by Maya Banks
running away. I never once stayed and fought for them. How can I expect them to see if I wasn’t able to show them? And so here I am, wanting so much but no idea of how to make this work.”
Carmen sighed. She drew away and framed Jasmine’s face in her hands. “Sometimes, niña…sometimes we don’t get what we want. You have to prepare yourself for the possibility that you may never get what it is you most want. And more than that, you have to figure out what you’re willing to risk in your attempt to gain your heart’s desire. Because if you fail in this, your relationship as it is now with Seth and Zane can never be the same.”
“All or nothing,” Jasmine said simply. “I understand what you’re saying, mamacita. But I’ve already thought about that. I know if this doesn’t work out, things can never be the same. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
“Then I will pray very hard for you to succeed, mi niña. I love you dearly, and I want what any mother wants for her daughter. I want you to be happy.”
Jasmine hugged Carmen tightly. “I love you,” she said, her voice muffled by Carmen’s shoulder. “I never want to do anything to disappoint you.”
Carmen patted her back and pulled away to look her in the eye. “I am very proud of you, Jasmine. You know your mind. I’ve never doubted that for a moment. Your convictions are strong.”
“Let’s hope they’re strong enough,” Jasmine said. “I have a feeling they’re going to be sorely tested.”
Jasmine spent the rest of the day sequestered in the study with her computer. She answered the email from Wildscapes and made arrangements for them to fax a contract for her to sign. But she declined the offer for a regular column.
It may have been stupid, but she simply would not entertain that her future was anywhere but here at the ranch. And if worse came to worst and she was forced to consider a path that would take her away from Seth and Zane, she’d consider her options then.
At one point, she fell asleep at the desk, her head pillowed on her arms. She awoke when Carmen gently shook her.
“Go on up to bed, niña. The boys have gone to their rooms for the night.”
Jasmine rubbed her eyes and glanced at the clock. It was nearly midnight. “Goodnight, mamacita. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she said, kissing Jasmine on both cheeks before she left the study.
Jasmine stood and stretched then shuffled out of the room. When she reached the top of the stairs, she stared down the hall at both closed doors. She walked down to Zane’s room and quietly tried the knob, only to find it locked.
Hurt swelled and knotted in her throat. He was shutting her out.
The ache in her chest only grew as she trudged to her room. She closed the door behind her as she slipped in, and she leaned heavily against it.
She slid down the smooth wood until she crouched on the floor, and she drew her knees to her chest, hugging them tightly. What would she do? How could she force Seth to see her, to really see her?
Her plan had seemed so simple. But things in theory always did. It was easy to dream of how it would be, and that all she had to do was return, show them that she loved them and everything would fall into place.
Apparently she was a naïve idiot. So much for growing up. Maybe they were right. Maybe she was too young for them. Maybe she was just a silly little girl playing at being a woman.
But damn it, her love for them was real. It wasn’t some misplaced adolescent crush. She’d had those. She knew the difference.
And she’d never been flighty. She’d made up her mind very early on that she wanted Seth and Zane. Even when the opportunity came up for intimate relationships with other men, she’d held back, reserved that part of herself for Seth and Zane. Her body was too important, as was her self-respect.
She’d always known she would only ever give such an important part of herself to someone she really loved. It didn’t make her old fashioned or a martyr. It made her smart and damn choosy.
At the rate she was progressing with Seth and Zane, she might well die a virgin.
She heaved an aggravated sigh. It was time to quit feeling sorry for herself. She’d suffered a setback, but it wasn’t the end of the world. She could either wimp out or she could move on and form a new plan of attack.
Chapter Eleven
The next few days tested her fortitude. Seth and Zane both avoided her, and when Seth was forced into contact with her, he was stiffly polite.
If he’d ever acted that way before, Jasmine would have immediately called him on it, but she wasn’t ready to provoke him. Yet. She needed to think of a way around his iron-clad wall.
Zane, on the other hand, just avoided her. Once she’d nearly bumped into him on her way out of the kitchen, and his expression had become shuttered. He’d looked away before finally retreating.
She’d made a mistake thinking it would be easier to win Zane over first. She’d used their history of closeness as a point in her favor, but all she’d done was make things difficult between him and Seth. In hindsight, it should have been obvious that she was going to have to work on Seth first.
