“I am,” Bill said. “More of a hobby, really. I’m here to do a piece on the cicadas for a local rag back home. Nothing fancy.”
“I guess some folks find that stuff interesting,” Gaines said.
“I guess so.”
“Well, anyways, I just wanted to introduce myself and welcome you to Heartsridge. I’m sure I’ll bump into you again if you’re here for any length of time.”
“Appreciate it,” Bill said, and took another sip of his coffee.
Gaines put on his hat and adjusted his belt. “You should send a copy of whatever it is you’re working on when it goes to print. Send it to the sheriff’s department. I’d love to see it. I’m sure folks around here would get a kick out of it too.”
The man paused for a moment, his lips parting as if his mind had stalled. Then he seemed to restart and said, “You got it.” And his eyes shifted to something beyond Gaines.
Before Gaines could turn around, he heard Joanna’s voice behind him. “Leave the man alone. We’re short-handed today, and I need to take his order,” she said, and smacked Gaines’s arm with her dishtowel.
Gaines smiled. “I was only takin’ a moment to be polite and introduce myself.”
“I’m sure you were.” She rolled her eyes and laughed. Then her attention shifted to the man, Bill, sitting in the booth. “Don’t mind his interrogation, he just doesn’t have any crime to solve.”
Bill smiled politely.
“Okay, well I guess I’m done here. I should be going anyways,” Gaines said. “Despite what Jo here thinks, I do actually have some work to do.” And for a moment, Gaines’s gut tightened at the thought of Harry Bennett. “Take care, Jo. Let me know about the necklace. And good to meet you, Bill. Maybe stick around if you have nothing better to do and check out the Spring Festival. It starts this week. It’s a good time with a lot of nice people. Bound to be some good photos in it for you.”
“Was already thinking about it,” Bill said. “This place seems like it has a lot to offer.”
“All depends what you’re looking for,” Gaines said. “Anyways, enjoy your stay.
Bill held up his cup of coffee, toasting their exchange.
Gaines nodded.
“Bye, Calvin,” Joanna said.
Gaines tipped his hat and headed toward the door.
Outside, he headed left down Market Street, to the station to face the day. He could feel the sweat starting to prickle his back. The air was dense with the sound of the cicadas. Behind him a child called out: “Look, Mom, there’s one.”
Gaines turned around, spotting a young boy and a woman. He didn’t recognize either of them.
“Don’t touch it,” the woman warned the boy. “I don’t know if those things bite.” They were looking at a large cicada sitting on top of a post office box.
The boy moved closer to it with his arm outstretched, his finger pointed. “I don’t think they do,” the boy said, continuing to inch his finger closer to the insect.
“I said don’t,” the mother said, swatting her son’s arm.
The boy pulled his arm to his chest and rubbed it.
And suddenly, all of the unease that Gaines had felt toward the man in the diner—the gut feeling he had originally had that something was off about Bill, the photographer from New Hampshire—evaporated into the sweltering morning heat.
The tourists were arriving. That was all. Same as every year. Soon the town would be swarming with them, just like the cicadas many would be coming to see.
Gaines walked on, Bill from Woodstock fading into a distant thought.
CHAPTER 12
“Is it all right if I stay home today?” Kara asked, standing in the kitchen doorway in her bathrobe. It was early morning on Monday. The sun had barely climbed above the trees. The cut on her lip was scabbed and healing, but it was doing so slowly. This was because Kara had developed a strange compulsion to repeatedly stretch her mouth and reopen the wound. She would split it, running her tongue over it, tasting the blood and fighting back tears, until the stinging faded and the whole thing became numb and clotted again. “I don’t think I want to be around anyone, not until my face heals a little, and I don’t think I—”
Ellie stopped her daughter mid-sentence. “Of course you can, sweetie. I was trying to let you sleep in, but I guess that didn’t work.”
“Guess not.”
