Undercover Alice

by Shears, KT

  ‘Matt, it’s Alice. Your PA,’ I said. As opposed to Alice in Wonderland, I thought.

  ‘Oh, Alice! Hello. Is everything ok?’ He sounded concerned.

  ‘I’m afraid I might be a bit late,’ I said, apologetically. ‘My car won’t start, so I’ll have to get the bus.’

  ‘That’ll take you ages,’ Matt said.

  He was right. Although I was only 30 minutes or so from work by car, the local bus route was pretty much a scenic tour of the whole south side of the city. I wasn’t looking forward to being crammed in, surrounded by sweaty commuters. I’m quite antisocial like that.

  ‘Look I’ll come pick you up, you’re not that far away from me. What’s your house number?’

  He turned up 20 minutes later, not in a flash BMW as I’d imagined, but in an eminently sensible Toyota Prius. I clambered into the passenger seat.

  ‘Thanks so much for this,’ I said. ‘I think it’s the battery. My best friend’s brother is coming over tonight to try sort it.’

  I shrugged.

  ‘I know about as much as cars as I do about computers, I’m afraid.’

  Matt waved a hand. ‘It’s no problem. I must confess, I’m awful with cars, too.’

  We chatted easily for the rest of the journey. He made me laugh with anecdotes about some of the more awful meetings he’d been to in the past few weeks, and I made him laugh with an impression of Dave Barry.

  ‘That was worryingly good,’ he said, when I’d finished. ‘I’m looking at you in a whole different light now.’

  We pulled up in the office car park and, as I was climbing out of the car, I froze. Sarah Elliot was standing just a couple of spaces away, and looking at me with barely disguised fury. I quickly realised she had put two and two together and come up with five; which, I thought charitably, was to be expected, I suppose, seeing the man she clearly loved arriving with this new imposter.

  ‘Oh hi, Sarah!’ Matt waved at her cheerily. ‘Alice’s car broke down so I’ve been on taxi duty.’

  Sarah smiled at him, ignoring me entirely. I could tell she was relieved, but she still didn’t look happy.

  ‘Oh I see. People will talk, you know.’ She turned on her heel and walked away towards the entrance.

  Matt looked at her, slightly puzzled.

  ‘Well, sounds like someone got out the wrong side of bed this morning.’

  I stared at him. Could he really not see it? It seemed so obvious to me, but Matt seemed cheerfully oblivious. Mind you, he wouldn’t be the first man I’d met who was blind to a woman’s subtle and not-so-subtle hints and flirting. I’d met men before who made me consider hiring a plane with a banner trailing behind it reading ‘Ask Alice out for a drink.’

  I followed Matt into the building and to our offices. He had a rare morning with no meetings, and we sat chatting, the doors between our offices open. I hadn’t laughed so much in ages, and certainly never at work. He had such a way with words, even I, a journalist, was impressed. His stories were hilarious and he had the attractive quality of being able to make fun of his own shortcomings and embarrassing moments. The sock story was brought up again, and he had me in fits as he recalled his shame when Melling, the director of a global IT company, had glanced down and saw he was wearing one black sock, and one with a reindeer on it.

  ‘What did you do? I said, laughing.

  Matt shrugged.

  ‘What could I do? I just smiled and said I was preparing for Christmas.’

  I howled with laughter.

  ‘It’s July,’ I pointed out, shaking my head.

  The morning whizzed by, neither of us achieving much work, but finding out we both liked the Foo Fighters, and thought the second Ghostbusters film was the best one. I wasn’t sure this was vital information for my exposé, but I suppose any background is background.

  I went through to the canteen by myself for lunch – Matt was popping out to the shops to get some bits and pieces for the house he had moved into a few weeks earlier. I grabbed a sandwich and was about to sit down at a table on my own when I heard Angus’s voice, loud over the babble of chatter.

  ‘Don’t sit by yourself like a loner, come here!’

  I turned round to see him beckoning me furiously. My heart sank to see Sarah sitting at the table too, but what else could I do? I took a deep breath, smiled, and made my way across the canteen. I sat down, careful not to look at Sarah.

