“I can’t, I’m too terrified.” Chickadee left the kitchen, stalked past Roscoe and Luna in the living room, and went to her bedroom slamming the door behind her.
Dilly returned to the living room. A look of worry passed between her and Roscoe.
Roscoe sighed. “I suspected a sinking was imminent.”
“Me too,” said Dilly.
Luna was stunned. She had never seen a look like that on Chickadee’s face — despair. And something else, overwhelmed in an insurmountable way. She asked, “What’s a sinking?”
“A sinking spell as Chickadee calls them. It looks like this one might be big.” Roscoe clapped his hands on his thighs and rose with another sigh. “If you hear anything call. Also call me if there’s anything I can do.”
Dilly looked nervously at Chickadee’s door. “And call me if you hear anything.”
“Will do.” Roscoe left through the screen door.
Luna asked, “Is Chickadee going to be okay?”
“She’ll be fine, but she’ll be in bed for a few days I suspect.” Dilly stood and gathered tea mugs.
Luna asked, “I never saw her do that before.”
“She wanted to hide it from you.” She stopped and gave Luna a sad smile. “It will be up to me and you to run the place until her sinking spell is over. Shark needs a walk, too.”
Luna said, “Oh — but there’s a big storm coming . . .”
Dilly said vaguely, “Is that why it’s so dark?” and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Luna and Shark alone in the living room staring at Chickadee’s shut door.
Chapter 9
Beckett climbed across the median to the lanes of cars sitting parked. He walked up to the first car, they had seen him chase the truck and seemed to think it was funny. “You got a phone I can —?”
The driver, laughing, rolled up the window.
Beckett looked up and down the stream of cars. And saw one with a young woman driving. The car was full, but all he needed now was a phone. He wove through the cars to her window and leaned. “Do you have a phone I can borrow, I was just robbed.”
“Oh, just now?” She was pretty, long blonde hair. The girl beside her looked like a younger sister and the back seat was full with four older people crammed together.
“I lost everything. I need a phone to call home.”
She glanced in the rearview mirror at the man in the backseat and handed her phone out the window.
Relief washed over Beckett.
—Finally, he would make contact with home, tell them what was happening. Chickadee would be able to figure this all out.
He pushed the phone icon and yes, there was service.
He stared down at the numbers. A blank stare.
The young woman was watching the confusion on his face — what was Chickadee’s phone number? He had keyed it into his phone six years ago. Luna’s phone was new. It had a three in it. He was pretty sure. What about Dilly’s phone number? He punched in random numbers as panic started to rise. He deleted the random numbers and tried again picking numbers and now completely panicking — why the hell couldn’t he remember any phone numbers?
The woman asked, “Are you having a problem?”
“No I just — I can’t—” Beckett handed the phone back with his brain swirling for any idea what to do next. “I guess a ride west is out of the question?”
The man in the backseat said, “Definitely.”
Chapter 10
Beckett spent the night on the side of the road, cold, hungry, tired. In the morning he walked east to the town. It was a tiny little shit hole full of squalor and dismay. A steady stream of cars weaved through it, escaping the coast, headed inland. To where? Simply in, going up, trying to get on.
Beckett’s big plan was to wait at the gas station and beg, but the gas station was closed. Most every place was boarded up and shut down. In the entire town it seemed like four people were local and they each had the look in their eyes of Lost Everything and Well Beyond Hope.
People with that kind of look in their eyes would not be helpful. They would likely set themselves in the way of hope and help and any human kindness because when you lose everything there’s a sense of justice in making someone else pay.
The town was full of street vendors selling food, trinkets, tools, and bottles of gas for a price. Beckett begged for food. For free. Please.
The answer was a resounding no.
And then when he found an older woman with a look that she had been kind once long ago, he asked, “Do you have any food to spare?”
And she answered, creatively, “What do I look like a restaurant?”
