by Vega, W. H.
“I’ve never really been out dancing before,” she admits.
For a moment, I’m paralyzed because it didn’t even occur to me, though it makes perfect sense. Then a frightening thought occurs to me, and I spin her around so I can look at her.
“What?” she asks, alarmed.
“I don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out on things if you settle down with me.”
Paige has never experienced dating around. She’s never gone on dates, or been to clubs. Hell, she’s never had her heart broken or been through any of the pitfalls of dating.
“Are you crazy?” she asks, stopping abruptly on the dance floor.
“Come with me,” I say urgently, pulling her to a quiet corner. “I never thought of it this way before, but I don’t want to rob you of those experiences. Maybe you feel like you need more life experience before you settle down with me. Or if you’re even sure that you want to be with me.”
“How much have you had to drink?” she accuses. “I mean, Blake, do you know me at all? I had plenty of time to do all those stupid things, I went to college and dated, but I chose not to do them. I couldn’t do them. And if I hadn’t reconnected with you, I probably would have been alone my entire life. It’s not just that I was afraid to be with other people. I physically couldn’t do it. I tried! I dated guys in college. It was awful. I couldn’t bring myself to be intimate with them,” her eyes fill with tears as her voice cracks. “I forced myself sometimes, and it was so awful. I hated it!”
This is not how I wanted this conversation to go.
“Shh, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know that I would understand if you felt like you hadn’t seen enough of the world.”
Even though it would break my fucking heart.
She buries her face in my chest and I hear her sob. “I don’t want to see what else is out there,” she cries, “I only want you.”
“Okay, okay. Shh. I’m sorry I ever said anything.”
I can tell that I’ve ruined the night, so we quickly grab our things and I lead Paige from the bar.
Seventeen
Paige
It feels like the walls are closing in on me as Blake leads me out of the fancy bar. Everything had been going so well until he mentioned me possibly wanting to date other people. How could he not understand? I can’t date other people. Blake is the only person for me, and if I can’t be with him, then I won’t be with anyone. It doesn’t work any other way.
Even though the air is warm outside, it’s a welcome change from the hot, humid air inside the bar. Once we’re on the sidewalk, I pull away from Blake and look at him, feeling the tears still sliding down my cheeks. I know part of this is from all the stress that is finally catching up with me.
“How could you even suggest that?” I demand, and I can see Blake is at a loss here. “How can you not understand how screwed up I was? How broken I was? I only want you!” I break off into a sob again.
“Paige, I was never implying that I wanted that. It would rip my fucking heart out if you wanted that, but I also didn’t want to keep you from certain things if you felt you needed to experience them!” He rakes his hand through his hair and I can see that he’s stressed out. “I know how hard it was for you, I mean I don't know, but I realize it was painful for you.” I can hear the pain in his voice. The pain of knowing how much pain I had experienced. “I know, Paige, I know. It was a stupid thing to say. I thought it was something you might have considered.” His voice trails off.
I feel a fresh sob work its way up and it breaks through.
“God, Paige, I’m sorry,” he moans, pulling me back into his arms.
I don’t resist this time. “Please, let’s just go back to the hotel. I want to sleep.” My voice is thick from the tears.
He nods, and quietly leads me back. We don’t speak as we walk through the lobby, or get in the elevator. Once in the room, I peel off of my clothes, take a quick shower and slip on a t-shirt and shorts. Blake silently gets into the shower after me, and a few minutes later, he’s climbing into the bed, wearing nothing. Normally, I would sleep naked too, but I feel too exposed at the moment. I need to physically cover up because of my emotional state.
Blake snuggles up behind me, and I let him.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he says.
We’ve never fought before, even though this really isn’t a fight, aside from the time when he told me he was getting back together with Savannah. That was awful, but we weren’t together then.
“I over-reacted,” I say in a small voice. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault.”
He kisses the back of my head, and I know, just like that, I’m forgiven. I feel a blanket of peace come over me, and I’m asleep almost instantly.
Four Weeks Later
“Wait. What city are we in again?” I ask, wrapping a sweater around me as we step outside into the chilly air.
Blake laughs. “Boston.”
“Right.”
A camera flashes the second we step out of the hotel and I blink, still adjusting to pictures being taken of us at random.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to that,” I admit.
“I know,” he grumbles. “Me either.”
It's the week before Thanksgiving and we only have two more shows to play before we head back to Nashville for a five-day break to enjoy the holiday. I personally can’t wait. I missed Daddy like crazy, and spending so much time on the East Coast had been an adjustment. Everybody moved and talked so fast up here. I always felt like I couldn’t keep up.
But I had to admit, there were way more country fans out here than I had ever imagined.
We duck into a Starbucks to get coffees, and then head back out onto the chilly streets. We arrived late last night, and I had to admit that so far, Boston is a beautiful city. We're playing two nights here, so we should get some time to explore the city, too.
“So are you sure you have all our Thanksgiving plans worked out?” Blake asks, and I shoot him a warning look. I had been trying my best to try to work out seeing everyone around the holidays, but it was proving difficult considering my mother and grandma are in Bristol and Daddy now has Daisy, not to mention Blake’s family.
