by J. H. Croix
I nodded, conflicted inside. Part of me was still angry with him. I didn’t like him making the decision on limits for me. Yet, I loved how protected he made me feel. Much as I loved that, I also abhorred the sense of weakness it represented for me.
Before I thought about it, I was blurting out what Harlow told me. “She had a miscarriage, an accident in the field. I don’t know…” My words trailed off as emotion thickened my throat.
Ward flipped the bolt on the door behind him and closed the distance between us, stopping immediately in front of me, so close I could feel the heat of him.
“I know you were pissed earlier, but that’s why I asked you to stay back. We need to talk about this, to have a plan. If you’re going to fight me on it, I don’t know what to do.”
“What am I to you?” I asked, the question slipping out unbidden.
His eyes flashed silver and smoke as he stared at me. “All I know is I don’t want to put you or our baby at risk.”
My heart hammered in my chest, and that need—a need very specific to Ward—rose within. It felt as if Ward was pounding at the doors guarding my heart. I couldn’t seem to separate out my desire from my emotions. At least not when it came to him.
“For tonight, I’ll stay back if that’s okay.” I hadn’t planned to say that, but it was what came out.
His expression softened, relief washing over his features as the tension eased. He pulled me swiftly into his arms, into his strong encompassing embrace. Suddenly, I wanted to cry. But now definitely wasn’t the time for that. He needed to leave. I swallowed through the thickness in my throat and stepped away. “You have to go, what will you tell the crew?”
“That you don’t feel good. That’s it.” He opened his mouth as if to say something else and then snapped it shut. “I should go.”
At that, he spun away, and I watched him walk through the door, my eyes tracking the swing of his shoulders.
The moment he was out of sight, my mind swung into battle with itself. I couldn’t quite believe I’d given into my fear so easily. That wasn’t who I was. Yet, Harlow’s experience was hard to ignore.
Chapter Nineteen
Ward
Returning to the station late that night, I showered and dressed before sinking into the chair in my office and wondering what the hell to do. Today had been nothing unusual for the crew. In fact, it had been a light day for us. Being able to deal with a fire and return to the station in the same day was safer and easier than being flown out in the middle of nowhere and fighting fires largely on our own.
I’d known Susannah was furious with me earlier today. My call to keep her by the truck was an instant decision, one I hadn’t discussed with her in advance. Frankly, a decision I hadn’t considered myself before. All I’d known was I couldn’t bear to put her in danger, so I’d simply done what I had to do to keep her out of it.
When Harlow came and told me to check on Susannah, I’d freaked out inside, worried something had happened while she was in the shower. That was how ridiculous this was. I didn’t doubt her strength for a second. Yet, the need to protect her and our baby rose above everything else.
When she told me about Harlow’s miscarriage, and I’d seen the fear in her eyes, I’d been so fucking relieved she made the call on her own to stay back tonight. Now, I was staring down the reality of what we faced.
Her question kept ringing in my mind, mocking me. “What am I to you?” she’d asked.
Two words came to mind.
Everything. Mine.
There I was sitting in my office in the late evening while my crew went off to the bar. All I wanted was to go find her and curl up with her. Because if she was in my arms, then I knew she was safe.
I tugged my phone out of my pocket. Not letting myself think about it much further, I pulled up her number and sent a text.
On my way.
Chapter Twenty
Susannah
On my way.
The moment I saw his text, I was at war with myself, my emotions battling with each other. He was so high handed, so alpha. He annoyed the hell out of me, and I loved it.
My fingers itched to tap out a reply. Yet, I knew it would be childish. The truth was, I wanted him here. Restless, I decided to clean the kitchen. Not that there was much to clean, but I had a few dishes, and I needed to organize the refrigerator. I had my head inside said refrigerator when I heard a knock on the door as it opened and then Ward’s voice.
