“I don’t know. This isn’t something we can figure out in an hour–or even a day. It’s going to take weeks, maybe months. I want to forgive you. I understand why you did what you did, but that doesn’t mean I trust you. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to again. Trust is earned, Hunter.”
“Tyler,” he says. “I only went by Hunter when I was an escort. I quit that lifestyle a while ago.”
“Of course you did.” Rolling my eyes, I step away from him, picking up the empty dishes and loading the dishwasher. I keep my back to him so he can’t see my face. I’m experiencing a mix of emotions right now. It’s a bit overwhelming. I can’t decide if I want to cry or scream. After he leaves, I’ll probably do both. Multiple times.
“It’s getting late, and I know you need to rest. Can I come back tomorrow and we can talk some more? Maybe we can go shopping and I can pick up a few things for the baby?”
Gripping the edge of the counter, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I’m not strong enough to handle this. Not right now. He can’t walk back into my life this easily. Things can’t go back to the way they were before when we could comfortably have a conversation or meal together. That isn’t how this works. I need space from him. Six months wasn’t long enough. I need more time, but I’m afraid to ask him for it. I don’t know how much longer I need. It could be a week or a year. I guarantee he’s not willing to give me that much longer.
After agreeing to call him, Hunter agrees to leave. There was a brief moment I thought he might not go. The look in his eyes said he didn’t trust that I would actually call him. Honestly, he has every right to think that. I might not call. It depends on how I feel in the morning.
Crawling into bed, my thoughts drift back to the blissful moment before Tiffanie destroyed my life yet again. I want to remember him that way. Caring. Sweet. He was my rock. He kept me from running–until he was the reason I ran.
When I got back to the room, as I started throwing things in my bag, there was a brief moment I considered waiting for him. The desire for answers, to know why he did it, was great. My need to escape was greater.
As I stood outside waiting for the valet to bring my rental car around, I replayed every moment we spent together over and over in my head. He never let on that he knew who I was. There was no indication he was concerned I might find out who he really was. He was as invested in the mission as I was. He wanted to help me prove to Tiffanie that she was wrong about me, that her words and actions hadn’t destroyed my self-worth.
While I drove to my parents’ house, I cried. At first, I wasn’t sure why I was crying. I didn’t feel sad. If anything, I was angry. At myself. At Tiffanie. Mostly, I was angry at Hunter for lying to me. I’d wipe away the tears, but they continued to fall no matter how hard I tried to contain them.
On the verge of hyperventilating when I finally pulled into my parent’s driveway, I closed my eyes and rested my head against the steering wheel. I must have been out there a while because the next thing I knew, my father was carrying me in the house and placing me in my old bed.
The next morning, I explained everything to them. Who Hunter claimed to be. How I hired him. Who he really was. My mother was shocked, but my father’s expression didn’t change no matter what I told him. After I was finished, he shook his head and asked me to go for a walk with him.
“You know,” he started as we crossed the first intersection, “I remember him.”
“Who? Hunter?”
“Yeah. From when you were in high school.”
“It’s not like we were friends, Dad. If I didn’t remember him, I think you’re confused.”
“I’m not. He remembers me, too. I saw the fear in his eyes the other night at dinner. He was scared I was going to tell you the truth. He wasn’t ready for you to know. That’s when I knew something was going on between you two. He cared enough about you to lie to you. He knew the truth would hurt you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I can’t believe you knew who he was.”
“It wasn’t my place. Listen, he’s a good guy, Jane. I can tell you that much. You might not remember this, but I’ll never forget it. Halloween. Your car got egged.”
“I remember,” I interrupt. “How could I forget? You guys had just bought it for me, and a week later, it was covered in raw egg.”
“You never asked who cleaned it up.”
“I assumed you did.”
“It wasn’t me. I went out to see how badly it was damaged. To my surprise, there was a boy standing at the end of the driveway. He claimed he didn’t do it. Said he was there to clean up his friends’ mess.”
“Hunter?”
“Yeah. I threatened to press charges if he didn’t get it cleaned. When I went back out to check on him, the egg was cleaned up and your car looked as good as new.”
“He cleaned the egg off my car?”
There was a moment of silence between us as my father took my hand in his, like he used to when I was a child. Giving it a light squeeze for support, he finally continued.
“His eyes gave him away.”
Of course they did.
“They gave him away last night, too. Apparently, they haven’t changed since high school. That’s how Tiffanie recognized him.”
“You know, that’s not a bad thing. He was obviously a good person back then, even if he dated the wrong person. He’s still the same boy I saw standing at the end of our driveway, bucket in hand, ready to clean up all the wrongs in the world to the best of his ability.”
So he cleaned up Tiffanie’s mess back then. He tried to right her wrongs again by standing up to her with me. If only he had told me the truth.
Why is the fact that he lied to me bothering me so much? On one hand, he did it for the right reasons in his mind. On the other, his lies caused me to hurt again. The wounds I had sewn closed over the years were ripped back open, allowing Tiffanie to compound the pain.
