Never fall in love with him.
z
The silver trim of my gown matched the pins in my hair perfectly. I wore a different pair of gloves, long white satin ones that reached my elbows. The fabric was thin and didn’t conceal my hand as well as my thick, black ones, but at the moment I didn’t care. My hair was pulled up with several curls pinned at the back of my head, with long strands framing my face. I stared into my own eyes in the mirror and saw a stranger dressed in these fine clothes and looking beautiful. It was odd, seeing my face looking back at me, and hardly recognizing it at all. My hands shook as I smoothed back a stray hair and straightened the scarlet skirt of my gown. Taking a deep breath, I turned away from the mirror.
Clara stood beside me. She wore an ivory dress with lace capped sleeves. Neither of us wore jewelry. We had sold or given away nearly all of it. I found I didn’t miss it. I gave Clara a reassuring smile and moved behind her to straighten the bow at her waist. “You look beautiful, as always. Do not worry over Thomas. Let him go if you must and accept that you are well enough without him.”
“But I cannot let him go. That is the problem.” Her eyelids drooped and she released a heavy, burdened breath. “The very worst part about going to this party is knowing that I will see him and know that he can let me go. He already has.”
“I don’t believe that.” I put my hand on her shoulder and tipped my head down to look at her, making up the few inches we differed in height. “Can you not be happy without him?”
She looked down at the floor. “I can … but I don’t want to.”
I stepped away, feeling the weight of her broken heart weighing heavily on my own. Determination found a home in me then, and I knew what I needed to do. Tonight I was going to do all I could to fix a broken heart, but not mine. Clara’s heart was altogether kinder, happier, and more precious, and for the sake of the world, it needed to be whole again. There was no other option. Feeling a strange sense of new strength, I walked toward the door and held it open, smiling widely in an effort to lift Clara’s spirits and ignore my own fears.
“Let us go now. Take a deep breath and walk through that door. We are going to the party and we will have—”
“A wonderful time,” she finished, half of a smile on her lips.
When we stepped outside, the same carriage that took us to the Christmas Eve party was awaiting us, and we climbed inside. I watched the sky outside as we drove. The sky was dotted with stars that appeared to be much closer than they really were, and my muddled mind decided they were intentionally put out of reach, made to look like pretty dots of innocent light, but if ever one came close enough to touch, it would only burn and destroy. So the stars remained magnificent from a distance. Only from a distance.
My eyes caught similar dots of light in the windows of Lord Trowbridge’s home, and my stomach fluttered against my will. I rubbed a layer of frost from the window for a better view, but my quick breaths quickly replaced it.
After the carriage had rolled to a stop and we had stepped inside the house, the smell of cinnamon and all kinds of herbs filled my nose. The house was warm with fire and friendly faces, and I spotted several guests who had brought masks of their own to wear. My smile widened.
As I surveyed the crowd, I noticed a familiar child standing beside her father, licking the pastel icing off the top of a tiny cake. She wore a familiar and oversized necklace, adorning a ragged brown dress and a sullen face that had been wiped clean with soap and a smile.
I walked over to her, and she noticed just as I came a few feet away. Her face lit up with recognition and her fingers flitted to the necklace at her collar.
“How lovely you look tonight, Caroline,” I said as I stopped beside her, stooping to her height. “And what a beautiful necklace.” I winked at her.
Her eyes grew brighter. “Papa let me wear it one last time for the party. Tomorrow he will sell it for food.”
I considered her wide expression, full of joy and amazement. Where did she find the strength? “I’m afraid that was not a very wise decision by your papa. Just look at all these young boys he will have to keep away from you tonight.”
Caroline giggled, casting her eyes up to her father, who glanced at us casually. He raised a single eyebrow and half his mouth lifted in a smile.
“Are you enjoying the sweets?” I asked her.
She nodded, offering a shy smile.
