by J. H. Croix
His eyes met mine, his gaze steady, but slightly uncertain. That was a new look for him. We stared at each other in the tiny bathroom with the muffled sounds from the bar drifting down the narrow hallway. I heard another cluster of people coming in the back door, their footsteps echoing as they walked into the restaurant.
“I didn’t mean to fall apart like that. You could say it’s been a long week,” I finally said.
He was quiet as his gaze coasted over my face. He brushed my hair back again, tucking a few loose curls behind my ear. As it always did when he was near me, my body betrayed me. Goose bumps ran in a shiver from the side of my neck down to my toes at nothing more than a brush of his fingertips behind my ear.
“It has been a long week.” His voice was low and gruff, his eyes intent on mine. “I missed you every day. Every minute. How are you feeling?”
“Well, I’m not getting sick as much, but I want to eat weird things.” Gulping in air, I decided to be honest because I’d already made a fool of myself. “I miss you. This is a mess. You don’t have to tell me you love me.”
His eyes flashed silver, and he cupped my face with both of his hands, his gaze burning into me. “I know I don’t have to. But I do.”
“Are you…?” I started to ask. My mouth went dry when he shook his head sharply.
“I don’t say things I don’t mean. I love you. Like I said before.”
Staring at him, I was hit with another wave of emotion and before I knew it, tears were rolling hot down my cheeks. I wiped them away with my sleeve. Glancing back up, I found him looking startled and concerned, as if he didn’t quite know what to do with me like this.
I didn’t quite know what to do with me like this.
“Zanna, I’m sorry. I know it’s a lot,” he muttered as he leaned over and grabbed more toilet paper, carefully dabbing at my cheeks before handing it to me. I blew my nose again and then took a deep breath.
“It’s not you. I love you, and I’m a mess. I mean, look at me,” I said, gesturing to my face.
He did as I asked, his mouth hitching at the corner with a smile. “You look beautiful.”
Rolling my eyes, I blew my nose once more. “Right. I think you’re just being nice now.”
With another shake of his head, he pulled me back into his arms. I felt his shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath, his body relaxing slightly as he pulled me closer. It was then that I noticed the feel of his hard cock between us, pressing against my low belly. My channel clenched in response.
As if he could read my mind, he said, “Ignore it. I don’t have much control over myself when I’m near you. I promise I didn’t drag you into this bathroom for that.”
I giggled. “It’s all good. We have a mutual problem,” I said, leaning my head back with a grin.
We stood there grinning at each other, a sense of giddiness spinning through me. There was another knock at the door. This time, an unfamiliar voice filtered through the thin door. “Gonna be out anytime soon? I kinda need to pee.”
I burst out laughing again, Ward right along with me. He called out, “Give us a minute.”
When he looked back down at me, his gaze sobered. “If Chad wants to be a jerk, Cade warned me we might get charged.”
I’d completely forgotten the events that led to me storming down the hallway. “For what it’s worth, please don’t go around hitting guys for me. I can take care of myself.”
He shrugged, completely unrepentant. “If any guy, Chad or otherwise, talks about you like that, I reserve the right to hit them.”
Staring at him, I shook my head. I just had to go and fall in love with a tough, alpha guy. So be it. With another roll of my eyes, I stepped back, not that there was much space for it. “Okay, I suppose we should face the music.”
He stood there, looking at me for a beat, lifting his hands to brush my hair back again, his palms cupping my cheeks. “I meant what I said. I love you. If you’re wondering what that means, it means you’ll never be rid of me.”
My heart was pounding so hard, I could hardly breathe. Joy swirled inside. “I love you too. I think we have to save the rest of this for later. Nature calls for someone,” I said, just as there was another knock at the door.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Ward
Much, much later that night, I climbed under the covers beside Susannah. As much as I’d wanted to hurry away from Wildlands earlier, Rex hadn’t allowed me. While I’d been in the bathroom with Susannah, someone had made a call to the police. We’d lucked out, if only because after I hauled off and punched Chad and then Susannah hit him, he’d been drunk enough to try to punch Beck and Levi when they dragged him out of the mess the second time.