  ‘So, you came back for a second day,’ Angus observed.

  I didn’t need to be a mind-reader to be able to tell what Sarah was thinking, it was written plain across her face.

  ‘I’m thinking I’ll try to stick out the week,’ I said, taking a bite of my sandwich. Then, feeling mischievous, I said, ‘Matt and I have been talking nonsense together all morning, I feel like we’ve barely had a chance to do any work.’

  I glanced slyly at Sarah, who was looking murderous. That was a low blow, I knew, but I couldn’t resist it.

  Angus chuckled, oblivious to the tension in the air. What is it with men? I thought.

  ‘He could talk the hind leg off a donkey. Was he telling you about his meeting with Melling a couple of weeks ago?’

  I nodded, smiling as I recalled his ‘preparing for Christmas’ comment. I’d have loved to have been a fly on the wall – Melling sounded like a total ballbreaker. Matt had said he hadn’t even reacted, just carried on with the meeting as if nothing had happened.

  ‘Aye, he’s full of stories like that. He’s had an interesting life, so far, that’s for sure.’

  Aha, perhaps this was my chance to find something out. I remembered Matt telling me yesterday that he’d known Angus for years. Perhaps he would know about those missing years in his biography.

  ‘Yes, I was reading his biography in my welcome pack. There seemed to be a few years missing, though. Maybe a page got lost?’ I said, innocently.

  Angus suddenly looked uncomfortable, although Sarah’s expression didn’t change. Perhaps she doesn’t know, I thought. Maybe they’re not that close, after all.

  ‘Oh, really? I’ll take a look.’

  I got the impression he knew exactly why those pages were missing. I can tell when people are lying, which is a useful trait for a journalist. Angus rose the top of my list of people to grill, if I got the chance.

  He changed the subject, moving on to a story about an unfortunate interview he’d held the week before, where the person who turned up had completely misunderstood the role they were applying for.

  ‘I asked him about his experience with Windows, and he said his grandad had been a window cleaner.’ Angus howled with laughter and I couldn’t help joining in. Even Sarah cracked a smile.

  When I finished my sandwich, I hurried away, lest Angus leave before me and I was stuck with Sarah. I hated making small talk at the best of times, let along with someone who clearly wanted to make a purse out of my skin.

  I had to consider my next approach. Angus clearly knew what had happened in those missing three years, but his relationship with Matt made it very unlikely he would spill secrets to a stranger. I’d need to win his trust, somehow. Or Matt’s.

  I was deep in thought when Matt appeared back in the office. He’d taken his suit jacket off, and his white shirt clung to his chest. I could see a hint of muscle through the thin material, and I quickly averted my gaze.

  ‘Whew, it’s hot out there.’ Matt dumped some carrier bags on the floor of his office and then came back out to stand in front of my desk. I suddenly felt a bit hot, too. Strange, I’m pretty sure the office is adequately air conditioned.

  ‘What have I got on this afternoon?’

  I glanced the screen, glad to refocus my mind.

  ‘You’ve got a meeting with Sarah Elliot at three, in your office.’

  Great, that meant she’d be coming here and I’d have to greet her. Sarah Elliot was rapidly making my life much more unpleasant than it should have been. I was tempted to change my exposé to one of her; surely she’d done something dastardly
in her life.

  ‘Well, I hope she’s in a better mood than this morning,’ Matt said, shaking his head.

  She wasn’t. She arrived in the office just before three, and Matt was on a phone call, so she had no choice but to stand uncomfortably in front of my desk.

  ‘Would you like a tea or coffee?’

  I was determined to be pleasant. After all, I hadn’t done anything wrong. Well, I suppose I had as I was an undercover reporter sent to expose her boss and one true love. But she didn’t know that. All I’d done as far as she was concerned was turn up for my job, not be a 60-year-old toothless crone and actually be vaguely efficient.

  ‘No thanks,’ she said, coolly.

  I reached under my desk and brought out a plastic bag, handing it to her. She looked at me quizzically, and not a little suspiciously.

