by Mia Madison
Nothing calms the yearning desire. When I fill my palms with foaming soap, my nipples peak hard again. I'm soon squeezing them in my frothed-up hands, tweaking the points and moaning for Jared to somehow appear from my wishes. My body quakes with physical clamoring and I lean into the marble tiled wall for support as I bring myself to another shuddering climax.
“Are you okay?” Mellie asks when I come down to breakfast. “You look feverish, you aren't coming down with something?”
She presses her cool palm into my forehead, relieving some of the embarrassment that rises. The sudden guilt that she can see right through me.
“Hmmm. A little warm but I think you'll live,” she says.
“You'd better stay inside today,” Dad commands, joining us in the kitchen as he grabs coffee from the pot for his go-cup. “I don't want my baby getting sick.”
“You can help me cook,” Mellie offers. “I'm making a special meal for tonight.”
My heart nearly flies through my mouth and up the stocking-lined chimney in the family room.
“Really? Who's coming to dinner?” I croak, forcing my voice not to crack.
I don't dare hope. Except I did hope, beg and pray and the disappointment drops back on me when Mellie says the dinner is for my sister Anya.
“She's invited her latest boyfriend over. She and Chay are taking it to the next level, whatever that means.”
“Is that Chay like the revolutionary?”
How many boyfriends has my sister brought home the last couple of years? About a hundred I'd guess. Because she's all about 'the one' and then finding a ton of faults with him a week later.
“And what about dad's friend, you know the guy we saw at the mall.” I throw out there, making it as casual as I possibly can.
“Jared, you mean? Not exactly an appropriate choice to balance the numbers.” She's laughing, so I know she hasn't pegged me.
“Yeah, Jared. Not as an extra man. Of course not.” I assure her with excess gravity even though I know she's joking around. “Just 'cos he might be lonely- here in town without family.”
I don’t know that of course. He could well have a huge loving family to nestle into. But I'm on a search mission. Just hearing his name out loud tightens my chest as an army of butterflies lifts off.
“I did call his hotel to invite him over but he left a message, must have been the middle of the night, saying he was really tied up all week. I guess a man like Jared doesn't do lonely.”
No. I guess not. I damn well wish he'd do me though. Despite my shower fun, this crush isn't shrinking in any way. It appears the old saying 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' applies to strangers as well as lovers you've had enough of.
“You aren’t still hung up on Storm Weathers?” my bestie, Britnee asks when she comes down from the mountain she spends her life on and I get some FaceTime with her.
“No absolutely not,” I assure her.
“Good, because the way to get over a man is to get under another. You just need to go out on a date.”
She's dating a snowboard instructor seven years older, so she knows a thing or two about mature men.
“You’re hot for this guy because there's no one else on the horizon to absorb your thoughts,” she explains when I tell her about Jared. “Only solution is to get out there and loosen his hold on you before the fantasy takes over.”
She's probably right. There's a danger I'll build this guy up to be a perfect super hero if I don't stop thinking about him night and freaking day.
Chapter SIX
Carina
Days later and the insistent boulder of disappointment is still firmly lodged in my tummy, flatly refusing to budge despite the festivities. I'm trudging around the house in full-on mope mode because Jared Helmsley declined the dinner invite.
I was sure he'd be here the first opportunity, bashing down my parents' door for one sight of me again. Instead, he leaves Mellie a clandestine voicemail during the night. Almost as though he's avoiding a potential rain check.
He clearly is not interested.
I eat leftovers straight from the refrigerator and eggnog that I spice heavily with rum, imagining Jared out clubbing with supermodels. Even Dad notices my sulk when he comes home from the office and finds me still in PJ bottoms and cozy socks.
“Carina, aren't you going to take the chance to hang with your friends while you're home?”
“I don't know. They can be kind of childish.”
“Says the wise old woman of Denver. It's the holidays, sweetie. Time to have fun. Socialize.”
I call Allie and we agree to meet the next afternoon at the mall. She says she's bringing her cousin, Rachel, a digital artist from Florida who's staying for the holidays. I wanted my bestie Britnee along, but she's the all-American Colorado snow bunny and us mall rats never see her sporty ass during the season.
Daddy tried to teach me to ski when his girls were little, but feeling awkward and having my skis cross tips so I ended up in a tangled up mess, frozen and soaked through was enough to keep me off the slopes for good.
How is it even possible that the stores are more rammed full of shoppers than before Christmas? It's like a merry-go-round where everything flies off the shelves on the 23rd only to be put back on the 27th.
Thinking about my last shopping expedition reminds me of Jared Helmsley. Not that I've forgotten him for one second. He's filled every sleepy thought and most of the waking ones too. My chest is tied up in a knot with the thought of running into him again.
Completely ridiculous because although we're in the same mall, at the last sighting he was in the Department store designer section, not the cheap fashion emporiums featuring everything made in China.
“Squee, this dress is perfect for your mom's New Year party,” Allie squeals, grabbing a sparkle-dusted strapless mini tube from the rack.
“You're coming to that?” I say.
“A deal with my parents. They want to show off their college grad daughter to their friends.”