“It'll be fine,” I say, annoyed. “I just want to make sure that we see everyone while we’re home.”
“And we will, baby. But don’t forget we’ll be back three weeks after that, and then we’ll have a nice two week break at home.”
“I know, I know.”
“And we have those houses that we can look at,” Blake says carefully. “If you want to.”
“I do want to!” I assure him.
Blake’s realtor, Cici, had sent us a bunch of links of homes for sale knowing that we would be home for a few days soon. We'd narrowed it down to three that we're interested in looking at, but it'll be tricky to see them over the holiday weekend.
“No rush,” he says, “There will always be houses for sale, and we can look at some around Christmas, or once we finish the tour.’’
“I know,” I say, pulling my sweater even tighter. “But I really wanted to see these.”
One house in particular that hadn’t even gone on the market yet looked especially promising. The husband was being transferred to the west coast in the spring, so the family wouldn’t even be moving until March, but they were getting ready to list the house.
We’re about to head into a store, when I see my momma calling.
“Hang on. I should probably take this. I haven’t talked to her in a while,” I sigh, flashing Blake my phone screen. He nods, and we duck under an awning.
“Hey, Momma, how are you?”
“Hi, sweetheart. I need to talk to you.” I can tell from her voice something is wrong.
“What is it?” I ask panicked, straightening up. Blake notices immediately and looks at me with concern.
“It’s Grandma,” my mother says, and I think she’s been crying.
“Oh m
y god, is she alright?”
“Yes, yes, for now. But she’s had a stroke.”
“A stroke?” I repeat, dumbfounded. Grandma had been getting old, I knew that, but she was still Grandma – she was always hearty and solid.
“It happened last night, but I didn’t discover her until this morning when she didn’t answer the phone. I took her to the hospital and they operated, but it looks like she has some permanent damage. Right now she’s in a medically induced coma, but they’re planning to bring her out in a few days. We’ll know more then.” Her voice breaks.
“Oh my god,” I say again, sinking back into Blake.
“I don’t want to worry you honey, and I know you’re coming home in a few days. Hopefully they'll be waking her up by then, but you might want to—’’ her voice breaks again. “You might want to see her soon because...I just don’t know.”
“Of course, I’ll come see her Momma. I’ll come as soon as I can!”
“Well, don’t rush off and do anything now. Finish up your shows. There’s nothing anybody can do now anyway. Once she’s awake, the doctors will know more.”
“Okay, Momma. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this all by yourself.”
“It’s okay honey,” she hesitates, “I won’t be completely alone. Jackson is on his way up here right now.”
I stop, surprised, but then act like it's not a big deal. “Well, that’s good. I’m glad he’ll be there for you.”
My mother had mentioned him once or twice in passing over the weeks, but I didn’t have the impression that they were that serious, or even actually dating. But it must be something serious, if he’s coming up to be with her.
“Alright,” I say. “Well you let me know if you hear anything else, and I’ll be praying for her. And we’ll be home Tuesday night.”
“Okay, sweetie. I love you.”
“Love you too, Momma.”
I hang up the phone and look over at Blake. “It’s my grandma. She had a stroke and they have her in a coma for now. They’re going to wake her in a few days.” I stop. “I just can’t believe it. Grandma was never ill, just getting old.”
Blake pulls me into a hug. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry.”
I’m in so much shock that I can’t even cry. “And Jackson Deveraux is coming up to keep Momma company,” I say, dumbfounded.
“Jackson?” Blake asks. “That’s a surprise. Are they dating?”
“I don’t know. Maybe? I know they reconnected at our release party and my mother has mentioned him a few times, but maybe they are dating. God, I feel like a terrible daughter. I don’t even know what’s been going on with my own mother.”
“Don’t beat yourself up over it. You’ve been on the road for a month. And before that, we had a crazy recording schedule. Let’s just worry about your grandmother.”
“You’re right. Jackson is unimportant. I mean,” I say quickly, “I’m glad he’s there for my mother, but that’s not what this is about.”
Blake kisses me on the forehead, and I sag into him, silently praying for my grandma to get better.
Eighteen
Paige
Our two Boston shows go better than we could have hoped for, but I find myself distracted because of my grandma. I say lots of prayers, and talk to my mother a few times, but there are no changes and she's still being kept in a coma.
After our show on Monday night, everyone pitched in to quickly pack up and get on the road. We had a nineteen-hour drive back to Nashville, and we had all opted to sleep on the bus instead of wasting a night in a hotel room and having to wake up at four in the morning to drive home. We were hoping to beat holiday traffic too.
Blake and I lucked out because we were given the bed to sleep on since we were a couple. Liam was going to take the passenger seat next to Elvis, who had spent the day sleeping in preparation of our overnight drive. Jack, Ben, Ryan, Jason and Reese were going to fight over the couches.
“I feel bad,” I say as we board the RV. I’m dressed in my pajama pants and one of my sleep sweatshirts.
“Don’t sweat it,” Ryan says, lugging a blanket. “I call the floor.”