Which wasn’t at all Beckett’s question. Beckett wasn’t looking for a restaurant. Restaurants cost money. He was looking for a nice person to take pity on him and give him some food and a place to sit down. Maybe let him borrow a phone so he could call his local law enforcement officials and tell them to sound the alarm with Chickadee and Roscoe.
He dumpster dived for food. In the past week there had been a lot of lows, but sitting hip deep in trash eating an old piece of bread had to be the lowest.
He slept on a bench. In the morning he found a driver who said, “Sure. I’ll give you a ride, but no food. And if you seem suspicious in any way, creepy or talkative, you’re out on the side of the road.”
Beckett clenched his jaw. “That seems fair.”
Chapter 11
Luna knocked on the bedroom door. “Chickadee?”
Chickadee grunted.
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” Her voice was small and sounded far away. What happened to its boom? The room was dark. The big bed in the middle was covered in blankets that covered Chickadee’s lump of a body in the middle. Her arm was thrown over her eyes.
Lightning lit up the room with a crackle, boom!
Luna yelped.
Chickadee asked, “What can I do for you?”
“I was wondering if I could stay in here for a bit until—”
“I usually just need to be alone.”
“But Dilly is baking — and I was trying to be — and the storm—”
Chickadee peeled her arm off her face and peered down at Luna at the foot of the bed. “I don’t think I can be any comfort, I’m really not capable right now.”
“I know, but it’s hard to be in a world where Chickadee isn’t capable.”
Chickadee sighed low and deep and dramatically, but Luna didn’t leave. Couldn’t leave. The storm had lit up the living room with a crash bang, and then Luna had gone to the kitchen, but Dilly had been busy and not helpful, distracted in a way Luna had never seen before, and now she was here — there was nowhere else. Chickadee asked, “Are you crying dear?”
Luna nodded. “I was thinking I could wait in here until—” Another lightning flash lit up the room.
Chickadee dropped her arm to the side and patted the bed. Luna scrambled up to the pillows, lifted the blankets and shoved her feet in, pulling them over her head. Chickadee said, “I can’t promise I’ll be the best company.”
“That’s okay, I’m just scared.” Luna closed her eyes tight.
“Me too.”
Luna asked from under the covers, “What are you scared of Chickadee?”
There was a long pause. Then Chickadee said, “What if I can’t control what happens? What if I can’t solve this?” Thunder boomed over the house rattling the windows. “What about you dear, what are you afraid of?”
Luna squeezed her eyes even tighter. “Everything.”
Chickadee wrapped her arm around Luna’s body. “Dear do you want to put your head on my arm?”
Luna shifted up and curled on Chickadee’s shoulder. They both sat in silence for a while, listening to the deafening roar of the storm. Luna said, “I don’t understand how to look for him. He boarded a boat and came looking for me. He found me. He saved me. And what am I doing? Nothing. Crying. Trying to convince Shark to stop chewing on my ankles.”
“You’re also growing a b
aby.”
“In secret.”
“Aargh. I hate feeling this impotent. Trouble is dear, I can't reason out what our next move is. Except going to the front lines, but Roscoe said I can’t. I hate it when he’s the voice of reason.”
Luna’s body shook with sobs. “I think I’ll be all alone again.”
Chickadee said, “Oh honey. You won’t be. Ever.”
Luna sniffled.
Chickadee said, “Dear, I never asked, and this might be the worst time, but how did you lose your family?”
Luna closed her eyes tight, clenched every muscle in her body, and had to force the words out. They broke free with a sob. “All at once." That was truly the whole story. And Luna's heart broke to speak the three words out loud. She cried long and hard, sobs wracking her body while Chickadee wrapped around her shoulders resting a cheek in Luna’s hair.
Finally Luna relaxed, her breathing slowed, and after a while she fell asleep.
_____________________
Hours later after the storm had passed, Luna woke up and looked around. It was about eleven at night. Chickadee was awake, a book open on her chest, a reading light pointing at a page.
