by Ford, Mia
“She didn’t blow you off, did she?” Jack asks in shock as I near him. “I thought she was good to go.”
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head.” I ruffle his hair playfully. “She just wants a drink.”
“Ooh, making you work for it, I like her style.” He purses his lips thoughtfully while staring over at Saskia, “You know what? I might throw my hat back in the ring and see if I can win this competition after all.”
I chuckle, not annoyed by that at all. “You go for it, mate. It’ll be good to see you shot down.”
He leaves me rapidly and slides over to the table to take my seat. It’s probably still warm from when my butt cheeks were there, but I really don’t care. I honestly don’t think me and Saskia are going to end up doing the nasty after all. My heart isn’t in it and I just don’t see how I’m going to get over this hump.
What have you done to me, Lucie? I think while tugging my cell phone out of my pocket. My plan is to turn it off so I can’t be tempted to contact her later on when I’ve been drinking and I lose all sense of rationality, but I don’t quite manage it. Instead of tuning off the phone, I end up looking at the message stream between us. Each and every one makes me feel something and it’s absolutely terrifying. I’m not the person who feels something, Lucie. What am I supposed to do with all of these feelings?
I suppose I’m left with two options; either I delete all contact with her and I never think about her again, I forget all about our friendship and the nice kiss we shared, or I can see her again and try to work out if this is something even more than I’m prepared to admit.
“Hello?” the bar tender tries to get my attention. “Can I get you something? As long as it isn’t more champagne from somewhere else, I don’t mind. I can’t leave the bar alone until someone else comes in.”
I laugh as I realize it’s the same person I sent out… but the champagne and the partying aren’t what I remember from that day, reconnecting with Lucie is what sticks out in my mind. The rest of it pretty much pales into insignificance. If he hadn’t reminded me then, I might not have thought about it again… which really confirms things, I think. There’s something I need to do, however much it freaks me out.
“You know what?” I slide Saskia’s glass along the bar. Jack can get her a drink if he wants to. “No, thank you. I have to go. I have some stuff that I need to take care of.”
I swig the rest of my beer, then I bang the bottle down on the bar. Then I turn and I leave, not worrying what any of them might think of me. This is something that I actually do need to sort out, one way or another I need to know.
8
Lucie
“Lucie?” All of a sudden, Rhiannon’s voice drags me from my thoughts. “Lucie, are you okay?”
Physically, I might be in the desert bar with them, eating my ice cream and drinking my fizzy pop, but mentally I’m on another planet. I can’t seem to stop myself from getting distracted however hard I try.
“Oh, yeah, sorry.” My entire body bursts into flames as both my friends stare at me. “Sorry, I’m…”
“You’re somewhere else all the time,” Cindy grumbles. “I wish you’d just tell us what’s going on.”
Again, I’m swamped by guilt. I hate keeping this to myself, but it feels like the right thing to do. I guess it’s just easier. “Oh, I’m sorry. I just don’t think I’m feeling so good at the moment, that’s all.”
“Is it stress?” Rhiannon sounds concerned. “Because if so, maybe you should go home for a while.”
“I’ll only do that if I want to add to the stress!” I giggle, trying to make a joke out of the whole thing. “Going home too my parents after spending all this time away from them sounds like hell to me.”
“What are we going to do after this?” Cindy changes the subject, and I’m sure it’s because she doesn’t believe me. Maybe I’m just being paranoid, but she isn’t the type to suffer fools lightly. I know she won’t want to fall out with me so just not talking about it is easier, I suppose. “We could go and watch a movie at the cinema? It isn’t that late, is it? Do either of you have anything going on early?”
Just as I’m about to answer, my phone starts ringing. Confused, I tug it out of my pocket and see the name on the screen. As soon as I spot that it’s Kade, my heart sinks and flies all at once. I desperately need to speak to him, but I can’t do it here. My brain darts back and forth until finally I make a choice.
