“Come on, Sammy. Look, I’ll kick your butt at the Lego Movie game, okay?
“No. I no want to play with you.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “How about some more gummy worms?”
He was just about to shake his head when his mouth started watering. “How much?” he asked.
“You mean ‘how many.’ And I can give you five.”
He thought about it. “No. One hundred.”
“Ten.”
“Okay,” he said, quickly.
As he followed her to her room, he pretended he wasn’t mad at her anymore so he could get the gummy worms . . . but he was. As he stepped into the doorway of her room, he suddenly remembered he’d also seen something else very cool in her closet.
He smiled.
When Zoe, the fierce wanna-be bug, wasn’t looking, he was going to go back in there and get it.
And she couldn’t stop him.
All day, as Allie worked, she kept trying to push thoughts of Gary away, but they kept returning.
She wondered if Laura Willis had been telling the truth. That she hadn’t heard from Gary, and didn’t know where he was. And again, she wondered if it were possible he’d been hiding in the woods in the back of the house this entire time.
Just watching.
Waiting.
Her stomach twisted just thinking about it.
Throughout the day, Allie had checked on the kids several times—both during and between clients—and had been relieved to see that not only was Zoe taking good care of Sammy, he seemed to be having a lot of fun.
After Sammy was asleep, she went into the family room with a drink. A few minutes after she’d sat down, Zoe poked her head into the room. “Hey, do you have a second?”
“Yeah, sure. What’s up?”
Zoe sat on the couch next to Allie. She looked nervous.
“What’s wrong?”
Zoe shrugged.
“What’s going on? You can tell me.”
Zoe shook her head. “I’m just . . . I don’t know. I . . .”
The room was silent.
“I guess I’m just really scared,” she said, her eyes filling with tears.
“Of what?”
“Of Gary maybe being back. Of Grandmother . . . of not knowing . . . not knowing anything for sure.” Her voice trailed off. “Of not having my dad to talk to.”
“I understand,” Allie said, reaching out and touching her shoulder.
Tears rolled down Zoe’s face. “What’s going to happen to me?” she asked, wiping them away.
“You’ve been talking with the therapist, right? Your caseworker? Bitty? What do they say?”
Zoe sniffed and nodded. “They just say they don’t know yet.” She wiped more tears with the heel of her hand.
Allie felt terrible for the girls. The only life they’d ever known had just been ripped out from underneath them. But Allie didn’t have any answers.
She wished she did.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
Zoe studied her. “Yes,” she said, seeming reluctant.
“Okay. What is it?”
“I’m afraid to ask.”
“It’s okay. Just ask.”
Silence fell between them. Allie could see that Zoe was studying her carefully. Zoe took a deep breath, and snaked an arm around her middle before finally speaking again. “Allie, will you . . . will you adopt me? Please?”
Allie’s breath caught in her throat. She was completely blindsided. She thought that Zoe was going to ask her to sit in on more therapy sessions . . . or maybe even sleep in her bed again. She had no clue she was going to ask this.
Zoe watched her, a hopeful expression on her face. She looked as if she was holding her breath. Allie didn’t know what to say. Of course, her answer was no, but it wasn’t like she could just say no. She liked Zoe, but she couldn’t adopt her. She was struggling to just take care of Sammy, Bitty, and herself.
She’d also noticed Zoe hadn’t asked her to adopt both her and Carrie. Just her. The girls hadn’t appeared as close since the suicide attempt. They slept in different beds, sat on opposite sides of the couch. Zoe seemed to pretend Carrie no longer existed. It was probably another protective mechanism that Allie just didn’t understand.
Allie’s heart broke for the girl. No one had a clue where she or Carrie would end up. Bitty had learned from a source inside CPS that their grandmother had never even put in a request for custody. She’d probably never intended to. The last thing a drug user like her wanted to invite was the close scrutiny of the law.
Zoe swallowed hard, her eyes still glued to Allie’s. An optimistic smile flickered over her face. “You’ll be so happy you did. I promise. Like I said, I can help you a lot. I mean, a ton. With Sammy. With the house. I can cook. I’m really good at a lot of things. And I learn new things super fast.”
