“I’m not saying that. I only mean…there’s no need to rush.”
“What’s going on?” I demand, turning to give her my full attention as my hand lands on my hip. “Is there something you’re not telling me? I don’t feel like I’m rushing this at all, but if you’re trying to tell me Thatcher isn’t—”
“Thatcher isn’t what?”
Thatcher’s booming voice causes me to jump. I place my hand over my racing heart. “Jesus,” I breathe. He offers me a cup of beer as I look over at him, his eyes narrowing in on Arwen as I take it.
“I was telling Saint you don’t dance.” The lie breezes off Arwen’s tongue with ease, but Thatcher’s angry glare stays locked on her. She can’t fool him. He knows her too well.
I take a big gulp of my drink, then clear my throat. “Actually…” His eyes meet mine as I place a hand on his chest. “I was telling her how I feel like there’s something you aren’t telling me.” My glare slides to Cole. “I think all three of you are keeping something from me.”
Coles eyelids fall as he curses before slamming back his beer, and I lock eyes with Thatcher again. “I thought we talked about this. You’re supposed to be letting me in.”
Thatcher takes my cup, setting both of our drinks down on the counter behind me.
“I am. I have.” He crouches down until he’s eyelevel with me, lacing his fingers with mine. “It’s not—”
“Come on, man. You need to tell her.”
Thatcher’s head snaps in Cole’s direction, his jaw ticking. “I’ll talk to her tonight,” he grits out.
“No!” My voice is a little louder than intended. It gains Thatcher’s attention and a few partygoers nearby. “Tell me right now,” I demand, my voice quieter.
“It’s not a big deal,” he says, leaning in and talking so only I can hear him. “But I think it would be better to wait until—”
“Now.”
He sighs, running a hand through his hair as he squares his shoulders, standing to his full height. “I’m going to be gone all summer.”
“Gone?” I press, trying to ignore the churn of my stomach.
“Yeah…my father, he…uh…” his words trail off, his eyes darting to Cole then back, “he lined up this job for me out of town. He wants me to learn responsibility or some shit.”
I shake my head, unable to make sense of what he’s saying. “Why out of town? There are plenty of jobs here.”
“I guess he figures this way I won’t be tempted to blow off work to hang out with my friends.”
Cole huffs before walking off, and I scowl after him. He shouldn’t be upset with Thatcher. It’s not his fault his father is an asshole. Coles should be supporting his friend. Things have seemed so tense between them the past couple weeks, but this couldn’t be why. Something isn’t adding up.
“Okay…” I take a deep breath, desperately trying to keep my own emotions in check. “For the entire summer?” Thatcher nods. “When do you leave?”
“Saturday morning after finals.”
My hand lands on my stomach as it does a free fall, and I snap my eyes over at Arwen, who gives me an apologetic grimace. She and Cole both knew he was leaving for the summer. How could they all keep this from me?
Thatcher’s worry is etched on his face, and I swallow the lump in my throat.
“That’s next weekend. How long have you known about this?” He opens his mouth to answer, but I hold up my hand to cut him off. “Wait, you’ve known about this since that night after our date when you showed up at my window upset, haven’t you?”
He gives me a mournful nod of his head as my mine begins to spin. “I didn’t know the details, but I knew something was coming.” He pulls me into his arms as my eyes begin to water, his hold tight as he kisses the top of head. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Please don’t be upset with me.”
I bite down hard on my bottom lip to keep my tears at bay, telling myself how ridiculous I’m being. It’s eight weeks. When did I become this girl? Surely I can manage to be away from him for two months.
Mustering the brightest smile I can manage, I lean back and look him in the eyes. “No, I’m okay. I understand why you’d have a hard time telling me.”
You can almost see the tension leaving his body as he lets out a sigh of relief. “So, you’re not mad?”
A genuine smile spreads across my face this time. Sometimes it’s hard to believe my sweet and sensitive boyfriend is the same guy who seemed so ruthless and cold. “No. But I would like to leave, if that’s all right with you. Our time is limited, and I’d like to have you all to myself as much as possible.”
