Sergeant Davis had called to confirm that her antidepressant had been switched. The doctor on duty had refilled her prescription for her antidepressant and given Allie twice her usual dose. Since it had been several hours since she’d taken the Xanax-filled capsules, she was feeling more clearheaded, less lethargic. The spasms in her brain were also becoming duller and more infrequent.
She was pleasantly surprised to find that her mind hadn’t broken after all, even with the stress and chaos of the last several weeks. The depression and lethargy had just been the result of Zoe switching drugs on her.
Not a sign of impending mental illness.
Bitty walked into the room. “Detective Lambert just called. He’s on his way.”
“Where are the girls?” Allie asked.
“They’re being held at the juvenile detention center in Tyler.”
“Carrie, too?”
Bitty nodded. “I’m so sorry, Allie. I didn’t know how disturbed Zoe was,” she said, her eyes red and swollen. “Or I never would’ve let her near Sammy. I feel awful.”
Allie didn’t blame Bitty at all. In fact, right now she didn’t blame anyone. She felt no anger or resentment . . . no negative emotion of any kind. She was just grateful that her son was going to be okay.
That her mind was still whole.
That they’d gotten through the nightmare in one piece. “Don’t,” Allie said. “It wasn’t your fault. Neither of us knew. The important thing is that Sammy’s okay. Everything’s okay now. Everything’s okay.”
And she smiled, because for the first time in weeks she actually felt like it would be.
EPILOGUE
Three Weeks Later . . .
THE TRUTH HAD set Carrie free . . . in some ways.
The horror of what she’d done still paralyzed her from time to time, and she knew she’d never completely forgive herself, but the guilt, coupled with trying to keep it a secret from everyone, had made it so much worse.
She was so thankful that Zoe had run out of bullets after killing Johnny—and had been forced to resort to the Xanax . . . or things would’ve turned out much differently for Sammy. Allie had explained that Zoe had panicked when Sammy found their mother’s cell phone in their closet. She feared that if it were discovered that she had it, they’d know that she’d been the one making the calls after Gary’s calls had ceased. Zoe had made the most recent calls herself so that she could pretend to be frightened, reasoning that if she had good reason to be fearful, Allie would allow her to sleep in her bedroom again.
Carrie knew Zoe would hate her forever for telling the truth—and blame her for just about everything that had happened. But that was okay. Zoe wasn’t the sister Carrie thought she’d been, and Carrie no longer felt the overpowering need to please her.
She’d been shocked when Allie and Bitty first visited. She was stunned that they still wanted anything to do with her. But they said they’d always be there for her, and would be there to help her with whatever she needed when she got out. They’d even brought Sammy once, and his face had provided her some sunshine. In Sammy’s face, she still saw her brother, Joey, who she missed so much.
She was still overcome with grief over what she’d done. And she still missed her father so much. She knew she’d never heal from it all, but she let a tiny part of herself welcome the possibility of feeling better.
She liked her new therapist, and she’d even made friends with her roommate, another twelve-year-old girl. And for the first time she was starting to get to know herself for who she was . . . not for what she was to her sister.
She didn’t know yet what the full extent of her punishment would be and when exactly she’d be moved. She was still being held at the detention center and had already had three detention hearings. Tomorrow she’d have a fourth.
She was told that she would probably be moved to the Texas Youth Commission soon, where she would stay until she was eighteen. After that, her sentence would be transferred to the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, where she’d serve out the rest of the time the judge would render. It was likely she’d get forty years, but would be eligible for parole after twenty.
She was okay with whatever sentence they decided to give her. She knew what she’d done had been unforgivable, and that she needed to pay.
For the first time in her life, she didn’t even know where Zoe was . . . but that was okay, too. She was ready to just concentrate on herself.
The little flame in her that had almost been completely extinguished since she murdered her parents seemed to spark a teeny bit brighter now.
It gave her a little hope.
And a little courage.
Allie sat at the dinner table, watching Sammy as he happily engaged Detective Lambert—who now insisted they call him Adam—and Bitty, excitedly telling them about a new Avengers game he’d seen a trailer for.
