by C. M. Owens
My eyes close again, and a single tear escapes.
“You can’t give up your shop,” I whisper.
“Already have.”
“No,” I snap, trying to wrench away, but there’s nowhere to go, since there’s a large drop from my seat to the ground, and he’s surrounding every other escape. “I refuse to let you give up your damn dreams for me.”
An embarrassing squeal escapes me when I’m suddenly being lifted and spun around, until two blue eyes holding grim determination are staring into mine. Chase steps between my legs, and his hands settle on the railing on either side of my hips. I’m forced to grab his shoulders to keep my balance, which brings us even closer.
“My dreams were to run a damn bowling alley with the only girl I’ve ever loved. She was insanely beautiful, passionate, completely spontaneous, and fucking perfect. So, if you’re interested on making my dreams come true…”
He lets his words trail off as a smirk begins to play on his lips.
“I’m not—”
“You’re not beautiful?” he muses, making a show of raking his eyes over me. “Tell that to my body that appreciates the way you’ve changed. You’re not passionate? You should feel the way you kiss or read what you write. You’re not completely spontaneous? That’s not even up for debate. You’re still fucking perfect, Mika. I’m just asking for a chance for us to work together. That’s it. Just a chance.”
I really hate how easy it is to forget the disaster we are.
“Just a chance is dangerous for me,” I remind him. “Emotions are… They’re a fucking wild card from hell, Chase. I… I lost it. Something as simple as a shift in plans sent me spiraling into the madness so deep that I destroyed my brother all over again. My brother isn’t even allowed to show me physical affection. Do you know that? Seven years. I went seven years without any physical harm to myself. Do you understand?”
He doesn’t look the least bit deterred. If anything, he looks like he’s even more steadfast than before. So I simplify what I’m saying.
“I’m a fucking psycho,” I add, watching his lips twitch like he finds it humorous.
“You’re not psycho. How long are we going to do this dance before I convince you to come back?”
“Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to keep saying no?” I groan.
“Then say yes,” he chirps, grinning like this is a game to him. Just his smile makes me stupidly smile back.
It takes a very, very large effort, but I mask my features once again when I see too much triumph in his eyes. This is a one-way road to fucked-up-ville, and there isn’t much of a chance for return for him.
“You’re still in love with the girl you knew, Chase. Yes, I agree that this argument is getting tired, but I’m not that girl anymore. Stop. Just stop,” I say quietly, leaning forward to rest my head on his chest again when staring into his eyes becomes too hard.
His arms wrap around me, and his hand slides up and down my back, a soothing motion that feels too good. I just got over the need for physical contact… Or at least I thought I did. I’m soaking it in right now like I can’t get enough, even though I should be putting distance between us.
“You’re the only person who makes me feel anything,” he says so quietly that I almost don’t hear it.
A tear escapes my eye, and I squeeze my eyes shut in protest of the other tears that want to join the escapee.
“I fucked up once and let you go. Then I lived with a hole inside of me, Mika. Yeah, I know that’s cliché and cheesy, but it’s the truth. Then you came back, and I stopped surviving and felt like I was finally living. You’re still it for me. I’m not letting you go again.”
“I have so many limitations,” I admit, still trying to talk him out of this. It’s insane. “I don’t even know how to ride a bike anymore.”
“I guess it’s a good thing I outgrew my bike,” he says dryly.
I laugh and groan at the same time, and he kisses the top of my head.
“My mind only works well if I’m not agitated. Normal people get agitated in a good relationship. Do you understand I could go loco at the slightest thing?”
“You’re sexy when you’re crazy.”
I lean back and glare up at him as he smirks down at me.
“I’m literally crazy now. And this isn’t a joke.”
His smirk vanishes.
“You’re not crazy. There’s a difference in a brain injury and being crazy. But I wouldn’t give a damn if you were certifiably insane—”
“I was at one time,” I interrupt, but he goes on as though I haven’t said anything.
“I don’t care if you put ice cream in the cabinet instead of the freezer. I don’t care if you can’t ride a fucking bike or bowl. I don’t care if you have to break shit on occasion. I don’t give a damn about all the things you have to do to cope. It’s not a sacrifice, Mika. At all.”
I study his eyes, and he moves closer, sliding his hands around my back, sparking so many feelings and desires I’ve tried to ignore.
“And what happens when I push myself too far and end up in the ER again?” I ask in a broken tone as I fight back tears.
“I have an idea, actually. But we’ll get to that later. The point is, you’re getting better and better. Dr. Stein will help us adjust, and we’ll figure it out. All relationships have hurdles. This one is ours.”
I laugh humorlessly as he grins, but in the next breath, I’m not laughing, because he crushes my lips in a surprise attack. My eyes close as his tongue slides across the seam of my lips, and my lips part for him, giving him the opening he seeks.
Heat flows through my body, and my heart pounds harder as he kisses me stupid, making me forget. My hands slide up and tangle in his hair, pulling him even closer as his grip gets tighter, more demanding.