“Zoe—”
The girl’s face fell. “You’re going to say no,” she whispered.
“I’m only twenty-two. I’m way too young. And I’m not married. You need someone more experienced at being a mother.”
Zoe raised her eyebrows. “No, I don’t. You are such a good mom. You are the best mother to Sammy. I’ve never seen a better mom.”
“I don’t even think they’d let anyone in my situation adopt a child.”
Zoe’s eyes glistened with need. “You could at least try. Try, please?”
“Zoe, I’m sorry, I can’t. But you’ll find a home. A good one. Much better than what I could give you.”
Zoe’s mouth turned down at the corners. She shook her head. “No. I don’t want a new home. I want to be with you.”
Allie was at a loss for words.
The two stared at each other for a long moment. Then Zoe’s eyes darkened. She inched backward on the couch, away from Allie. “You don’t love me,” she said. It came out like an accusation. Allie watched a muscle jump in her cheek.
“It’s not that, Zoe. It’s just that adopting a child is a huge responsibility.”
“Not a child like me. I could take care of you as much as you’d take care of me.”
Allie was silent.
Zoe’s eyes darkened even more . . . and Allie thought she could feel a chill in the room. “Never mind. Just forget it.”
“Oh, Zoe.”
Zoe jumped up and stalked out of the room. And Allie didn’t try to stop her, because she had nothing reassuring to say.
CHAPTER 29
TWO MORNINGS LATER, Allie plunged her hands in warm, soapy water and scrubbed dishes left from the evening before. She’d woken up feeling exhausted.
Her body was tired.
Her mind was tired.
She felt as though she’d had no sleep at all, although she’d had a full seven hours. The fear surrounding Gary . . . the conversation she’d had with Zoe earlier in the week and Zoe’s resulting anger . . . the unpaid bills . . . it all felt like too much. Her simple life had grown very complicated in a matter of weeks.
Bitty had also talked with Zoe about the conversation she’d had with Allie, but it hadn’t gone any better. The girl was upset, and Allie didn’t blame her. She was going through a very dark time. Through things no child should ever have to deal with.
To top everything off, Bitty had come down with the bug that had been going around, and had been in bed close to twenty-four hours. And Bitty never got sick.
Tears welled up in Allie’s eyes, and she quickly wiped them away. Forcing the thoughts into the back of her mind, she ran a soapy cloth against the kitchen table, then dried her hands and grabbed the grocery list from the fridge. They were out of a lot of supplies. She’d have to make a trip to the supermarket this morning.
“Want to go to the store in a little while?” she asked Sammy.
“Yes, Mommy,” he answered, his face a mask of concentration as he quietly lined Rescue Bots figures across the bar.
Allie walked to her office to look at her checking account balance, but when she passed thro
ugh the doorway of the room, she was surprised to find something glittering on the floor next to her desk. It appeared to be shattered glass.
Something had broken.
She bent down to get a better look, and realized it was the glass heart Zoe had given her.
Had it fallen off the desk? It was unlikely.
Did Zoe do this?
Sammy?
And, if so, had it been on purpose? Whoever it had been hadn’t even bothered to clean it up . . . had probably wanted her to see it . . . so Allie suspected it had been intentional.
Sammy had acted a little weird when he first saw the heart on her desk. Like he wanted to say something about it but decided not to. Now thinking back on it, his reaction seemed odder than it had before.
He wouldn’t break it because he’d been jealous, would he?
She sure hoped not, because that would be a problem.
Taking a deep breath, she cleaned up the mess; then returning to the kitchen, she tossed the bag of glass into the kitchen trash can.
“Sammy?”
“Yes, ma’am?” he said, not looking up from his toys.
“Did you accidentally break that glass heart in my office? The one Zoe gave me?”
He looked up. The expression on his face looked a little weird again. But he shook his head. “No, I not break it.”
“Okay, thank you.”