Luna said, “I made your sleeve all soggy.”
“Yes, and you took my perfectly good sinking spell, the one that was supposed to be all about me, and turned me all inside out so I spent it worrying over you. Now apparently I’m not sunk at all.” Chickadee gave a Luna a sad smile.
“I’m sorry I ruined your terrible mood.”
“All the girls are conspiring against me, smell that?”
Luna said, “Cookies.”
“Damn right. Dilly is an evil genius.”
Chapter 12
Beckett was finally headed west. He made it to the next town over, and now finally had a ride home. And though he knew almost everyone who lived on the mountain, it was a stranger who gave him a ride. Someone who never heard of Chickadee and didn’t have her phone number. But it was just as well because he would be home in twenty minutes now. It was early afternoon.
So that was good.
The downside was that he was not good. He was exhausted.
The kind of bone-tired exhaustion that made him sore, causing his head to ache in a way that made him not able to think — just act and react — and pulled his face down into a grimace. The driver of the truck barely spoke to him, just pointed at the truck bed, leaving Beckett to guess he had become downright unpleasant to be around. When he passed a mirror, he looked five years older, and he was dirty in a way he couldn’t fix easily. He needed a long shower, with soaps. No one had offered him a shower. He stunk.
His clothes were filthy.
His mouth hurt. Canker sores.
And he was pissed.
At the truck driver.
At the stupid army.
At the mother-fucking whole world — why did everything have to be so fucking stupid and mean all the goddamn time?
That was the litany going in his head.
Not — I’m almost home. I’m so happy. I can’t wait to see Luna and tell her how much I love her — it was this:
I hate this. All of it, every goddam bit, and I am miserable.
That was all.
Chapter 13
Luna was expecting Roscoe to come for dinner hopefully bringing news, but in the meantime she planned to sit in the rocking chair and watch in the direction Beckett would come — to wait, hope, and will Beckett to walk up the drive.
She shoved through the screen door and forgot, brain too full of questions, to notice the door swing shut too slowly and the puppy to race out of the house. In one millisecond the puppy shot down the front steps.
Luna yelled, “Stop, puppy, Shark, Sharky, stop!” Shark spotted a small rabbit, skidded in a turn and bounded after it at full speed, into the underbrush of the woods with Luna screaming behind it, “Puppy! Shark! Puppy!”
Dilly and Chickadee heard the commotion and came racing out of the house, banging the screen and crashing down the steps. “Shark! Puppy! Sharky!”
But Shark wouldn’t slow down. Shark continued on, barreling through the woods, headed up to the mountain top, with Luna in fast pursuit, Dilly just following, Chickadee lumbering up behind.
_____________________
And that’s why, after Beckett’s ride deposited him at the end of the driveway, and he trudged up it to the house, there was no one home.
Chapter 14
Beckett stood on the front porch of his home. “Chickadee? Dilly? Luna!”
He needed food, water, to fall into a bed.
He was filthy though. He couldn’t do anything until he washed, or wait — water first. Or wait — he needed — where was everyone?
This sucked, epically.
He made it home and no one was even here?
It seemed like the least they could do — be there. To greet him. Get him a glass of water. His boots were filthy. He had ridden in the bed of a truck like an animal, even though there were seats. Because he was so disgusting.
He needed someone to help him get his boots off so he could go inside to get some water.
Wait, there was a spigot in the back.
He tromped down the steps and through the weeds to the back of the house. He wanted to kneel down to get some water, but his thighs hurt, bad, like there was some serious vitamin deficiency going on, dehydration and whatever else. He dropped all the way down to the dirt, cranked on the water, rinsed his hands, and then cupped them and drank from them.
Across the field Chickadee, Luna, and Dilly, holding a squirming Shark, came strolling out of the woods, laughing, and almost looking carefree.
