“But yes, I am speaking from experience. It’s like coming out,” John says, levity gone, tone serious. “My head had been telling me for years that it wasn’t true, that it was just a phase, that it wasn’t the right time. Finally I had to listen to my heart and, let me tell you, Sophie, it’s freeing.”
“Yeah. I imagine so…”
“Of course you shouldn’t completely neglect what your head’s saying. I’ve made some poor choices following my heart and shutting down the noggin’.” He laughs. “Well, I’ve got to go into a meeting in ten. I hate to let you go—”
“No, no,” I say in a hurry. “No worries. Thanks for the nine-one-one chat. You’ve been a big help.”
“Have I?”
“As always,” I say, still confused about where to go next, but more at peace and better prepared to act.
“I think your staying away from Chad right now,” John explains, “is a wise idea. Just give yourself some distance not because it’s awkward or because you’re worried about how you feel. Keep some distance to give yourself time to listen to your heart and search your feelings.”
“Are we sounding cheesy?” I tease, reverting to humor, because I know what John’s saying is true, but it’s still not what I really want to hear. Every girl wants to hear, “You’re in control of your life and everything you’re doing is just right. Don’t change a thing.”
“Sophie,” John says in his low, big brother voice.
“All right, all right,” I say with a sigh. “In my defense, I was doing well staying away from him.”
“And charging over to his place—”
“That can be explained. In fact,” I abruptly turn around and begin wandering aimlessly down the other end of the parking lot, “I was kind of tapping into my feelings before all that Evelyn-quitting thing blew up in my face. I was really feeling like…like…” I instantly find myself reflecting back on the thoughts I had during my last yoga session with Robin, my mind wandering to places it shouldn’t with someone it has no business wandering with…
I pause, wanting to choose my words carefully, not really knowing what words to speak.
“…like Chad and I had something that might be…more than friends,” I say at last. Then I hastily blurt out, “But then he went and pissed me off, so there went that hope. I was clearly being ridiculous. He was with Evelyn—”
“Was,” John cuts in boldly.
“Yes, was. And that was all before I found out Chad pulled the rug out from under me.”
“Well.”
“I know, I know.” I quicken my pacing. “I need to let you run—busy lawyer life.” I look back at the café. “I really should be getting back to work myself.”
“I love ya, sis.”
I tell John that I love him, too, and thank him again for lending an ear and advice, as resistant as I may be about agreeing to it and following through with it.
As soon as Evelyn had delivered the shocking news that Chad and I were going to be an item…that he liked me…whatever all that was about, as soon as I got that earful, I immediately knew I had to call John. Claire came in a close second, but I needed answers, sobering advice, cut-to-the-chase help, with the drama checked at the door. I love Claire, but in a moment of panic like this I knew John would be the answer. Besides, as a man himself and as someone who’s in a relationship with one, surely his insight on the male species far exceeds that of my girlfriends.
“Just remember,” John adds before hanging up. “Look inside your heart, not just—”
“The head,” I complete the sentence for him with a light roll of my eyes. “Got it.”
“Yeah. And one more thing.”
“Yes?”
What could this be? I think excitedly. A golden closing tip? A clear suggestion of what I should do at this point other than mull over it all to death?
But the answer is so simple—so aggravatingly simple—I should have seen it coming.
“Chill,” he says. “Just chill, Sophie. Life has a mind of its own sometimes, and it can surprise you. It sure as hell surprised me.”
***
As life presents its little surprises, when I was in search of a way to chill that next night that did not have something to do with downward facing dog, reorganizing my bookshelf, or old re-runs of Will & Grace or that dreaded DVD of 90210 I’ve really been meaning to return to Robin, the best answer to chilling out came via a text message from none other than Jackie Kittredge.
Girls Nite out overdue! her text read. Vogue, 9pm. Be there or…just be there. XO
It was the most perfect answer, heaven-sent, and I vowed that I’d use the night as a chance to put everything about the situation with Chad and Evelyn and the great unknown of Evelyn’s revelation to nap.