She poured a cup of coffee, then knocked gently on Bitty’s bedroom door.
“Come in,” Bitty called, her voice weary sounding.
Allie carried in a cup of coffee. “You awake?”
“Barely,” the woman grunted. “I think a train ran over my head. Twice.”
Allie held out the tray. “Want coffee?”
“I’d love some.”
Bitty sat up in the bed and Allie handed her the tray.
“I’m heading to the supermarket in a few minutes to pick up some things. Need anything special?”
“No, thank you,” Bitty said. “Just some coffee and a little more sleep.”
“Umm, do those even go together?”
Bitty winked. “This morning they do.”
Zoe appeared in the doorway, in her pajamas, her long, dark hair pulled into a high ponytail.
“Good morning, Zoe,” Bitty said, appraising the girl. “I don’t know where you got your excellent nursing skills of yours, but I really appreciate all the pampering. You’re making me feel like a queen.”
Yesterday, Zoe had waited on Bitty hand and foot. It was true; she was an excellent nurse.
“Thanks,” Zoe muttered, still looking melancholy.
The glass heart flashed into Allie’s mind, but she decided to wait until she and Zoe were alone to ask her about it. “Good morning, Zoe,” she said.
“Good morning.” The girl smiled, but it wasn’t one of her usual smiles. Since Allie had told Zoe she couldn’t adopt her, she’d felt something shift between them. She knew Zoe felt rejected, and Allie hated making her feel that way. She knew from experience that rejection felt awful.
After two cups of coffee, Allie bundled Sammy up for the supermarket and shrugged on her winter coat. Zoe leaned against the foyer wall, watching them, sullen faced, as if she was waiting to be invited, too.
“Where are your gloves, honey?” Allie asked Sammy.
“My room.”
“Go get them.”
Sammy darted off to his room.
“I’d invite you to go with us,” Allie said, “but Sammy and I really need a little alone time. It’s been—”
“It’s okay. I need to take care of Bitty anyway.”
“Okay, thanks,” Allie said. But she could tell Zoe was lying. That not being included bothered her.
“Just make sure to keep everything locked up, and no going outside, okay?”
“Okay.”
“And make sure to tell Carrie, too, when she wakes up.”
“All right.”
Before heading to the supermarket, Allie brought Sammy to the local park. The cool air, as always, made her feel a little better, but she still felt exhausted. Thankfully, not many people were there. Just another mother and a little girl. When Allie wasn’t assisting Sammy on the monkey bars or teeter-totter, she sat bundled up on a park bench and watched him happily play with the little girl, racing up the ladder to slide down.
She marveled at how easily he fit in with other kids, relieved that he didn’t have the issues she’d had fitting in—and she hoped he never would. She wondered how popular the twins had been in their school, and if they missed their friends. She was a little surprised that Zoe never mentioned anyone. Surely she had friends?
On their way home from the supermarket, she remembered that she’d forgotten to stop by the health food store for more supplements. Tears sprang into her eyes for the second time that morning. She wiped them away, surprised at how quickly they’d come.
Wow. Why am I so emotional this morning?
A reason flashed through her mind—and she quickly forced it away.
Don’t even go there. It’s just exhaustion.
When they pulled up to the house, Johnny’s truck was there. Allie groaned and banged her head against the steering wheel. Johnny still hadn’t gotten the point.
“Daddy! Daddy’s here!” Sammy yelled.
Allie’s head pounded as she unbuckled her son. She’d need to get Johnny alone for a quick moment and make sure he didn’t say anything about the breakup to Sammy.
Not yet.
She hadn’t had the time to shape the conversation yet in her mind. To figure out how to tell Sammy in the least painful but most honest way she could.
When she walked into the house with the first bags of groceries, Sammy was running up the hallway.
“Where Daddy?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Did you check the bathroom?”
“Yes.”
“My bedroom?” Although, certainly, he knew he wasn’t welcome in there anymore.
“Yes. Daddy not in there.”
“Johnny?” Allie called. She walked through the living room, the kitchen. She looked out the sliding glass doors to the deck and backyard.