Beckett’s attention was drawn to their laughter. He attempted to stand, knocked himself off balance, and stumbled, spilling water down his front and wetting his filthy pants.
He pulled himself to standing and — “Luna?”
Luna’s smile fell. “Beckett, oh my god, Beckett!”
Chickadee boomed, “Beckie dearest!”
Dilly jogged with a jiggling Shark, calling, “Beckett!!!”
Beckett’s brow furrowed, eyes focused on Luna’s stomach. “Luna, what is —”
She skidded to a stop, said, “Ta-Dah!” and put up jazz hands.
This was not how she planned it. She had no idea why she did it — Ta-Dah? In hindsight, fast hindsight, while she was still shaking her jazzy hands, she already regretted it.
Beckett’s face was stormy. He was a mess, a thunderclap of a human. “You’re pregnant?”
He had an air of do-not-approach, so they pulled to a stop about ten feet away. Shark squirmed to get out of Dilly’s arms.
Luna said, “Yes.”
Sadly, the fact that they all froze, interrupting his homecoming with a distance of ten feet, made Beckett feel even more alone and unwanted, an uninvited houseguest. His heart beat fast and his color rose. He asked, “It’s mine?”
Luna flinched. “Yes, of course.”
Shark dropped to the ground and raced for Beckett’s ankle, biting his boot, tugging at it.
Beckett stared at the dog as if he couldn’t see it. His brain was rotating slowly, moving through this maze of information.
“How did you get home?" asked Chickadee. "We’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
Beckett continued to stare at the dog. He mumbled, “I had to catch a ride. I got robbed, lost my phone.” He shoved the puppy off his boots, but Shark growled and lunged forward again.
Beckett shook his head. “Luna, how long have you known?”
Luna’s heart ached. Beckett was a heap of towering mess, and she wasn’t holding him. She had missed her chance to hold him, and now that was it, she was stuck on the other side of a wall of Not Holding Him. “Since you left. I figured it out when I was sick the day you left.”
He repeated, “When you were sick.” He absentmindedly shoved the dog again.
Dilly broke her freeze and rushed forward. “Beckett we are so glad you’re home, so glad. This
is Shark, my new puppy. We need to get you inside. Get you fed.” She dragged Shark by the collar toward the door.
Chickadee added, “Yes dear Beckie, you are thin as a rail. We need to feed you pronto.” She grabbed Beckett by the arm and tried to tug him toward the front porch.
The trouble was though — Beckett couldn’t breathe. He was stuck in a tempest of a full blown panic attack, but this time it was whipping his whole self, not just his breaths, he was whirling with fury. A hot storm rose from his chest.
He shook off Chickadee’s hand. “You’ve known since you were sick the day I left? You’ve been pregnant this whole time, and you never told me Luna? You never said anything to me?”
Luna felt her own panic rise. This was not how it was supposed to go. There had been a chance he would be upset, but this was way worse than she had imagined. “I wanted to, I was going to tell you when you came home—”
“So it’s my fault. I didn’t come home, so I didn’t get to know? You get to lie?”
Chickadee said, “It wasn’t a lie Beckie. She wanted to tell you.”
Beckett cocked his head. “When did you know Chickadee?”
“I knew the same day Luna knew.”
“You let me get on a bus, go to fucking war, without telling me Luna was going to have a baby. You didn’t think maybe I ought to know?” Beckett kicked at the mud sending a small splash onto his own boots.
“We were worried you would get in trouble. That you would come back.”
Beckett nodded his head. He scowled. “Yeah, right, I get it. Beckett is just a dumbass. Beckett never does anything right. I mean look at me, only a dumbass can’t get home from war. Can’t make good decisions. Can’t be trusted. A guy stole everything I had while I was taking a piss. So yeah, sure, you’re right. I’m not to be trusted.”
Dilly got the squirming Shark up to the porch, pulled it into the house, and jogged back to the yard to join the speechless others.
Deep (Luna's Story Book 3) Page 3
