by M. B. Gerard
“Sure,” Amanda answered. “I’d be happy to help you. You just saved my life!” She gave Alice a little wave with the yellow spray, then hurried outside of the administration area.
The infirmary was located in the basement of Court Philippe Chatrier. Amanda hurried down the corridor clutching the flowers. She really hadn’t planned to watch the match. She had only tried to kill some time, since suddenly she had too much of it. She had gone out to the practice court after her loss, hitting a few hundred balls with Dan to let off steam, and then she had nothing to do.
She thought she could watch some tennis instead and ended up in the stands of Elise’s match against Tamara. She was impressed by her young doubles partner. Elise really was a fine player. It was shocking to see her go down like that. But even worse was the fear of another serious injury. Worrying about Elise had completely taken Amanda’s mind off her own misery.
Amanda knocked on the door of the players’ infirmary but didn’t wait for someone to open it. She slipped inside and closed the door again. In the next room Amanda could hear several people talking. There was Elise’s dad and probably a doctor inquiring about the injury and the pain, and then she could hear Elise’s voice.
“I only felt a short pain when going for the ball. It didn’t come back again. It was all fine when the trainer came and checked the knee,” the German admitted meekly. “It was actually fine when I played, but I was so frightened that I might hurt it again that I didn’t go into the corners anymore.”
Inside the room Elise started sobbing and the sound made Amanda miserable. Elise really seemed to have no luck. The doctor came out of the treatment room, and when he had left Amanda plucked up her courage and stepped into the room. Seeing her guest, Elise immediately sat straight up and wiped her tears away while Elise’s dad gave Amanda a friendly nod.
“I heard what happened and thought I’d bring you some flowers,” Amanda said with a sheepish grin. She suddenly felt almost overdressed with the bouquet in her hand and quickly held out the flowers to Elise.
“That’s sweet,” Elise said looking up to Amanda. “I already feel a lot better. It was nothing actually.”
She gave her father a little nod and understanding the hint he left the room, announcing that he would wait outside.
“Will you get an MRI?” Amanda sat down next to Elise.
“Tomorrow,” she answered. “I already had an X-Ray. But there was nothing.” Looking down onto her feet she said quietly, “I didn’t lose because of the knee, you know? It gave me a fright, that’s true, but I got all tight in the end because I was so close and it would have been such a huge win.”
Amanda knew the feeling. She suddenly felt like hugging this girl.
“Would you like to have dinner tonight?”
Elise looked up in surprise.
“Not with Dan though,” Amanda added with a shy grin. “I have been eating lamb for a whole week now. I thought we could go some other place instead. Just you and me.”
***
“How can you even eat this thing?”
Ted turned his head to Carina Gnocchi, who was sitting next to him.
“This thing is foie gras,” he said, munching demonstratively on his food. “And it is delicious. Much better than having pizza for weeks.”
Since Rome he had been able to avoid the tedious German, but today they were presented a preview of the commercial they did together before the French Open had started. The French Grand Slam had turned out to be a lot more relaxing for Ted, at least from a personal point of view. No need to juggle between his secret rendezvous with Tom and the official and boring photo shoots and interviews with Felicia. The Aussie singer was on tour, thankfully, and Ted was having a good time in Paris, spending the evenings with Tom.
Not tonight though. Carina was on a roll.
“It’s the liver of an animal. An animal they have stuffed to death! It’s completely disgusting.”
Their sponsor had scheduled a mid-tournament meeting to show them the rough cut of their TV commercial, which would air during the grass season on Supersport channel.
Ted waved off Carina’s comment with an impatient hand gesture, then closed his eyes to bite into another piece of foie gras. He wouldn’t have too much of the heavy delicacy but since he was in France only once a year he allowed himself to give in to the culinary sin. From the other side of the table, Paola Scetti grinned at the scene. She would do a little making-off interview with the two players afterwards for Supersport.
“How is Felicia?” Ted heard Carina say through a wall of foie gras bliss. Was there a nasty tone in her voice? He opened his eyes again and looked over to her. He couldn’t believe Carina was truly jealous of Felicia. That would have been the joke of the century!
“Is she missing the company of a certain tennis player?”
Now, Ted was wide awake. The last sentence was clearly said tongue-in-cheek.
“Oh, she’s having a good time touring with her band.” Ted tried to sound relaxed.
“Sure,” Carina said. “But a certain tennis player seems to miss her badly.”
“I wouldn’t have time during Roland Garros anyway,” Ted said politely. He sensed that Paola was following their exchange and that she was noticing the undercurrent of the conversation but was unable to decipher it.
“Oh, I actually meant Amanda, not you. She seems pretty close to Felicia and unable to win a match when Felicia is not around,” Carina said with a smile. “But I’m sure you know that, don’t you?”
Ted felt his face grow hot. He couldn’t believe what was happening right now but it was impossible to mistake the German’s undertone. Carina Gnocchi was hinting deliberately and in front of a media colleague to a possible lesbian relationship between Amanda and Felicia. This was outrageous! What was this person thinking? Ted tried to remain calm, while chewing on a piece of liver. There was nothing going on anymore between Amanda and Felicia. He and his management had made sure of it reminding Felicia of her contract with Ted and she had dutifully dumped the Australian. Just in time, as Carina’s nasty remarks indicated. The rumor mill had already started and was still going slowly against him. He needed to come up with a good explanation for this triangle between himself, Felicia and Amanda. He had to think! Quickly!
