by C. M. Owens
He grabs my wrist and pulls it down to kiss my hand, before entwining our fingers together.
“I’ll go to sleep if you don’t stop,” he says with that boyish grin he’s been wearing lately. It’s a stark contrast to the scowl he wore when I first came into town. “And we still need to order something to eat,” he adds.
Smiling, I turn my attention back toward the sky.
“So no food is allowed in the house or something?” Chase asks me as we stare up at the stars, lying on the roof—our spot. We’re holding hands like teenagers, and my head is now on his shoulder.
“Or something,” I answer on a happy sigh, loving the way he feels against me.
For the past week, I’ve gone to his shop a few times. I’ve also gone to the bowling alley a lot, checking in on things. Chuck is good about filling me in on how amazing the numbers look, without giving me actual numbers.
He’s a good man who doesn’t ask a lot of questions, but does exactly as I ask. I think he enjoys this job a lot more than he liked his gas station job with random hours that made it hard to have a steady home life.
As for me, I’ve worked twice as hard to make sure not to fall into a routine since Chase doesn’t realize there can’t be a routine.
I set the alarm differently, changing the minute back and forth by a couple or a single digit each day so he can get ready for work. But I’m still worried what will happen now if it doesn’t go off at all. I’ve gotten used to hearing an alarm daily, even if it isn’t at the same time.
I’ll worry about that when the time comes.
I never let him use the snooze button, since that’s a habit for normal people.
I used to love the snooze button.
Painstaking measures have been taken to keep him from unknowingly breaking too many of my rules. It’s hard as hell, but it’s worth it.
And sex is incredible. I’ve missed it. And it’s not being used as a coping mechanism. Since Chase is very unpredictable and has excellent stamina, there’s also nothing habitual about it, other than the fact it’s been daily…
Deciding not to think about it, I look up to see him smirking toward the sky.
“What are you thinking?” I ask him.
“Honestly?” he muses as his smirk turns into a full-blown grin.
“Yes…”
He glances down at me and waggles his eyebrows. “I’m thinking about how I lost my virginity in this exact spot.”
I laugh lightly while rolling my eyes. “Our roof,” I sigh.
“Well, yeah, but I mean this very exact spot on the roof.”
I can’t help but laugh a little harder. “You can’t know this was the very exact spot.”
His eyebrows go up in challenge. “Trust me, Mika. I was a sixteen-year-old boy and fucking head-over-heels in love with you. There’s no doubt in my mind this was the exact spot, because it’s seared into my memory as the best day of my life.”
My smile only grows as my hand skates across the button of his jeans, slowly undoing it. He watches me with a smirk, as I push his shirt up and kiss the lines of his abs.
“You also had another first up here,” I tell him as I slowly unzip his jeans.
His breath rattles for a second as I push them down his hips, keeping my lips near his abs while continuing to stare up at him.
“First blowjob was over there,” he says promptly, pointing to his right.
I burst out laughing when he smiles at me, and it definitely shatters the sexual tension I was aiming for. He raises his hips, helping me slide his jeans farther down, and he lowers back down after I get his boxers down, exposing his erection.
“I actually feel like a teenager again, considering that bastard stays hard around you.”
When I giggle like an idiot, he watches me, smiling like he’s soaking it all in. It feels so amazing… so real.
This is so different from what I expected when I came back to this place. I expected closure, not hanging all my hard work on a pile of coals and waiting for it to burn.
But it’ll be a beautiful blaze when it all catches fire, and so worth it. He makes it all worth the inevitable crash. I just want to live one last time the way I used to live before it was all taken away from me.
Tears well up in my eyes for so many reasons, but mostly because I’m happy for the first time in so long. I forgot what it felt like to laugh so hard my side hurts, but I have all week. I forgot how it felt for someone to speak to you about regular things and not give you the look that constantly reminds you you’re different.
I don’t want to lose this, which is another reason my tears are struggling not to fall. Because I know I can’t keep this, even though it’s killing me to think of when it’ll be gone.
Fortunately, the night masks my emotions. With the moon at my back, I can see his face clearly, but mine is probably nothing more than a shadow.
His fingers run through my hair as the humor slowly ebbs, and my lips move down the firm skin of his torso. I’m fascinated with how smooth his skin is here… mostly because it’s a stark contrast from mine. His scars are hidden, but not all mine can be seen either.
When his breath hitches in his throat, I smile, slowly moving down until the tip of his cock is near my mouth. My tongue darts out, licking up the small bead of moisture that has gotten free, and he groans low in his throat as his head falls back.
Being on the roof seems to be making everything so different from the bedroom, more intense. This is where it all started, and each touch is laced with beautiful memories not tainted by the pain that followed.
His throaty sounds resonate inside me as I tease him, taking only a little of him in my mouth. Just as I close my eyes to fully commit to blowing his mind, I’m being hauled up my arms, forcing my mouth to release him with a pop.
My eyes dart open in time to see the unmasked need in his eyes seconds before his lips find mine, and he lies back, bringing me with him as he pulls my sundress up. Another groan flows from his mouth to mine when he finds out I bypassed underwear tonight.
