“Nothing.” Daniel flopped back into his chair, suddenly too exhausted to do anything else.
“You’re in control here, Daniel,” Dr. Steve said for what seemed like the millionth time. “You don’t have to let your father win this time, right?”
Daniel could only stare.
“That’s right.” Dr. Steve nodded. “You can stop him from hurting you this time.”
Daniel laughed as he sneered at his uncle. “I thought you said that was your job.”
His uncle frowned and shifted his shoulders. “I’ve tried, but there’s nothing more I can do. Not without your help.”
“Great. I’m supposed to help you.”
“No, you’re supposed to learn how to help yourself,” Dr. Steve corrected. “That’s what we’ve been doing for the last few months. Trying to get you to understand that you can be okay. That this isn’t a hopeless situation. You’re not as messed up as you think you are, Daniel. You’ve told me you think you’re an outcast here in Sweetbrook. But you’re not an outcast. You have a great home and all the support you need, and I think you know that now. You just need to make up your mind to do what you have to do to stay here.”
Not an outcast.
Daniel thought of his stash of comics back at the tree house. Stories about misfits he’d thought were just like him. And for the first time, the idea of being out at the tree alone didn’t sound so good. Instead, he wanted to be back at that stupid mansion of a house—with his uncle Josh.
You can be okay.
“Daniel?” Dr. Steve said from the chair next to him. When had he moved there? “What are you thinking about?”
Daniel could feel his uncle leaning forward, too. Could feel the memories creeping closer, and with them came the panic.
“I…I was thinking how much I wish…” he mumbled. “How much I wish I was ready to be okay. I…I want to be okay now.”
The relieved smile on his uncle’s face wrapped around Daniel. The man looked… Daniel didn’t know, proud or something.
“Well, I’d call that a good start,” the doctor said, checking his watch, a signal that their time was up.
“That’s the best thing I’ve heard in a long time,” Uncle Josh said. “Great job.”
But Daniel could see the worry his uncle couldn’t quite hide. Daniel’s “great job” still hadn’t been good enough.
* * *
BECKY CAUGHT DANIEL’S EYE as they waited for the lunch lady to fill their plastic trays with pizza and Tater Tots. Daniel jerked his head toward the back of the cafeteria, and Becky agreed with a short nod.
Together, their plates now full of one of the only meals that was actually edible in this place, they passed by all the other kids so they could sit alone. Daniel dropped his tray onto the table with a clatter and slumped on one of the benches that passed for chairs. Setting her food down more carefully, Becky sat beside him and waited. When minutes had gone by and he was still staring at the pizza like there were worms in it or something, she figured it was up to her.
“Maybe talking about your memories of your dad won’t be as bad as you think.” She did her best to sound as if she believed what she was saying.
He gave her his girls-are-stupid eye roll and tossed a handful of Tater Tots into his mouth. From the grimace that followed, Becky guessed that the cooks had skipped the suggested baking instructions again, figuring defrosting would be just as good as cooking them.
She leaned an elbow on the table and laid her head on her arm. Daniel had whispered to her during a morning break that his doctor thought they were close to a breakthrough, whatever that was. That Daniel was ready to talk about his memories of his dad. And he was scared of what would happen when he finally did. Like he’d go postal or something and finally scare his uncle off for good.
“I was pretty worried, too,” she said, “when I first started the testing with Mr. Fletcher. My mom tried to tell me it would help, but all I heard was ADD, and I figured that meant I was stupid. So what was the point in testing? It would only prove what we already knew and make me feel worse. It wouldn’t change things.”
Daniel’s shoulders rose and fell with a heavy sigh.
“But talking about it is helping, I think. The tests, too. At least I’m starting to understand why I’m having so much trouble keeping up with you guys in class. The whole thing’s kind of given me hope, I guess. Even if it does stink.”
“It’s not the same,” Daniel said. “Talking about my dad’s not going to make me feel better. Every time I try—” he shook his head and clenched his fists “—I always lose it.”
“But the doctor said talking about it will help stop that, right? And you said yourself it would help keep your father out of your life so you can stay with Principal White.”
“Will it?” Daniel pounded on the table. “What if it doesn’t make any difference? What if talking about it and feeling like I’m going to puke from remembering doesn’t do any good? Maybe after he hears everything, my uncle will be glad to let my dad take me.”
“That’s not going to happen. My mom said so.” Becky bumped her shoulder into Daniel’s. “Your uncle’s not going to let your dad take you. You know that.”
“Do I?” He snorted. “Maybe he’d be better off without me.”
Becky understood Daniel’s fear. She was afraid for him herself. But his doubt in Principal White made no sense. She’d seen how much Daniel’s uncle cared about all the kids in school, Daniel most of all.