And so, with that in mind, she concocted a plan. While risky and a bit outlandish, it made her positively gleeful when she anticipated the outcome. It was just diabolical enough to work.
For the first time since the morning of Seth and Zane’s fight, she felt upbeat and positive. She dressed in a pair of cutoff shorts and a form-fitting tank top that showed off the diamond teardrop belly ring.
Seth would probably have a coronary if she took off in his truck again, and she wanted him in the best possible mood for when she enacted her grand scheme. So she sucked up her courage and went in search of Zane.
She found him out working on a section of fence near the storage sheds. She stopped at a distance, unable to keep from admiring his bulging muscles and his sweat-slicked body. He paused for a moment and shoved his hair back from his face. It hung down on his shoulders, limp and slightly curly from the humidity.
When he looked up and saw her, she started forward, not wanting to give him the opportunity to escape.
“Zane?” she called softly.
He shifted a little uncomfortably, and then as if realizing there wasn’t an escape route, he faced her again.
“Can I borrow your truck to run into town? I won’t be gone long, I promise.”
He looked a little relieved, and she wondered crossly if it was because she was leaving.
“Yeah, sure,” he said as he dug into his pocket for the keys. He drew them out and tossed them into the air.
She caught them against her chest. “Thanks.”
“We really need to get you your own set of wheels,” he said. “Something you’d be comfortable driving.”
She smiled and gave him a little wave. “I’m perfectly okay with driving yours. I’ll see you later.”
She walked away, not looking back, though she wanted nothing more than to go to him. She wanted to kiss him. Wanted him to take her in his arms. Take her back to the house and to his bed. She sighed. Hopefully soon. Patience had never been one of her finer virtues.
Once she saw J.T.’s truck outside the police station, she parked beside him and walked inside. The cool air was welcome after only a few moments in the sweltering heat. Summer had come early and with a vengeance.
She smiled at the secretary and motioned toward J.T.’s office. “Is he busy?”
Sandra, who’d been the Barley police department’s secretary since before most of its employees were born, smiled and waved her on by.
Jasmine stuck her head inside J.T.’s door and said, “Knock, knock.”
J.T. looked up in surprise and swung his feet off his desk. They landed with a thump as he righted himself. “Hey girl, what are you doing here?”
“You got a minute?” she asked a little nervously as she walked further inside. “I have a small favor to ask.”
He checked his watch. “I’ve got more than a minute. You want to grab lunch? I’m starving.
”
She grinned. “Sounds good. I left the ranch before Carmen had lunch finished.”
They went two doors down to a small café that only stayed open from eleven to two every day for lunch. After they’d been seated and their orders taken, J.T. took a long drink of his tea and focused his attention on Jasmine.
“Now what can I do for you, sweetness?”
Heat crept into her cheeks, and she felt some of her courage desert her. She took a drink of her ice water, praying it would calm her embarrassment a little.
She cleared her throat as J.T. continued to look inquisitively at her. “I wondered if…uhm…” She leaned forward so that no one would overhear and whispered, “I wondered if you had an extra set of handcuffs I could borrow.”
His eyes widened in surprise. His lips parted, and then he closed them again. “I know I’m probably going to regret asking this, but why on earth do you need handcuffs?”
“Do I have to say?” she asked.
J.T. chuckled. “Oh boy. Tell me it’s legal at least.”
She pretended to consider for a moment. “Well, you know Texas has some pretty funky sex toy laws…”
He hooted with laughter and shook his head. “You’re serious. You want handcuffs?”
She sighed and sat back in her chair. “I’m desperate, okay? I need a way to make someone stay in one spot long enough for me to do a little convincing.”
“Damn. What a lucky son of a bitch. Darlin’ if you ever want to convince me, I can guaran-damn-tee that you won’t need handcuffs. Unless you really, really want them,” he added with a wicked grin.
They were interrupted when the waitress put their plates down in front of them. After she left, Jasmine chewed on a fry and glanced over at J.T. “So can I have them?”
J.T. gave her a thoughtful look. “Sure, I have a pair. Just don’t be telling your unwilling partner that you got them from me. Oh, and make damn sure you don’t lose the key.”
She chuckled. “Thanks, J.T. You’re a prince.”
Jasmine returned to Sweetwater a bit more cheerful than she’d left. J.T. always lifted her spirits. They went way back. Or at least the few years he’d spent hauling her out of Tucker’s bar when she managed to sneak in. He’d spent almost as much time looking out for her as Seth and Zane.