Ellie poured a cup of coffee. “We figured you could use a few days off. I already called the school and told them you were sick. You can go back when you’re ready.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Kara said softly.
“Your father and I talked about it last night, and he wants to take a few vacation days from work so you don’t have to be alone.”
Both Ellie and David worked over in West Elm. She was an administrative assistant for a vice president at American Mutual Insurance, and he was a sales manager over at the dairy plant.
Kara looked down and away. Her stomach dropped. “He doesn’t need to do that, Mom. Besides, I think I’d like some time to myself. I don’t need someone to watch me. I’ll be fine.”
Ellie’s brow wrinkled. “I don’t know, Kara. I don’t think your father’s going to go for that.”
“Why not?” Kara asked, and folded her arms. For the first time since she’d been raped, she felt some sort of will to stand up for herself. “I’m old enough to be on my own. I don’t need him around all day asking me how I’m doing every ten minutes.”
Ellie’s mouth dropped open, and she angled her head. “Oh, I don’t know… I just don’t think he is comfortable leaving you alone right now. Not until—”
“Until what? They arrest Harry Bennett? ’Cause that’s never going to happen,” Kara said. “That’s why I never wanted to say anything to begin with. No one’s going to believe this ever happened.” She hadn’t wanted to discuss this, but it was too late. The words were flowing.
“Kara—”
“It’s true, Mom, and you know it. So does Dad. I could see it on all your faces the second I told you who did it. I’m not stupid—there’s no proof. I know that. It’s my word against his.”
There was a thud, and the sound of rattling water pipes reverberated through the ceiling. Kara knew it was the sound of the upstairs shower shutting off.
“That’s just not true,” Ellie said. “Just because he’s the mayor and he’s managed to hide the kind of monster he is from everyone else doesn’t mean he’s getting away with anything.” Ellie’s voice was stern now. Not in a scolding way, but in a way that suggested she might be trying to convince herself of her own words.
“Then why haven’t they arrested him yet? Why hasn’t the sheriff called and told us anything?”
“I don’t know. But no one is getting away with anything. Do you hear me? I promise.” Ellie was staring into her daughter’s eyes with a hard look. “I need you to know that, okay? He will pay for this.”
Kara didn’t know that, but in this moment she knew it was what her mother needed to hear. “Okay, Mom” she said. “I believe you.”
Ellie slowly calmed down, her face softening. “Look, I know this is hard and you’re pissed off, and I don’t blame you. We’re upset, too. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. This type of thing just shouldn’t happen, not in a town like this, not in any town to anyone, but you’ve got to work with us a little. I know you’re old enough to stay home alone, but these aren’t normal circumstances, and I know you know that. Dad’s only trying to help.”
Kara did understand that, and she did appreciate what her mother was saying. But that wasn’t why she was feeling so defensive.
Kara found it was almost impossible to be in the same room as her father since being raped. She felt terribly guilty for feeling this way, but she couldn’t help it. She had recently become aware of the recurring disquiet that flooded her when he was in her presence. She pretended she didn’t know why, but she did. She hated to acknowledge it, hated that it was even there. But it was. Harry Bennett and
her father were both men, and that was enough to close any sort of distance she ever managed to put between herself and what had happened. Being around her father, especially when he tried to console her, even if it was only with a gentle caress of her arm when he asked how she was doing, brought visions of what she’d been through, flashing in her mind like brilliant strobes of anguish. The hands that had once held her as a child now felt so rough and strong, so capable of hurting if they wanted. She knew it wasn’t right, and she knew she loved her father and he her, but right now his love wasn’t what she wanted or needed. Right now she just wanted to forget and move on, and the mere fact that David Price was a man made that difficult. It wasn’t his fault, but it didn’t matter. Kara hoped her mother would understand this without her having to spell it out. She was afraid that doing so would make real or permanent what she hoped was only a temporary affliction, as though the feeling would set like cement once it passed her lips. Eventually this feeling would fade and life would return to normal. Wouldn’t it? It had to. She just needed time, that’s all.
