by C. M. Owens
“You really want to know?” I ask.
“Every detail.”
So, I tell him. Halfway through telling him about the time I threw him in a vat of liquid nitrogen, I realize we’re pretty fucked up, because we’re both laughing so hard it hurts.
Long after we’ve finished eating, we’re still sitting in the booth, talking about random things, including the oddest tattoos he’s ever given. Who wants a porcupine tattoo on their vagina?
“It had an inscription on it, too,” he says, laughing lightly.
“Oh no. What was it?” I ask around a chuckle.
“No pricks allowed.”
I snort, and he laughs while also groaning; it’s a unique sound.
“I tried to talk her out of it,” he says, shaking his head as the waitress side eyes us for taking up her booth for so long.
It’s already getting dark because we’ve been here for hours. “Can we carry this conversation back to my place before we end up in a murder/mystery book of our own? Killed and dumped by the waitress?” I ask Chase.
He chokes on a laugh while glancing her way, and she glares daggers at us.
“Yeah,” he says, still snickering. He tosses down forty dollars before I can try to pay, and he gestures for me to follow him.
Reaching into my back pocket, I pull out twenty more dollars and toss it onto the table to make up for a few tips she might have missed. Chase doesn’t notice. As soon as I reach his side, he’s lacing our fingers together.
I stare at the connection, trying to decide if it’s an innocent gesture or more. I’m not allowed to have more. Especially not with Chase James. Physical contact with anyone is a serious no-no.
Desperately wishing I was normal, I fight off the training I’ve had for years about physical contact and allow him to hold my hand because of how much I love it. Feeling connected to someone is what I’ve missed most, and I almost feel starved just for that contact.
Brief hugs and such are allowed, even though they’re still rare. My mind understands them as greetings or farewells. Holding hands is crossing a line I’m not supposed to.
We walk to his truck, and he opens the passenger door for me. Instead of letting me climb in, he picks me up at my waist and lifts me into the seat, smiling at me when we’re almost eye-level.
“It’s been a while since I got to ride with you in the front seat.”
This truck is definitely nicer than the one his dad had when we were younger. It’s also cleaner and smells better too.
Chase leans closer, letting his breath kiss my lips, but keeping his own lips just out of reach. This is definitely not innocent.
“I’ve missed you, Mika. Tell me how long you’re staying here before I get too attached and forget you deserve more than Hayden,” he says in a sad whisper, causing my heart to clench.
No times. No dates. No schedules. Those are the rules. Vagueness is key. That’s part of the therapy. No exacts. All estimates. And only an estimate if I’m positive.
“I don’t plan on leaving,” is what I say. It’s technically vague.
His grip on my sides gets tighter, and his lips just barely brush mine. “Don’t tease me,” he says quietly.
“Chase, I can’t—”
He pulls back abruptly and clears his throat. “Right. Sorry. I’m moving way too fast. Especially after finding out what you saw. Shit. Sorry,” he rambles, shutting the door to the truck as I nurse my whiplash.
He climbs in on the opposite side, and I avoid eye contact, feeling awkward now.
“Chase, I—”
“It’s fine, Mika,” he says, smiling over at me. “I just reacted to hearing you were staying here. How about we try to be friends?”
He wipes his hands on his jeans like they’re sweating, and I blow out a breath.
“Friends sounds perfect,” I lie, hating the taste of the words on my tongue.
Chase James and I will never be just friends.
It’s just not possible for us. But logically, neither is anything else.
Chapter 24
MIKA
Chase is asleep on my couch for the third time this week. Three. I can’t let him spend the night again. It’ll be four. Four equals a habit. Habits form rapidly and become addictive.
How do I tell him that? He thinks I’m quirky. He doesn’t know I’m fucking crazy.
It’s late, almost two in the morning, and I move through the living room to the kitchen to grab a drink of water. We’ve spent two days getting to know each other like old friends who haven’t caught up in years. We’ve stopped talking about the past, and only talk about the good things.
I haven’t told him anything about my life other than what I do for a living. He knows nothing about me. Somehow, I’ve reconciled him sleeping on my couch instead of asking him to go home. But tomorrow he can’t stay. In fact, I don’t need to see him at all tomorrow, because that means I will have seen him four days in a row. Four is not allowed.
Stepping out onto the back deck, I stare out over the lake, watching as the moonlight dances on the water. The sound of the door creaking open has me jumping, and I turn to see Chase as he cocks an eyebrow at me.
“Am I interrupting your midnight rendezvous?” he jokes, coming to take the seat much too close to me.
“Um… No. Just thought you were sleeping.”
“I was. Then someone opened a door and I woke up.”
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“Don’t be. I’m a light sleeper. Happens after spending years being alert for a door opening.”
He’s not fishing for pity, so I don’t offer any. Chase has always been able to speak honestly with me, and not worry about it changing the way I treated him. Apparently he still thinks that’s okay to do, and I don’t want to say any differently.
It hurts a little deeper now to hear his pain though. I think that comes with age and experience with my own pain.
“Why can’t you sleep?” he asks, brushing my hair off my shoulder and leaving his fingertips lingering on my skin like he’s testing how close I’ll let him get.