But she didn’t see him.
In fact, she didn’t see anyone.
The house was completely quiet.
Confused, she knocked gently on Bitty’s bedroom door, but she didn’t get an answer. She pushed the door open and saw Bitty sound asleep in her bed.
Deciding it was best not to wake her, she went to the girls’ bedroom. Both girls were asleep in their bunks. Allie looked at her watch. It was thirty minutes until Sammy’s nap time. And during his nap, the girls—especially Carrie—often went to their room to either lie down or read.
Zoe raised her head from her pillow, her voice heavy with sleep. “Is something wrong? Did you need me?”
Allie went to the bunk and lowered her voice so she wouldn’t wake Carrie. “Sorry to wake you, but have you seen Johnny?”
Zoe blinked, her eyes red rimmed as though she’d been crying. “Your boyfriend?”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Allie said again. “But yes, him. Sammy’s father.”
“No, why?”
“It’s nothing. Sorry, go back to sleep.”
Allie left the girls’ room and called Johnny’s cell phone, but the call went straight to voice mail.
Thirty minutes later, after putting away all the groceries and calling Johnny’s cell phone at least half a dozen times, Allie looked out the back windows one last time. She turned to Sammy, who had long given up searching for his father and was now sitting on the couch playing an Xbox game. “Maybe he just took a walk,” Allie suggested, thinking it was a long shot, but wanting to comfort her son. She knew there was a logical reason for him not to be there when his truck was, but her mind was too worn out to try to figure it out right now.
They’d find out when he showed up.
“Let’s go take a nap,” she said, yawning. “Mommy’s really tired, honey.”
&
nbsp; “Okay, Mommy,” Sammy said hesitantly, taking one more look out at the backyard.
CHAPTER 30
WHEN ALLIE’S ALARM woke her an hour and a half later, she was still exhausted. But when she noticed the bed was empty, she sprang up.
Sammy wasn’t in the room, although she’d told him not to leave the bedroom without her. Then it hit her: Johnny had probably shown up and they were in the living room together.
But when she reached the living room, she found Sammy and Zoe alone on the floor, playing with minifigures. She was grateful to see that even though she’d upset Zoe, the girl was still willing to help out with Sammy. It showed maturity on her part. And maybe that she was starting to come around again.
“Have you seen Daddy?” she asked Sammy.
He shook his head.
Allie checked her phone and saw that Johnny had not texted or called back. She looked out the window and saw his truck was still there. Confused, she decided it was time to wake Bitty.
When she pushed open Bitty’s door, the woman was curled up in bed.
“Bitty?” she said, gently.
The woman’s eyes opened.
“Sorry to wake you, but have you seen Johnny today?”
“No. Why? Is he here?”
“His truck is . . . but I haven’t seen him.” She explained everything to Bitty. When she finished, Bitty immediately climbed out of bed and called Detective Lambert. He and Sergeant Davis showed up ten minutes later.
After Allie answered the officers’ questions, Detective Lambert told her to sit tight and went outside to speak with a few other officers who had shown up.
Sammy was getting antsy, so Allie asked Zoe to play with him. Thankfully, Zoe said yes, but Allie noticed her skin was pale, as though she, too, were beginning to feel ill. “You feeling okay?” Allie asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Zoe said. But there were dark crescents beneath her eyes.
Allie made her way to her bathroom. Her mind was foggy, and she was experiencing what felt like tiny spasms in her brain. It was one of the withdrawal symptoms she always got when she forgot to take her antidepressant.
But she’d taken it, hadn’t she?
In the bathroom, she twisted open her prescription bottle and took double the capsules she usually took. Just for now . . . until they were on the other side of some of the chaos. After she checked on Sammy and Zoe, who were playing in the family room, she bundled up and went out on the deck, watching uniformed and plainclothes cops walk around the perimeter of the house and into the woods. Every once in a while, someone would call out Johnny’s name, and she’d hear the static and high-pitched beeps of police radios going off.
Don't Say a Word (Strangers Series) Page 15