Yes, I had spent the past twenty-four hours trying to heed John’s advice and figure out what I felt, not just what I thought. I didn’t feel all that closer to a solution, but I figured in time something would happen. Time is a great healer and the great answer, after all.
Until Time decided it had had enough…time…I’d dedicate an evening to hanging out with some of my best girlfriends and, quite simply, chilling.
“So, Jack,” I say, closing the silver clasp of my clutch after pulling free my debit card and handing it over to Lara, who is now heading to the bar to initiate the tabs. “Is there a special occasion for this ‘overdue girls’ night,’ or have you just been craving some girl-on-girl time?”
“Girls, when I’m with you, it’s always a special occasion,” Jackie says with a flutter of her long faux lashes.
“So you and Andrew aren’t planning on running away for a sail-around-the-world trip or something?” I look at Robin and we share a small laugh.
“Oh, no,” Jackie answers. “But we did take the boat out further on the Sound. We went to Orcas Island. Stunning, ladies!”
“Oh, how beautiful,” Robin says. “Bobby and I want to go there and hike those gorgeous trails, maybe even mountain bike.” She waves a lazy hand. “One of these days when we can leave the kids alone for longer than a night.”
“Phillip still having separation anxiety issues?” I ask.
Robin nods and says, “I’m just glad I got to get out of the house for a night. Whenever Bobby or I drop Phillip at daycare or when we go on a date night or whenever even just one of us leaves him, it’s a complete Greek tragedy.” She sighs. “He was a total sobbing mess when I left tonight.” She presses a hand to her heart. “I should be used to his fits by now, but it still breaks my heart a little.”
“Cosmos all around,” Lara says as she resumes her seat next to Jackie. “That okay to start?”
“Anything with a kick will do,” Jackie says perkily.
“So what’d you and Andrew do there?” I ask Jackie. “At Orcas Island?”
Jackie twirls her rock of a wedding ring around her finger a few times, lips pursed, as if she’s racking her mind wildly.
“They so didn’t do anything like explore the island,” Lara says with a knowing grin.
“You didn’t even hike?” Robin looks astounded.
“Jackie? Hike?” I laugh rather loudly. “Robin, let’s be real.”
“But there’s the most gorgeous panoramic view of the San Juan Islands Archipelago,” Robin gasps. “And there are some fantastic resorts there…”
“With the sailboat we already have a place to stay,” Jackie says matter-of-factly. She pulls a tube of lip gloss from her Chanel purse and rapidly pumps the wand.
“And that’s the only place they stayed,” Lara says with childlike laughter.
“You know it,” Jackie says.
“So…” Robin creases her brow. “You sailed all the way to Orcas to…stay in the harbor? On the boat?”
Jackie, lips still pursed, nods her head.
“What’d you do there?”
Lara and I share a look that says, “Robin, you cannot be this dense.”
Jackie holds up her tube of lip gloss and begins to pump the wand
faster and faster. She bites down on her bottom lip, continuing to pump, and bursts into high-pitched laughter when Robin’s face finally reads of, “Oh! Now I get it!”
“Seriously, babe,” Jackie says through a fit of laughter. She begins to blindly apply her lip gloss. “I was worried I’d have to go all When Harry Met Sally on you, since the visuals weren’t enough.”
Robin reaches over the table and playfully swats Jackie’s arm, telling her she may be twenty-eight and married, but sometimes it’s as if she’s still acting like she’s living in her sorority row DeeGee years.
“Bobby and I would certainly take the time to enjoy romance,” Robin says, “but we wouldn’t let a gorgeous setting like Orcas Island go to waste.”
“Eh,” Jackie shrugs off. She drops her lip gloss into her purse. “The Island will be there tomorrow. We paid for our docking slip; it’s up to me to use the island if I want.”
“Besides,” Jackie adds as a waiter comes to our table with four iridescent cocktails, “the trip wasn’t a total waste. We had a few adventures.”
“Four cosmos,” the lanky waiter says, carefully setting a drink down in front of me.
