by C. M. Owens
My heart thumps in my chest, but I ignore it. I always figured his friends were jerks, since none of them liked me too well or wanted Chase around me. I only ever met them briefly, and Chase kept me far away from them after that. It’s why he pretty much stayed at my house all summer. We rarely ever even went into town, unless we were going to check on his mother or grab something to eat.
We watched movies and went bowling in a completely different town.
“At this point, I don’t know what I should tell you or let you find out on your own, but I do think you two should sit down and talk. This thing between you isn’t over.”
Considering she’s his girlfriend, that’s an awkward thing to hear her say.
“If you knew the whole story, you wouldn’t be suggesting that.” Aidan’s harsh tone startles both of us, and I whip my head in his direction to see him shirtless and pissed. “Coming back here was a bad idea. Don’t start encouraging her to be around that son of a bitch,” he adds, glaring at Whit.
She frowns while studying him, then turns back to me.
“What else happened?”
I clear my throat while standing up. “Like I said, I was a dramatic teenager. Everything is better when you’re a kid. It’s also a lot worse.”
Downplaying everything and keeping it on topic is ideal. I glare at my brother as he takes the seat I vacated, and he glares back at me. Chase had nothing to do with what happened later on. It was never his fault.
It doesn’t stop Aidan from hating him with an intense passion…
I start to leave the kitchen, but Whit follows me, glancing back at my brother as he pulls out his phone.
“What were you doing with Blake last night?” she asks. “Were you trying to make Chase jealous?”
I snort, trying not to laugh. “Funny, Whit. Real funny. Blake asked me out. I didn’t realize it was some sick joke to the two of them. I thought I was going to make a friend. One whom is in town, and one whom isn’t dating the guy who tore me in two.”
Surprise flits her face, then a touch of sadness. “It’s like the universe is trying to slam you two together, but there’s a wall too thick for either of you to bust through.”
No idea what that means, so I don’t say anything.
“Blake is his best friend, but he didn’t know about you, Mika. He was completely clueless until last night. He’s actually a really nice guy. Chase lost his shit when he found out Blake planned on dating you.”
This time, I’m the one surprised.
“It’s why I left the carnival,” she goes on. “Chase doesn’t get jealous. I’ve been trying to get a rise out of him for months. I could straddle a guy and shove my tongue down his throat, and Chase wouldn’t care. I called him this morning to tell him I spent the night fucking your brother, and all he said was that I could have at least dumped him first. That’s it. No anger, no passion… nothing. He just hung up after that.”
I stand there feeling stunned and a little horrified. Aidan fucked her? He helped her cheat?
“Yet last night, when you walked in, Chase couldn’t take his eyes off you, and he nearly punched his own best friend who hadn’t even touched you. I realized Chase James can’t fall in love with someone else because he’s still in love with the only girl he’s ever wanted. So I came here, and told Aidan I wanted him to help me end things with Chase, that way there was no way of ever going back. He obliged because he hates the man you love.”
“I don’t… You don’t understand, Whit. I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. Let’s just say that loving Chase is very unhealthy for me. And I’m already not very healthy.”
Before she can speak, Aidan interrupts us like a rabid dog in attack mode.
“End this conversation or I’ll drag you back home whether you like it or not. You promised me this was just for closure. You swore you wouldn’t let yourself go there ever again, Mika. Don’t you get it? This could destroy all the hard work you put into healing. You’re sick, Sis. This is just going to make it worse.”
Whit’s eyes grow confused, and heat rides up my neck in waves of embarrassment. I turn away from both of them and rush up the stairs to escape it. I’ll never speak to him again if this town finds out.
Chapter 15
CHASE
It’s not surprising when Whit walks into the shop, but it is annoying. You don’t call a guy and tell him you spent the night screaming another guy’s name in bed and expect a warm greeting. She even has the audacity to look pissed.
I recline back in my seat, enjoying my ten minute break before the next client shows up, while she crosses her arms over her chest. Beth whistles between her teeth before slipping out the door to give us privacy.
“You’re an asshole,” Whit snarls.
“I’m not the one who fucked someone else,” I point out.
“No. You’re just the one in love with someone else. At least I had the balls to end this.”
I laugh under my breath while shaking my head.
“Whatever you need to tell yourself to make you feel better, dear. Feel free to leave.” I wish I could say I wasn’t relieved it’s over.
“I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for Mika.”
My head snaps up, and my eyes narrow on her. That name is getting too common to hear. I spent years not hearing it uttered, and now it’s on the tongue of everyone, and constantly driving me insane.
“Mika sent you? I don’t think so.”
I grab my sketchbook, trying to mock up a design for a client I have in a few days.
“No, but she’s… I think she’s sick or something. And I don’t think she should have to suffer whatever it is alone.”
That has my sketchbook falling to the floor when I stand abruptly.
“What the hell does that mean?”
Why does it look like she’s about to cry?
“She bought that bowling alley for closure. I didn’t know what that meant, but this morning, she and Aidan were having some cryptic conversation, and her health was mentioned. She also bought her father’s house… It seems like she came here to make peace with something, if you know what I mean. It’s definitely not normal. None of it. It would only make sense that she essentially came here to die.”