He lifts me away from the rail, and my legs fasten around his waist as he carries me into the house. I’m only so strong.
He kisses me like he’s scared to pull back, afraid I’m going to disappear if he does, and I kiss him back with the same fear. We’ve gone through hell on our own, but I’m scared of going through hell together.
He makes some sexy, guttural noise low in his throat, and I shudder against him as he struggles to keep from bumping into the walls. I grin against his lips when he curses a table that hits his knee.
His lips come back to mine, hungrily devouring me in a way that makes my mind blank once again. Between his sounds and mine, the room is being christened with sexy.
When my back thumps against the wall, I grin again. We’re not going to make it to a bed.
He puts me down, and my shorts are getting jerked away before I even realize he’s broken the kiss.
“Get naked,” he says while ripping his shirt over his head.
Like the fool I am, I giggle. And of course I also get naked.
Chapter 52
CHASE
I’m still stripping out of my jeans, when Mika reaches for the back of my neck, pulling me back in for another kiss. My hands go to her waist, gripping her close, as I kick out of my jeans the rest of the way. I’m really fucking thankful I skipped shoes this morning.
There’s so much I want to say, but I continue kissing her instead of risking saying the wrong thing. I hope she doesn’t think this is a small moment of weakness. This is it. This is her giving herself over to me whether she admits it or not.
Plan B involves rope, a cabin in the woods, and a few felony charges for kidnapping and all that.
She moans into my mouth as I lift her, and I consider taking her against the wall when her bare legs come back around my waist. Fuck that. I want a bed with her under me so I can take my time.
She grips me tighter with her thighs and I change my mind while shoving her against the wall. My hand slips between us, and my cock gets painfully hard when I feel how ready she is for me after just some kissing.
I’ll go back to foreplay and take it slower in round two. Right now, I have to have her before I
lose my mind. I have no idea how I even existed so many years without her.
With one hard thrust, I sink balls-deep into her, and some garbled noise escapes her while I bite back any sound that tries to rise.
“Fuck me,” she whispers, lifting what little bit she can and moving back down.
I grip her hips, holding her still, as my entire body trembles.
“Chase,” she whimpers.
“Give me a second,” I tell her softly, burying my face against her neck.
“What’s… wrong?” she asks hesitantly.
“Remember the first time you did the reverse cowgirl on me?” I ask her, feeling her smile without seeing it.
“You want the reverse cowgirl treatment? I can’t do that against the wall.”
I groan as that image springs to mind. Round two. She can do that in round two.
“I was talking about what happened when we did that position the first time.”
“Oh… Oh,” she says, a smile in her tone.
I’d rather last longer than five fucking seconds at this moment, so she gives me a second to get control. When I finally feel like a man instead of a teenager again, my hips move, and she moans while gripping my shoulders, her nails digging in.
“Right there,” she whispers when I thrust up harder.
Her body is pressed against mine, and my face is still against her neck as I take her over and over against the wall.
Sweat breaks out over my body, and I have to strain not to get off before she’s finished, but I’m determined. The second her walls clamp down on me and she screams my name, I let go, thrusting into her with abandon, chasing my own release.
Hot pleasure shoots up from my balls to my chest, and I barely keep enough strength to continue holding her as my entire body shudders against hers. She goes limp in my arms, and I smirk as I carry her toward the bedroom, staying inside her.
“I can’t have kids,” she says at the worst moment.
“I know. I don’t care. I’m not exactly the kind of guy who wants a houseful of babies, and I’ve spent too much time being selfless. I want to be selfish and greedy and lost in you for as long as possible, so sharing you with a child isn’t on my list of things-to-do.”
She sighs just before I collapse to the bed, still holding her to me.
“Mika, there’s seriously only one thing I want, so telling me I can’t have it is worse than anything you think I’m giving up. I’m still in love with you. Hell, I never stopped loving you.”
I’m full of cheese today, but I can’t stop it. I’m back to being a kid with the girl he loves, and there’s an actual future for us this time. It’s finally real.
She hugs me tighter, and I feel the dampness against my neck that tells me she’s crying. I hope those are happy tears.
My hand slides up and down her back for several minutes while she clings to me.
“I still love you, too,” she says at last.
My smile breaks across my face, and I kiss her shoulder, sliding my hands lower and lower.
“About that reverse cowgirl…” I let the words trail off, and smile when she snickers.
I’m ready for round two, and when she leans back with a smiling face despite her tears, I wink at her. Mika is still my girl. I’m finally getting what I want in life, and it seems surreal.
Just as she leans down to kiss me, we hear loud voices in the house.
“Mika! We’re going to talk, and you’re going to listen!” Aidan yells, and Mika squeals while diving off me and jerking the covers over us just as the door to her room flies open.
Aidan’s face goes from determined, to confused, to very fucking red as his eyes widen.
“You can save that talk. Mika’s coming home,” I drawl as Mika bites her lip and studies me. “And I’ll be staying with her.”
