by Carol Rivers
This last thought made Kay feel guilty. She should feel the same way too. Yet she had this unpleasant feeling inside her, desperate for a rational explanation yet unable to think of one. Kay was still troubled by these thoughts as the bus drew to a halt at Slater Street.
Vi had sliced the bread-and-butter pudding that she had made yesterday into tiny pieces and Paul Butt had hurried back from his house with a loaf and a small wedge of cheese. With this and an onion, Kay had managed to prepare a few decent sandwiches.
‘Lovely spread, Kay, considering you wasn’t expecting us,’ said Alice Tyler, who was a tea lady at the local brewery and had provided the tea leaves. She sat beside Jenny and their husbands Tom and Bert stood by the fireside as if warming their backsides though it was a summer’s day and no fire was lit.
‘We couldn’t let the day end on a sad note,’ Kay said as she offered round the last of the sticky bread-and-butter pudding. ‘Madge and Howard deserve to be remembered as the happy family they were. I don’t want my last thought to be of them in those boxes. It’s good to be able to remember them as friends and neighbours.’ She wanted to say that they also deserved to have their own space in the graveyard, but as no one had mentioned that, she didn’t.
‘Where did Alan disappear to?’ asked Hazel Press as she and Thelma stood together with their teacups balanced daintily on their saucers.
‘He had to report to his post,’ Kay told them though she was even more worried about Alan now as it was several hours since she had since him outside the Pig and Whistle.
Just then, Vi brought in a fresh pot of tea. ‘Who’s for a top-up?’ she called and there was a ‘yes please’ from almost everyone. Kay thought that if it wasn’t for the reason they had all gathered, this would be the first happy get-together in the street since before September last year and she deeply regretted that her husband wasn’t there to share it.
‘Alan busy is he?’ a voice asked over her shoulder.
Kay turned to find Paul Butt beside her. He was not as tall as Alan, Kay decided, but certainly a good six foot and she had to crane her neck to look up at him. He had very penetrating blue eyes and had combed his fair hair back in a neat short back and sides. Like his father Neville, who sat talking to Jenny Edwards, he wore a dark suit and black tie as a mark of respect. ‘Alan had to report in to work,’ Kay said quickly. ‘Thanks for the cheese, Paul. I hope you didn’t leave yourself short.’
‘Not at all. The cheese was given to me by a girl from the yard canteen. We’re sort of seeing one another.’
‘Like that, is it.’ Kay grinned.
‘Rose and me started going out last year before the Blitz,’ he explained. ‘But I don’t know if anything will come of it. Who knows where any of us will be by the time this war is over.’ He shook his head slowly and for the first time looked away. ‘What upset me was the weight of those coffins, which meant what was in them was . . .’ He cleared his throat. ‘Just don’t seem right a whole family is gone in a matter of seconds.’
Kay nodded. ‘Yes, I think we all feel the same, Paul.’
Kay found herself wondering why a compassionate and warm-hearted man like Paul had never married. He had a nice way with him and couldn’t be badly off as he’d always been in work at the steelyard. Vi had told her that Paul had had several serious relationships but he’d never settled down. He was close to his father and had been since Mrs Butt had died when Paul was fifteen.
‘Thanks to Alan arranging the funeral, the Suttons had a decent send-off,’ Paul said quietly, then glanced at the door and smiled. ‘Here he is, an’ all, the man himself.’
‘Sorry I’m late, love.’ Alan kissed Kay on the cheek. ‘Call of duty I’m afraid, an emergency at work.’
‘Dunno what we’d do without you rescue boys,’ shouted Eddie, a comment with which everyone loudly agreed. Alan made conversation and Kay went out to the kitchen, taking with her the dirty crocks to pile on the draining board. She knew what Alan had told her wasn’t true.
A few minutes later he was beside her. ‘How’s my girl?’ he asked softly.
She looked up at him. ‘Have you really been to the post?’
He frowned. ‘Course I have.’
Just at that moment Babs and Eddie walked into the kitchen. ‘We’ve got to go now,’ Babs said. ‘But thanks for the lovely spread. I wish I’d been able to bring something meself.’
Kay hugged her friend. ‘Don’t worry about that. When will we see you next?’
