, Jena! I love you, and you are killing me trying to please me. My god, help me! I love your touch! I want so much more from you. It's good that I'm going away, and the longer I stay away the better. You have ruined me, and now you're driving me crazy.
"Don't I make you happy, Jena?" Tarius asked sadly.
"Oh yes, Tarius, but . . ."
"Can't you believe me when I tell you that I am happy? That I have everything I need from you?"
"But, Tarius, other men . . ."
Tarius turned then and looked down at Jena angrily. "When will you learn that I am not other men, Jena? Other men would tell you how to walk, how to talk, what to think, and what to wear. Your pleasure in lovemaking would be the last thing on their minds. If you wanted another man, you should have married another man and left me the hell alone as I begged you to time and time again." Tarius jerked from Jena's grasp and walked into the woods.
Jena picked up her dress, wrapped it haphazardly around herself and went after Tarius. She had to run to catch up.
"Tarius, please. I'm just trying to understand. Just trying to do my duty to you."
"Your duty! Oh how very, very romantic." Tarius spat over her shoulder and sped up, so that Jena had to run to catch up with her.
* * *
"Damn it Tarius, you know that's not what I meant," She grabbed Tarius's arm, but he pulled away from her.
"Tarius . . . please listen. I love you; you're the only one I love. I'm sorry I upset you. I just wish I knew why you're so mad."
Tarius wasn't listening to her, so Jena ran and jumped on his back, knocking them both to the ground. She wrestled Tarius around till the wedding dress was tangled around them both, and she was sitting straddling Tarius's hips. "I said I'm sorry, you hard-headed Kartik bastard!"
Tarius laughed and Jena relaxed. He was going away in less than a week. The last thing Jena wanted was to fight with him. She stretched out on top of him, kissing his lips gently at first and then with more passion. "I have no complaint with you, my husband. I just don't ever want you to have any complaint with me. I want you to be fulfilled by me and only by me."
"I promised you today, Jena," Tarius grabbed the coin that hung around Jena's throat now instead of his own. "I will not touch another, and no other shall touch me. I gave you my word, and I meant it. I take my pleasure from touching you, from holding you. Your kiss. Your gentle caresses, it's so much more than I had ever hoped for. It's enough for me, why can't it be enough for you?"
Jena nodded silently, convinced at least for the moment.
"Perhaps we should get back to our party," Jena said with a smile.
"Perhaps we should have our own party here."
* * *
They had met the king's carriage and his entourage at the castle and been told their assignment. Tarius and Tragon, and of course this meant Harris as well, were to ride ahead of the carriage. It was a high honor. It was also incredibly dangerous, as it was the first place the enemy would hit if they were ambushed.
As they started down the road, Tragon told Tarius as much, feeling less charitable towards her by the minute.
Tarius was silent. She wore the hated chain and the too thick, too long, too dull blue gambeson. She wore her own helmet, a metal skullcap atop black leather covered with chain mail on the sides and back. She also of course carried her own sword instead of the standard issue.
* * *
Harris rode respectfully behind his knight and his Swordmaster partner in spite of Tarius's protests. This was for him a day that he had never dreamed would come. He was riding off to do battle in the king's retinue. He, an orphaned, crippled boy, was squire to the fiercest knight in the kingdom.
By the end of the day Harris was feeling somewhat less triumphant. His butt hurt, and he felt like his balls were going to be pushed up through his lap if his horse went into a rough trot even one more time. Finally, they stopped to make camp for the night. The king's herald rode up to Tarius.
"Sir Tarius, the king requires your presence."
Tarius followed him back to the king's carriage.
Seeing Tarius outside, the king stuck his head unceremoniously out one of the windows.
"Good Sir Tarius, do me the honor of acting as captain of my retinue," Persius said.
"Sire, with all due respect, I must tell you that I am not qualified for such a task. This being in fact my internship . . ."
"'If you want to be safe, follow the man who bears the most scars,'" Persius quoted. He smiled at Tarius' shocked look. "I am not without knowledge of the world beyond my kingdom. Wisdom is wisdom, whether it be Kartik or Jethrik. Now, please take command of these men and of this camp."
"As you wish, Sire," Tarius said.
It was almost dusk when he and Tarius headed for the cooks' wagon where the king sat in his portable throne.
The man who no doubt should have been captain of the retinue looked at Tarius. "So, boy, tell me why you have laid the camp out in this mess?"
"Connar, a little respect for Sir Tarius is in order," the king ordered.
"Yeah, that's, Sir Boy, to you," Tarius said without a smile. She took her helmet off and threw it top first on the ground as was her habit. "High rank in the middle out to lowest rank, which would be the horses. Horses have excellent hearing, dislike unfamiliar noises, and are usually skittish in unfamiliar surroundings. So, if the horses start making noise on any side, you go check for trouble. Also because the horses are tethered on individual lines instead of in a rope pen or on a single tether, it would be very hard for anyone to steal all our horses at one time."
"But it means you have to feed and water each horse individually," Connar complained.
"Takes time I admit, but it's not an impossible task, and this way if there should be a disease in one horse, it's not as likely to spread to the others. If you're not pleased, you may do it your own way tomorrow night," Tarius said. She'd really rather not make such decisions. However she thought this configuration, one she had learned not from the Katabull but from the Kartiks, was by far the best and most easily defended.