As luck would have it, he managed to land a punch on Beck’s cheek. So Rex gave us a scolding and gave Chad a choice. Either all of us got charged, or none of us got charged. Chad might be an asshole, but he wasn’t stupid. He decided he didn’t want to face charges, so we were off the hook.
Then, Susannah had asked me to go ahead and talk to the few crewmembers from our crew who happened to be witness to the entire messy debacle. With her permission to gloss over our history, I’d told them we’d been involved before and so on and so forth. Unbeknownst to me, Susannah had also decided during the week we’d been apart that it was a wise move for her to switch over from one of the hotshot crews to the local crew.
As she’d pointed out, “We’re having a baby. We can’t both be going out in the middle of nowhere at the same time. This way, I’ll still be doing what I love, but I’ll always be home.”
I couldn’t say I was one hundred percent on board with that choice, but I knew it was the smart choice. I also knew I needed to let Susannah make her own decisions, so I’d have to accept there would be weeks when we’d be apart. Given the alternative—leaving our baby with someone else—it was definitely the best option.
I was so fucking relieved to be climbing into bed with Susannah. She was resting on her side, so I followed suit, curling up behind her. She was warm and silky, every inch of her feeling like heaven. When the hard ridge of my cock bumped into her bottom, I murmured, “Ignore it.”
She giggled and reached between us behind her back, her palm curling over my hard length. “What if I don’t feel like it?” she asked, her voice husky.
“I don’t think I can say no. Not to you.”
Then, I was breathing in the scent of her, tasting her skin with my lips and tongue as I blazed a trail of kisses down her neck and over her shoulder, my hand cupping her breasts and teasing her nipples.
She’d crawled into bed bare ass naked. It would’ve taken an act of God to keep me from making love to her. When my hand slid down over her belly, her voice caught my attention.
“Can you tell I’m putting on weight?”
I let my palm coast over the subtle curve of her belly. “I wouldn’t call it ‘weight.’ I call it curves. The more, the better, as far as I’m concerned. In fact, you’re hot as hell pregnant.”
When she giggled, I slipped my fingers through her curls, dipping them into the moisture between her thighs, finding her hot, slick and ready.
I didn’t want to wait, it had been too long. A single week had felt like forever. Reaching between us, I lifted one of her legs, resting it over mine, giving me more access to tease her. In a matter of seconds, she was rocking her hips back against me.
“Ward, please.”
With need pounding through me, I gripped my cock in my fist, sliding my other hand over the curve of her lush ass. Pushing it apart and making room for me, in one subtle shift, I sank into the warm, clenching heat of her core.
I held still for a beat, savoring how it felt to hold her close against me and be buried deep inside of her. She was home to me. Or rather we were home to me.
Brushing her hair away from her cheek, I rested mine against hers as I rocked into her. Her channel throbbed and pulsed around my cock, nearly pushing me over the edge instantly. Skimming a hand down
over her breasts and belly again, I teased her wet folds, circling over her clit.
She cried out, my name a husky gasp. Her channel clamped down around me as she found her release, sending my climax thundering through me.
I held her close, absorbing the feel of her. For the first time in weeks, I felt relaxed. I hadn’t consciously realized what an effort it had been to keep my feelings caged inside.
After a moment, she spoke. “Well, so much for telling myself I could keep my hands off of you.”
“I think that was my fault.”
She giggled and started to roll over, but I shook my head. “Don’t move.”
“How come?” she asked.
“Because I want to stay right here. Forever would work.”
I felt her smile against my cheek and her hand lifting up to ruffle my hair. “I’m going to have to pee in a minute,” she said. “It happens all the time now.”
