What she’d just told Josh she wanted more than she wanted him.
“What am I doing?” She smoothed her hands down her age-worn sweatshirt. “I’m this close—” she pinched the air between her thumb and forefinger “—to having everything we need to be financially independent of Richard forever, but…”
“But?”
“But…” She fiddled with the handmade curtains she and her mother had sewn the summer before Amy had left for college. “Instead of focusing on what I have to do to finish this project, I’m sitting here wishing I didn’t have to go back to the city at all. How mixed-up is that?”
“Maybe it’s not so mixed-up.” Her mother stayed on the other side of the room, while her words did their own crowding. “Not if the city and the job at Enterprise aren’t what you want anymore.”
“How can they not be what I want? How could I want anything else?”
How could another day shared with Josh bring on this kind of wishy-washy second-guessing?
“Maybe now that you’ve gotten some distance from your marriage—”
“Distance?” A harsh laugh forced its way out. “Yeah, I’ve moved on.”
Her mother frowned.
“I ran into Richard the other day,” she explained. “Literally.”
“Oh, honey.”
“He was condescending and superior, and it really messed me up. It left me more convinced than ever that I’m doing the right thing not letting him control our lives anymore.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“The problem is I keep coming back here.” She couldn’t even call up an image of her husband at the moment, to remind her of what was at stake. Instead, she was assaulted with memories of cool blue eyes deepening with emotion. A breathtakingly handsome male face, strong but gentle, determined but not domineering. “I keep letting myself want things that are no good for me.”
“Like?”
Like depending on someone who makes me feel safe and needed and worthwhile. Like looking to anyone else for Becky’s and my security.
“Like growing attached to things that can’t be part of my life in Atlanta,” she said out loud. “I’d be stupid to let my emotions take over again. Look at what that got me last time.”
“Are you talking about Joshua White and his nephew?”
Amy nodded. “I can’t turn my back on that little boy. If he doesn’t talk about his memories of his father soon, he might have to go back to that awful man, and I can’t let that happen. I have to help them. But this thing between Josh and me… I never expected it to be so confusing.”
Understanding dawned in her mother’s eyes, but Gwen kept her silence and waited for the rest.
“He’s not for me, Mama.” Amy looked around her mom’s tiny house and felt anew the tug deep within for the simpler, uncomplicated life she’d known here. “None of this is for me. I may not like working in Atlanta and being so close to Richard, but that’s where my job is. Where my daughter’s life is. And I have a responsibility to her to make that work.”
“I think what would do Becky more good than anything is seeing her mother happy for a change,” Gwen countered. “If being in Sweetbrook does that for you, I’d say it’s a step in the right direction. You could make a new life here.”
“Not the life my daughter deserves.”
Whose security are we talking about, Amy? Becky’s or yours?
Josh’s question haunted her, even though he couldn’t be more wrong. Her daughter’s happiness was her only concern. Her promotion and their life in Atlanta would provide that. Anything that distracted from that, no matter how much she might secretly want it, was out of the question.
“So I’ll do what I can for Daniel,” she reasoned out loud. “Then tomorrow afternoon, I’ll head back to the real world in Atlanta.”
The dash of skepticism in her mother’s normally encouraging smile deflated Amy’s floundering conviction even further.
“He’s not for me, Mama,” she repeated. “Joshua White and his life here with Daniel can’t be for me.”
* * *
“WHERE ARE WE GOING?” Daniel asked as Josh drove toward the Loar house the next morning.
“I told you,” Josh said. “We’re going for ice cream.”
“With them?”
Josh chuckled, surprised by the sound almost as much as his nephew seemed to be.
Daniel shot him a give-it-a-rest glare that was light-years away from his fear after the run-in with his father. The kid was a fighter, and for a change he wasn’t trying to inch as far away from Josh as he could get.
“Becky’s mom’s heading back out of town soon,” Josh explained. “I thought ice cream would be a nice break for everyone.”
Not to mention the fact that Josh couldn’t wait any longer to see Amy again.
“I don’t want to eat ice cream with Becky,” Daniel grumped.
“You didn’t seem to mind running off from school with her.”
“That was different.”
“Because you guys finally stopped taking potshots at each other long enough to be friendly?” Josh was still trying to understand why the kids had done what they’d done.
“Maybe.”
“Well, how has that changed since yesterday?” He watched as his nephew crossed his arms and stared at the homes rolling past the Range Rover’s windows. “Are you worried about seeing her again after what happened with your dad?”
It was the first time Josh had brought up the subject of Curtis Jenkins since last night. He was risking upsetting the relative peace of the morning, but he was running out of both subtlety and time.