It feels like a blade is ripping up my spine and slamming into my chest at the same time. Dying? Fucking dying?
“Beth!” I yell, grabbing my keys.
She darts back inside, eyes wide.
“Cancel my appointments.”
Whit follows me out to my truck, grabbing my elbow. “She mentioned that bald eagles mate until one dies, also,” she says quietly. “It… It broke my heart, Chase. She seems so… I don’t know. I never noticed how broken she was until today, yet she seems so distant and detached, almost like she’s afraid to feel anything. And Aidan is very anti-you. You should definitely let me call him and get him and Hunter out of the house before you go over there.”
“She’s at home? Not at the bowling alley?”
She nods and pulls out her phone. I wait very impatiently as she calls someone, probably Aidan.
“Hey, it’s me. Thought maybe you and Hunter would want to meet for some lunch or something.”
She eyes me and nods.
“Now sound good? Great. I’ll see you at Vera’s Diner in ten.”
As soon as she hangs up, I feel awkward. What the hell do you say to your ex who is trying to help you go see your other ex because she’s… I can’t. I can’t even try to process that. Whit has to be wrong.
“Make sure his car is gone before you go in there. He’ll end up kicking you out. You’re a trigger for Aidan.”
“Learned a lot about him in one night, did you?” I quip.
Aidan always seemed disinterested in me and his sister when we were younger. No idea what has his panties in a wad now.
“I learned more this morning than I did last night. Other than the fact he was phenomenal in bed. Guy has stamina for days.”
I cock an eyebrow at her
, and she rolls her eyes. “Just wanted to see if you had one ounce of jealousy in your body. Guess not for me.”
I almost feel guilty, but I consider us even since she fucked a guy before breaking things off.
Getting in my truck, I try to slow my breathing down. This had all better be wrong. Mika had better be just fine. Then we can go back to keeping our distance until she realizes Hayden isn’t her home and goes back wherever it is she belongs.
Chapter 16
MIKA
The house is quiet as soon as Aidan and Hunter leave. Both invited me to come out for lunch, but they knew I didn’t want to get out. Not after Aidan pissed me off by even getting that close to telling Whit my darkest secrets.
I sit down on the sofa, flicking through channels like I’m going to find the answers to the universe on the screen if I search hard enough. Aidan’s right; this place is toxic for me. Chase is in my head, whether I want to admit it or not.
It’s twice as hard not to think about him now that I know he and Whit are over. That was keeping me sane, sadly enough.
A pounding at the door startles me, and I yelp while diving off the couch. Damn it. I’ve seriously watched too many horror movies. And axe-murderers don’t exactly knock.
I regret not checking to see who’s here when I open the door to a very angry looking Chase. My heart jumps into my throat as his fists clench and his jaw tightens. It almost looks like he wants to hit something, but I know he won’t touch me.
“We should talk,” he says with an eerily calm tone.
“No. We shouldn’t. Whit broke up with you just this morning. I don’t know why you’re here, but if it’s because you want a revenge fuck, you’re out of luck. I don’t do that.”
It’s hard to keep my voice even, and I start to shut the door, but he shoulders his way in, and slams it behind him.
“Let me rephrase that: We’re going to talk. What the fuck are you doing in Hayden? Answer me this time.”
Sick of avoiding this, I finally blurt it out. “Because I want to be here. Because this is my father’s house. Because I needed closure. What the hell are you doing here?”
“Hayden is my home,” he growls. “What fucking closure?”
“You hate this place,” I snap, ignoring his question. “You always swore you’d get out of here if your mother ever died. Even said we’d sell the bowling alley and move away… Shit,” I grumble, hearing how cold that sounds about his mother and realizing I’m back to saying we. That’s not healthy.
“I left and decided Hayden was the only place that made sense for someone like me. Now tell me what closure you want.”
I look at him incredulously. “You really need your ego to be fueled that badly? Us, Chase. I needed closure on us. That’s what. I never got it. Instead, I got crushed. I was devastated. I can’t seem to move forward, and I blame you. Happy? Feel good about yourself? Good. Now get the fuck out of my house.”
He looks confused for a second, as though he was expecting another answer. His eyes soften, and he takes a step toward me. I practically leap backwards, and his look hardens again.
“You’re scared of me?” he asks quietly, sounding pissed. “You think I’d hurt you?”
I laugh humorlessly. “I know you’d hurt me. You already did.”
All emotion leaves his face and he takes a step back. “I broke things off because you deserved a hell of a lot better than I could give you, Mika. You know it. I know it. Even your father knew it. I didn’t want you to end up like your mother.”
If he only knew how much I hated to even hear anything about my mother…
“Good for you. Problem is, you forgot to actually end it. You just went cold and silent on me, never giving me any semblance of closure. And now I’m here in Hayden to get what I need. Get over it. Deal with it like a fucking adult. Leave. Me. Alone.”
“Are you sick?” he asks me softly, surprising me.
Hot flush creeps up my body for the second time today.