“May I teach you a trick?” I dropped my voice to a whisper. “If you tuck the top layer of your skirts into the ribbon at your waist, you may carry dozens of cakes out the door to eat tomorrow.”
She giggled, a quiet bubble of a laugh. “Is that what you do?”
“Always.” I winked. “We will be the same. But please keep it a secret.”
“I will.” She gave a resolute nod that made me smile. I glanced at her hair, lighter now than it had been before, washed free of the dirt. It was styled in a single braid down her back. I reached up to my head and removed one of my silver pins, making a strand of hair fall out of place. I took the end of her braid and twirled it around itself into a small knot at the base of her neck, and secured it with the silver pin.
“There. Now we look the same too. Although …” I tapped my lip, “I daresay you are the most beautiful girl in the entire house tonight.” I smiled as she felt the pin on the back of her head in awe. “Have a marvelous time at the party.” I stood up straight and stepped away before she tapped her father’s shoulder to show him the new style of her hair.
My smile seemed irreversible now, and as I walked away, I steadied myself and refocused on the task I had come here to accomplish. A voice from behind me made my heart jump.
“I didn’t think you could become more beautiful.”
I turned slowly, steeling myself. James was smiling, just a soft lift of his lips that fluttered my heart and reminded me of every single smile and word and laugh that had belonged to him. Every piece of me he had stolen was reflected in his eyes, and I had no power to reclaim them. My cheeks tingled with heat at his compliment.
“I didn’t think you could become more presumptuous.”
He laughed, looking down at his boots, then back at my face. “Forgive me.”
I smiled, hating myself for how much I enjoyed being beside him, talking with him, teasing him, laughing with him. It was all so unfair. “I assume you came to me because you have a plan to accomplish the deed we call ‘Rosemary’?” I said.
“That is one reason.” He smiled but it lasted one brief moment before it was gone, replaced by the same uncertainty from before, a secret and an unspoken question.
“How can we bring them together?” I asked quickly, keeping my gaze moving around the room, not settling for too long on his face.
“Do you know for certain that she loves him?” I heard the suspicion in his voice.
I dared a glance at his face. “Yes, I have no doubt. She has loved him for a very long time.”
James’s eyes were careful, withdrawn, and looking far too deeply into mine. I was afraid he could read my thoughts. My heart beat fast, begging me to believe that the words I spoke belonged to James, that I had loved him for a very long time. I wondered if it were true.
“And your brother? Do you know that he loves her?”
James took a deep breath and his eyes did not leave my face. “It was difficult to believe at first, but now there is no question. He loves her more than anything.”
“Is there anything we can do? Or should we trust fate to the task?”
He smiled, one side of his mouth lifting more than the other. “If there is anything I don’t trust, it’s fate. Come now, Charlotte, we’re clever. We’ll find a way.”
I searched the room, looking for clues and looking for a distraction. The awareness I felt of James standing beside me, every breath, every movement, was too much to bear at the moment. “We must separate. You speak to your brother, I to my sister, and we will meet again later to … conspire with our new information.”
He nodded, trying to hide his amused smile. “Where will this conspiracy take place?”
“In this very spot. In one hour.”
He chuckled. “Very well. I will see you in an hour, then.”
I nodded and turned, eager to escape his gaze. My mind raced as I walked through groups of people, searching for Clara. I couldn’t find her, so I just tried to find the farthest corner of the ballroom that I could hide where James wouldn’t find me. Not now, not in one hour. I leaned against the wall and breathed, squeezing my eyes shut. I did not love him. I did not love him. I did not love him.
I opened my eyes and saw Mrs. Abbot and Lucy standing nearby. Relief flooded through me and I hurried toward them, knowing their conversation would serve as the perfect distraction. Mrs. Abbot looked up as I approached. “Charlotte, welcome! Did you try one of the cakes yet? We have them prepared every year but this year they reminded me of you.” Her eyes crinkled at the corners and she whispered, “I must warn you … they are quite addicting.”