I love him. That’s why it bothers me. I trusted him. I wanted him to be better than the people who used to torment me every day. He was one of them. It may have been a short-lived relationship with Tiffanie, but it meant enough to her that she recognized him.
Can I really allow him to be a part of my life?
Do I want him to be a part of our child’s life?
I can’t answer either of those questions. We can’t go back and change what happened. I can’t erase the past. All we can do is move forward. Together or apart.
Or…
Chapter Twenty-Six
Hunter
I’m startled when my phone rings at noon on the dot. I figured she wouldn’t call. In fact, I had a plan of attack if she didn’t. Apparently, that’s not necessary.
“Hello?”
“It’s me,” she says.
“I know it’s you, Reese. I’m just surprised you are actually calling me.”
“Honestly, me too. Can we meet for lunch?” she asks. There’s something different about her voice this morning. Maybe she was more tired than she let on last night, but today, she sounds like the confident Reese I first met. Before everything went to hell.
She wants to have lunch. She’s willing to talk.
“Of course. When and where?”
As I drive to the coffee shop, I run through the different scenarios of how this might go. She’s going to let me in, let me be a part of her life, of the baby’s life. Nope. She’s going to give me the silent treatment again after today, pushing me as far away as possible. I’ll never know my child. I’ll never see her again. Or she lets me be a part of the baby’s life but wants nothing to do with me beyond co-parenting.
None of these make me happy except the one where I get her and the baby in my life. That’s the only option I’ll agree to. She needs to know that. I have to stand my ground. Reese is a take-charge kind of girl. She likes to be in control of every aspect of her life. Well, she’s not in control of my life. I have a say in all of this. It affects me, too.
Her car is parked near the front
entrance when I pull in the parking lot. I wonder if she’s planning on running again. Why else would she park so close?
I find her seated at the table we first met at. She waves me over, a vibrant smile on her face. Is she messing with me? She looks happy to see me. She also appears slightly nervous. Her knee is bouncing under the table, causing the tabletop to vibrate slightly.
“Hey,” I say as I take the seat across from her.
“Hi. Thanks for meeting me here.”
“No problem. I thought you might want food, though. We can go somewhere else, you know.”
“There’s a reason I wanted to meet here. It’s the first place we met. It’s where this all started. At this very table. Seven months ago.”
“I know. I haven’t forgotten,” I reply, reaching for the cup of coffee in front of me. “For me?”
“Yeah. I can’t have coffee right now.”
“What are you drinking, then?” I ask, changing the subject. It was getting kind of heavy for a second there. Maybe she’ll smile at me again if I keep the conversation light.
“Tea. It tastes like crap. All I really want right now is a glass of red wine or a cup of coffee.”
“Maybe you’ll get used to it.”
“Not likely. I try to stick with water mostly. Nothing else tastes good.”
Unsure how to respond, I take a sip of my coffee and try not to savor the flavor too much. The last thing I want is to tease her. She’s already eying me like a hawk as I drink.
“So the reason I asked you to meet me here is this feels like the right place to have this conversation.”
Shit!
Warning bells go off in my head. She’s about to break my heart and kick me to the curb. There is a reason she parked so close to the front door. She has an exit strategy.
“Reese. Before you say anything, I have something I want to say first. Okay?” I allow myself to exhale when she nods, giving me permission to continue. “No matter how you feel about me, please don’t keep our child from me. It wouldn’t be fair to her–or me. I know that’s a lot to ask, but I’m begging you to at least think about it.”
“Okay,” she replies quickly, catching me off guard.
“Okay?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t planning on keeping her from you. You both deserve to have a relationship with each other.”
“Thank you,” I whisper. My body wants to leap over the table and wrap her in my arms, but I restrain myself. “If that’s not why we’re here, then what?”
“Let’s start over. Right here. Right now. We won’t be able to erase the past or forget that it happened, but we can try to start fresh and move forward from here.” Her voice is shaky, giving away the fact that she’s not as confident as she’s letting on. It’s not what I was expecting her to say, but does she really think I’ll object?
“So, is this my second chance?”
“In a way. It’s our second chance. To see what could be. No matter what, we’re going to be tied to each other for the next eighteen years raising our daughter. I think a fresh start is exactly what we need.”
“Does this mean you’ve forgiven me?” I ask, hesitant to hear her answer.
“No, but I want to try and get there.” She smiles, and relief washes over me.
“Why the sudden change of heart? I don’t want you to think I’m not grateful for this, but I have to admit this is surprising.”
“My dad told me about Halloween.”
Oh shit!
“He did?”
“Yeah. He told me how you cleaned up the mess someone else made. I’m assuming that was Tiffanie.”
“It was, but that’s not why I cleaned it up.”
“Why, then?”
“I didn’t know it was your car back then. I cleaned it up because I didn’t agree with what she did. We had put toilet paper in trees and bushes that night. Nothing that couldn’t easily be cleaned up. When I saw her start throwing eggs, all I could think about was how the paint was going to be ruined if it dried. It was hateful, what she did. It would have caused damage.”