I can’t tell if he’s relieved or worried, but he nods while slowly backing out of the room and wordlessly closing the door.
“The pile of clothes in the hallway didn’t give you pause?” I hear Hunter asking from the other side of the door, and Mika groans while burying her face against my chest. I laugh under my breath while holding her to me.
Everything feels right for the first time in so damn long. It no longer feels like Mika’s holding back, and I’m sure as hell all in.
Sometimes life destroys you so that you can rebuild yourself to be bigger, better, stronger…
Chapter 53
CHASE
3 weeks later…
“Mika, I really don’t know why you insisted we come here, but this isn’t where I want to be,” I grumble, even though I try not to sound angry.
I hate this fucking house and being here makes me sick. I suggested a day out, because I’ve been working on a surprise for her today. This is not what I meant about getting out of the house for a few hours.
Mika ignores me as she goes to the back of my truck, climbing up and leaning over to grab something from the bed of it. My gaze returns to the abandoned house no one in this town has wanted to buy. The nearest neighbor is at least a mile away. It’s almost as though this home has shamed the land and no one wants close.
My hands go in my pockets as I study the collapsing porch. All the windows have been broken now, courtesy of the kids running loose in town. The weeds have grown up to be knee high in some places, and the grass is completely dead in other spots. The paint is almost completely peeled away, and the rotting wood is on the verge of finally caving in.
“Mika? Why are we here?” I ask her, still staring at the house from my past as that familiar pit of disgust forms in my stomach.
Suddenly, she’s in front of me and jabbing a beer bottle in my hand that has a rag hanging out of it. My eyebrows go up in confusion when I get a whiff of something that suspiciously smells like gasoline.
“Mika…” I let her name trail off as she pulls out a lighter and grins up at me.
“It’s okay. I researched this. For a book, of course.”
She lights the end of the rag, and my eyes widen in shock when it blazes up.
“You should probably throw it before you get burned,” she points out.
I toss the bottle as hard as I can and the glass explodes against the side of the house. The fire shoots out in a streak, but doesn’t send the house in a blaze or anything the way it does in the movies.
“Are you crazy?” I ask her as she pushes another bottle in my hand.
She blinks before saying, “Yes. Yes, I am.”
When she lights the rag this time, I throw it immediately, and the bottle crashes into the house through the broken storm door. An actual fire starts when the glass shatters, and I roll my eyes.
“Wrong kind of crazy, baby.”
She shrugs before bending over and grabbing yet another bottle, holding it as she studies me.
“You’re helping me chase away my demons, so I’m helping you chase away yours. Actually, I’m helping you burn your demons to the ground. Get it?”
She grins at me before thrusting the next bottle into my hands. There’s a decent blaze flickering from inside the house now, and when she lights the bottle this time, I don’t hesitate to throw it. In fact, it actually feels good when fire spreads.
“I also had Hunter pick you up several extra belts and install a belt organizer for you, but I thought this surprise was the most important,” she adds, causing me to smile despite the fact I’m throwing yet another bottle toward the house.
We’re both fucking crazy.
Bottle after bottle smashes into the house, and when the last one is thrown, the house is burning hard. Mika stands at my side, and my arm goes around her shoulders as we watch all the bad memories burn—metaphorically.
I’m not sure how she knew I needed this, since I didn’t even realize it, but it feels like a weight is being lifted off me. The whoop of a siren has me cringing, and Mika and I both turn around as Dusty pulls up in his patrol car.
He and I went to school together, but we were in different grades.
I expect him to break out his handcuffs, considering we’re committing arson and I’m a James. However, he takes one look at us then glances toward the house, and grabs his radio, radioing in to the station.
When they answer, he says, “Tell the chief it’s just the James house burning down. Don’t worry about sending anyone for a few minutes. I think it’s time this house was gone.”
The dispatcher mutters something that’s too static-ridden for us to understand from our distance away from him, but Dusty says something back before walking toward us.
He nods once at me, then tips his hat toward Mika, before joining us as we stand and watch. As the blaze drives on and takes the house down little by little, more weight lifts off me.
“You two watching the whole thing burn down, or can I call the guys out here before the field catches fire?” he asks.
My smile turns up before I glance down at Mika, but she stares at me like it’s my decision.
“I’m good. Thanks, Dusty,” I tell him, clapping him on the shoulder as I turn to leave.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll make sure to speak with the fire chief.” He gives me a look of understanding, and I kiss the top of Mika’s head as I guide her back to my truck.
I guess small towns aren’t always a bad thing.
Holding open Mika’s door for her, I turn and take one last look at the house as it folds in on itself. When I look back at her, she’s staring at me.
“I love you,” I tell her, leaning in to brush my lips over hers.
She throws her arms around my neck as she pulls back. “I love you too.”
When she smiles, I forget we need to be getting out of here. Until I hear the sirens wailing in the distance.
“We should probably get home. I have a surprise for you too.”
Her eyes light up. “Do I get to burn something down?”