“Fine,” Kara said grudgingly. “But I think I’d be more comfortable if it was you who stayed with me.” She’d been staring at the floor. Now she looked up, meeting her mother’s eyes, clouded with a new look—something like worry mixed with understanding.
“All right, that’s okay,” Ellie said, cupping her elbows with her hands and moving toward Kara. Her mother understood now. “Do you want to talk about it? What you’re feeling is completely—”
“Not right now, Mom, okay? I just… I don’t want to…” She trailed off.
There was another sound from upstairs. The bathroom door opening. Footsteps. Dresser drawers opening and shutting. Kara looked up nervously, then quickly back at her mother.
“It’s all right, don’t worry,” Ellie said. “I’ll talk to your father, tell him I’ll stay home, instead. He can go to work.”
“Okay,” Kara said. “Mom, I’m sorry.”
“Stop that. Stop that right now. You don’t apologize. Not for anything. None of this is your fault.”
Kara felt like falling into her mother’s arms and crying but fought the urge. She liked the way her little reemergence of strength had made her feel; it was a glimpse of her old self. And she didn’t want to wash it away with more tears. There had been enough tears already. Toughen up, Kara.
“Thank you,” Kara said.
“Anything else, sweetie?”
Kara’s demeanor livened as the anxiety that had coiled in her gut began to unwind. “Well, I am a little hungry. I don’t think I’ve eaten for a couple days.”
Ellie smiled, nodding. “You haven’t,” she said. “I was starting to worry I’d have to bribe you to eat.”
Kara finally smiled, and when she did, she felt the corner of her lip start to crack. She stopped and slacked her lips. That pain was for when she was alone. It was her secret. She didn’t want her mother to see it start to bleed, otherwise she knew there’d be another round of her mother’s heavy-handed application of ointment.
“What would you like? Eggs? Toast? Oatmeal? All three?” Ellie said. “Whatever you’d like.”
“Some toast would be fine. Maybe some tea, too?”
“You got it, just let me talk to your father real quick and call my office.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’d like that.”
Ellie kissed Kara’s cheek and then walked past her, heading upstairs.
Kara pulled out a seat at the kitchen table, flipping through a stack of old catalogues, pressing her tongue against the back of her lip and stretching it outward.
Her eyes watered and the room around her blurred.
David was slipping into a pair of old jeans when Ellie walked in. He was still damp from the shower, which made them tough to pull on. He was hopping on one foot when Ellie entered the room. “What’s up, hon?” he said. The pants finally gave and slid up.
Ellie sighed heavily as she came in, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “We need to talk.”
We need to talk. David cringed at those words. They were the four worst words he knew. Nothing good ever followed them. His body knew this, and his stomach began to sour almost immediately.
“What’s the matter?” He ran his fingers through his wet hair and parted it to one side.
“Now before I say this, I want you to promise you won’t overreact, okay?” Ellie looked up at him from the bed. There was vague look of guilt in her eyes.
David would make that promise to her because that’s what it took to get the information flowing, but he knew that promises demanded were never as binding as promises offered. “I swear, I won’t. Now what’s going on?”
“Well, you can take your jeans off,” Ellie said, smiling halfheartedly.
“Why?”
“Because you should go to work today.”
“Stop doing that—stop being evasive. I hate that,” David said. He wanted her to just say it. The sooner he knew, the sooner the anxiety he was feeling would disappear. At least, that was the plan. “Just tell me what’s going on.” He took a seat beside his wife.
She reached over and took his hand. Her fingers felt cold.
“Sorry, I’m not meaning to be,” she said, pinching her lower lip between her thumb and index finger. Her nervous tic. She stopped. “I’m just trying to think of how to put this so it doesn’t sting.”
“Don’t think so much. I’m a grown man, just tell me whatever it is and get it over with,” David said.