Knowing he had no family in town, Bitty had been inviting Adam over for dinner regularly since that dreadful night . . . the night that Allie almost lost everything. Thankfully, though, neither Allie nor Sammy had suffered any long-term effects from the drugging. Just some minor bumps and bruises from the ordeal.
The girls’ bedroom was now empty; so was Carrie’s favorite spot on the couch. It almost seemed as though they’d never even been there.
Because of everything that had happened since the twins’ arrival, Allie had learned that her mind was much stronger than she’d thought. Despite her fears, Allie had let the girls in, and now her world was bigger, broader, richer. She had Carrie and Adam in her life, and she was considering a new career, working with troubled youth. What Carrie and Zoe had gone through had shown her that she hadn’t been the only troubled child to use immature logic to make horrible decisions.
And after visiting the detention center, she’d seen there were many.
Allie’s eyes still stung a little every time she thought about the sentence the girls would get. She still felt an undeniable pull to Carrie and cared for her. It pained her to know she’d be locked up for a good portion of her life. No matter the term rendered, Allie had committed to visiting Carrie on a regular basis, and would do whatever she could to help her, going forward.
Although it had been difficult, she had also forgiven Zoe. As Bitty always said, not forgiving was like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. She forgave, but she would never forget. The one time she visited Zoe to tell her that she forgave her, Zoe had refused to look her in the eye. She looked much different than the tough little girl that Allie had seen when Zoe and her sister first arrived at the house. She was much thinner. More timid and much less sure of herself. Allie hated to see her that way.
She wondered how soon Zoe would get out. Where she would end up. Who she would try to attach herself to next. During the visit, Zoe didn’t even attempt to apologize for what she’d done. Instead, she stood up after only a couple of minutes and, with a staff member’s permission, left the room. Bitty had visited her twice since, and received the same treatment.
Telling Sammy about Johnny had been complete hell. Johnny’s funeral had been even worse. And worse than both were the days that Sammy forgot that death was permanent and asked when his daddy was going to visit again. But in the last two weeks, he hadn’t asked very often.
Bitty had heard that Laura Willis ended up getting the seven hundred thousand dollars that Julie Parish had given Gary. Since there was no reason to believe that Julie hadn’t signed the money over to Gary of her own free will, and it hadn’t been contested, Julie was able to collect it from Gary’s account.
Bitty retreated to the kitchen to brew a pot of decaf coffee to serve with her famous healthy version of Bananas Foster. But before she did so, she winked at Allie, her eyes twinkling.
Bitty adored Adam, and she knew that there was something happening between them, albeit very slowly. Something that might not have developed had Bitty not taken it upon herself to get the two in the same room together as many times as she had.
Adam had been instrumental in saving Sammy’s life . . . which had saved her own. He also spent several hours with them during Sammy’s short hospital stay, constantly making sure they had everything they needed. What’s more, Allie had come to realize that when he was under their roof she felt safer.
“How are you holding up?” he asked, his blue eyes piercing hers.
“Pretty well,” she said, and it was the truth. Every day was a little easier, and a little better, than the one before.
Hearing Bitty’s footsteps approach, he gave her hand a quick squeeze, then let it go. A moment later, Bitty came shuffling in with the coffee. Her eyes met Allie’s, and she winked again.
After dessert and coffee, Bitty offered to give Sammy his bath, then read to him. Allie and Adam retreated to the deck, into the chilly night air. After closing the door, he took her hands in his and backed her up against the house. Then he leaned in and kissed her. Gently at first. Then hard.
Her stomach did somersaults.
Weak in the knees, she kissed him back—but a troubling thought kept nudging her. He didn’t know about her past yet—and that concerned her . . . a lot.
He stopped kissing her, then tilted her chin up so he could see her eyes. “How about we take Sammy to the movies tomorrow?” he asked, his breath tickling her ear.
Allie hesitated, knowing that she couldn’t take things with Adam any further without him knowing the truth about her. About her mother, her brother—and the things they’d done.
She didn’t want to live forever afraid he’d find out where she came from. What her family had done. She was tired of hiding.
She took a deep breath and stared into his eyes. “There are things you don’t know about me.”
“And there’re plenty of things you don’t know about me.”
“That’s not what I mean,” she said. “There are things—”
“Are you talking about your family? If so, I know.”