Swallowing the instant knot in my throat, I shrug.
“Bad dreams.”
He frowns while leaning closer, and my breath freezes in my lungs when he runs his lips across my shoulder, watching me for my reaction.
“What kind of dreams? Maybe I can help you get rid of them,” he says softly as his breath whispers across my skin. “You used to help chase mine away,” he adds.
Warmth blooms across my skin, moving down to my core, and my thighs tighten as I squirm in my seat. Four… Three… How many years? Maybe I could be ready? I haven’t spoken to my therapist in too long, but she might consider me ready… I haven’t had an episode in at least seven years. At least not a bad one. I’ve had smaller episodes since then, but the major ones are behind me. Right?
And here I am willing to risk absolutely everything because it’s Chase James. Shit. I’m doing that internal rambling thing again.
“Just random dreams,” I lie, but the words are nothing more than a hoarse whisper when he continues to run his lips over my skin.
“I was thinking… Maybe tomorrow I could pick you up after I close the shop, and we could go to the bowling alley together. Have you even bowled at all since you bought the place?”
I shake my head, but my mind drifts back to the days when we used to drive for an hour just to bowl at the nearest spot. Dad would go out of his way to take us before I had my license. He loved seeing us have fun out there, and he’d let us stay until it closed. We’d go at least ten times a summer.
“I remember what we did that last summer in that bowling alley you’re thinking about right now,” he says, grinning against my shoulder.
How does he know I’m thinking about it?
As if he plucked the memory from my mind and put it in a video reel, it starts playing out in my head. It was the summer I finally got to drive, and I drove us out there in Dad’s BMW. We’d stayed until closing, and the o
wner was in the back, smoking pot like he did every weekend. It was just us, and Chase was more desperate to have me than usual that night.
From the second I took his virginity, we spent almost every waking moment that summer doing insanely stupid things like having sex on a bowling alley floor with no condom. It was a miracle I never got pregnant.
“I was crazy about you,” he tells me, kissing lower on my shoulder and making me regret this slinky shirt with straps instead of sleeves. “Wish I could say that wasn’t the case anymore, but you’re like a drug that won’t let me go, Mika. But tell me to go away, and I promise I’ll leave you alone.”
My breaths grow heavier as I turn to face him, and I contemplate my options. No fours. Never four. Don’t let four get in the way. Four is a trigger. Four days and four nights can’t happen.
“I’ll go bowling with you tomorrow,” I tell him, watching the way his boyish grin appears and makes it worth the possible trigger I’m pulling.
“Good.”
He remembers me as the fun, quirky, tough girl. The light at the end of his dark tunnel. It makes me miss the girl I once was, and desperate to feel like she did once again.
Strong. Fearless. In control. I want to be her so bad that it hurts.
Maybe I can write her into my story again. Maybe I can control it.
Instead of saying anything else, I get up and head inside, letting him kiss my hand on the way by. The feel of his lips lingers on my hand, and I close my eyes and take deep breaths.
Maybe I can be the girl I used to be if there’s a reason for me to try.
He stands abruptly, and his arms come around my waist, pulling my back to his front. “I’ll pick you up at six tomorrow.”
Shit. Why did he have to give me a time? Damn it.
“Exactly six,” I say quietly.
“Exactly,” he promises.
Chapter 25
CHASE
“Big brother called me today,” Blake says as he walks into my shop, looking over at me as I finish dabbing away the excess ink on the spine of the girl who is lying face-down in my chair.
“Who?” I ask absently, moving around to examine my work.
“Aidan. He called. Asked if I’d seen his sister out any. What’s his deal? And why is he calling me? I don’t know him.”
“Hell if I know,” I tell him as the chick in my chair stands up and gives me a naked shot of her chest.
I don’t even acknowledge it as I turn around and grab the aftercare bag. Glad I make them prepay. It means I can just walk away while she takes her time putting her shirt on.
She doesn’t bat an eye as she faces Blake, and he gives her a lopsided grin while staring at her rack.
“What’d you tell him?” I ask Blake as I go over to the sink to wash my hands.
“Told him she was getting out some, but didn’t go into details. Obviously. He asked if you were staying away. I didn’t want to lie, so I told him you were doing your own thing.”
“I’m guessing she told him what she stumbled onto that time she came back,” I grumble.
As the flasher walks by, she sticks something in Blake’s hand, and he watches her ass all the way out.
“I love summer girls.”
As if I needed my summer girl to be in my head any more than she already is.
“So, you and Mika? How’s that going? I can only assume that’s where you’ve been hanging out since you never answer your phone anymore, and Bertie mentioned you two sat in Little Bit Of Italian Heaven for hours the other day.”
Small towns equals big mouths.
“Yeah. I’m… I have no fucking clue what I’m doing to be honest. I suddenly feel like a teenager again, because I’m not acting like myself at all around her.”
I’d have already fucked her and had her begging me to stay with her by now if I was acting like me instead of an insecure fucking kid. It’s annoying. But that’s what she does to me. She drives me crazy and makes me forget who I am.
