by Judith Stacy
“They stay outside.”
“How about if I tighten up that porch railing? One of the boards seems loose.”
“Well, actually, I was thinking you could…” Mattie gestured grandly to the sideboard.
Jared turned. A frown cut deep lines in his face. “Now just a damn minute. You don’t mean…”
She smiled sweetly and nodded.
His back stiffened. “You want me to wash dishes? All of those dishes?”
“Every last one of them.”
“But—”
“Do you want me to help you or not?” she asked. “If you want my help, you’re going to have to give me a hand with chores. It’s up to you.”
Jared glared at her, then stomped over to the sideboard, grumbling and cursing.
“I’ll get you an apron.” Mattie pulled one from the drawer. It was pink, with flowers embroidered on the pockets and bib.
Jared raised an eyebrow at it. “Don’t you have one with a few more ruffles on it?”
She swept off his hat, then rose on her toes to loop the apron over his head.
Mattie stopped in midstretch. Would this be what her son would grow into? A man like his father, tall and sturdy? Would the tiny babe inside her one day tower over her? Whose eyes would he have? Jared’s deep blue or her own brown ones?
Jared’s gaze met hers, held her captive. Warmth radiated from him. His body pulsed with it. Though he stood perfectly still, he seemed to beckon her. Mattie wanted to lean forward, press herself against him. Feel his taut muscles, his strength…again.
She hung there, suspended in some web he’d cast over her. And for a moment, a long troubling moment, Mattie wanted to be no other place but here.
Finally, she ducked behind him and tied the apron strings. Without really meaning to, she found her hands lingering while her gaze swept him from head to toe. Black, wavy hair. He’d need a haircut soon. Wide shoulders. A long, hard back. How did he ever finds shirts that fit? Her gaze dipped lower, hovered as she remembered their night together when she’d—
“You done back there?” he asked.
Heat plumed up Mattie’s neck. She spun away and hurried toward the dining room. “I have to straighten the tables.”
“Didn’t you already do that?” he called.
Damn the lawman in him. He noticed everything. Mattie didn’t answer, just kept going until she couldn’t feel his gaze on her any longer.
She had, in fact, straightened the dining room after the noon crowd left, but now she performed the task all over again. She took her time, waiting for her hands to stop trembling and her face to cool.
Finally, she ventured back into the kitchen and found Jared at the washtub standing in a puddle of water, sleeves rolled past his elbow, apron and shirt soaked from the water he’d splashed on himself.
Mattie couldn’t hide her smile. “You’re really getting into your work, I see.”
He threw her a sour look, then shook his head. “The least you can do is talk to me while I’m washing all these damn dishes.”
His request seemed reasonable enough, and really, what excuse could she give him not to? That his nearness made her uncomfortable—in a delightful way?
Mattie pulled a stool over to the sideboard and sat down close enough to be sociable, but not near enough that she’d get splashed. Jared was the most aggressive dishwasher she’d ever seen.
And that really didn’t surprise her.
“So, what made you move here to Stanford?” Mattie asked.
Jared glanced up. For a moment it seemed he wanted to say something, but didn’t. He shrugged. “Stanford appeared to be a good town.”
“That’s certainly true.”
“I guess it will be getting a lot bigger, with what the mayor and council have planned.”
“What’s that?”
“You mean there’s one bit of gossip that hasn’t made it through Stanford yet?” Jared chuckled. “There’s a big group of investors from back East coming through this part of the country. The town council’s planning a big shindig for them, trying to get some of their investment money for Stanford.”
Mattie’s stomach bounced. “Investors? When?”
“They’ll be here in a few weeks, according to Mayor Rayburn.” Jared dipped a bowl in the rinse tub, sloshing more water on the floor. “What’s got you so interested in Eastern investors?”
Mattie clamped her lips together, tempted to tell him the truth. At the moment, it seemed easy to include him in her troubles, her problems…her life.
But she decided to say nothing. She was on her own now. That’s the way she wanted to keep it.
Mattie changed the subject and Jared didn’t seem to notice. Surprisingly, they talked continuously until he’d finished the dishes, dried and stacked them in the cupboard, then mopped up the water from the floor.
Jared peeled off his wet apron and hung it on a hook beside the back door; underneath, his shirt and long johns were soaked through.
He planted himself in front of Mattie, still perched on the stool.
“I’ve washed every dish in the whole restaurant, maybe even the whole town,” Jared said. “So let’s have it. How am I going to deal with all these people in Stanford?”
“Simple,” Mattie said. “Be nice.”
“Huh?”
“Be nice,” Mattie said again.
Jared stared expectantly at her. She stared back.
“Yeah?” he asked. “And…?”