Ellie took a deep breath through her nose. “All right… I don’t think Kara is completely comfortable around you right now.”
“What? What are you talking about?” David pulled away, turning and looking squarely at Ellie.
“Hold on, let me finish,” Ellie said. “I think she is just having difficulty being around you because of what happened to her. It isn’t anything you did. It’s just what you represent.”
“What I represent? That’s ridiculous. I have done nothing but be loving to her.” David was starting to feel like the outsider again, the third wheel. He was thankful that Ellie had this intuitive female connection with their daughter, but on the other hand, he hated it.
“I know you have, but that isn’t what I mean. You’ve been great… but—”
“But, what?” David stood.
“But you’re a man,” Ellie said sternly, then closed her eyes and took another deep breath. “Sorry. What I mean is you’re a man, and you’re the last thing she wants around her right now.”
On some level, David had known this, feared this, but he didn’t want to admit it. He knew it was only a phase that would pass, but it wasn’t happening fast enough. His daughter had been apprehensive since they’d left the doctor’s Saturday night, but he’d glossed over it, chalking it up to the idea that maybe she just didn’t want to be around anybody, not just him. “Did she tell you that?”
Ellie looked away as if thinking. “No, not exactly,” she said. “But she didn’t need to. It isn’t anything you did—”
“Then how do you know for sure?” David’s brain switched to overdrive, his thoughts beginning to race.
“David—”
“How do you know this is how she feels?” David said, fists on his hips, angry. He knew his wife was right, but he could not accept it easily. There was so much wrong in his world right now, and there was nothing he could do to fix any of it. Did Harry Bennett really think he could get away with this?
“And what do you mean, ‘not exactly’? What did she say?” David looked toward the door. “Christ! I have no idea what’s going on. She’s said barely two words to me since…” David trailed off for a moment. “Is she awake? Maybe I should talk to her.”
“Calm down. Yes, she’s up. But I really don’t think that’s a good idea. She needs time and space. This isn’t permanent, try to remember that. She needs to process everything on her own. If you try and force it, it’s only going to get worse.”
David paused, feeling the thickness
in the back of his throat. “I fucking hate this,” he said, and rubbed the side of his face with a flat palm. “How did I let this happen?” He sat down on the side of the bed, defeated. There was nothing he could do, and he knew it. In this moment, this was his life, and he knew he needed to accept it. Merge with it instead of fight it. That was the only way to stay afloat when drowning seemed inevitable: swim with the tide, not against it.
“Don’t do that to yourself. This is the fault of no one in this family. You can’t protect her every second of the day. There are things out there that you can’t see coming. You couldn’t have known something like this would happen.”
“I know… it’s just… I want to be there for her right now, and all she wants is for me to stay away from her. It goes against every instinct in my body.”
“I know it does, and I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do. But it’s what she needs for the moment, so be strong for her that way. You’re helping her, just the same. Trust me, she will come around, and we’ll make it through this together. And I promise you that when we do, she’ll be forever grateful to you. She’s a confused kid right now, that’s all.”
David feigned a smile, briefly resting his head on Ellie’s shoulder. Inside he was dying, but apart from that, his wife had spoken the truth: right now, he needed to be strong. And he would be.
“So you talked to her?” David said, straightening his posture and lifting his head. “What’d she say?”
“She came downstairs a few minutes ago while I was making coffee and asked to stay home. She seemed to be in better spirits than yesterday, though.”
“That’s good. So, what, are we going to let her stay home alone? I don’t think that’s a good idea. I know she doesn’t want me around, but I can stay home and just keep my distance. I already called the office and told them I’d be out for a few days.”
“No, that’s all right, she won’t be alone. I’m going to stay with her,” Ellie said, the guilt resurfacing in her eyes.
David noticed. Perhaps this wasn’t difficult for only him. Perhaps Ellie had her own difficult feelings about being the sole source of comfort for their daughter—guilt for a victory she never wanted.
Cicada Spring Page 9