The thought of eating cake right now made me sick. “I will have to try one.” My smile was forced.
Mrs. Abbot glanced at the large clock hanging on the north wall then turned to Lucy. “Will you go fetch the guest book from the front room? The ladies will need to pick names soon and we ought to begin making the papers.”
My stomach flipped over as Lucy left and I remembered that particular tradition. “How many gentlemen are here?”
“Oh, at least fifty unmarried. They are the ones who participate. Some are from out of town and considered quite eligible.” Mrs. Abbot winked at me.
I allowed myself to relax a little, knowing my chances of being partnered with James were very slim. I spotted Sophia standing with the housekeeper just outside the ballroom in the hallway. She wore a pale green dress to match her eyes, with a ribbon in her hair and that familiar brown twine tiara partially concealed beneath ginger curls. I excused myself and walked over to Sophia, putting a smile on my face for her sake more than my own.
“Darling girl, I have missed you!” She heard my voice and looked up, grinning instantly.
She pulled her hand away from the woman’s and walked over on the tips of her toes, holding the skirt of her dress.
“You look quite lovely this evening,” I said, earning a giggle. “Would you like to help me with something? It is a very secret task, and I think we will make a perfect team.”
She nodded, her face showing she intended to take the duty seriously.
I smiled. “First, tell me, are you fond of Clara?”
“Oh, yes! She is very kind and very smart. She is teaching me how to read, and how to count, and how to sing. I like her very much.”
“I am glad to hear it. And does your father care for Clara?”
Sophia’s forehead crinkled. “I don’t know … he doesn’t talk to her like he did before.”
I leaned down and whispered, “That is what we need to fix. Because Clara loves your papa, very much.”
Her eyes rounded. “She does?”
“Yes.”
She gasped and rubbed her hands together in excitement. “Will she marry him?”
“I hope so. But first we must be sure your papa knows that Clara wants to.”
“Will she tell him?” Sophia’s voice was quiet now.
“She is afraid.”
A crease settled between her eyebrows. “I tell Papa I love him every day.”
The look on her face was so endearing I had to smile. “Then I suppose you are much braver than most. Clara did try to tell him, but she wrote him a letter instead. But that is the mystery, because we do not know where the letter went, or if your papa ever found it.”
Her face lit up. “Miss Clara wrote a letter for me too! I can’t read it yet, but when I’m big, I’ll know how to read the fancy writing.” She clasped her hands together and rocked back and forth. “I was in my night dress and sneaking a cake from the kitchen after bedtime, and then the letter came through the door, just for me! I peeked outside, but no one was there!”
My breath caught in my throat. “What?”
“I opened it up and it said Miss Clara’s name at the bottom, so I put it in my bedchamber and I will read it when I’m big.”
She was beaming now, and I was still trying to process her words. Sophia had the letter all this time! Lord Trowbridge never received it. I bent down and grabbed Sophia’s arm. “You must find that letter. It was for your papa!” My mind spun.
“It wasn’t for me?” Her face fell.
“Clara will write a new one, just for you. She will even teach you to read it if you wish. But first, please find the letter, and bring it back.”
She gave a quick nod of her head and hurried across the ballroom and out the opposite door, holding her skirts up with one hand, showing several inches of her stockings.
I watched her until she was out of sight, then scanned the crowd for Clara, anxious to tell her of my new discovery. I found her standing alone on the outer edge of the ballroom, watching the crowd with the look of someone who wished to be anywhere else in the world but here.
“Clara!”
She looked up, surprised.
“Sophia has the letter! She had it all this time!” I lowered my voice. “Thomas never read it. He still doesn’t know how you feel.”
The color had begun to drain from her face, and I started to worry she would faint.
“Sophia is bringing the letter back to me, and we can dispose of it if you wish. The only thing left for you to do is tell him. Tonight! Tell him that you love him tonight.”