“You’re sick, Mika. Your brain isn’t functioning the way it used to. We have to retrain the way your mind works if you ever plan on having a normal life again. We can help you. Just trust us. Talk to us, Mika. Let us help you. Let us find out exactly what is going on.”
“Please don’t. I just want to go home. Where’s Aidan? I’m not sick. I’m not sick. It’s not like that. Please don’t make me keep doing this.”
“Yes, it is like that, Mika. Look at what you’ve done to yourself. Let us help you.”
Shaking out of my thoughts, I turn my back on him while tugging at my shirt, making sure my stomach is covered. “Who told you?” I whisper quietly.
The temperature in the room seems to plummet.
“It’s true then? You’re fucking dying and you weren’t even going to tell me?”
Confusion hits me hard, and I turn around to face him. It’s then I realize how that conversation this morning must have sounded to Whit. That’s who must have sent him over here. It makes sense now.
It’s sad that I’m relieved she thought I was dying instead of figuring out the truth.
“Not dying, Chase. I’m not that sick. Please leave now.”
“How fucking sick are you?”
Sick enough to forget how easy it is to be broken when you’re standing this close. Sick enough to forget the very set-in-stone rules I have.
“I’ll be fine. Promise. Just a cold,” I lie, smiling bitterly.
“Bullshit. She said you and Aidan were talking about your health. Whit doesn’t just freak out for any reason.”
“Whit is under the impression you and I are something we’re not. She’s… There aren’t words enough to describe how big her heart is. You really fucked things up with her. Then again, that seems to be your specialty—destroying women and spitting on the pieces you leave behind.”
That coldness replaces his anger, and he nods slowly.
“Got it. So you’re not dying? You’re not sick?”
“Nope. Feel free to hate me—even though you have no reason to—without that nagging feeling of guilt for hating a dying woman. I’m just fine, Chase. Just fucking fine.”
He starts to turn around, and I relax, letting my arms drop away to hang at my sides. One second he’s moving toward the door, but the next, he spins around and stalks toward me.
I start to move, but he grabs me at the waist before I can, and I feel my back thud against the wall seconds before his lips crash against mine in a brutal, almost painful kiss. His hands grip me roughly, pulling my body against his as he thrusts his tongue inside my mouth.
I moan instead of biting his tongue off like I should. My hands fly up to his hair, and I grip the strands tightly, arching into him. The physical draw between us sizzles and tries to seek satisfaction, while the mental barrier tries to crash.
Because I’m too weak to push him away, I kiss him harder, devouring him like I’ve been hungry for this for twelve years, and forgetting all about the destruction he left in his wake. Until he jerks back and stares at me like he can’t believe he just did that. Then I remember the damage he did once upon a time. I remember it too clearly as bile rises to my throat.
“You were supposed to be somewhere rich and happy. Not stuck in Hayden,” he says before turning around and storming out, slamming the door so hard it rattles the windows on either side of it. I should have used those windows to see it was him and never opened that door.
Now I feel like I can’t breathe, and I know there’s too much at stake to allow myself to feel anything at all for him. Letting these feelings fester and linger isn’t an option. They’ll turn into something unfinished… My usual tactics don’t work on anything involving Chase, hence the reason I’m in Hayden now.
Aidan was right. This was a terrible idea.
Sluggishly, I move up the stairs to my office. As soon as I sit down, I start writing furiously, striking the laptop keys like my life depends on it. I try my damnedest to get all of the emotions out to dull the feelings inside
me, turning them into fiction, pulling them out of reality.
Tears start to fall, but the cathartic release is necessary. I’ll stay here until these aren’t my feelings anymore. I’ll write until I convince myself it was all fiction. Not real.
It’s the only way to grab control. Knowing I almost let him fuck me against the wall is enough to remind me how weak I’m letting myself be.
So I write. I force the words out on paper so they can’t hurt me. So they’re not real.
I remind myself I’m not like everyone else, and go through all the steps to detach myself from the situation.
It’s not real.
Chapter 17
CHASE
Mom is passed out, and I turn her on her stomach as I always do… Just in case. At least he can’t hit her anymore. He’s too scared of what I’ll do to him. He spent four days in the hospital last time.
“That James kid is a menace,” is all the cops said to the doctor before I left the hospital that day. The doctor had checked my wrist, but he lied and told them there was no way I caused that damage to my old man because my wrist had been fractured for at least a week.
As soon as they’d left, he put my arm in a cast and told me I was tough as hell. Not to worry.
Now Dad is probably in a bar, boozing away all of our money. The electricity was cut off four days ago. If he knew I worked, he’d be stealing every dime of the money I have hidden away. He’d use it to gamble. Not pay our bills. Fortunately he stays too drunk to know where I am or what I’m doing.
Food stamps kept me from starving as a kid. Now I eat whatever leftovers are at the diner. Every dime I make goes toward a better future. A better future with Mika. She’s the only person to have ever looked at me and not be scared. She doesn’t give a damn about the rat hole I live in. She doesn’t give a fuck about my parents being shitty and disgusting.