Before I could even back out of the refrigerator, I felt him come up behind me and his hands slide over the curve of my hips and bottom. Straightening, I spun around, closing the refrigerator door behind me. The cool air had chilled me, and my nipples were tight little points. I felt his gaze flick down and then back up. My cheeks heated.
“That’s not because of you,” I said, almost annoyed at my body’s response. It hadn’t been true initially, yet the moment I looked at him, every cell of my body hummed.
When he grinned, that dangerous grin of his, my belly obediently executed a flip. Further annoyed with myself, I skipped topics. “How did everything go?”
He arched a brow, as if uncertain what I meant, I clarified. “The fire.”
“Nothing major. Some guy decided to have a giant brushfire and ended up catching the forest beside his house on fire while he was at it. One thing I’ve noticed here is burn restrictions are rather lax.”
I chuckled. “Oh yeah. Most towns have blanket fire bans when it’s really dry, but most areas also allow permits for the whole summer. Makes for some problems.”
His gaze sobered as he stared at me, his hands still resting on my hips where they’d remained when I turned. “We need to talk.”
I’d done a lot of thinking this afternoon and come to a few of my own conclusions. The one thing I wasn’t quite ready to sort out was what to do about us per se. But as for the rest, I considered myself somewhat sensible.
“I know. I’ve thought about it since this afternoon. I’ll talk to my doctor tomorrow. She already said she could give me a letter clearing me from heavy work. The rest of the crew doesn’t have to know anything other than I’m pregnant. At least not right now. I figure that buys me some time,” I explained.
His eyes held mine, the intensity of his gaze sending a rush of emotion through me. He was quiet, only nodding after a beat.
“Are you going to say anything?” I finally asked.
“I think that’s a good idea,” he finally said.
Before I could say anything else, his lips were on mine, his hand tangling in my hair, and I was swept away into the crazy, intense heartbeat of intimacy that pounded between us.
Which was perfectly fine. The less we talked, the better.
Chapter Twenty-One
Susannah
Dr. Jenkins leaned back in her chair, adjusting her glasses. After a moment, she spoke. “I’m happy to write you the letter, and frankly, I’m relieved you have enough sense to do this. I’m the first to tell you I encourage my patients not to worry about their pregnancies. I tell them the truth—that women have been having babies since the beginning of time. It’s a normal, common part of life. Yet, I don’t have many patients whose job is as grueling as yours.”
I sat on the examination table before her, chilly in the thin cotton gown I wore, twisting my hands in my lap and nodding along with her words. Before I knew it, a tear was rolling down my cheek. Dr. Jenkins stood and leaned against the table beside me, snagging a box of tissues off the counter and handing me one.
“It’s none of my business, and if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. But I’m wondering who the father is, and if he’s involved. Like I told you, you’re going to experience some emotional swings due to the hormonal changes. Yet, you haven’t said a word about who the father is and how that’s affecting you. By no means is this a lecture. Some of the best mothers I know are single mothers. Yet if the father is involved, it would be good for him to perhaps be a part of a few of our appointments,
” she said gently.
I was coming to realize my doctor knew me better than I’d thought. How she could so easily see into what lay behind my tears was beyond me. I blew my nose and nodded.
My mind flashed back to the night before when Ward took me on the kitchen counter, powering into me so hard and fast, I saw stars, nearly limp from the force of my climax. The intimacy I felt with him was startling. Yet, we didn’t talk about it, and I sure as hell didn’t want to. When Dr. Jenkins said my hormones would affect me, I wondered if she meant I’d become sex crazed.
Although, I knew the news of my pregnancy was a surprise to Ward, I had no idea if he’d want to come to these appointments. I wasn’t so sure I wanted him to. I was starting to worry about myself. Because I was having flashes of hopes and wishes and dreams that I’d never considered—all of them with Ward in the starring role.