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” She grabbed her tray and stood. “You’re just scared, and blaming your uncle is easier than trying to fight back. I used to call your mom and mine losers. But at least they tried to fight. You keep giving up, Daniel White, and you’re the one that’s going to end up the loser.”
She stomped toward the little window where the lady took their trays, and dumped hers off, her fingers worrying the golden heart her mom was letting her wear until she came back.
She worried she’d said too much to Daniel.
And a part of her was even more worried that she should have said more.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“BARBARA, I NEED A LITTLE more time. Just a day or two at the most.”
Josh paced his office first thing Wednesday morning. He shouldn’t be pushing his friend for special treatment this way, but what choice did he have? Daniel was one therapy session away from a breakthrough. Josh was sure of it.
But Dr. Rhodes was out of the office today and tomorrow, and he couldn’t work them back in until Friday morning. Besides, he’d told Josh he’d done all he could do. That Daniel was ready. That what Josh should do was explain to his nephew about the visitation with Curtis Jenkins, then encourage Daniel to tell the judge what he needed to hear to call the whole thing off.
“Judge Hardy isn’t budging,” Barbara countered. “Jenkins’s lawyer has lobbied the man every day for the last week. The visitation’s happening tonight at five o’clock. That’s all the time I can give you.”
Josh sat in one of his guest chairs. “What am I going to tell Daniel?”
“You mean you haven’t told him he’s meeting his father today?”
“No. I didn’t want to scare the kid. He’s so close to trusting me enough to talk about his memories. He just needs a little more time.”
“There is no more time. Should I arrange for the meeting to be here at my office?”
Josh was up and pacing again. “Make it at the
house. Maybe it will give us a home-court advantage.”
What was he saying? Nothing was going to make this better for Daniel.
“You need to prepare the boy for this,” Barbara said.
“I know.”
“Josh?”
“I know, okay?” Where were his big plans now? His ability to handle things rationally and confidently? “I’ve got to go, Barbara. We’ll see you this afternoon.”
“Josh, I don’t have to tell you how important it is that Daniel be there at five. I’ve been lenient up until now about him missing home visits. But meeting his father this afternoon is not optional. Daniel has to understand that.”
“He’ll be there.”
Josh ended the call and faced the end of his road. No exits remaining. No more detours.
Between now and five o’clock, he either got his nephew to trust in him and the family they could make together, or he stood to lose one more person he’d tried to love but couldn’t keep.
* * *
“MS. LOAR, I’d like you to join me for dinner tonight,” Phillip Hutchinson said from Amy’s doorway.
It was a little after nine in the morning, but she and Hutchinson had both been in the office since before six.
“I’ve arranged to meet Jed Westing at Remingtons,” he added, referring to the midtown restaurant currently at the top of every upwardly mobile Atlantan’s list of trendy places to be seen. “Sort of a precelebration celebration. Jed’s given me his personal assurance that Alex Kramer’s ready to sign off on our project tomorrow. Westing’s very impressed with your performance these last few months. Told me himself he saw great things in your future.”
It was as close to gushing as she’d ever seen Phillip Hutchinson. In his mind, she’d clearly graduated from her associate status already. Add in the offer to accompany him to a business dinner that had less to do with the Kramer project than it did networking for future opportunities, it was as if he’d just announced with a megaphone that she’d arrived in the world of Atlanta corporate business.
She’d made it.
“You must be thrilled,” Hutchinson said as he absorbed her shocked silence. “I know it’s been a tough few years.”
“Yes…yes it has.” She stood and stepped around her desk. She took his offered hand and shook as expected. “I don’t know quite what to say, now that this moment’s here.”
“We’ll see you at the restaurant, then,” he said. He paused. “Your daughter’s still with your mother in South Carolina, isn’t she? And things are settling down with her?”
“Yes.” Amy blinked at his unprecedented foray into her personal life. “Becky’s in Sweetbrook, and things are fine.”
“Good.” His smile was relieved. “Then there’s no reason for you not to go out and celebrate tonight.”
Only there was, she argued silently as he left and she returned to her desk. She didn’t feel a bit like celebrating. She had everything she’d thought she and Becky needed, and she should be happy. But she wasn’t.
Before, Sweetbrook had been just a place, a lovely place where her daughter would be cared for while Amy worked herself senseless. But Becky had found a home with Gwen. She was thriving, being doted on by a grandmother who loved her. She’d even told Amy when they’d talked last night that she wouldn’t mind staying in South Carolina a little longer. For the first time, her daughter hadn’t asked to come back to Atlanta. She’d sounded happy right where she was, almost as if she’d consider staying for good.
This pending promotion, Hutchinson’s celebratory dinner, marked the beginning of the end of all that. Amy would have to settle Becky into a totally new school routine yet again. Not a helpful situation, according to her research into ADD kids. Becky needed consistency and stability while she came to grips with her disorder.