She exhaled, slow and shaky. “But—there are so many people. Rejection with an audience is far worse.”
“He won’t reject you!”
I followed her eyes across the room to where Lord Trowbridge stood beside James. My breath hitched and I tore my gaze away. I looked at Clara again just in time to see her eyes fly open wide. “No,” she breathed. Her hand clutched my arm. “No. No. No. No.”
“What is it?” My gaze shot across the room again, and I gasped. Sophia was standing beside her father, holding up a folded sheet of parchment. I moved a step forward but knew it was too late. Lord Trowbridge looked down at her with confusion, taking the letter tentatively. Her lips moved, and she raised a tiny finger and pointed it in our direction.
My eyes flickered to James. He was watching me, one eyebrow raised in question. I was frozen where I stood, and my arm was turning numb from Clara’s grip when Lord Trowbridge unfolded the letter and his eyes scanned the written words. The moment he looked up, Clara released my arm and rushed out the door behind us. I considered following her, but realized Lord Trowbridge already intended to, pushing past groups of guests, carried by long strides toward the same door she had exited through.
I pushed back a squeal of triumph, and found my gaze returning across the room to James. Instinctively, I looked away, but checked the clock. It had been one hour. There was no way to avoid him now.
When I looked at him again, he was already walking toward me, a baffled expression on his face. I met him in the middle of the room, near the same place we had met earlier. I cursed my heart for beating so loudly.
“As co-conspirators, I feel as though I should’ve been informed of that tactic,” James said, smiling, a look of awe on his face. “Care to enlighten me?”
I explained everything from the night the letter was delivered to my conversation with Sophia.
“A stroke of genius on Sophia’s part.” He chuckled. “Perhaps you should’ve always consulted her before me.”
I shrugged. “A girl not six years of age has bested us. She understood what we did not, I suppose.”
“Love must be much simpler than either of us suspect.” He was smiling, but there was something hidden in his eyes.
“I wish it was.” The words came without my permission.
James looked at me, locked in my eyes like a door without a key, and the air between us grew taut and painful with
too many questions and too much heartache. I wished it was easier, I wished a future in the South living in a grand home and making my mother proud wasn’t such a contradiction to this man, his contagious laugh and endearing smile, his words of comfort and that overwhelming feeling of acceptance and safety. It stung, deep inside, and I begged my mind to forget him. I wished that was easier too.
It was only a few seconds later when Lucy appeared beside me. I tore my eyes away from James with effort, and tried my hardest to smile.
“All the ladies are to meet in the drawing room immediately. We are picking names,” Lucy said.
I nodded, allowing her to pull me with her by the arm. I glanced at James one more time, but he was looking down, scuffing his boot across the marble floor, arms crossed.
Once we reached the drawing room, the giggling I had heard from a distance before was now a full roar, echoing in high trills as a top hat filled with miniscule slips of paper was passed from lady to lady. I searched the room for Clara and found her, standing beside Rachel, eyes scanning the room. They landed on me, and her face broke into a smile and she rushed to my side. Relief flooded through me at the look on her face—a mixture of joy and surprise with a hint of embarrassment.
She pulled me away from the crowd of ladies and whispered, “He loves me, Charlotte! You were right. You were right! And—and he said he was wrong to be so aloof, and that he was sorry. And …” Her cheeks turned pink. “He kissed me.”
I couldn’t stop my grin. “I am not surprised.”
She took my hand, and I noticed in her eyes a brightness that had been missing for a long time. “Thank you. If you had not intervened I would still be grim and Thomas would still be blind. You are the world’s most amazing sister.”
“Stop with the flattery.” I rolled my eyes half-heartedly. “You owe your gratitude to little Sophia. Your future stepdaughter?” I raised an eyebrow in question.
“He didn’t propose marriage yet, but we were interrupted.” Her cheeks were still flushed and her smile could not have been wider. “Do you think he will?”
Lies and Letters Page 21