Humming with satisfaction, he presses his body into mine, the cocky smirk I know and love appearing on his handsome face. “I’m totally on board with that idea. Let me find Cole and tell him we’re leaving.”
He gives me a quick peck on the lips, then releases me and weaves us through the crowd. Arwen has her back to me, flirting with some girl, and I angrily tap her shoulder. The smile falls right off her face as she looks over at me before excusing herself from her current conversation.
“Go ahead,” she sighs. “Let me have it.”
“How could you not tell me?” I whisper-shout, crossing my arms. “You’re supposed to be my best friend.”
“And I am. But I’m also his. What happened to you not wanting me to pick sides?”
“This isn’t about picking sides, this is about honesty and trust.”
“Really?” She lifts an eyebrow as her mouth twists with annoyance. “So, you’re mad at me for not telling you, but not at him? It was his responsibility to tell you, not mine.”
My lips press into a hard like. She’s right. I’m not being fair. The truth is, I am upset with Thatcher for not telling me sooner, though I’m not sure it would’ve been any easier for me if the shoe was on the other foot. Besides, being angry with him now would only ruin the time we have left before he leaves.
“Sorry,” I say, tilting my head and giving her my best puppy dog face. She presses her lips to hold back her smile, telling me she forgives me with a wave of her hand. “I’m feeling a little blindsided by the news. Is this why you were acting so strange about tonight?”
She shrugs a shoulder. “I mean…yeah, I don’t like the idea of you sleeping with him when he’s keeping secrets from you. Your first time is a big deal, and I don’t want you to regret it. I don’t want that for either of you. It would kill Thatcher.”
“Awww…” I pull her into a hug. “You do care.”
“Stop it. You’re getting feelings all over me.” She bucks out of my hold, feigning annoyance as she fixes her clothes, the twitch of a smile on her lips giving her away.
“It means the world to me that you care, but you don’t need to worry. No matter what happens, I could never regret being with Thatcher.”
A loving expression softens Arwen’s features. Her eyes flicker behind me as Thatcher wraps his arm around my shoulders. The little vixen knew he was right behind me and didn’t warn me. She wanted him to hear my declaration.
“Ready, baby doll?”
My face heats as I turn to Thatcher. Fear darkens his features, even as he gives me a bright smile. He heard what I said, but he’s afraid to believe it. I don’t know how to convince him I’m all in.
Chapter Forty
THATCHER
My heart feels too big for my chest as I pace around my room, waiting for Violet to come out of the bathroom. She went in there ten minutes ago to change into her pajamas. It took me all of two minutes to take my clothes off and pull on a pair of gray sweatpants. Then I quickly set the mood—soft music and low lighting. The rest of my time has been spent wearing a pattern into the hardwood floor.
I lied to her earlier. Looked right into her eyes and lied. The plan was to talk to her tonight. Okay, in the morning. After I’d had the chance to wake up with her in my arms. But I swear, I was going to tell her everything.
Then Cole opened his fucking mouth, and I
felt like a trapped rat. I tried to be honest with her, but I hated the look in her eyes when she found out I was going to be gone all summer, and I couldn’t go through with it. Now, all I’ve managed to do is piss Cole off more and make telling Violet the truth even harder.
The sound of the bathroom door opening stops me in my tracks, and the air in my lungs stills as she steps out. She’s wearing a pink cotton nightgown with spaghetti straps, the hem landing right at the middle of her thighs. My blood heats, pumping faster through my veins as my eyes rake over her body. I’ve snuck into her bedroom on more than one occasion, and she’s never had on anything like this. I was not prepared.
When she asked if she could stay the night, I jumped at the chance. With my parents both away again and Kandice staying with some friends in the city, it’s perfect timing. And I need this time with her. Just the two of us. It never occurred to me she might have something very specific in mind for tonight, though. Until now.