“And that’s why we’re going to start fresh. We have so much to learn about each other still. You know more about me than most people, but there are still things I’ve never shared with anyone, but I think I could share them with you. I trust you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. You broke my trust once, but I understand why. I never would have let you help me if I knew who you really were. I would have run out of here and never looked back. We never would have connected. I never would have fallen in love for the first time. Our baby girl wouldn’t be growing inside of me.”
She’s giving me a second chance. A chance to prove to her that she can trust me. That I’ve become a man she can be proud of. Saying thank you will never be enough. I’m going to have to prove to her that she’s making the right decision. Every day. For the rest of my life.
Reaching across the table, Reese meets me half way and I wrap my hand around hers. “Hi. I’m Tyler. Tyler Small.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Tyler. I’m Reese Kennedy.”
“That’s not how this works. You’re supposed to tell me who you really are,” I laugh. She’s already breaking her own rules.
“That is who I am now. I legally changed my name. Jane Sharp no longer exists. Not because of who she was, but because of who she’s become. It was one of the first things I did when I finally came home.”
“Finally came home?” I ask, confused. Didn’t she run to the airport? I assumed she flew home that night.
“Didn’t Ireland tell you?”
“She wouldn’t tell me much other than you were alive and that my flowers were being delivered.”
“Oh!” she replies, genuinely surprised. “I stayed with my parents for about a month before I came home. I ran the office from there until it became apparent that I couldn’t do it for much longer.”
“A month? I’m so sorry. I never meant–”
“I know,” she interrupts. “You never meant for any of this to happen. It’s water under the bridge. If we’re going to truly start over, it has to be.”
“Water it is, then. What happens now?”
“I don’t know. I guess we take it one day at a time. See where things go.”
Thinking it over for a minute, I smile to myself when I realize the opportunity I have in front of me.
“Reese, would you like to go out on a date with me tonight?”
Shaking her head, Reese laughs. A full belly, deep laugh. “Yeah. I think I’d like that.”
I’d say this is off to a good start. Now, to keep things on the right track.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Reese
I’ve been pushing for hours. I don’t know how people do this. I can’t take much more. The doctor keeps telling me to push. Just one more big push and she’ll be here. What if I’m not ready to for her yet? What if I’ll be a horrible mom? Can’t she stay in there a little longer?
My conversation with Tyler from last night answers that question for me.
“You’re forty-one weeks, Reese. Being induced is not a bad idea. She can’t live in there forever,” he laughed.
“Maybe we should wait another week and see if she decides to come on her own.”
“Or… we could listen to the doctor since he does this all the time and let them induce you tomorrow.”
“Fine. But if she doesn’t want to come out, I’m not going to make her.” Crossing my arms over my chest, Tyler’s eyes were drawn away from mine. My boobs have literally doubled in size the last month. Annoying as it may be in situations like this, he has enjoyed them.
“Yeah. I’m sure that’s how that works. You know, this might be the one thing you can’t control. You’re going to have to learn to go with the flow a little. Babies have a way of throwing things off balance in life.”
Running his hands up and down my arms, I let them fall to my side, causing him to frown. Why was he so calm? Why did he have to make s
o much sense? How the hell does he know so much about babies? We read the same books. If he felt ready for her to make her appearance, why didn’t I?
“Reese,” Tyler says. “Are you listening to anything the doctor is saying?”
“Of course. How could I not? He’s staring at my hoo-ha and talking into it. I hear everything he’s saying. I’m not ready to push again yet!” I scream. It’s not his fault, but I already warned him he is going to be my punching bag today. I have a feeling he expected no less from me.
“You need to push. Here, let me help you sit up a little more. Can I get another pillow, please?” he asks the nurse. She’s the same one I screamed at ten minutes ago when she tried to add another pillow behind my back.
Handing Tyler the pillow, she steps away quickly. I’m sure she’s dealt with her fair share of mothers in the throes of giving birth. If she’s scared of me, I must be acting bitchier than I think.
“One more time, Reese. You can do it. She’s almost here. Then you can relax. I promise,” Tyler says gently, coaxing a smile out of me. He knows I’m excited to hold her.
This is the hard part, I remind myself. It’ll all be worth it when they place her in my arms.
Three pushes later, my grunts are rewarded with the sweet sound of my baby girl screaming. She’s finally here.
After the doctors clean her up and wrap her in a blanket, they lay her on my chest, and she snuggles into me. Tyler made sure she had all her fingers and toes while they were cleaning her up. She has a full head of blond hair and a teeny-tiny little nose. The most amazing thing is that she has Tyler’s eyes.
“She’s perfect,” I say, tears streaming down my face. That’s been happening a lot lately. Happy or sad, I cry all the time. For no reason. I’ve been blaming it on being pregnant. That’s not the case anymore. Today’s tears are a sign of pure happiness.
Of course, they take her away from me. I understand she needs to get checked out, but I wasn’t ready to let her go yet. They told me to get some rest, but sleep was the last thing on my mind.
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