Allie's a year ahead of me but I've known her since kindergarten through our parents. She graduated and started as an associate in a fancy law firm.
“College grad daughter dressed like a Hollywood hooker,” Rachel snips.
I've noticed she comes out with regular coarse jokes.
“Cute. We should all get one and go dressed the same,” Allie adds
“Like triplets.”
“Or a girl group.”
“What are we five years old?” I moan.
“It'll be fun.”
I agree to spend forty dollars on an outfit I'll never wear again, just for the sake of girl power, or the sisterhood.
Whatever. At least it's only forty bucks.
All the clothes in my favorite stores look so cheaply made and slutty all of a sudden. I can't imagine dating a man like Jared wearing any of this stuff. The things I actually want, in better stores, are way out of my price range, even on sale.
We do have fun decorating our faces in Victoria's Secret and I pick up some cute lacy thongs in the sale that cheer me up. It's fun to be out with the girls.
“At least we've got matching underwear,” I say. “Because in those dresses, it's going to be on full show.”
“Let's sit down,” Allie moans, staggering under the weight of her shopping bags.
She went to town at a shoe store and has the boxes to prove it.
We head up the escalator to the food court but there isn't a single spare chair, never mind three. And all the adults are outnumbered by mall rug rats tearing around causing mayhem.
“Hallo, planet Carina come in please,” Allie says, waving a hand in front of me. “What are you looking for?”
“Me? Nothing.” I answer, way too fast.
Busted.
From this vantage point, above the crowds, I couldn't stop myself scanning the throng below for a glimpse of Jared Helmsley, man of my dreams.
“You've been distracted all afternoon. Is something going on?�
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“No, it's the crowds of people.” I lie.
“My legs won't take much more. Can we get a drink?” Rachel huffs.
Then a stroke of genius, or call it an evil plan if you will, blasts into my brain.
“There must be a hotel close by we can luxe out at,” I suggest.
They both look at me like I've suggested we take a shuttle to the moon.
“A hotel? With all the old farts?”
“There's that cool new one. The Art.”
A three year old tearaway with sticky goo fingers comes too close and seals the deal. We head back down and push through the masses, out to the street.
It's a little further of a walk than I envisaged. Just as Rachel and Allie start whining that we should stop at the next bar we see, even if its full of bearded bikers, the futuristic looking hotel building comes into view.
“I'm going to collapse if I don't get some refreshment like yesterday,” Allie pants, echoing my own thought.
We pile through the glass door, Allie getting all caught up with a family heading out. Her multiple bags crash into the mother's legs and the teens with all their attention entirely phone-focused pile on into her. She staggers into me and as I help her right herself, the weight of the shopping bags sends me tumbling against the closing glass door. I flail around to find a handhold but it appears I'm heading for a face plant when the door is suddenly tugged back and I fall straight into six three of solid muscle. I grab at the hooked arm like it's the last lifebelt on the Titanic.
A cacophony of thrusting adrenalin, my body gearing up to crash into the floor, mixes with the frisson of pleasure from the wool clad powerful bicep. I cling like a limpet before I come to realize I'm perfectly safe. Two huge strong hands are circling my waist and holding me steady.
As I come up for air, I'm still gasping and then the oxygen hoovers out of my lungs as my eyes meet Jared Helmsley.
“Oh,” I squeak. “Hi.”
“Hi,” he replies, the epitome of cool, calm and delicious.
His face up close is even more gorgeous and it takes all my resolve not to throw my arms around his neck and drag him down to press my lips onto his full firm mouth. Which is starting to twitch at the corners.
“What are you doing here?” I bumble, knowing damn well what he's doing here.
This is where he's staying. I know it and he knows I know it.
He doesn't respond, merely gores his eyes into mine so I feel butt naked beneath him.
We're blocking the entrance and forcing people to maneuver around our blockade but I don't care and he doesn't seem to either.
He keeps me pinned immobile in his huge palms that nearly meet as they encircle my waist so that I feel bolted into the ground. His gaze burrows deeper into me. And I couldn't snap away even if I wanted to.
We stand there frozen solid about as long as the last ice age, until the giggling beside us jolts me out of my mesmerized stance.
Jared smiles and almost sets off a cascade of sparkling reflections around the glassed in lobby from the glittering warmth of his grin.
“I'm staying here actually,” he says, finally letting me off the hook with gentlemanly gallantry.
His eyes are vivid with humor and, unless I'm fantasizing, more than a smidgeon of lust.
“And you three adorable ladies all look parched. Can I buy you a cocktail?”
“Yes. Please.” Allie immediately replies.
“Abso-fucking-lutely,” Rachel says, receiving a glare from me.
Can we please act with decorum for once? For my sake.
Chapter SEVEN
Jared
I lead the three women across the expansive lobby to the bar. Their energy and excitement for every shiny new thing pouring out of them. Even the angry little one seems glad to be here.
“So, how do you two know each other?” the blond with all the shopping bags inquires.
“Old family friends,” I tell her and realize I'm still holding onto Red from when I prevented her tumble.