Her breath caught in her throat. He knew? How—
“I’m a cop, Allie. I did a background check.”
She stared at him, stunned.
“I’m just joking.” His smile was gentle. “Bitty told me. She knew I was interested in you, and she didn’t want to see you hurt, so she wanted me to know before I pursued anything. To see if it would change the way I feel about you.”
Her eyes began to sting. “So you know about my mother?”
“Yes.”
“My brother?”
“That’s affirmative.”
“And . . . you’re still interested?” she asked, her vision clouding.
“More than you know,” he said, embracing her, pressing his strong chest against hers. His warm breath was in her ear. “You can’t help what they did. You’re not them.”
Her pulse quickened. He’d seen her pretty much at her worst, more than once. He knew about her family. And he still wanted her? Not only was he gorgeous, he was kind, considerate, solid, and honored his word. And on top of it all, Sammy and Bitty both loved him, and she felt safer when he was around.
How had this even happened to her? How in the world had she gone from living on the streets as an orphan to having such a beautiful life with a loving family, the most amazing son and mother, and the interest of a man like Adam?
He pulled away to look at her. “You’re smart, kind, strong, a great mother . . . not to mention stunning . . . inside and out.” With his finger, he began to trace the scar on her forehead, one she’d suffered from a tree branch during her frantic search for Sammy.
She was amazed when she didn’t feel compelled to shrink away from his touch. After all, the scar was one of her many imperfections. “I would consider myself very lucky to be with you, Allie.”
She wiped at her eyes with the heel of her hand. They held each other a few more moments, Allie savoring his warmth and strong embrace, until they heard Sammy’s high-pitched chatter in the living room. Adam pressed his lips against hers one more time, then released her. Placing his hand lightly on her lower back, he guided her back inside the house.
Later, as she watched his taillights disappear around the corner, she found herself already anticipating when he’d be back.
Once in bed, she lay beside her sleeping son and reflected on the last several weeks. She remembered Bitty’s wise words: Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.
Well, the wolf wasn’t very big today. In fact, at the moment, she couldn’t even sense his presence.
In the darkness, she smiled, turned over, and closed her eyes.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I am grateful to many people who helped bring this book to life. First of all, a huge thanks to David Wilson, Ashley Previte, Chelle Olsen, Charlotte Herscher, and Maxine Groves for their insight and keen eyes. I am also grateful to all of the experts who helped answer technical questions: Kari Schultz; Travis White; Detective Carlos Flores; Police Chief Richard Penn; retired homicide detective Brad Strawn; Roger Canaff; Gena S. Dry, RN; Desiree X; Shannon Hysell; and Donna Crisler.
Thanks to my husband, Brian, for being a first reader, giving me constructive notes, and most of all for helping with the kids all summer so I could write. I think I left the house less than ten times the whole summer. Seriously! It was a pretty intense time.
Thanks to Reida O’Brien and Terry O’Brien for their unflagging support and encouragement in everything I do—and for always being there for me; Sage Gallegos for being an amazing and patient friend, encourager, and wonderful auntie; Mark Klein for being such a wonderful pen pal for the last fifteen years. Without your continued belief in me, Mark, I wonder if I’d even have completed my first book.
Thank you to all the wonderful people at Thomas & Mercer, especially JoVon Sotak, Anh Schluep, Jacque Ben-Zekry, and Alan Turkus. Thank you for believing in my books and for getting them in front of so many thousands of readers here and abroad. I couldn’t have imagined a better, more fulfilling experience with a publisher.
And last, but certainly not least, a big thanks to my amazing twin sons, Christopher and Ryan. Thank you for making Mommy’s life so much more beautiful . . . in so many incredible ways.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Photo © 2014 Alan Weissman
Since graduating from Old Dominion University with a bachelor’s degree in health sciences and a minor in management, Jennifer Jaynes has made her living as a content manager, webmaster, news publisher, editor, and copywriter. Her first novel, Never Smile at Strangers, quickly found an audience and in 2014 became a USA Today bestseller.
When she’s not writing or spending time with her husband and twin sons, Jennifer loves reading, cooking, studying nutrition, doing CrossFit training, and playing poker. She and her family live in the Dallas area.
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