She tossed Zane’s keys on the kitchen table as she walked through, and she cocked her ear, listening for any sounds within the house. She could hear Carmen’s television from her room, but the house was otherwise quiet.
Seth and Zane had either gone out or they were locked in their rooms avoiding her. Well, that was fine because Seth’s time was limited. One way or another, things were going to come to a head. Just as soon as she got the chance to use those handcuffs.
Chapter Twelve
Zane leaned against the back porch railing and stared up at the broad expanse of stars twinkling against an inky black sky. He took a swig of his beer and set the bottle down on the wooden rail. Night sounds echoed across the terrain. In the distance a coyote howled, and closer, an owl hooted, followed by another a little further away.
As he took another sip of his beer, the bottle rubbed across the split in his lip, and he grimaced.
This was one time he was actually grateful to Seth for trying to kick his ass. Though Seth had certainly not escaped unscathed. Zane grinned then winced as he once again irritated his sore lip.
They both looked like shit, and while Zane couldn’t speak for Seth, Zane felt like shit. They’d had plenty of squabbles over the years. What brothers hadn’t? But never over a woman. Not one they both obviously had feelings for.
But the episode had forced Zane to examine a simple truth he’d been avoiding ever since Jaz had returned home. His feelings for her had changed. But the confrontation had also made him consider that for the first time, he and Seth were going to be at major odds. Zane didn’t see a way around it. He wasn’t willing to push Jaz away just because Seth thought it was the right thing to do.
He honestly had no idea how things would work out. Triangles were things of soap operas. Oddly enough, the idea that Jaz might have feelings for Seth didn’t bother him as much as he might have thought. In a twisted way, he imagined she probably did have feelings for them both. That he could deal with. The idea of Jaz not being part of his life in some way? That bothered him.
He downed the last of his beer and headed back inside. It was dark in the kitchen. Carmen had long since retired. She wasn’t exactly thrilled with him and Seth since their fight, and she hadn’t gone out of her way to be accommodating.
As he walked through the living room, he saw Jaz asleep on the couch, the television still on. He quietly walked over and took the remote from her hand. He pointed it back at the TV and turned it off.
He laid the remote down on the end table by the lamp and stood there looking down at her. She was curled into a tight ball, one fist tucked under her chin. Her long dark hair spilled over her shoulders, satiny and fine. He reached down to touch her cheek, unable to resist the temptation.
She sighed and nuzzled closer to his hand. For a moment, he thought she’d awakened, and he tensed, not prepared to explain why he was standing over her, but she snuggled deeper into the couch and resumed her even breathing.
He relaxed in relief then reached for the afghan folded at the end of the couch. He pulled the blanket over her and gently arranged it so she was covered. Then he walked away.
It rained all morning and well into the afternoon. Jasmine stayed away from areas where she was likely to run into Seth and Zane. It wasn’t that she dreaded the confrontation. But the next time she got close to either of them, it certainly wasn’t going to be because she wanted a long, drawn-out conversation.
She had no idea what to say to either of them yet anyway. Her feelings were complex. There was no simple way to articulate them. She was having a difficult enough time sorting through them herself without having to explain them to someone else.
Her preference was to show them her love. Make them see it, feel it. She’d never taken sex lightly, not since that night in Houston when she’d been forced to barter her body. In her mind, she was giving them a gift she’d never shared with anyone else. Her soul.
She locked herself in the study and piddled on the computer for most of the afternoon. Her latest project was creating a website for Sweetwater Ranch. Once finished, complete with all the guided hunt information and pricing, she was going to talk to Seth and Zane about launching it and advertising on a few online sites.
A knock sounded at the door, and Jasmine looked up from her computer to see Carmen bustle through with a tray in hand.
“I trust this lunacy will come to an end soon?” Carmen said in exasperation. “It’s ridiculous the three of you avoiding each other like this. It’s no way for a family to behave.”
“You’re right, mamacita. It’s not,” Jasmine quietly agreed. “But I have to warn you it might get worse before it gets better. If it ever does.”
Carmen set the tray down on Jasmine’s desk with a thump. “You sound as though you’ve already given up, niña. What happened to your ‘take on the world’ attitude? Besides, if you ask me, it can’t get much worse than it is now.”