I take my chance to hook her arm through mine. Her hand looks so tiny resting on the thick band of my forearm, I can't resist covering it over with mine, wanting to feel her in my palm. And for her to know the full strength of my protection with that small gesture.
I temper the length of my stride when I notice she's having to jog to keep up with me. And I want her here, hanging on to my arm, her curvy little body pressed lightly into my side, for as long as possible. It's going to be hard to let go of her when it comes to sitting in the lounge.
I take the women directly to the best table in the bar, beside the glass wall window and we settle into the four white egg chairs. With an enormous effort, I resist the fierce desire to pull Red into my lap. Having her curl up on my knee would be the epitome of all my dreams.
Except then she'd become aware of the raging fucking wood I've got going on for her and I'd be immediately outed as some kind of pervy old dude.
It's not like that. Not like that at all. But I know how people think.
Genuine affection is all too easily misconstrued as something dirty. Taboo and forbidden.
I want to be alone with her, with a desperate yearning that pulls at my heart. And my dick refuses to calm down, thrusting against my jeans like a fucking wild man.
I order us cocktails and sit back in the chair to observe the women interacting. Trying to figure out exactly what it is about Red that sends me over the edge of distraction. Six fucking days since I saw her shopping with her mother and still, not more than a few minutes passes without her beautiful face swarming up in my head.
“This place is cool,” the blond shopper says. “How come I've never been here before? How did you know about this place, Carina?”
“I -er.” Her eyes dart up at me. And that delicious soft blush blooms on her soft cheeks.
I know why she's here.
Her eyes are telling me loud and clear as she struggles to find an excuse. Not to admit to her friend she came for me.
“Carina,” I repeat the perfect name for the perfect woman. Knowing it at last feels like staking a claim on her. “That means 'Darling' in Italian. Darling baby girl.”
Her two friends on the other side of the round table giggle. Carina's cheeks turn a deep shade of pink. Her eyes don't move from mine as she smiles gratitude. I want to kiss each lid in turn as I unbutton her top and very slowly reveal the buds of her nipples that haven’t stopped poking through the fabric since she took off her coat.
“Your mother never introduced us,” I say, bringing us back from the other world we've been floating in, forgetting that we're in a bar crowded with holiday shoppers. And her two friends, who are so very different from the girl who has me hypnotized.
“Oh. Mellie isn't my mother, real mother,” Darling Girl says. “She married my dad when I was twelve.”
“Wait,” Rachel says, after draining her drink. “If you two are old family friends how come you've never been introduced and you don't know she has a step mother.”
The two women turn an inquiring gaze on Carina like she's withholding State secrets. I indicate another round to the waiter who gives me the nod from across the room.
“I've been away a while,” I finally interject, again catching Carina before she falls.
It's hard enough we have to sit here like strangers and put on an act for the friends when all I want is to discover everything about her so I can make her my own.
“Jared told me about a great gallery down the street,” Carina says, too loudly. She proves she knows my name with the deflection. Suspicions are deflated for now at least.
“An excellent gallery,” I agree. “Worth visiting for the architecture alone.”
“Yes, the building is the best part. Rachel's an artist,” she tells me.
“Digital artist. I don’t do paint,” the little one snaps.
A real rottweiler of a woman I’m sure is attractive to ironic young men with long beards.
“The way of the fu
ture,” I tell her and receive an almost smile.
“You've been busy over the holidays?” Carina asks.
I detect a hint of possession in her voice which warms my heart. She doesn't want my attention straying away from her.
As if.
Can I tell her how I had to sit through a business dinner last night with a colleague and a woman who was obviously a set up? Brought along as evening entertainment for the out-of-town client. She was a smart woman, very attractive and polished. But all I could do was compare her to Carina. Who I only knew then as Red.
After my host, Charlie, paid the check, the woman went to the washroom and he took the obviously pre-arranged opportunity to duck out with mutterings about his wife. That left me with a few minutes alone at the table. Time in which I thought of the girl with the limpid eyes attached to me from across the store.
Her dewy beauty was the cocoon for a spirited little minx inside. Obviously I had no idea if that was a fact but something about her was intoxicating. And her hot little body didn't detract from the delicious package.
The woman returned and feigned surprise that Charlie was gone, but sat back down anyway, clearly willing to spend the night. Any other time I'd have taken her up on the unspoken agreement, knowing it would require only fifteen minutes of chat about her life to get her upstairs in my bed.
But I just couldn't be bothered. It was pointless and unfair to the woman, when I knew there was no way I'd be there for her, not with Red constantly on my mind.
“Yes, but not with anything important,” I assure Carina, loving how her eyes relax slightly with relief. “Or interesting.”
The blond's been playing with her phone and the little dog has been nursing her cocktail, giving me the chance to spend this time with Red. But it's not enough. Now I have her with me, I want her completely to myself. Where I can explore every part of her, body and soul.
I tried to stay away. Knowing I could never have gone to dinner at her father's house harboring these illicit desires for his daughter. But something’s happening here. The air bubble around our table is sparking with the tension between Red and I.