I reluctantly drew back, sliding up to rest against the pillows as she slipped out of bed. Within seconds, she returned, slipping under the covers beside me. She curled up against me, her fingers tracing circles on my chest.
“I want to get a dog,” she said out of nowhere.
My laugh slipped out unbidden. “Okay, you want to get a dog? Where did this come from?”
“I’ve always wanted one, but I felt like my job wasn’t a good fit. But if we’re going to have a baby and I’m switching to one of the local crews, then we can have a dog.”
My heart squeezed so hard it hurt. “If you want a dog, we’ll get a dog.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Susannah
Sliding my hips onto the examination table, I shivered slightly at the feel of the cool, crinkly paper under my hips. The thin cotton gown did little to keep me warm in the always chilly room. I glanced over at Ward, swinging my feet restlessly. My heart gave a little kick to my ribs when I saw the look on his face. He was looking at me, his gorgeous silver-smoke gaze steady. The muscle ticking in his jaw gave away a hint of nervousness though.
He swallowed, the sound audible in the small examination room. I was twenty-two weeks along now, and we were here for my scheduled ultrasound. Today, we could find out if it was a boy or a girl. We’d had a funny discussion about it this morning with Ward declaring he didn’t want to know if it was a girl because, if it was, he’d probably have a heart attack.
Hands on hips, I’d glared at him. “What’s wrong with a girl?”
He’d spun to face me where he stood by the counter. “Nothing, absolutely nothing. I’m just afraid I’ll worry a lot more.”
“Have you ever worried about me?” I’d countered.
In two long strides, he was standing right in front of me. His hands lifted to cup my cheeks. “Yes. The whole time we were in training together, I worried about you. Not because I didn’t think you could handle yourself. It was never that. You’re stronger, smarter, and braver than probably any man I know. Hell, most women probably are. It’s just you mean too much. It’s all I can do to deal with worrying about you.”
My heart kicked up a notch at his words. I lost my words entirely. For a man who didn’t talk very often, when he did, he took my breath away.
As I recalled that conversation, his eyes broke from mine to study the floor in the examination room. Within seconds, he glanced back up as if he sensed my gaze on him. I smiled. “Don’t worry so much. It’ll be fine.”
He shook his head, a bark of a laugh coming out. Leaning back, he shifted his shoulders with a sigh. “Doctors make me nervous.”
At that moment, there was a quick knock on the door. Ward looked at me, his brow furrowing in confusion.
“They always knock just to make sure it’s okay to come in,” I explained. “Come in,” I called out.
Dr. Jenkins stepped into the room, closing the door behind her and adjusting her glasses. Her gaze bounced between us. “How are we today?” she asked
“Better. Like you said, the queasiness is wearing off. It’s not as bad as it was for a few weeks there.”
Nodding, she adjusted her lab coat as she slipped onto the stool nearby, spinning the attached monitor toward her. Clicking a few keys on the keyboard, she scanned the screen and then turned to me. “So have you decided?”
I glanced to Ward.
“Why are you looking at me?” he asked.
“Well, we weren’t sure this morning.”
A smile teased at the corners of his mouth, and he lifted a shoulder in an easy shrug. “Let’s find out. That way we can get used to the idea.”
Dr. Jenkins’ lips quirked, but she stayed quiet. Ward caught her eye with a sheepish smile. “Go ahead and laugh. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’ve never had a baby. I mean, I’ve never been about to be a father,” he clarified.
She did laugh then. “There’s a first time for everything. No matter what, it’ll be an adventure. Plus, you’re here”—she paused, her gaze sobering—“and that says a lot.”
Ward simply nodded, leaning forward in his chair and resting his elbows on his knees.
She stood, glancing to me then. “Okay, you know the drill.”
Rolling onto my back on the table, the sound of the paper crinkling was distinctly loud. In short order, she was handing me the wand and asking me to guide it inside. She squirted the gel for the ultrasound on my belly, and I was pleasantly surprised to discover it was warm. “Oh that’s nice. I was bracing myself.”