“Oh, speak of the Devil, it’s my mom.” I slide out of the seat, ready to make my escape. “I’ll take this outside because she speaks really quietly and it isn’t always easy to hear her. I’ll be back in a sec.”
I clutch my phone tightly to my chest as I run through the building as if I’m holding Kade close to my heart. We’ve messaged back and forth, but he hasn’t rung me and I can’t wait to hear what he has to say. So many potential scenarios spin through my mind as my hopes rise despite the knowledge that they shouldn’t.
“Hello?” I gasp breathlessly as I reach the cool night air. I wanted a moment to cool myself down first so I can actually seem like I’m not a nerd, but I also didn’t want it to go through to voice mail.
“Hey there, Lucie, it’s Kade.” His chocolatey smooth voice bursts through to my core.
“I know who it is, silly, I have your number stored in my contacts, remember?”
“Oh of course you do…” His laughter drives me wild. “Anyway, what are you up to right now?”
“Out with some friends.” I’m glad that I can give an answer other than in my room since I’m sure he’s out living it up right now. It makes me seem less desperate that I have a life outside of him. “How about you?”
“Oh, that’s a shame that you’re out.” He actually does sound gutted. “I was hoping we could hang out.”
I flick my eyes inside, thinking about my friends and their plan to see a movie. A part of me wants to do that but a much bigger bit of me wants to see Kade. This is something that I’ve been waiting forever to happen, and now it’s here! I don’t want to turn it away in case the opportunity never comes around again. Plus, without even knowing it, I’ve been laying the ground work for an escape. I’ve already said I’m unwell and now Cindy will be out for hours so she won’t even notice that I’m missing. It couldn’t be more perfect.
“I am actually just about to come back, so I could hang out with you if you really want to?”
“Oh, I do.” The way that he perks up only confirms that I’ve done the right thing. How can I resist the guy that I’ve been in love with for as long as I can remember actually wanting me? It’s nuts! “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. I’ll be back in about twenty minutes, where shall I meet you? Are you at the bar?”
“Actually, I’m by the stables. I know that’s a bit random but I want some one on one time with just you.”
Oh my God, now if that isn’t romance then I don’t know what is! That delicious loving feeling consumes me all over again. I only want to be with him too, other people are unnecessary distractions.
“That sounds perfect. I will meet you at the stables then. I shouldn’t be too long.”
As I hang up the phone, I fist bump the air in my excitement. That’s the best phone call I’ve ever had in my life. And who knows what’ll happen when it’s me and him, at the stables, probably sitting under the stars… I feel like I’m the heroine in a romantic movie, and things are all coming together. I’m so lucky.
I change my expression as best as I can and I make my way inside. I don’t want the girls to know I’m happy not to be hanging out with them because it isn’t like that at all. Once I’m settled and I can tell them the truth, I hope they’ll understand. I hope they’ll get why I like Kade as well, I want them to see there’s more to him.
“How’s your mom?” Cindy asks as she shrugs her jacket onto her shoulders. “All okay?”
“Hmm? Oh yeah.” I suddenly recall my lie. If I’m going to do this I need to keep better track. “But I
really do feel sick, I think I might have to skip the movie, but you two go ahead.”
“Oh, but I drove!” Rhiannon insists. “We’ll just take you back.”
“No, please,” I shoot her down because I really don’t want them to come with me. “I don’t want to ruin your fun. There’s a cab station outside, I’ll get a car to take me back, I’ll be there in five minutes.”
Cindy touches my forehead and frowns. “Yeah, you are burning up. It’s probably for the best.”
Of course, she has no idea that the heat has nothing to do with sickness, but I’m not going to fill her in on that one! “I know. I think I just need some sleep, I’m a little burnt out. You guys go though.”
They look at each other and nod decisively, much to my relief, although they do insist in making sure that I get into a cab okay. It doesn’t matter how much I tell them that I’m a grown ass woman and I’ll be fine, they want to help me all the same. They are lovely friends really, one day I’ll be honest.