“The floor!” I frown. “Now I really feel bad.”
“Are you kidding? Look at all this leg room,” he laughs, laying his blanket down.
“Seriously Paige, we’ll be fine,” Jason assures me, fluffing up pillows on the couch. “I can sleep sitting up.”
“So can I!” Ben says, sitting on the opposite end of the couch from Ben.
“I’ll be up for hours,” Reese admits, sitting at the table. “I can never unwind after a show.”
“Well, you’re more than welcome to use the bed in the morning if you need to nap.”
“Thanks. I just might,” Reese says smiling.
I’m exhausted, especially from the emotional stress of my grandma, so Blake and I head right back to bed.
“Are you happy to be heading home?” Blake asks quietly, after we turn the lights out. I flip on a white noise app from my phone to drown out the sounds from the main part of the RV.
“Yes,” I say sleepily. “I miss everyone and I want to get up and see my grandma.”
“I’ll go with you, if you want?” he offers.
“I love you.”
Next thing I know, I’m waking up and I see that the spot next to me is empty. I can tell that it’s light outside and I reach for my phone. It’s just after seven in the morning, which means we’ve been on the road for just about seven hours. Suddenly the door opens, and Blake comes back into the room.
“A lot of them are still sleeping out there,” he tells me. “I just spoke with Elvis and Liam for a few minutes. Jack and Ben are up too.”
“Any problems?” I ask, rubbing at my eyes and sitting up.
“Nope. We’re around Hagerstown, Maryland. Still have about twelve hours to go.”
I nod.
“We’re going to go through a drive through for breakfast in about an hour or so. I’m guessing the rest of the guys will be up by then.”
I swing my legs over the side of the bed, and twist the blinds so I can see outside. “Well, they can come sleep in here if they need to nap more. I know Reese said he probably wouldn’t get much sleep.”
I check my phone again to see if I missed any calls or text. “I’m going to call my mom in a bit to see if they have a day set for taking grandma out of her coma.”
Blake nods, and I make my way out and into the bathroom. I wash my face and brush my teeth and then come back in the room to get dressed. I dress comfortably since we’re going to spend the day on the road.
We hear more talking outside the room, and when we open the door, we notice everyone is up.
“Hey sleepy heads,” Ryan says sleepily.
“Speak for yourself,” Blake shoots back, “We’ve been up.”
We go through a drive through and order breakfast, and everyone seems to perk up after they’ve had food and caffeine. We all start doing our own thing, and sure enough some of the guys disappear into the bedroom to nap, and Ben dozes on the couch some more.
I get in touch with my mother and she says the doctors are going to take Grandma out of the coma on Wednesday. I head back over to Blake to tell him.
“So, Grandma is coming out of the coma on Wednesday, but my mother told me not to come up until Friday so we can enjoy our holiday.”
“Sure. I’ll go with you then.”
I nod, and then don’t say any more. I begin to feel lighter as we get closer to Nashville. We’ve made good time, and hit very little traffic, so we should be back home around seven.
Elvis drops off Reese and Jason and then Liam and Jack. The next stop is Daddy’s and I’m thrilled to finally see him. Blake’s parents apparently dropped his truck off at Daddy’s so that Blake can get off with me, which also saves Elvis a stop.
We pull up at the bottom of Daddy’s driveway and he’s standing there in the dark, smiling.
“Daddy!” I cry, hugging
him.
“Hey, sweetie. I missed my baby girl.” He hugs me back.
Even though it’s dark out, I can see from the streetlight that Daddy still looks great. He’s healthy as ever, and he looks even more fit than he did six weeks ago.
“Gosh, you look great, Daddy! Still working out, I see?”
He laughs as he loads our luggage in the back of his truck and Blake and I get in.
“Still working out. And still eating all my healthy food.”
“Good for you!” We fill him in on a few things about the tour and then I give Blake a kiss.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he promises “and we can decide if we still want to look at houses.”
“Alright. Tell your parents I said hi,” I say, giving him one final kiss.
Daddy and I get all my stuff inside, and I can’t help but feel tired. I didn’t sleep all that well on the bus, and I hadn’t managed to take a nap during the day.
“How’s your grandma?” Daddy asks, after we eat a light dinner of sandwiches.
“The same,” I sigh. “They’re bringing her out of the coma tomorrow, but Momma says for me to wait until Friday to come up, so I guess our Thanksgiving plans remain the same.”
We were planning on having brunch at Blake’s parents house and then we're going to Jami’s later in the day, which is where Daddy and Daisy will be, along with the rest of Jami’s family.
“How are you and Daisy doing?” I ask coyly, noticing the subtle changes around the house. There were fresh flowers in the kitchen and I noticed some new candles and a pink sweater thrown over the couch.
“Good,” my dad says blushing, “Daisy’s here about half the time now.”
“That’s nice, Daddy,” I say honestly. “Is she coming over tonight?”
He shakes his head. “I wanted to spend time with you.”
“That's sweet of you.”
“I think she’s going to look for a renter for her condo,” he says quietly. “If that’s alright with you,” he says looking at me.