“Thank you,” Lara says, taking a drink off the waiter’s hands, and Robin does the same.
“Andrew made me orgasm three times,” Jackie says as the waiter places her drink in her hands. “So, the trip wasn’t a total bust.” She flashes a toothy grin at the waiter—the waiter who can’t hide a growing grin himself—and thanks him. She turns to Robin and winks. “It was totally awesome.”
Modest Robin’s slightly flushing pink as she pulls uncomfortably on her cocktail.
“What?” Jackie gasps. She looks from Robin, to Lara, then to me. “If that’s not worth celebrating…” She takes a long sip of her Cosmo.
“So while we’re celebrating Jackie’s induction into the Triple G Club,” Lara teases, “I’m glad we could get together, because there’s kind of something I need to share.”
The table goes silent as Lara says, “Things with Worth are serious, as you already know.” She smooths a hand over her perfectly highlighted hair and casts about the table. She looks like she’s going to give a PowerPoint presentation with the way she’s so ramrod straight in her posture, face pensive, tone very much all-business. If it weren’t for the black lace blouse revealing the tip of her black bra, top three buttons undone, you wouldn’t guess we were having a girls’ night out at a favorite bar. Lara’s always been put together and professional, but Worth’s obviously relaxed her some.
“We’ve decided to take things to another level,” Lara announces proudly.
“Omigod!” Jackie screeches. “You’re moving in, aren’t you?” She bangs her hands excitedly on the table. “When? When? And where?”
“Not…exactly…” Lara says. She locks eyes with Robin, who looks like she may have already heard the news.
“What?” Eager for the news, I try to move things along.
“Marriage?” Jackie chokes out.
“It’s time for a change,” Lara says, not paying any attention to Jackie’s abrupt tone and assumptions.
“Change can be good,” Robin says sweetly.
“And it’s been a while since I’ve made a change,” Lara goes on. “Worth and I both have really great careers, but I’ve been feeling lately that…” She pauses to look to each of us girls, as if to receive a vote of confidence before proceeding with something that evidently appears to be difficult to share.
“Well, I’ve been feeling like there’s something else I need to be doing,” she says. “Change is good.” She glances at Robin once more. “And I’ve thought about it for a long time. I’ve looked at it from all angles—logical and rational, being rash or maybe just silly, bored and ill-informed. And then I really got to feeling it.” Lara’s tone is filled with conviction. “It won’t be easy—and it hasn’t been easy to come to this decision—but I think it’s a good move.”
“What? What?” Jackie’s a cat on a hot tin roof. Her bright blue eyes are so wide she looks like she’s taken one too many NoDoze, like that time in college when she forgot all about her Sociology mid-term and had to crash-study two nights through.
Lara pushes her Cosmo an inch forward and licks her lips. “I’m leaving Cooperton,” she says with no reserve. “I’ve been with the firm for years.” She casts her eyes down for a second, inching her glass forward some more. “I think it’s time for a change.”
“Are things not great there?” I ask.
“No, things are great. I love my work. It’s just time—”
“For a change,” Robin finishes.
“Yeah, a change.” Lara takes a hesitating pull of her cocktail.
“Okay,” Jackie says, now looking kind of unfazed. “So you’re switching jobs? Are you still going to do advertising or…”
“I’m staying in advertising,” Lara says, “in fact I’m going to be working for the firm that advertises for my mother.”
“Oh, wow,” I say.
Lara explains how the advertising firm’s a reputable one in Chicago that’s been doing wonders for her mother’s event coordination company. She looked into the firm, noticed a position was available, and so she applied. Easy as that.
“And you got it?” Jackie asks, mouth agape.
Lara looks to Robin and says, “Yeah, I heard back yesterday.”
“Omigod!” Jackie and I say in unison.
“Congratulations,” I say, but then realize, at the same moment Jackie blurts it out, that this means Lara is moving to…
“Chicago?!” Jackie looks completely taken aback. “Shit, Lara!”
“But not until the summer or something, right?” Robin says.