Babs looked tearful. Eddie slipped his arm round her as she got out her hanky again. ‘Don’t know,’ Eddie said. ‘I’m still working in the docks, but that will change when we’re evacuated. I’ll have to start all over again.’
‘Eddie, have you thought about trying private landlords instead of the council?’ Alan suggested. ‘Some might be willing to let out their places again.’
‘No, I never thought about that,’ admitted Eddie with a frown.
‘Oh, could we try, Eddie? Before they send us away.’ Babs looked up at her husband with hope in her eyes. ‘Even if we had to pay more rent, I could give up me cleaning and get a better-paid job. There’s lots of factory work going. Then we could bring the kids back.’
‘You and the kids are what’s important to me, Babs,’ Eddie told her sharply. ‘If we brought the kids home, I wouldn’t want you working all hours on an assembly line. You’ve been through enough already and deserve time with the kids. But it’s true, if we stayed here, I could keep me job and maybe put in a few extra hours.’
‘I’ll ask around for you,’ Alan volunteered. ‘Drop into the post when you’ve time.’
‘I’ll take you up on that, mate.’ Eddie shook Alan’s hand hard. Kay thought there were tears in Eddie’s eyes as they left.
‘There might be a chance,’ Alan said as he raked his fingers through his hair. ‘I can see Babs ain’t coping too well.’
Kay nodded. ‘She belongs here. The island may not look much right now, but it means the world to Babs.’
‘I’ll put out some feelers,’ Alan said. ‘See what I can turn up.’
Once again, Kay’s heart filled with love for her husband who never failed to help anyone in trouble. Since they’d come to the island just after they’d married in 1938, they had been happy living on the small horseshoe of land that stuck out into the great River Thames, known as the Isle of Dogs. It was all docklands and factories and small, winding roads crammed with smoke-blackened houses but Kay loved it. The community was close-knit and as everyone was hard-up and in the same boat, they looked out for one another. She and Babs had become the best of friends over the years and Kay wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. She knew Babs felt the same. ‘Alan,’ she began hesitantly, ‘I saw you from the bus this morning. You were standing with a man outside the Pig and Whistle when you’d told me you were going back to the post.’
He sighed. ‘Oh, I’ve been rumbled, have I?’
‘What does that mean?’
‘There’s no harm in me saying now, I suppose. After you’d gone, that relative of the Suttons turned up. He claimed to be Madge’s brother.’
‘I didn’t know she had one.’
‘Neither did I. He said he’d only just found out about their deaths. He sounded genuinely choked, so I offered to buy him a drink at the nearest pub which happened to be the Pig and Whistle.’
‘Why didn’t you tell everyone when you came in?’
‘Because he turned out to be a scrounger. All he was after was money. Wanted to know what Madge left him. Even threatened to come round and pester his late sister’s friends and neighbours.’
‘Alan, that’s awful! The Suttons had no money.’
‘I warned him if I ever caught sight of him in Slater Street, I’d call the law. But I can tell you, I felt like knocking his block off.’ Before she could speak he drew her to him. ‘Sorry, love, that I made you worry.’ His hands were strong and comforting and she knew she loved him so much.
‘I should have known
there was a reason.’
‘I felt so angry,’ Alan admitted. ‘Madge and Howard never had two pennies to rub together. And what they did have went on their boys.’
Kay nodded. ‘Alan, I missed Alfie so much today.’
‘Me too.’
‘Let’s bring him home.’
‘But there’s always the risk of more bombing.’
‘I know. But we could wait for ever.’
He thought for a moment. ‘Tell you what. In June, if everything is as quiet as it is now, we’ll go to Hertfordshire and get him.’
‘Do you mean that?’ Kay kissed him hungrily, her world put to right again. That was all she wanted to hear.
Alan lay awake for a long time.
Kay was curled in his arms and breathing softly. He loved hearing her little sighs and his hands brought her gently against him. In her sleep she gave a contented murmur, wrapping herself into the warmth of his body.
‘I love you, Kay Lewis, more than you could ever imagine,’ Alan whispered as he buried his face into her hair and felt its luxurious softness. She was all woman: beautiful, bright, funny. And when it came to their antics beneath the sheets, she never held back. He smiled as he thought of their lovemaking; never once had they quarrelled and come to bed unable to resolve their differences. They had always been physically needy and even when he was exhausted, hardly able to undress without a moan and a groan, her touch on him felt electric. No other woman had ever made him feel this way.