I grin against his kiss as my legs straddle him, feeling his length slide against me. My smile dies when he grabs my ass and squeezes, grinding me against him. I’m not sure if I moan or speak, but he kisses me harder, drinking in every sound before finally breaking away.
“You’re trying to drive me fucking crazy,” he says quietly.
I feel like the old me—the girl who could love and be free. The girl who could revel in all the good things life had to offer. The girl who could love and feel loved.
Sitting up, I watch as his gaze grows heated, watching me as I slowly lower onto him, sliding down on him, taking him inch by incredible inch. Reaching up, I pull the straps of the dress down over my arms, baring my breasts to him. His bottom lip slides between his teeth, and holds my gaze as his hand travels up to cup them, teasing my nipples as I start to rock on him.
We keep eye contact as my hips continue to move to the slow beat of our own song, drawing out each incredible moment, savoring it like it’s the last time. Always treating it like it’s the last time.
Life is precious and can be stolen without notice. It’s the moments like this that remind us why we fight so hard to just stay afloat in an endless sea.
His hands slide down to my hips, gripping me tightly as he thrusts up, and my head falls back as my moan breaks free. He sits up, sucking a nipple into his mouth as he holds me to him, barely giving us much room to move as sweat starts to slowly slick our bodies.
An incredible knot slowly starts to build in my core, expanding slowly, threatening to erupt with too much power. My lips find Chase’s, somehow knowing it can’t be as good without feeling that extra connection.
When it all finally breaks apart inside me, he groans, drinking in all the sounds that try to escape my lips as he holds me to him. White flashes detonate behind my eyelids, as my body goes limp, shuddering against him like I just can’t help myself.
In one smooth motion, he flips me over, an
d his hips piston as he draws out my orgasm and chases his own. My hands tangle in his hair as our lips break apart and he buries his face in my neck, his hips slowing as he spills inside of me.
My eyes roll back in my head as a satisfied smile curves my lips. Chase drops to my body, breathless and spent, and I chuckle when he mocks a loud panting sound.
“I love summer,” he says against my neck.
My heart soars and shatters at the same time as I hold him tighter, hugging him like tomorrow is summer’s end. Those forgotten tears try to return to my eyes, but I fight them back, not willing to let reality taint the fantasy just yet.
“So do I,” I whisper hoarsely.
He raises his head like he’s about to say something, when another voice carries up to us.
“The hell are you two doing on the roof?”
I jump and squeal, but Chase groans. Blake? Is that Blake’s voice?
“The hell are you doing here?” Chase counters… while still inside me.
Can Blake see us from this angle? I really freaking hope not. But he’d have to see us to know we’re up here… Oh no. Inwardly, I groan.
“Brought some beers over since you’re always missing these days. Come down and drink with me. The least you can do is properly introduce me to the girl you’ve been obsessed with for all these years.”
Chase smiles while shaking his head, but I feel really uncomfortable knowing Blake is staring up at us while Chase is inside me.
“Be down in a second,” Chase calls out while reaching down and sliding out of me at the same time.
“That’s not awkward at all,” I hiss, shoving my dress down as Chase pulls his jeans and boxers up at the same time.
He barks out a laugh while shaking his head.
“He couldn’t see you,” he says while chuckling. “And he’s seen much worse from me.”
My mood sours instantly, and Chase curses like he just realizes what he said.
“Fuck. I’m a dumbass.”
I force a smile while shaking my head. “No worries,” I say, keeping my forced smile.
He blows out a regretful breath, but I refuse to let this night go south. I don’t know how long we have, and I don’t want to waste it feeling upset over the past.
Everything happens for a reason. I lost him that summer, but it might have saved my life and his in the long run. I still would have been home and stuck with my mother when the accident happened. She still would have pushed me that night. I still would have gotten hurt. An alcoholic surgeon would have still been on duty, and my brain would still be unable to function like a normal person’s.
But I might not have gotten the extreme treatment I acquired afterwards if Chase had been in my life. For all I know, I might have eventually killed myself during one of my episodes. They were so much worse in the beginning.
Just thinking of him ever witnessing something like that makes my stomach roil. It would destroy the way he sees me.
“Ready to go down?” he asks quietly.
“Yeah. I’ll put on some panties too,” I say to lighten the mood, causing him to cough on air before he starts laughing again.
Without saying anything else, I move to the ladder that’s off to the side, and shut my eyes as I climb down, feeling my way like a pro. It’s a little harder to look down from above when you’ve flown without wings.
Blake is grinning when I reach the back deck, and Chase is wrapping his arm around my waist like he’s staking claim.
“You grinning bastard. Didn’t know you knew how to smile like that,” Blake says, ribbing Chase who hugs me tighter to him while Blake takes a seat on some of the patio furniture outside.
Chase takes a seat as I duck inside to clean up and straighten my hair, and when I come back out, Chase takes my hand and drags me into his lap.
They’re talking and catching up. Relaxing against Chase, I just listen as they talk about people I don’t know and things that make no sense to me.