He starts to say more, but I glance at the clock, realizing that ink took longer than planned. I only have five minutes to get to Mika’s. I could use a shower and stuff, but I promised her six, and she’s a stickler for punctuality.
Blake is still talking as I grab my keys and jog to the truck.
“The hell, man?” he yells.
“Can’t fuck up on night one,” I tell him, laughing when he gives me an incredulous look.
I roll into her driveway at exactly six, and she opens the door with relief in her eyes when she sees me. When I smile at her, she shakily leans against the door. It almost looks like she’s been worried I wasn’t going to show.
She looks incredible. Her hair is down and curled in waves, showing how long it’s gotten. She’s wearing a low cut shirt that has me wanting to trace her skin with my tongue.
Immediately my jeans feel too tight.
Her cut off shorts have strings dangling and playing with the tan flesh of her legs. Legs that I remember too well when they were wrapped around me.
“Care if I take a shower in your house? I was running late but didn’t want to keep you waiting.” Cold shower it is, thanks to the unrelenting hard-on.
She turns a little pale, but she nods. What the hell?
When I reach her, she lets me cup her chin, tilting her head up so that our eyes meet.
“You okay?”
She nods against my hand and slowly melts against me. Her tongue darts out to wet her lips, and I watch it, fighting the urge to take it and suck it into my mouth. There are a lot of places I want to put my mouth, but I’ve got to take things slow.
She’s staying, though. Just knowing that… Fuck. I can’t help myself.
I may not can give her what she wants in life, but I can’t ignore the fact she’s never really moved on. Especially if she’s finding a thousand ways to kill me.
My lips twitch, but she doesn’t notice. She’s still leaning into my hand, letting me keep her close.
“Don’t ever give me an exact time again, please,” she says quietly.
My brow furrows. “Why?”
“Just don’t, okay?” she asks, looking up at me. “Please.”
“Sure. I’ll…um… I’ll go get that shower right quick, toss my clothes back on, and we’ll go.”
She nods again, and I walk by her, careful not to make her uncomfortable since she already looks nervous. Life would be fucking epic if she’d take a shower with me. That’s probably pushing things a little too fast though.
“Oh,” I say turning back around just as she does. “You look like you’re trying to drive me crazy.”
She fights not to smile, but I wink at her and resume my trip up the stairs. It feels like summer for the first time since I was a kid.
Chapter 26
MIKA
“Guess you won’t mind if I park in your front row reserved space, huh?” he jokes.
I’m nervous as we pull up into my parking space, but then I suddenly feel like an ass which takes precedent over my own nerves.
“We can’t go in there,” I groan.
“Why?” Chase asks, looking over at me. “Don’t you own it?”
His half-cocked, teasing grin is definitely better than his scowl.
“Whit is in there, and I didn’t call her to ask if this was okay.”
His smile only grows. “Thought we were just friends.”
Ignoring the fact that makes me feel like an idiot, I put my seatbelt back on. “We are just friends. But you two just broke up. It’s insensitive for her to see you out with a girl, even if we’re just friends. Especially given our history.”
He reaches over and unclips my seatbelt. “First of all, she slept with your brother as a means of breaking up with me. I shouldn’t be overly concerned with how she feels about me being friends with you. Secondly, I called her and told her we’d be stopping by and asked if she’d have an issue.”
“You did?” I ask, shifting in the seat. “And?”
“And she has an is
sue with me being around you, but it’s not because she’s jealous or anything. She seems to think you’re fragile or something, so she wants me to stay away. Aidan got in her head. She doesn’t know you like I do.”
Knots tighten in my stomach, but I force a smile. There was once a time when I could handle anything dealt at me.
He hops out, and I reluctantly push open the door. I don’t feel right about this. Whit deserves more respect. Hell, I could have given her the night off with pay if I hadn’t been staring at the clock all day. Why did he have to give me a time?
Before I can get down, Chase is suddenly in front of me, and his hands go to my waist as he wears that cocky smirk. He’s dressed too sexy, even though he’s still wearing the same thing he had on when he arrived—a black tee and a pair of dark jeans.
“You going to get down or just stare at me in an unfriendly way all night?” he asks, reminding me I’m gawking while his hands remain on my waist.
Rolling my eyes as he smirks, I start sliding down, and he pulls me against him, making the gesture less than friendly when I end up sliding down him.
As soon as my feet touch the ground, I stop leaning against him, and he shuts the truck door before putting his hand at the small of my back. As he guides me through the front entrance, my eyes move to the eagle statue.
“It looks lonely,” Chase says against my ear, making it easy to hear his deep voice over the roar of the music and the crashing of the pins.
A shiver travels down my spine, and he smiles at me while pulling back and taking my hand to lead me toward the counter. I wince when I see Whit, trying to retract my hand from Chase’s. He reluctantly lets it go, but he looks disappointed when he turns back to face me.
Before he can say anything, Whit is bouncing up to the counter. She glares at Chase for a second before turning a smile on me. I hope she isn’t just nice to me because I’m her boss.
“I have your lane waiting for you. Be glad the jerk called. It would have been embarrassing to ask the owner to wait when you haven’t even played a game since you bought the place.”