“Omigod,” Jackie pants. She dramatically claps her hands to her head. “Fuck, I need a cigarette.”
“I know it means I’m obviously moving, but I feel it’s for the best,” Lara says.
“It is,” Robin says.
“But that means we’re losing Lara!” Jackie cries. She wags her head wildly. “Seriously, I’ve got to step out for a smoke break.” She roots madly about her purse.
Lara chuckles and says, “You’re not losing me, silly. Claire’s moved, and we didn’t lose her.”
“Oh, you know what I mean.” Jackie pulls a pack of cigarettes from her purse. “You not being here will be—will be—oh, it’ll be weird!” She blindly pats loose a cancer stick.
“It shocked me at first, seriously,” Robin says, trying to calm Jackie. “When Lara told me last night—”
“Last night?” Jackie’s faced is covered in worry, her cigarette dangling loosely and rather comically from the corner of her high-glossed lips.
“I kind of saw the papers in her bag when she came by for lunch the other day…” Robin runs on uncomfortably. “Anyway, I was totally beside myself, but after a good night’s sleep and thinking about it,” she looks to Lara and smiles, “it’s for the best. Lara deserves a change of pace, a new shot to grow her career.”
“And her romantic life,” Lara adds with a saucy expression.
“And Worth?” I ask. “What does he think about it all?”
Lara can’t hide the overwhelming joy that takes control of her face. “I proposed the idea of a career move, he understood, and…he’s coming with me. He said he’s ready for a change, too. Been at the same company for a while now.”
“Whoa!” Jackie exclaims, clapping her hands. “The man’s—” She halts to remove the jumping cigarette from her mouth. “He’s moving for the woman! Shit, go feminism.” She returns the unlit stick to her mouth.
Robin laughs and says, “You don’t know the half of it.”
“Huh?” Jackie and I say, again, in unison.
“Well…” Lara’s blushing cheeks begin to shade red, her cocktail glass being nudged yet again about the table.
“If you don’t spill it then I will,” Robin blurts out.
“Worth and I just might be getting married,” Lara reveals. She immediately p
resses her lips together tightly; she looks like she’s about to burst from excitement.
“Omigod!” Jackie practically screams. She’s really pounding the table now, her cigarette taking a dive and landing in her Cosmo. “He proposed or what? Did you go ring shopping? Omigod!”
“Not exactly…” Lara looks about the table in a mischievous kind of way.
“What? What?” I press.
“I’m,” Lara begins with hesitation heavy in her voice, “I’m…I’m going to propose to Worth.”
Chapter Forty-Four
Lara’s very unexpected proposal plans have got me to thinking about my own love life. John’s sage advice about listening to the heart—tapping into the emotional side of this convoluted mess that is Sophie and Chad…and Evelyn—has also got me to thinking. A lot. I’m keeping my distance from Chad, although that isn’t exactly a challenge. He hasn’t been by the café, nor have I made any hasty visits to his place. It’s almost as if we’ve gone back to a strictly platonic relationship—friends who see each other when they see each other, easy-going.
But the truth of the matter is we haven’t gone back to that kind of a relationship. We have unexplained behavior, unsaid words, unaddressed feelings. We have a weird void that’s kind of been wedged between us with Evelyn’s departure, and all I can do is think about it and try not to drive myself crazy.
“And you aren’t going to do a damn thing about it?” Claire says, sounding clearly exasperated.
“What can I do, aside from keep ruminating on it all?” I sigh loudly into the phone. “I’m keeping my distance, I’m spending some time—some time, not unhealthy obsessive amounts of time—thinking about how I feel about…” I swallow, “Chad.”
“It should actually be easier now, Sophie,” Claire says simply.
“How so?” I cross my ankles, feet propped on one of the patio chairs on my apartment balcony, careful not to smudge the fresh pink toenail polish.
“You know now that Chad has feelings for you,” she says.
“That’s nothing new. He made that clear in Paris three years ago,” I say dully. “And even propositioned me for a quickie at your wedding, so…”
When Girlfriends Find Love Page 33