It’s nice to hear about all the normal things people fixate on, and I find myself smiling for no reason at all. It’d be nice if this was my life.
My phone rings loud enough to be heard outside, and I stand up to jog in, grabbing it from the table to answer it when I see it’s Aidan.
“Hey,” I say like a kid who has just been caught. Chase hasn’t been here during his other phone calls.
“How’s things going?”
“The same as they were two days ago when you called. I’m fine, Aidan. Really. Still showering and getting out. Still eating and functioning just fine. I’ve been living alone for three years. I’m better. Stop worrying.”
I wish I was better.
“You’re better but not one-hundred percent, Mika. Big difference. You’re at fifty percent at most. Could always be there. Sue me for worrying about you. Please tell me you’re eating more than just pizza.”
“Ice cream too.”
He snorts, and I grin while moving away from the door and heading upstairs.
“Found any melted cartons in the cupboards?” he muses.
Not sure why he finds that so funny. It always pisses me off when I do that. At least it doesn’t trigger a meltdown reaction.
“Not this week,” I grumble, eliciting a snicker from him.
He sounds… happy. That’s so good to hear. It’s been getting easier for him to laugh since he’s gotten to spend less and less time worrying about me. I even managed to release my live-in nurse three years ago.
It wasn’t an easy transition to let her go, but I managed not to hurt myself. After all, I never liked her. She was so cold and formal, which made the detachment of the habit easier.
And I killed her in one of my books. That also helped. Death is a finality that my brain comprehends and doesn’t allow triggers to emerge when a fixed figure in my life is removed. It’s a useful tool.
Aidan has been by my side since I got out of the hospital, but sometimes I wonder if it’s because of his worry for me, or because he and I have gotten so close and he doesn’t want to live alone.
“I’ll be back soon,” he says vaguely, staying within the safe confines of my triggers, and I grimace.
“No need to rush. Take some time to love the city. I know you miss it.”
“You can’t stay by yourself for too long at a time, Mika. You have to have someone there on occasion.”
“No, I don’t. Don’t come back just for that.” He knows that isn’t cool. I don’t want him here just to look after me.
He blows out a harsh breath and groans for a second. “Yeah. Sorry. Didn’t mean it that way. So, anyway, tell me about the bowling alley. How’s it doing?”
I smile while walking into my murder room/office.
“It’s going good.”
“Still feel unfinished?”
My smile falls. “Yeah. I don’t know why though.”
Again, another harsh breath leaves his lips. “Dr. Stein said you haven’t been calling her like you’re supposed to.”
I tense, wondering why she’s telling him anything at all. I know he’s allowed to be updated on progress. I also know Dr. Stein’s secretary said he couldn’t be reached.
“You went to see her or she called you?” I ask him.
“Both. I was missing my sessions with her. Anyway, give her a call. You can’t get better without her.”
I nod like he can see me, and I glance out the door, looking for Chase and worrying he might overhear, even though he’s downstairs and outside.
“I will,” I finally say.
“I’m meeting some friends for a drink, so I’ll let you go for now.”
“Have fun, Aidan. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”
I start to wonder if he hung up already when he doesn’t respond for a few seconds. He knows that will have me calling him right back. I can’t stand to be hung up on, because the call feels too unfinished. But finally he speaks again.
“Love you, sis. I’ll see you soon. Bye.”
“Love you.
Be safe. Bye,” I tell him, wondering how in the hell I’m going to explain Chase to him when he gets back.
It’s not going to be fun. He’s going to explode.
Chapter 36
CHASE
I thought I had moved on and learned to live a life without Mika in it. Turns out I was pretty fucking wrong. It’s like my life was running on standby mode, and nothing really fully resumed until she came back.
She reminds me what it’s like to have someone truly care. I’ve dated nice girls. I’ve dated thoughtful girls. But Mika is the only person who ever truly got to know the real me, and she’s the only person who makes it easy to breathe.
Cheesy as fuck, I know. But it’s the honest truth.
During all this time I’ve been with her, this is the first time she’s slept in my bed in my house.
It’s a fraction of the size of her lake home, but it’s bigger and better than anything I grew up in as a kid. Mika is curled around me, always touching me, and giggling as she reads me a part in one of her books where she killed me with a nail gun.
Yeah, we’re weird. But I like knowing she thought about me so much over the years that she managed to kill me in some rather imaginative ways as a means of moving on. She didn’t move on either.
“What about that one?” I ask her, pointing to the one beside me that she brought over. It’s just a plain cover that states it’s not for publishing.
“It’s a new one they’re about to put out some time soon,” she says with a shrug, moving her eyes back to the book at hand. “I turned it in a while back, even though the ending was never quite right.”
Before she can explain the gory way the nails have broken into my skull, I pick up the new book and open it.
“No!” she says around a laugh, tugging it out of my hands like it’s her diary instead of a book.
“There must be something terrible in there if you’re hiding it from me after all the other things you’ve read to me or let me read.”
I shudder dramatically to make her grin, but her cheeks turn pink instead, and I cock an eyebrow. She looks away like she’s shy all of the sudden, and that makes me all the more curious.