Alan quickly shut his mind to the past. He couldn’t allow himself to think of his mistakes. And by God, they seemed limitless. When he’d met Kay, he’d been full of good intentions, deciding he’d tell her everything the moment he had the chance. But that moment never came. Or, perhaps it had and he’d deliberately ignored it. By the time Kay was pregnant and they had to get married, he’d lost his bottle. It was enough being on the wrong side of Kay’s family without having to pile all his emotional baggage onto his new wife. At least, that was what he’d told himself then. But was he really just a coward and too dishonest to acknowledge it?
Like today when he’d had to stretch the truth about the Pig and Whistle. It had been the perfect opportunity to open up, yet he’d replaced hard reality with a better version of the truth. His version. And all in the name, he assured himself, of keeping Kay happy. Like Eddie had said today about Babs, Alan thought too: the women had suffered enough. First the bloody Blitz, then Alfie being taken from her and Kay working all hours on the factory line, then coming home to freezing cold and terrifying nights in the Anderson without him.
Alan moved his body slightly away from his wife’s as the sweat rolled over him. The sweat of a guilty man. He looked up at the ceiling, as black as tar above them. The blackout felt just like his insides sometimes. As though he was finding his way in a darkened world that never shed any light into the corners full of booby traps. And his biggest fear was that one day, inevitably, one of those perishers would explode right in his face.
‘Alan?’ Kay’s voice was full of sleepy confusion as she reached out for the touch of his skin.
‘I’m here, love.’
She nestled against him and he drew his fingers through her hair, kissing her forehead. Her hand tightened on his stomach, her fingertips finding the lines of his ribs and slipping down further. Thank God, he thought, for his carnal self and the immediate desire that sparked in the pit of his belly.
Bringing her against him in a sudden rush of need he knew that for a while, once again, he could lose himself in their passion.
Chapter Five
Kay decided to write to Len and Doris again. It was June and the bombing hadn’t resumed; at least it had only in short bursts and not over the island. She told Len and Doris that they hoped to fetch Alfie soon and would write closer to the time. Just putting her hopes on paper made her feel better, though she was disappointed not to receive an answer from Doris. Then, towards the end of the month, Alan came home to tell Kay that his night shifts had officially stopped.
‘I’ll be able to catch up on some jobs around the place,’ he explained one evening as they all sat in the front room that was now, thanks to Vi’s housekeeping, spotlessly clean.
‘Are they going to put the lid on the Rescue Squad?’ Vi asked in concern.
Alan shook his head. ‘No, though there’s not much rescuing to be done now. We’re shifting the debris mostly and erecting warnings on the unstable buildings. The kids are the problem. They seem to want to risk life and limb by mucking about on the most dangerous sites.’
‘Is there a chance of the night raids starting up again?’ Kay asked.
Alan thought for a while before he spoke. ‘Difficult question to answer, that. Everyone’s watching and waiting to see what will happen next. Doubtless there will be more attacks but the Germans are busy with Russia. They’re already at Minsk.’
‘Where’s Minsk?’ asked Vi.
‘Minsk is a Russian stronghold near Moscow. There’s fierce fighting and tank battles near Kiev too. That’s in the Ukraine. Churchill has promised some help to the Red Army as he knows if the Germans defeat the Russians, there’ll be no stopping them.’
Kay felt a moment’s panic. What if the Germans were triumphant and returned in full force to Britain? More than ever she wanted to hold her son safely in her arms. ‘Alan, I can’t wait any longer for Alfie,’ she said, knitting her fingers together. ‘There’s always going to be a threat. I’ve just got to have him home.’
To Kay’s surprise, Alan smiled and began to nod his head. ‘I’m due a couple of days off next month. How does that suit you?’
Kay jumped to her feet. ‘Next month – July! Do you mean it?’
‘Course I do.’
Kay clapped her hands together. ‘I can’t wait to tell Len and Doris.’
‘Better to wait until we know the exact details,’ Alan replied with his usual caution.
Kay sat beside Vi. ‘I can’t believe it, Vi. Alfie really is coming home.’