The cab journey back to campus seems to take forever. I watch the world out the window as we speed along the roads, but it doesn’t seem to rush by, it trickles past at snail’s pace, as if to drive me crazy and keep me away from Kade for as long as humanly possible. The desperation to see him grows and grows by the second until I almost can’t take it any longer. I just want to be at his side! Can’t the world see how much I need him? Can’t time speed up until I’m next to him and I can kiss him once more?
Once we finally get there and I step out after paying the driver, I almost want to run to his side, but then self doubt creeps in as if from nowhere, and I take a few moments just to suck in a few deep breaths to calm myself down. I know I might not have the look of the sort of girl Kade should end up with, you’d expect him to be with someone much more beautiful, but he seems to have chosen me and I don’t want to fight that.
Just do it, I tell myself. Go and see him. Go and get what you’ve always wanted.
Maybe I’ve wanted this for too long, and now that the moment is here I don’t think I deserve it. But I do… I’ve pined after Kade forever, as my diaries show, and I’ve waited for him, despite everything he’s done away from me. This is my moment of glory, the time that I’ve been waiting for. This is when I finally get to be happy. I really don’t want to get in my own way, to spoil that for myself.
I force myself to go, to move through the campus towards the field. It’s eerie, trekking through the mud at night. This isn’t something I would do for anyone else in the world. Even with the giant white moon and the stars twinkling, I feel a funny sense of unease. I don’t think I’ll be able to fully relax until I’m by his side and I know that this is all real. I guess a small part of me still fears that it might all be in my head.
I cross my arms across my chest, glad that I’m wearing skinny jeans as usual. If I was in anything like a dress, I’d probably feel really weird and exposed right now. I mean more than I already do. I wonder why Kade wanted to meet me here. Yes, for the privacy, but it still seems a little crazy.
“Hey, Lucie.” My chest floods with a welcome, warm, and comforting relief as I hear him. “Over here.”
I eventually spot Kade sitting on a blanket, next to a bottle of wine and what looks like a box of chocolates. There’s no way of getting mixed up with this one, it’s one hundred percent a date. That makes me feel so happy I could weep with joy. I’m right, Kade does like me, and I am going to get to kiss him again.
“Sorry, I should have come to meet you.” He frowns thoughtfully. “I guess I wasn’t thinking what it would be like for you to cross the field on your own in the dark, are you okay?”
I smile serenely to myself, too blissed out to worry about how I was feeling only moments before. I move over to him and take my place on the blanket next to him. It’s small, so we have to sit close enough for me to feel the heat coming from him. There’s a tantalizing sizzling there as well, clinging to the air.
“Oh, it’s fine. I knew you were here so I wasn’t freaked out at all.” That’s only a sort of lie… “This is nice. What an awesome idea. What made you want to enjoy the night sky?”
He grabs the plastic glasses and pours us both a drink. “I just wanted to see you, and I couldn’t think of a better way for us to hang out. We both have roommates, so it’s hard to get some privacy.”
Privacy… that can only mean one thing! I want it, I know I do. The question is am I ready for it?
The pulsing in my underwear and the need in my chest certainly feels like I am, but my brain isn’t too sure. I guess I’ll have to keep hanging out with him and work out my definite answer as time passes us by, and while we’re out here, it truly does feel like we have all the time in the world.
9
Kade
I feel the heat of Lucie’s body as she takes a seat next to me. She feels good next to me, this is where I need to be. Being anywhere else with anyone else doesn’t feel anything like this, she is different in every way.
“Do you remember when we used to go riding as kids?” I ask her with a smirk. Lucie takes a swig of her wine and nods. “If I remember rightly, you sucked and I was amazing. Almost professional level.”
“What?” she squeals before shoving me playfully. As she does this, it reminds me of all the play fights we had as kids too. She was always much stronger than the other kids, which made her hard to beat. “What are you on about? You were the one who fell off Snowflake about eight damn times. Pro, my ass!”