“Well,” he started, trying to gain a little more time, and then he had an idea. “It was actually Amanda who introduced me to Felicia.”
Carina seemed surprised. Looking across the table Ted saw that Paola had raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. Was it a wise move? What if Carina asked Amanda about it?
“Oh,” Carina said finally. “They really are friends from school then?”
Ted was relieved. So there had never been certainty about Felicia and Amanda. Just the one or two rumors floating through the players’ lounges dissolving into many theories, and one of them seemed to be the old-school-friend theory.
He nodded and quickly turned his attention back to the foie gras.
***
The night air was cooling down the city and Elise felt the first chill. She pulled her jacket tighter. Walking the still buzzing streets of the 16arrondissement Elise thought that Paris had to be the most beautiful place on earth. With a little smile, she admitted that it might have something to do with the girl walking next to her.
Amanda had taken her out to a very good, but not too fancy restaurant close to her hotel. She really knew her way around Paris having been on tour for such a long time now. In the relaxing atmosphere of a cozy patio they had talked for hours about life on the tour, life off the tour, their dreams, their fears, injuries and too many things to recall even minutes later. They were able to talk as if they had known each other for ages.
During the conversation a thought was crossing Elise’s mind from time to time, and sitting there with Amanda having such a pleasant evening she truly considered saying it out loud. After they had a good laugh outplaying each other with the best worst-journey-adventure episodes, Elise finally fel
t comfortable enough to give the conversation yet another turn. She just needed to know what was going on in Amanda’s life.
“Are you in a relationship?” She had asked it as casually as possible but she immediately noticed Amanda shifting in her chair, alerted by the unexpected question.
Elise felt Amanda’s eyes on her. “Why do you ask?”
Elise shrugged. She couldn’t possibly tell Amanda the truth behind her inquiry.
“I just heard you were with someone,” she mumbled.
“With whom?” Amanda frowned. Elise began to feel uncomfortable. Why couldn’t she have kept her mouth shut?
“Natsumi,” she replied sheepishly.
“What?” Amanda leaned back shaking her head in amazement. Then she started laughing almost spilling soup over the table. “I can’t believe this old story is still going around. Well, even better.”
She shrugged and continued eating, leaving Elise at a loss with that cryptic answer. Moreover, there had been no inquiries of that kind from Amanda about Elise. Even though Elise feared the inspection of her private life, in this case she was disappointed. Amanda really didn’t seem to be interested at all in Elise except as friends and Elise made the resolution not to be sad when it was time to say good-bye but instead to enjoy every minute with Amanda. Only the minutes seemed to be zooming by in Amanda’s presence and Elise felt a lump creeping up her throat now that they were approaching the Australian’s hotel. When they had reached the hotel entrance Amanda turned to Elise.
“See you around, Elise,” Amanda said.
This was it, Elise thought with a little shock. In spite of her plan to have none of the usual sentimental good-bye ceremonies Elise couldn’t help waiting another second and another and another. Why couldn’t this wonderful Australian just grab her hand and kiss her? Before her desperation would show she quickly gave Amanda a huge smile.
“Good night,” Elise said resolutely. After giving Amanda only a hint of an embrace she began walking down the street but turned around to wave for a last time. Amanda was standing in the entrance of the Hotel Figaro smiling and waving back at her before she turned around to enter the hotel. Even though they were parting for an indefinite time the gesture made Elise’s heart jump. With a little hopping step she continued to walk down the street looking out to find a taxi. She felt slaphappy. Yes, it would have been too good to be true. After all, what had she expected? A kiss in the streets of Paris? These great moments only happened in the movies.
She walked more slowly. It was the second time today that a great moment had passed her by. All of a sudden the scenes from the match flashed back to her mind. She had been so close to victory and then it was gone. And only a few minutes ago she was so close to Amanda and now she was gone.
Elise stopped walking. She should have done it! She should have kissed Amanda. What bad could possibly have happened? Well, a lot of bad things to be honest. Amanda could have slapped her in surprise or yelled at her. Or she could have told her very matter-of-factly that she wasn’t in love with Elise. But then at least Elise would have been certain. Or Amanda could have kissed her back. Yes, that could have happened, too.
But nothing had happened. Elise had waited for a Hollywood moment and the moment never came. She had played passively when she should have gone for a winner, like she did on court all the time. It would have been a risky shot but victory would have been even sweeter.
“Coward,” she whispered to herself.
Hearing the word spoken out loud suddenly stirred the thought in her that it might not be over yet. How often had she turned a match around and in the end won? Perhaps she could do it now, too? She turned around and began walking towards the hotel again. Should she invent a story? Why would she be standing there outside the room banging on the door? What could she tell Amanda?
I want you. Elise formed the words with her lips but no sound came out. I want you. I want you so bad. Elise was only a few steps away from the hotel. Elise stopped in her tracks. No, she couldn’t do it. She turned away from the hotel entrance and slowly walked down the street towards Avenue Mozart where she hoped to find a cab.