She flashed a quick smile. “I know. We got a heater. Believe it or not, we had to get special permission for that.”
Ward was quiet from where he sat. I felt her sliding the rolled instrument over my belly, and she adjusted the wand inside of me. Within a few moments, she was speaking softly.
“Everything looks great. Can you see?”
I craned my neck to see the screen, the grainy black and white view coming into focus. “See, there’s the head,” she said, gesturing to the screen.
I felt Ward stand, coming to the side of the table, one of his hands resting on my calf, his touch warm. I was overcome with emotion—to have him here, to have this happening. Even though it was all a big accident, sometimes accidents were the best thing ever.
“Okay, last chance to tell me you don’t want to know if it’s a boy or a girl,” Dr. Jenkins said softly.
Rolling my head, I glanced over to Ward. His eyes caught mine. For a beat, it was as if we were all alone. Intimacy arced between us, alive and shimmering in the cool air, both of us asking each other the same question without saying a word.
At his gentle nod, I answered, “We want to know.”
“It’s a boy.”
Wild joy spun inside my heart. Ward held my gaze, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“Well, I guess you don’t have to worry then, do you?”
He gave my calf another squeeze, his hand sliding up over my knee. “Oh no, there’s still plenty to worry about.”
Staring at him, I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. Again. I was smiling so hard, my face hurt. I didn’t realize I was crying until Dr. Jenkins handed me a tissue.
“I’ll give you two a few minutes alone,” she said before quickly helping me remove the wand and wiping the gel off my belly.
Flashing a warm smile between us, she stepped out. “I’ll be back in a few. There are a few more things we have to go over.”
As soon as the door clicked shut behind her, Ward leaned over, startling me when he caught my lips in a kiss. As he drew back, he brushed my hair off my cheek, the tenderness in his gaze nearly making me cry all over again.
“I really don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. I’m just glad it’s you and me and whatever is about to happen next,” he murmured.
I stared at him, my heart thudding hard and fast. I couldn’t quite believe this man—who I’d thought would be nothing more than one night and a searing memory, burned into my heart and soul—was now a permanent part of my life.
A few days later, I was in the
kitchen at Ward’s house. Somehow over the last few weeks, we’d migrated over to his place more frequently. Perhaps because he had more space. Although I loved my little cabin, it hadn’t been built with a family in mind.
Opening one of the cabinets, I pulled out a cutting board and started chopping vegetables.
I discovered Ward loved when I cooked. I happened to be fairly good at it, so I’d been making an effort to have dinner ready for him whenever he got home. With my new, mostly normal schedule now, it worked for me to do it. Plus, I enjoyed seeing the surprise on his face every night.
Hearing the sound of tires coming down the driveway, I couldn’t help the tightening in my belly and the butterflies amassing there. I doubted I would ever lose the sense of anticipation I felt when it came to him. I stayed busy chopping vegetables, forcing myself not to run to the window and stare outside like a foolish girl with a crush.
As it was, he surprised me. I heard him step inside and the door close behind him. All of a sudden, there was a scurrying sound across the floor and something was twining around my feet. I glanced down to see a small bundle of brown fur wiggling like mad against my legs. “Oh my God! It’s a puppy.”
I leaned over and lifted it up into my arms. A quick glance and I knew it was a girl. She had curly, silky brown fur, and honestly, she looked like a little brown mop. Her wide brown eyes were barely visible amongst the fur. I snuggled her against my shoulder, laughing when she started licking my face.
Glancing over, I saw Ward as he leaned his hand against the counter, watching me with the puppy. “Jesse‘s dog had puppies two months ago, so I thought I’d surprise you. She was the only one left.”
I looked at the puppy again and almost burst into tears. I’d cried more in the last few months then I’d ever cried in my life, although I cried as much with joy as anything the last few weeks. Ward, somber and serious by nature with such a tendency to keep to himself, continued to surprise me with how sweet he could be.