It could, but Jasmine didn’t like to dwell on that possibility. Seth could always ask her to leave, or worse, he could remain so indifferent, so sealed off from her, that she would choose to leave. This time for good.
Carmen sighed. “Eat, niña. You don’t need to miss any meals. You never would eat when you were upset.”
“Thank you,” Jasmine said with a small smile.
Carmen walked out, and Jasmine picked at her food with little enthusiasm. Butterflies danced in her stomach which made putting anything on top of them impossible.
Tonight was the night. Seth and Zane had been forced inside all day by the rain, and she knew they’d both go to bed early. She opened the desk drawer and pulled out the pair of handcuffs J.T. had given her. Next she picked up the thin piece
of satin ribbon she’d secured the key to. She let it dangle from her fingertips and swing like a pendulum.
She turned to look out the window as she heard the rain resume. Water sluiced down the glass panes in rivulets, and in the distance, thunder rumbled.
She glanced back at the time on the computer. An hour. She’d wait an hour before venturing out. Then she’d head up to Seth’s bedroom where she planned to take matters into her own hands.
Seth had never really considered himself a coward before now, but after days of avoiding the inevitable confrontation with Jasmine, he knew he was a first-class pansy.
He had no idea what to say to her, and he knew that whenever they did finally come face-to-face, their relationship would undergo a radical transformation. And probably not for the better.
Part of him longed for the simpler days when she was much younger and very off-limits. It had been a beautiful thing to behold to watch her shed the frightened, insecure mantle and blossom into a confident, beautiful young woman. But with that awareness, that growth, came the knowledge they could never go back to the innocent relationship they’d shared.
He sighed as he sank down onto his bed. He was damned tired, and he hadn’t even done anything today beyond watch it rain. His family was in tatters. Zane was pissed and brooding. Jasmine was avoiding them both. Carmen was walking around in a perpetual huff, and the only food she’d dished up was what could be warmed in a microwave.
It was time for him to stop putting off the inevitable. He needed to face Jasmine. Apologize for being an ass but make it clear he’d stepped over the line and it wouldn’t be happening again. Then he needed to make things right with Zane.
If Zane and Jasmine… He swallowed and shook his head. He hadn’t even been able to complete the thought. If his brother had feelings for Jasmine, and if she returned them, then did he have any right to step between them? Especially if he had no intention of ever acting on his own attraction?
He rubbed his hands over his face in irritation. What a goddamn drama. Why couldn’t things just go back to the way they were?
He yanked the covers back and then stood to undress. He was tired, moody and quite frankly, he couldn’t wait for another day to begin. Maybe then he could get rid of the angst knotting his damn belly.
Chapter Thirteen
She stood beside the bed, watching him sleep. For several long moments, she didn’t move. She barely breathed. She merely watched the smooth rise and fall of Seth’s chest. The sheets were in a bunch at his waist, and she could just see the waistband of his boxers resting below his navel. One arm rested across his taut belly while the other lay on the pillow next to his head.
It was all Jasmine could do not to reach out and touch him. To trace the lines of his body, curving around the firm muscles and ridges. She wanted to bathe the room in light so she could see better, but that would have to wait.
Carefully, she lifted the handcuffs and moved closer to the bed. No sound betrayed her as she leaned over to secure one cuff around one of the slats of the headboard. She held her breath as she snapped it in place, relieved that there was barely a discernable click.
Her heart began racing as she inched toward his wrist. She would have to be fast. No stealth about this part. Reach and snap before he could react. Then back the hell away and get the lights. She was just grateful he didn’t sleep with his gun close by. All she needed was to be mistaken for an intruder.
She took a deep breath, held it, grabbed his wrist with one hand and snapped the handcuff around it with the other. He jerked in surprise and she stumbled backward, her hand seeking the light switch.
“What the fuck?” Seth exploded just as her hand collided with the wall. She swiped and hit the light switch.
He threw his free arm over his eyes and tried to sit up, but his manacled wrist made it awkward. He threw his arm down and locked onto Jasmine with his furious gaze.
He glanced at his cuffed wrist. Then back at Jasmine. She stood, knees shaking with a combination of adrenaline and fear.
“Jasmine, what the fuck kind of stunt are you pulling?” he demanded. “Get me the hell out of these handcuffs. Now.”
She stiffened her spine, put her chin up and stepped forward, her gaze never