‘And you’ll want the spare room I’m in,’ Vi said in a quiet voice, trying to raise a smile.
‘No, Vi, his cot will do for now,’ said Alan reasonably. ‘We don’t have no plans to turn you out.’
‘So cheer up and stop worrying,’ said Kay, not wanting to upset her friend. ‘You’re part of the furniture now.’
‘I don’t want to wear out me welcome.’
‘I’ll let you know when you do.’ Alan winked at Kay. ‘In fact I’ll write you a letter of dismissal.’
Vi grinned under her knotted scarf. ‘You cheeky so-an’-so, you would an’ all.’
Alan tapped his hand slowly on the arm of the chair, one eyebrow shooting up. ‘And there’s some more good news too.’
‘What?’ Vi and Kay said together as they sat on the edge of their seats.
‘There are already evacuees wanting to return to the island.’
‘Anyone we know?’ asked Kay breathlessly.
‘Eddie Chapman dropped in at the post a few days after the funeral. I gave him the address that Stan Tripp from next door gave to me before they evacuated in September. I suggested Eddie should write to Stan and Elsie to see if they had plans to return. Eddie wrote and got a reply. The Tripps have decided to stay in Wales.’
Kay gasped. ‘For ever?’
‘Looks like it.’
‘Do you mean Eddie and Babs can try for their house?’
‘That’s the idea,’ Alan said. ‘With Stan’s permission, Eddie’s taken the letter to the rent office. There’s a lot of red tape to wade through as Stan will be asked to surrender his rent book. And of course, there’s the matter of all the Tripps’ furniture.’
Kay had tears in her eyes. She would miss Stan and Elsie, but it would be wonderful to have someone living next door again, especially if it was the Chapmans.
On a sunny Saturday in early July, Kay was waiting in the queue outside the grocer’s on Ebondale Street. She felt cool and comfortable in a blue-and-white sleeveless s
ummer dress and, having decided against a rather old and lifeless straw sun hat, had pinned her hair up with a tortoiseshell clip. She took pleasure in her appearance now, after the long days and nights of the Blitz. It was also a relief to be free of the unflattering hairnet the women had to wear at the factory.
The sun played down on her bare arms and legs and was encouraging the freckles over the bridge of her nose. Jenny Edwards had joined her in the queue and the conversation turned to the hardships that the Russian people were experiencing as they defended their country. In the middle of what she was saying, Jenny narrowed her eyes into the distance. ‘Isn’t this Paul Butt coming towards us? That must be his latest girlfriend.’
Kay glanced along the road and nodded. ‘She’s very pretty, isn’t she?’
‘I should say so.’ Jenny nudged her arm. ‘Looks like they’ve seen us.’
‘Hello Kay, Jenny.’ Paul stopped and looked a little embarrassed.
Kay smiled. ‘Are you joining us?’
‘Don’t think so.’ He looked at the long queue. ‘Unless it’s for a bargain.’
‘I wish it was,’ replied Jenny. ‘I’m after some bacon as our daughter Emily, who is eighteen tomorrow, said she’d like a nice rasher to celebrate. But I don’t suppose there’ll be any left by the time we get there. In the end it will be Spam I expect.’ She paused, adding with a glance at the dark-haired woman, ‘That was a nice piece of cheese you brought for the Suttons’ send-off, Paul. It did us a treat.’
Kay could see Jenny was angling for an introduction to Paul’s lady friend, but instead he made small talk about the weather.
‘Well, mustn’t keep you,’ he ended after a while. ‘The queue’s moving up and you don’t want to lose your place.’
After they’d left, Jenny frowned, shaking her head curiously.
‘Can’t understand how Paul never got himself hitched,’ Jenny speculated. ‘Good looking feller like him should have been married off years ago.’
‘Perhaps he’s happy to stay a bachelor.’
‘Yes, an eligible one at that. Mid-thirties, with a good job making steel for our warships. A car, even in these depressed times. It’s unlikely he’ll be called up and he’s got a very nice house. Old Neville wouldn’t be any bother to keep. The more you think about it, Paul would make quite a catch for any girl.’ Jenny brought her attention back to Kay. ‘As much as we’re all trying to do our part for the war effort, I’m relieved my Tom is too old to be called up. Don’t know what I’d do without him.’