She really was a coward.
***
Waiting for the elevator Amanda couldn’t help smiling. Taking Elise out to dinner had been the best idea she had had in ages. Even during the Stuttgart tournament there hadn’t been time to talk about a lot of things. Amanda had to admit she was impressed by the German. Even though Elise made the impression on many people of a lighthearted, even superficial young woman, Amanda had seen a different side of her today. This was someone who was able to give careful thoughts on life and express them, however diffidently.
Elise’s question about her private life had startled Amanda. Sure, it was not unusual to ask and by then they had begun talking about their friends and family already. Perhaps Elise was just eager to know the truth about these locker room talks that were going around about Amanda and in fact every player had to endure once in a while. Asking the person directly seemed a good way to do so. However, Amanda had had the feeling that Elise had something else on her mind. For a moment, Amanda had dwelt on the thought that this girl really was in love with her. Even now, she wondered which gestures and looks could have had such meaning.
Amanda sighed. She had never been good at reading signs and had gotten it wrong several times in the past followed by some embarrassing moments she would have loved to forget. But recapitulating the evening she couldn’t deny the fact that Elise hung on every word she had said. To be honest, that had been the case in Stuttgart, too, Amanda remembered. They had spent the evening in a local restaurant after their doubles win and afterward, there had been that awkward moment in the hotel corridor when Elise had planted a kiss on Amanda’s cheek.
The elevator arrived and a young couple stepped out but Amanda didn’t move. Back in Stuttgart, she had blamed herself for giving in to illusions but, in fact, it had been Elise who had kissed her. It had been Elise who had written her little texts every morning the week after Stuttgart. It had been Elise who had bought Amanda the little blue bracelet she was wearing right now.
The elevator door closed and lost in thought Amanda was about to push the button again when a thought made her freeze. All the looks, the gestures, the text messages, the little kiss on the cheek finally made sense. And that inquiry about Amanda’s alleged relationship with Natsumi? Elise wanted to find out if she was single!
“How stupid can you get!”
Amanda turned on her heels and ran through the lobby. She needed to hurry. Elise could have reached Avenue Mozart by now and might take a taxi before Amanda could reach her. The Australian kicked it up a gear, speeding through the entrance door and looking in the direction Elise where had walked off and almost fell down the two steps onto the pavement – in surprise. Elise was only about fifty feet away from her. It looked like she had not made ground at all since they had said good-bye and Amanda had entered the hotel. Shaking her head, Amanda followed Elise quickly but slowed down when she reached her.
“Elise,” she called out after her.
Stopping under a plane tree the German swung around, her eyes wide open. It almost seemed a shock for her to see Amanda.
“You didn’t get very far,” Amanda laughed awkwardly. Elise just stared at her as if Amanda was some kind of vision. Why wasn’t she happy to see her? The young German had grown all tense. She almost looked desperate.
“I thought –,” Amanda started again feverishly searching for a credible reason for running after Elise. “I thought we could go on a boat ride tomorrow.”
Still Elise seemed at a loss. She looked like she hadn’t understood a word of what Amanda had just said. Amanda opened her mouth to explain it again when all of a sudden, Elise broke into an excited, astonished smile while beginning to wring her hands and wobble on her feet.
“Yes,” Elise exclaimed. “Yes, I’d love to.”
The glow of enthusiasm that brightened up the sweet face filled Amanda w
ith a sudden warmth and confidence. She took a step closer to the beaming young woman.
“Elise,” she said quietly, looking down to her feet. “There is one more thing.” Then she glanced up to the tall German and saw that Elise had grown very calm, waiting. Bracing herself, Amanda rose up onto her tiptoes. Elise’s face was only inches away and she could feel her breath on her skin. Amanda hesitated one more second but seeing Elise’s lips part into a big smile she stretched a little more, cupped Elise’s face with one hand and reached out with her other to embrace the girl.
Elise’s lips were cool and soft, and Amanda closed her eyes. Even though she could hear the sound of cars, people chatting, and music from a window floating into the street, nothing in Paris seemed to move. It was only them, the rustling leaves above, breath against breath, lips on lips, arms wrapped around each other. All the moments spent with Elise seemed to flash before Amanda’s eyes – from the first encounter a few years ago, to the late-night clash with Mint at the Australian Open at the beginning of the year, to the fateful evening when Monica set them up to play doubles. All the looks and gestures in the locker rooms and on the court as well as the shy kiss in the hotel corridor in Stuttgart, the sleepless night after, the wake-up texts and the dinner only half an hour ago were racing before her closed eyes. Each of these events now had acquired the touch of destiny leading them to this place under a tree in a Parisian street.
When their kisses grew more steady and their bodies began to relax they opened their eyes again and looking at each other with foolish little grins on their hot faces they realized that the city had gone to sleep. They must have been standing there for ages.
Still clinging to Elise Amanda became aware of yet another change – this time within herself. Serving out a match was never easy, Amanda knew. But this time she had aced it. When it already seemed like her time had run out she had served a love game.