I felt like a foolish girl, wanting the wedding and the picket fence and our baby. Something I’d never known I wanted that much. Yet without Ward being the man in all of those equations, I didn’t want any of these things. I certainly didn’t think they made much sense as it was. I chalked it up to the overwhelming circumstances.
I tugged another tissue out of the box and glanced over to Dr. Jenkins. Her gaze was warm and kind behind her glasses. She smiled softly. “Well, this might not make you feel better, but it’s the truth. Whether pregnancies are planned or whether people are married or not, in my experience, none of those things have anything to do with how things go in the long run.”
I took a shuddering breath and nodded. “I’ll talk to him. It might be good for him to come to one of these appointments.” Even though that was what I said, my feelings about including him were muddled. I wasn’t so sure it was a good idea.
She stepped away, clicking on the laptop screen and looking at her calendar. “We can schedule your first ultrasound in a few weeks, and then the next one between eighteen and twenty-two weeks. At that appointment, you’ll be able to find out if it’s a boy or a girl. If you want to know, that is,” she said matter-of-factly. “Let’s get these on the calendar now. I’ll have our receptionist give you the schedule on your way out.” She tapped a few keys as she spoke.
Tears rolled down my cheeks anew, this time not from sadness, but from a rushing sense of joy. I might not have planned this baby, I might not be prepared, and I might be a hot mess inside about what it meant for Ward and me, but there was a tangled joy rising through the scrum.
Late that evening, my phone buzzed on the kitchen counter. Anticipation rose swiftly inside. Ward and I hadn’t spoken yet today. I’d called out of work altogether because I simply wasn’t up for it. When I spun the phone on the counter and saw a text from him, I grinned, a giddy sense of joy bubbling up.
On my way.
Glancing at the clock, I calculated he would be here in about fifteen minutes. Restless, I started folding the laundry. It gave me something to do while I waited. When I heard his truck rolling down the driveway, I had to hold back the urge to go meet him on the deck.
When he walked inside, I looked up from the couch as I put a pair of socks in the laundry basket. Closing the door behind him, he paused, his eyes locking to mine from across the room. It felt as if a band of electricity flickered to life between us, the air alive and heavy. He toed his boots off and shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it on the coat rack by the door.
“Have you had dinner?” he asked.
At the shake of my head, he smiled slowly. “Good, I just called in a pizza. I didn’t want to impose, but I’m fucking starving,” he said bluntly.
I stared at him, thoughts tumbling through my mind. My words surprised me. “My doctor wants to know if you want to come to any of the appointments,” I blurted out.
The moment I spoke, I wanted to take the words back. Hormones, hormones. I didn’t need to turn this into more than it was.
Ward had started to walk across the room and came to a stop dead in the center of it, his eyes widening in shock. “I guess I hadn’t even thought about that.”
Anxious that I’d even said anything, I shrugged, trying to play it off. “It’s no big deal. I wouldn’t have mentioned it if she hadn’t.”
I was relieved to hear the sound of a car coming down the driveway already. Our awkward conversation was conveniently interrupted by the pizza delivery driver.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ward
The sun angling through the windows woke me the following morning. As my consciousness filtered in, I felt relaxed and downright amazing. Oh, and I was rock hard and ready. With Susannah’s warm, soft body curled up against mine, I supposed that was all but a given.
Last night, we had pizza and then lounged on the couch. I discovered she didn’t care much for television, but could easily get sucked into sci-fi in a hot minute. Just thinking about that, a smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.
My hands had a mind of their own. I’d conveniently woken with one of her breasts cupped in my palm. Savoring its lush weight, I brushed my thumb across her nipple, gratified when it puckered tight under my touch. I let my fingers drift across to tease her other nipple, my cock hardening further with every moment I allowed myself to explore her body.
Though she’d relaxed somewhat when we were watching television, I’d sensed she was guarded last night. In fact, I didn’t know if I would’ve been sleeping with her here in my arms if it hadn’t been for the fact that she’d fallen asleep on the couch. I’d glanced down to see her sound asleep, her feet tucked up under her hips and her head resting against my shoulder.