  ‘It’s the clothes from yesterday,’ I explained. ‘Thank you for letting me borrow them. I’ve washed them.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  We stayed in awkward silence for a while, and then Matt came out of his office. He must have sensed the atmosphere, as he looked from one of us to the other, looking puzzled. When no explanation was forthcoming, he gave a little shrug to himself and beckoned Sarah into his office. She closed the door as she went in, and I couldn’t hear what they were saying. From the glances I stole through the glass panes, though, it didn’t look like they were declaring their love for each other. Matt was scribbling things down in a notebook as Sarah spoke.

  That reminded me; I rummaged in my bag and retrieved my own notebook. ‘Angus’ I wrote, and underlined it.

  Sarah left the office without a word to me, and shortly after, Matt came out of his office, carrying the bags of shopping he’d bought at lunchtime. I was slightly disappointed to note that his suit jacket was on again. And then slightly disappointed in myself for thinking it.

  ‘Well, that’s me done for the day, I think. Leaving on time for once, I should give you a lift more often! Are you ready to go?’

  I nodded and quickly packed up my things. As we headed past Sarah’s office, he waved through the doorway.

  ‘See you tomorrow, Sarah!’

  She waved back at him, but didn’t even catch my eye.

  We got into Matt’s car and he turned the radio on to listen to the traffic news as I buckled myself in.

  ‘Oh bollocks, there’s been a huge pile-up. The road’s closed and they’re saying the diversion will take more than an hour.’ He sighed.

  ‘I guess we could go back into the office and wait?’ I suggested.

  ‘Maybe. Or perhaps…’ he trailed off, suddenly looking a bit shy.

  ‘Perhaps what?’ I prompted.

  ‘Well, you don’t fancy going for a drink, do you? There’s a great pub just down the road, and we could sit it out there with a nice beer until the traffic’s cleared. Obviously if you’d rather just try to get home –’

  ‘That sounds great,’ I said. This would be a good chance to find out a bit more about him, and those missing three years. I ignored the little thrill of pleasure inside me that he’d invited me out. It wasn’t a date, for god’s sake, it was purely professional.

  Chapter seven

  The pub was nice. It was set on the banks of the river and had an outside beer garden. Fat ducks swam past and waddled their way along the verge, gently quacking. It was sunny, for once, so we sat outside under a big umbrella. I ordered a sparkling white wine and Matt, a beer. He insisted on paying, and, after a small but fierce debate, which made the barmaid laugh, I put my purse away, insisting that I paid for the next round. I was a firm believer in equal opportunities, and I didn’t like to be a kept woman.

  I took a sip of my wine, which was cool and refreshing, and just what the doctor ordered after a slightly stressful day what with Sarah Elliot’s antics. Matt took a long draught of his beer, and some of the foam clung to his upper lip. I idly imagined myself licking it off, and then stopped myself, horrified. Where had that come from? I couldn’t even blame the wine, I’d only had one sip. Maybe my blood sugar was low or something. It was time to try to be professional.

  ‘I was reading your biography in the welcome pack,’ I said, watching him carefully. He showed no sign of discomfort and I continued. ‘You’ve had an interesting life so far. I was talking to Angus at lunch, though, and I told him they’ve missed three years of your life.’ I shrugged, apologetically. ‘Once a reporter, always a reporter, I guess.’ And still a reporter, I thought, feeling a bit uncomfortable at my deception.

  ‘Did they?’ he said, casually. ‘I doubt anything interesting happened. They probably decided it would send new starts to sleep.’

  I wasn’t going to be put off that easily, though. I had my scoop of the year to think about.

  ‘It was about six years ago,’ I said. ‘You must have done something interesting in three years, the rest of your life seems to have had loads going on.’

  He really had. He’d left school with good grades, and taken a year off to travel through the Middle East. He’d then studied information technology at university, graduating with a first class degree. A couple of years later, he’d gone back to do a post-graduate course in business management. He’d worked for a small IT firm for a while and then, the three years of nothingness. His biography picked up again with him going back to the small IT firm he had been at before and then starting his own company. Of which I was now an employee, of sorts.

  Matt looked at me and seemed to be having an internal debate with himself. I felt guilty, suddenly, that I was pushing him. Then I remembered what had supposedly happened in those lost years and I felt a bit better. If he’d been in prison for three years or so, it must have been pretty bad, after all.