Daniel’s gaze dropped to his lap. “I don’t want anyone to know about him,” the ten-year-old said in a little boy’s voice Josh had never heard before.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Daniel.” Not that Josh could even imagine what the kid was feeling. But he wouldn’t let Daniel heap shame on top of everything else he’d endured. “And I don’t think you have to worry about Becky using what happened to pick on you. The girl stood up for you after you headed to the tree house. So did her mother. I think you’ve made yourself some new friends.”
A pause could last forever, Josh decided, as he waited for Daniel to either explode into his customary fit of anger or withdraw completely as he had after they’d left the Miller place last night.
“Just like you, right?” the boy asked instead.
“What?”
“They stood up to my dad for me,” Daniel elaborated. “Just like you.”
Josh was speechless for far too long, considering the simplicity of the statement. Or maybe it wasn’t so simple, after all. Gratitude filled him for what Amy and Becky’s presence in their lives had made possible. For the fragile bond growing between him and his nephew that he owed almost entirely to a spunky redhead who might not have come back to Sweetbrook if he hadn’t badgered her into it.
“Yeah,” he said. “They stood up for you, just like me.”
He shook his head at the disturbing memory.
“Except they were able to stop your dad in his tracks without losing their tempers like I did. They just stared him down and told him where he could go jump.”
“That’s because they’re girls,” Daniel countered. “Girls are always confusing you with words. They talk so much, sometimes I forget what I’m thinking.”
“Yeah.” Josh’s mouth tilted into a smile. “Yeah, but girls like ice cream.”<
br />
He pulled the SUV to a stop in front of Gwen Loar’s house, relieved to see Amy’s compact car sitting in the driveway.
He couldn’t say who needed to talk with the woman more right now, him or his nephew.
* * *
“I DON’T KNOW, JOSH,” Daniel heard Becky’s mom say. He was standing behind his uncle, trying to look as if he didn’t care. “You guys are welcome to come in for a little bit, but I’m not sure we have time for ice cream. Becky’s grounded right now, anyway, for skipping class yesterday.”
“But it’s such a nice day outside,” a lady with gray hair said as she stepped to the door. Daniel remembered seeing her at school once or twice. “How long could a trip to the Sugar Cone take?”
Becky’s mom looked at the other woman without saying anything, then she glanced back at Daniel’s uncle.
Daniel held his breath, actually wanting her to say yes—like he hadn’t wanted anything in a long time. She’d been nice to him, and she somehow understood about his dad. And she’d stood up to the creep yesterday.
Could his uncle be right? Daniel wasn’t sure what a friend was anymore, but if that’s what Becky and her mom were, maybe it wasn’t so bad to have one.
She caught sight of him then, and her slow smile made him blink. His mom used to smile at him that way, as if just having him around was a good thing. The best thing in her day.
“I’m glad to see you’re feeling better this morning, Daniel.”
She looked back up at his uncle, then nodded her head.
“Becky…” she called over her shoulder. “How about some ice cream?”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“HOW’S THE CHOCOLATE with sprinkles?” Amy asked Daniel as they sat alone at the Sugar Cone.
She only had a few minutes—as long as it took Josh to walk Becky to the bathroom. She’d asked her daughter to excuse herself, had given her a look that begged her to cooperate, and Josh had been more than happy to make himself scarce right along with Becky. So Amy could have her moment of privacy with four cups of melting ice cream and a little boy she wanted to hug every time she looked at him.
“It’s okay.” Daniel shrugged as he inhaled another mouthful.
She licked her spoon with an extra-loud slurp. “Nothing beats butter pecan.”
“Yuck.” His nose crinkled.
“Well, I think it’s decadent.” She made a show of savoring the next bite. “It was nice of your uncle to treat us like this. I haven’t found anything in Atlanta that comes close to the Sugar Cone’s handmade ice cream.”
A shadow of grown-up-size seriousness edged across Daniel’s face. “I think Uncle Josh wanted to thank you for what you did yesterday,” he said.
She’d never heard him say “Uncle Josh” before. The label sounded so perfect, she wished Josh had been here to hear it.
“You know.” Daniel pushed the last half of his ice cream away. “For what you and Becky said to my dad.”
Amy grappled for the right words, never in a million years expecting the little boy would bring up the subject of his father himself. She was thankful the outdoor eating area at the ice cream shop was empty because of the early hour.
“I’m sorry your dad scared you like that,” she said.
Daniel shrugged as if to say the confrontation had meant nothing.
She’d never seen a tough guy look so lost.
“I guess it’s not the first time he’s acted that way, huh?”
“You get used to it.” Fear haunted his eyes.
“You should never have to get used to something like that,” she said.
Her own excuses had been just as feeble, the rationalizations she’d clung to as Richard’s verbal abuse escalated over the years.