My cock stirs at the idea while my head screams, “No fucking way!” My poor heart doesn’t know what the hell to do. We have some very important things to talk about before we can take things any further. There are things I need to come clean about. But it’s hard to remember any of that right now.
I’m speechless as she makes her way over to me, a shy smile on her face.
“See something you like?” she teases, using my own line against me.
I smirk, wrapping my arms around her waist as she stops in front of me. “When I’m looking at you, always.”
She giggles and squirms as I playfully kiss her check then nibble her ear. “Is this new?” Goosebumps form on her skin from the caress of my breath, and she nods as I finger the thin strap of her gown. “Did you buy it for me?”
“Maybe…” She moans as I kiss my way down the trail of beauty marks on her neck.
Once I get through all of them, I lean my head back to meet her gaze. “Why?” I quirk my eyebrow. “I think you’re beautiful, no matter what you’re wearing.” Or not wearing. “Personally, I thought you looked pretty damn sexy in my shirt the other day.”
Her cheeks turn pink. “I wanted tonight to be special.”
“Every moment I spend with you is special,” I tell her.
And it’s true. I treasure all our time together. She doesn’t need to try to impress me or offer me her body. Being with her is enough. It’s more than I deserve.
She groans, though the twinkle in her blue eyes tells me she’s not the least bit annoyed. “Okay…but I wanted tonight to be…extra memorable.”
“Any particular reason why?” I challenge.
Even though we both know I’m fully aware of where this is headed, I have no intention of making things easy for her. She may think she’s ready for this, but I disagree. This isn’t a decision she should make lightly. I certainly don’t want her doing it because she thinks it’s what I want. I’m content with the way things are.
She averts her eyes as she answers. “Yes…”
“And that is?” I angle my head until she’s forced to look at me again.
“Come on, Rebel,” she sighs. “Are you seriously going to make me say it?”
“I mean…you shouldn’t do something you can’t even talk about.”
She frowns, and this time, there’s no mistaking her agitation, but it’s because she knows I’m right. There’s a reason I call her my little saint. She’s new to all of this. Which is one of the many things I adore about her. However, it also proves she’s not ready for this step.
“Fine.” Pushing out of my hold, she turns her back to me, taking several deep breaths before facing me again. “Sex,” she declares, putting a hand on her hip. “I want to have sex with you. Happy now?”
Laughter tries to bubble out of me, and I clamp my mouth shut. “I’m immensely happy. You are perfection, Saint. But that’s not happening.”
Her hand drops back at her side, her mouth hanging open as I cross my arms.
She pouts as she stares me down. “What do you mean it’s not happening? Why not?”
“Well, it takes two to tango,” I explain, “and I’m saying no.”
“But you haven’t even heard me out yet,” she whines.
Chuckling, I gesture with a wave my hand for her to go ahead. “By all means, say your peace. But don’t expect it to change my mind.”
“I know you don’t think I’m ready, that I haven’t thought this through, but you’re wrong. Mom took me to get birth control and I have condoms in my bag.”
It feels like my eyes might pop out of my head as I gape at her. Dear lord, she talked to her mother about this. And she came armed. Of course I have condoms in my side table. But she doesn’t know that. I was planning to use the “we don’t have any protection” excuse.
I run my hands over my face, trying to figure out what to say now, my resolve starting to crumble. She isn’t going to make turning her down easy, but we can’t do this. Not yet.
“Being responsible and being emotionally prepared are two different things, Saint.”
She looks adorable as she tilts her head, her lips pressing into a pucker as she considers her next move. When it comes to her, she straightens her head, making a smacking sound with her mouth. “Would you say you know me pretty well?”
“Yeah…” I answer cautiously.
“And do you honestly think I would sleep with you if I wasn’t certain?”
I hesitate, not sure how to answer her question. No, I don’t think Violet would do anything without weighing out all the pros and cons first. But there are things she doesn’t know, things that might impact her decision, things that could change the way she feels about me—the way she sees me. I can’t stand the thought of her hating me when this is all said and done.
“No matter what happens, I could never regret being with Thatcher.”