Instead, she’d be in after-school care every day, instead of taking the bus home to fresh baked cookies and some important downtime with Grandma Gwen. Amy would have to struggle to make sure she was there for regular meetings at school, and the equally important homework time that Gwen was currently covering. All part of Amy’s plan from the beginning. All challenges she was sure she and her daughter would find a way to handle. All typical priority struggles for a single, working mom.
Only Amy didn’t like the taste of typical anymore.
This brand-new life they were taking on, the life she’d thought they needed so much, came with an enormous price tag. One Amy was no longer certain she and her daughter could afford to pay.
And Becky’s move back to Atlanta wasn’t just going to be hard on the ten-year-old. Amy could almost feel again the perfection of Josh holding her, kissing her. He’d made her a part of something clean and wholesome again. And there was the unexpected friendship Daniel and Becky were forging, which, too, would fall by the wayside once Amy went home to Sweetbrook for the last time and took Becky away.
* * *
“YOU LOOK A MILLION MILES away,” Jacquie said from Amy’s office door later that morning.
“Only a hundred or so.” Amy massaged her temples as she stared at the picture hanging on the wall across from her desk. She should be in the midst of proofing the Kramer proposal—again. She knew Thomas Fuller was, just in case she’d overlooked something he could use to swoop in and save the day at the last minute.
But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t play the game right now. Not when her heart was in Sweetbrook, with the people and the place she’d hours ago stopped trying to pretend she didn’t crave in her life.
“It’s home again, isn’t it?” Jacquie sat across the desk. She looked uncomfortable, which wasn’t her style. “It’s tearing you up not to be back there with Becky.”
If Amy massaged her head any harder, she was going to give herself a migraine.
“It’s not just Becky, is it?” Jacquie guessed.
Amy’s hands returned to the desk with a slap. Her assistant’s intuition, until now a very valuable asset, really bit the big one at the moment.
“I’m just saying you’ve been like this ever since you talked to that Joshua White guy the other day,” she explained. “And you’re acting like Hutchinson’s punishing you because he asked you to dinner with a client. You sold your soul for this promotion. You’re allowed to let loose and celebrate for one night.”
“I don’t feel like celebrating,” Amy snapped. “And there’s no promotion, at least not yet.”
Jacquie raised an eyebrow. “If you’re still not convinced you’ve got the Kramer CEO on the hook, why aren’t you busting it getting ready to wow them at tomorrow’s closing?”
The eyebrow remained raised as Jacquie’s point sunk in.
“I…” Amy swallowed. “I’m not sure if I want to go to dinner tonight.”
She wasn’t sure if she wanted any of this anymore.
Jacquie carefully inspected her nails, looking for flaws that her once-a-week manicure guaranteed wouldn’t be there. “Well.” She stood with a careless ease that grated on Amy’s frazzled nerves. “Since it’s eleven o’clock, and Hutchinson’s assistant just called to confirm you were to be added to tonight’s reservations, I think now would be a perfect time for you to decide exactly what you do want.”
Her meaningful stare made Amy squirm.
“Because if you take this mood with you to Remingtons,” Jacquie continued, on her way out the door, “you might just blow the whole Kramer deal over cocktails. And then where will you be?”
Amy actu
ally growled as she watched her friend leave, not annoyed so much at Jacquie’s meddling as she was at herself. She couldn’t really be considering giving up everything she’d worked so hard for here to start over again in Sweetbrook.
Could she?
Would Becky really be happier with the small-town life Amy hadn’t thought was good enough until she’d gone back home? Was there really a family waiting for them in Sweetbrook, in the person of a man and a little boy who seemed to need Amy as much as she needed them?
Josh had made her no promises. And even if he had, people fell in and out of relationships all the time. Was she willing to take that kind of chance…again?
The thought of trusting in love again, trusting Josh and the feelings he claimed to have for her, stopped Amy cold. She’d be safer in Atlanta, where she had no ties but Becky, and no risk greater than keeping Thomas Fuller from setting his sights on her job. She’d be safe here, miles away from what loving and then losing Josh would do to her.
Which brought her back full circle to Josh’s question. She’d explained that she couldn’t commit to anything more, because the solitary life she’d planned for herself in Atlanta was more important—for her daughter’s sake. He’d all but called her a coward, and she’d told him he didn’t understand.
Whose security are we talking about…Becky’s or yours?
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“I DON’T WANT TO SEE HIM.” Daniel said quietly as Josh sat with him in the kitchen after school.
“I’ve tried everything I can to postpone this,” Josh explained. “But there’s nothing more I can do, except help get you ready to see your dad this afternoon.”
A Sweetbrook Family (You, Me & the Kids) Page 21