“We can tell ourselves it’s not so bad,” she continued. “If that’s what it takes to get through the rough times. But you can’t let yourself believe that things are always going to be that way.”
Because that’s when you start to give up.
Amy shook off her own warped memories and waited until she had Daniel’s attention again.
“Promise me you’ll never give up, Daniel. Promise me you won’t let yourself believe you deserve to be treated the way you and your mother were.”
“He…” Daniel looked around as if to make sure they were alone. He licked at the chocolate smudges at the corner of his mouth, then his shoulders slumped.
“My dad wants me back,” he murmured so softly she had to lean closer to hear.
“He’s not going to get you back, not if your uncle has anything to say about it.”
“What if Uncle Josh can’t stop him?” Daniel threw the question at her. “He may have tons of money, but that’s not going to stop my dad. Nothing ever stops him….”
The fatalism in that last statement propelled Amy to her feet. Good idea or not, she sat on the bench beside Daniel and rubbed his back, watching for any sign that her touch was spooking him. When he leaned into her, if only slightly, she felt as if she’d been given the most precious gift in the world.
“First of all,” she said, determined to tell him what he needed to hear, and to make sure he actually heard it, “you belong wherever you’re loved. And anyone with any sense can see that’s here with your uncle in Sweetbrook. And don’t underestimate your uncle Josh. There isn’t much the man can’t do when he sets his mind to it.”
“But I’ve heard him on the phone with that social worker. Whatever he’s doing, it’s not working.”
Daniel’s tone begged Amy to tell him he was wrong.
“He hasn’t tried everything, Daniel.” She waited for the boy to look up. “There’s one more thing he can do, but he’s going to need your help.”
Daniel inched away from her, shaking his head almost imperceptibly. She was close enough to see drops of perspiration break out on his forehead.
“Daniel.” She took his hand and refused to let go. “It’s okay. I’m not asking you to talk about the time you and your mom spent with your dad. You don’t have to tell me anything at all. You have your doctor and your uncle for that, and it doesn’t have to happen today.”
His breathing slowed marginally. Birds chirped on some faraway branch. Otherwise, the world surrounded them with soothing silence.
“No one’s trying to push you into anything you’re not ready for. But you do have the power to stop your father. You and your uncle can make sure the man’s out of your life for good. If you can find a way to let yourself talk about what happened, if you can trust the people who are trying to help you, there is a path through this.”
“No.” Daniel’s eyes told tales he couldn’t bring himself to face. “I can’t. I’ve tried, and I…I just can’t.”
“You can’t give up, Daniel.” She squeezed his hand for emphasis. “You can’t let yourself think you have no way out.”
Daniel’s glance over her shoulder warned of Josh and Becky’s return. The little boy grabbed his ice cream and edged away from the table.
“Come on, Becky,” he said over his shoulder. “Let’s eat in the car.”
Amy nodded for her daughter to follow. And bless Becky, she did, grabbing her ice cream on the way.
“Everything okay?” Josh asked as he picked up his own cup. His frown told her he knew better.
Amy stood beside him, too aware of those rock-solid shoulders and how it had felt to cling to them. “I think I may have made things worse.”
“I ser
iously doubt that.” His gaze dropped from her eyes to her mouth, stalled there, then jerked back up.
“I wish I could do more,” she said, meaning the cliché, even if it wasn’t wise to grow more attached to this man and his heartbreaker of a nephew.
“You’ve made such a difference already, Amy. If Daniel manages to talk about his memories of his father, it will be because of you.”
The intimacy of what Josh was suggesting—that she was somehow vital to him and Daniel—triggered the conflicting impulses to kiss him and run from him at the same time. The thought of being that integral to Josh achieving what was most important to him—his nephew’s love and trust—sent tingles running through her.
But she had no business dreaming of having something that real, something as magical as owning a place in the life of a man who’d cherish her no matter what. She was done with looking to someone else to make her world okay.
“We should probably get back to the kids,” she said, though she didn’t have the willpower to move yet.
“When will you be back in Sweetbrook?” His gaze touched every curve of her face.
When I can look at you and not want to stay.
“After I close the deal I’ve been working on. The final presentation is Thursday, and if the CEO’s decision is a yes, it’ll take me another week or two to get everything in place for the implementation.”
She’d thought Daniel’s unhappy frown had been tough to swallow. Josh’s brought tears to her eyes.
“Sounds like it’s going to be a rough few weeks for everyone.” He dug the toe of his sneaker into the dirt, then tossed his untouched ice cream into the trash. “You have your presentation. Becky’s through with the formal testing, but Doug will still be evaluating her in daily meetings. And I’m about to go round one with Daniel’s father and the judge.”
“You can do it, Josh,” she insisted. “You’re going to beat that man.”
A Sweetbrook Family (You, Me & the Kids) Page 18