Her words to Arwen ring in my mind. As much as I want to believe them, I can’t. Not while I’m keeping things from her.
“No, I don’t. But there’s something—”
My words die on my tongue, my thought evaporating as she removes her nightgown and it drops to the floor, leaving her completely nude.
“Do you want me, Rebel?” she asks, her voice seductive as she sashays toward me.
“You know I do, but…” She presses her naked body against me, causing words to fail me again, her breasts on my bare chest, her eyes holding mine hostage.
“I love you.”
It’s like the world stops spinning once those three words are out of her mouth. Time stands stills, the air too thick as my hands land on her hips. The sincerity behind her eyes cracks my chest wide open. Love. She can’t love me. I’m not worthy of her love. There’s so much she doesn’t know about me.
Still, I could bottle this moment up and keep it forever. Then I’d get high on this feeling whenever I wanted. It’s synthetic, though, and I want a shot at the real thing. Which can’t happen until I come clean.
“You need to know something. I—” She places a finger over my lips.
“You don’t need to say anything.” She guides my hands to her ass, making it hard to focus on anything other than the way her cheeks fit perfectly in my palms. “I needed you to know how I feel so you would understand,” she goes on, slipping her arms through mine before wrapping them around me. “I want my first time to be with my first love. And that’s you, Thatcher Michaelson.”
My head shakes in protest, but I can barely remember my own name as she places a kiss on my collarbone. Her lips make their way up to my neck, and my hands squeeze her as she licks and sucks the sensitive skin.
“Fuck…you’re killing me, Saint,” I hiss.
She ignores me, nudging my earlobe with her nose before making a path of kisses across my jaw. When her lips connect with mine, I let her slip her tongue in, kissing her as if it may be our last.
Delicate hands tug at the waist of my pants, and I rip my mouth away from hers. She pants, her eyelashes fluttering with confusion when I lift he
r off the ground. As I carry her to my bed, she wraps her legs around me, rubbing herself against my hard-on.
“Don’t you understand,” I grit out, depositing her on the edge of my mattress, “you can’t take this back.”
Her teeth dig into her bottom lip as she scoots to the middle of my bed. Keeping her lust-filled stare locked on me, she leans back on her elbows and lets her legs fall open. Her slit glistens with arousal, and my dick strains against the fabric of my pants, begging to be let free. I run my hands through my hair, cursing as the last bit of my resolve collapses like a house of cards.
“Who’s not playing fair now,” I muse, crawling onto the bed.
The palm of my hand glides down the inside of her thigh as I settle between her legs. She whimpers, bucking her hips as I move to her center. My fingers slide through her wet folds, teasing her throbbing entrance as my tongue darts out to lick one of her budding pink nipples.
“There are other ways I can make you feel good.”
She moans louder as I suck her nipple into my mouth, the sound like a siren’s call.
“Please,” she pleads.
My finger slips inside her as she lifts her hips. I groan as she clenches around me. Moving it gently in and out of her, I raise my head and capture her mouth with mine. She reaches between us, her small hand diving into my pants and wrapping around my swollen cock. Her other hand gets buried in my hair, deepening our kiss as she begins to stroke me.
And I’m a goner. Her touch is like heaven. Unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. It’s like she’s mending my broken pieces with each caress.
My breaths are labored as I pull my mouth from hers, my brain feeling fried from my overheated blood. I pry my body away from her, and she watches with rapt attention as I get off the bed. Her eyes widen with delight as I pull off my sweatpants, her lips curling in satisfaction as I retrieve a condom.
“If we’re going to do this,” I pant, settling between her legs again, “you’re stuck with me. So, you need to be absolutely fucking positive you want me.”
She nods as I hold up the condom, offering it as the token of the agreement. “You deserve so much better than me, but if we do this, if you give yourself to me, I’m never letting go. You don’t get to change your mind, no matter what happens. It will be you and me forever.”
When the Saint Falls: a high school bully romance (Westbrook three Book 1) Page 18