  ‘I was in Spain,’ he said eventually. ‘My parents and sister lived out there, and I joined them for a few years. I spent most of it on the beach drinking sangria.’

  Now we were getting somewhere, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t the truth. My internal lie detector was blaring loudly. For starters, he didn’t strike me as the kind of person who spent hours on a beach getting drunk. Plus, he looked distinctly uncomfortable. I considered my next move and decided I didn’t want to push too hard and make him clam up.

  ‘Ah, that sounds great,’ I said. ‘Do your sister and parents still live out there?’

  ‘My parents do,’ he said, running his finger round the rim of his glass.

  ‘Oh, is your sister back over here now?’

  ‘She’s dead. She died a few years ago.’

  I was horrified. ‘Oh I’m so sorry-’ I began.

  ‘It’s ok,’ Matt waved a hand. ‘How about your family?’

  It was obvious he wanted to change the subject. I was torn: a good journalist would keep on going, I was getting to the heart of the matter, I thought. But I couldn’t bring myself to cause him pain, so I backed off.

  ‘Oh all very boring, I’m afraid. My parents are divorced. My mum remarried to a really great guy, and my dad has had a succession of girlfriends. I’m an only child, too.’

  Matt smiled. ‘Sometimes boring can the best,’ he said, a slightly sad look in his eyes.

  My remark about my dad’s succession of girlfriends led us on the topic of past, doomed relationships, the wine loosening my tongue slightly.

  ‘When was your last relationship?’ Matt asked, curiously.

  ‘It ended a year or so ago,’ I said, sighing. ‘We just weren’t compatible. He was a lawyer and he worked an insane amount. I didn’t mind that, I was working crazy hours too, but he never made an effort to see me.’ I shrugged. ‘Eventually I realised I hadn’t seen him in two weeks, and I didn’t even care. So that was that.’

  I laughed at Matt’s sympathetic face.

  ‘What about you?’

  He shrugged. ‘Not for a few years.’

  That surprised me. He was an incredibly good-looking man, and I didn’t think he would be short of offers.

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘She cheated
on me, with a guy she worked with. I came home early from work to surprise her one day, and got a surprise of my own.’

  My mouth fell open. No matter what Matt may have done, I felt awful.

  ‘That’s terrible!’ I exclaimed.

  He shrugged. ‘It wasn’t the best day of my life, but I don’t think we were right for each other, anyway. I just found out sooner rather than later. Then my sister....’ He checked himself. ‘Then I’ve been busy setting up my business and haven’t really had time for anything else.’

  I nodded, understandingly.

  ‘It must be hard,’ I said, ‘trying to juggle your personal life and run your own company.’

  ‘It is.’ Matt sighed. ‘Sometimes it feels like I’m spread too thin, trying to please too many people at once. I love it, don’t get me wrong; but some days, I wish I could just turn up at 9, do some programming, and go home at 5.’

  ‘You’re obviously doing well, though. You seem popular.’

  ‘I hope so. I try not to be that kind of boss. I’ve always believed that shouting and bullying never gets the best out of anyone.’

  I agreed with that. Dave Barry was a prime example of the wrong kind of management.

  ‘You’re right,’ I said, and he looked pleased that I thought so.

  ‘You mentioned your best friend earlier today,’ he said. ‘Jen, was it?’

  ‘Yes, Jen. We’ve been best friends since we were kids. She gets me, you know? Although sometimes it feels like we’re in each other’s heads a bit too much. I can be thinking about doing something ridiculous, and I get a text from her telling me to stop being silly.’

  ‘She sounds like a good friend to have.’

  ‘Oh she’s brilliant,’ I said. ‘She’s so gorgeous, too. Whenever we’re out, she’s always surrounded my men. I’m like the ugly stepsister.’

  Matt shook his head fervently and I felt a little glow. It’s ok to be flattered, I told myself, you aren’t made of stone.

  ‘I don’t believe that at all,’ he said. ‘ I’m pretty sure you attract your own swarm of eligible bachelors.’