Without thinking about it, I’d lifted her up and carried her to bed. After stripping her down to her T-shirt and underwear, I’d climbed in bed with her, promising myself I wasn’t staying to have sex. My intentions had been pure last night, but this morning was something else. She was too close and her body was too tempting with her musky scent drifting around me.
With her lush bottom pressed into my cock, it didn’t matter that there were two layers of fabric between us. As I teased her nipples, she shifted in her sleep, a soft moan escaping her lips. I couldn’t resist. I had to taste her. With my free hand, I brushed her hair away from her cheek and dipped my head, dusting kisses along the soft skin of her neck.
Her legs shifted, and she started to roll towards me. I wasn’t sure I wanted her to wake up because I was worried she’d start thinking. Shoving that worry away, I focused on sensation. She tasted so good, sweet and salty. I lightly pinched one of her nipples between my thumb and forefinger, almost growling in satisfaction when she arched into my palm.
“Ward,” she murmured, her voice husky from sleep.
“Mmm, hmm?”
Another moan escaped when I thumbed her nipple again. She rolled towards me, her eyes opening, blue and hazy from sleep with the desire in them obvious. She cleared her throat, her lips parting and her tongue swiping across the bottom. If she meant to say something, she didn’t. She lifted her hand, cupping my cheek and tracing her thumb along my jaw.
Moving on instinct, I shifted so she could roll onto her back and then dipped my head and fit my lips over hers. Fuck me. I could’ve kissed her for days. The moment our tongues tangled, our kiss went wild—wet, rough, and needy.
I shoved her T-shirt up, dragging it over her head, only tearing my lips away long enough to get her bare underneath me. Groaning at the feel of her silky skin against mine, warm from sleep, I finally broke free of our kiss, blazing a wet path down her neck and into the valley between her breasts. Cupping them both, I laved my tongue over one and then the other, savoring her soft cries and the flex of her body into mine.
Mapping my way down, dropping kisses all over her soft belly, I knew exactly where I meant to bury my mouth next. But she shifted up onto her elbows, nudging me away. I forgot how strong she was. I certainly forgot how quick she was. In a matter of seconds, she had me flat on my back and was straddling me.
Glancing up, my mouth went dry, my heart hammering
hard and fast. Susannah was fucking glorious, her strawberry blonde hair catching glints of gold from the sun through the windows, her full breasts with her nipples dusky pink and taut, damp from my attentions. Freckles were scattered here and there on her body, and I loved them, every single one. They were constellations, just hers, and I wanted to map every inch of her, kiss every freckle.
She rolled her hips over my cock, the thin fabric of her panties over my briefs creating a subtle abrasion. My cock throbbed with need. I gripped her hips, but she shook my hands loose, rocking back and catching the waistband of my briefs on her way. She dusted her lips across my chest and over my abdomen, my muscles rippling under her touch. In no time, she freed my cock and shoved my briefs down to my ankles.
Kicking them loose under the sheet, I fell against the pillows. Adjusting them under my head, I looked down. Her hair was a tangle around her face, her cheeks flushed, and her lips swollen from our kisses. Her wide blue eyes caught mine, flashing dark. Her mouth hitched at the corner with a grin as her tongue darted out and she caught a drop of pre-cum running down the length of my cock.
The sight of her, so fucking hot, sent another jolt of need through me and another drop of cum rolling down my shaft. She swirled her tongue around the tip, her eyes on me the whole time. She was so fucking sexy, so fucking hot, I could hardly breathe. Cupping my balls in her hand, she dragged her tongue along one side and then the other of my cock. I meant to watch her, to soak in every minute of this, but I groaned, falling back against the pillows, when she drew me into her wet mouth. With her tongue making me mad, swirling along the base of my cock, her hand fisted around me with wet strokes, she sucked me off like nobody ever had.