I laugh loudly as a happiness swells in my chest. There’s something so easy about being with Lucie. I can’t help but wonder if I’ve always had a thing for her and I haven’t ever realized. Maybe I have subconsciously which is why she freaked me out when the hormones came in because I knew I would like her more than any of the other girls. They were all the practice women before I got to her. Maybe… although wouldn’t I have known if I felt that way? Wouldn’t I be able to tell? It would be pretty cool to think I’ve always wanted Lucie, but to be perfectly honest I think all these feelings might be very new. It’s certainly all fresh.
“Yeah okay, maybe riding was the one thing you beat me at. I was better at everything else.”
“Maybe football, but that’s about it. I have always been the most kick ass person in your life.”
I smile to myself, knowing that in a way she’s right. I’m still a freaking idiot of letting her go. If I could go back and do things all over again, I wouldn’t. I’d make sure we’re always friends. But I can’t ever do that, but I can make up for it now. Even if we aren’t just friends and other things are sizzling between us.
“So, it’s a nice night, isn’t it?” I ask her casually while lying down across the blanket. “The stars look awesome. I’m usually so busy that I don’t get to see the night sky. Lie down with me.”
Lucie does as I ask and she rests her head near to my hands. I decide to go with it and I wrap my arm around her, bringing her closer to me. As she rests her head on my chest I really like the sensation. My heart beats so hard against my chest, so I’m sure she can hear it, but Lucie doesn’t seem to mind at all. If anything, she intertwines herself around me closer and she snuggles against me. It’s actually pretty romantic.
“We’ve done this before, haven’t we?” Lucie muses quietly. “Do you remember? We used to camp in your back garden and stay up until really late at night just screwing around and having a laugh.”
The memories come flooding back and they make me chuckle. “I’d forgotten all about that. I can’t believe it! That was so much fun, wasn’t it? Not that we ever stayed out in the tent all night long.”
We always ended up in my bedroom, ironically that’s what I want now too. Except maybe not my bedroom since my roommate, Hector, is always there. I always end up hanging out in the chick’s room because they get more privacy than I do. I don’t know if Lucie will be the same though, her roommate might be like mine. Still, if that’s the case we have all the privacy we want out here. Not that I’m expectin
g anything to happen, Lucie is a good girl who might not want it. I can hope, but not expect with her. I’ll leave the choice to her.
“Did you ever think that we would end up here?” Lucie chuckles. “It’s all so crazy, isn’t it?”
“I don’t think I ever really believed that we would grow up, I thought we’d be kids forever.”
“Well, you better get used to it. Soon you’ll be running the family company, won’t you?”
I sigh loudly when I think about that. It’s good to have that option, I wouldn’t want to seem ungrateful especially when I know that others don’t have the same choices as I do, but sometimes I wish I could create some of the paths of my own life myself. Maybe I could, if I bothered to try, but maybe not. Dad is so keen for the family to keep full control of the company, which I suppose I must respect.
“What about you?” For now, I’d prefer to keep focus on Lucie. “What are your plans for after?”
“I want to travel,” she surprises me by saying. “I have always wanted to go to England, to London, oh and maybe some other areas of Europe too. I haven’t ever left America and I really want to.” She muses thoughtfully for a moment. “But after that I might write and tutor at the same time. That’s the dream anyway, but I guess I’ll have to see how it pans out. I don’t want to raise my expectations too high.”
I nod slowly, wishing I could say something reassuring. I can’t tell her that I know she’ll make it as a writer because that would be fake and she knows it. I haven’t ever read anything that she’s written. She’s determined, as far as I remember, I could say something in that area, but still I think it’ll sound lame.
“Well, I’m just glad we still have some time left at college so we can enjoy our lives for a little while longer.” I turn onto my side, kind of forcing her to do the same thing. “Don’t you think?”