Mattie shrugged. “That’s it.”
“That’s it? That’s it?” The corner of his lip curled up in a snarl. “I stand here and wash three hundred dishes for you and all you can say is be nice?”
She lifted her shoulders. “What did you expect? That I would wave a magic wand and make everything all right?”
“Hell, no. But I did expect some real help from you,” Jared told her. “After all I’ve done for you—”
“All you’ve done for me?” Mattie hopped off the stool, anger shooting through her. “All you’ve done for me?”
“Damn right. I never asked for a word of thanks, but the least you could do is—”
“Oh, dear, did I forget to thank you? For getting me pregnant? For that heartwarming marriage proposal? For that romantic wedding ceremony? For making me the object of the town’s gossip—again? Please, excuse my poor manners! What in the world was I thinking?”
“Now, look here—”
“Just leave.” She turned her back and headed toward the dining room.
“Mattie!”
She didn’t stop. A moment later, she heard the back door slam. Mattie turned. Jared was gone.
The afternoon dragged by, with few diners coming to the Cottonwood. The boom earlier in the day wasn’t repeated. Mattie stayed busy, cleaning things that didn’t need cleaning, straightening the pantry, cupboards and shelves. She sent Mrs. Nance home early, then closed up and left.
She was tired. But somehow it wasn’t all the physical activity she’d done around the restaurant that had worn her out. Thoughts of Jared McQuaid had done it.
Certainly she was happy that he’d agreed to keep her secret about the baby. That in itself was a huge decision, and a favorable one, leaving one less thing for her to worry about. But that wasn’t the only reason he’d been on her mind.
Though she didn’t want to, Mattie admitted to herself that she’d liked having him in her restaurant today. Something about his presence was comforting. His strength, perhaps. She wasn’t sure.
So it was hard to understand why, at the same time, he could cause her to get so riled up. The man evoked all sorts of emotions in her, no matter how she tried to steel her feelings against him.
A little sliver of moon hung in the sky, offering only a bit of light to guide Mattie home. Few people were out at this time of the night. Somewhere, a dog barked.
As she walked, Mattie considered telling Jared about her declining business and financial problems. Might he help? Maybe he could send some of thos
e Eastern investors her way. If she asked, maybe he’d invest in her restaurant himself, give her the cash she so desperately needed.
Mattie sighed heavily in the still, cool air. As easy as that sounded, she didn’t really want it. She’d depended on Del, when she’d first married him, and he’d taken over everything himself. Taken everything away from her. And ruined it.
No, Mattie didn’t want to count on anyone but herself—couldn’t afford to. Not with her baby to take care of.
And really, that suited her all right. She was on her own now. No one to depend on but herself. No one to interfere with her life.
Everything would run smoothly, now that she was in charge.
Mattie stopped outside the gate in front of her house and squinted in the darkness. Her heart tumbled.
Jared McQuaid waited on her porch.
Chapter Nine
A fresh wave of fatigue washed through Mattie as she stopped in front of Jared, who was sitting in the swing on her front porch. She was tired. She didn’t want to fight with him anymore. Tonight, at the end of this long day, she just didn’t have it in her.
Mattie pinched the bridge of her nose. “Jared, would you please leave? I—”
“I’m sorry.”
She blinked at him in the darkness, sure she hadn’t heard him right.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “Seems I keep saying and doing all the wrong things around here.”
Did he mean in Stanford? Or with her?
He rose from the swing and held out a small bouquet of flowers tied with a ribbon. “Is this ‘being nice’? You said I should be nice. Does this count?”
He must have sat there for a while waiting for her because the flowers were slightly crushed and wilted from his big hand. Even so, they were the prettiest things Mattie had seen in a long time.
She accepted the bouquet from him. “Yes, this is being nice.”
“Hallelujah.” Jared wiped his hand across his forehead. “I finally got something right.”
Mattie forced the smile from her lips. “You didn’t come all the way over here to bring me flowers.”
“No, I didn’t,” Jared admitted. “I came here because you owe me.”
Her brows rose. “I owe you?”
“Damn right. I figure that I made a big enough fool of myself in your kitchen this afternoon, wearing an apron and washing dishes, that I deserve more help than what you gave me.”
“Is that so?”
“That’s so, and I came over here to tell you that.” Jared grinned. “I didn’t think the flowers would do my cause any harm.”
She should send him on his way. Mattie knew that. There was something about Jared McQuaid that could worm its way under her skin—if it hadn’t already.
Mattie tossed that thought aside, refusing to consider it. She’d made her decision on running her own life and wouldn’t be swayed.
But the thing she couldn’t push away was the fact that Jared was right. At least about this. She did owe him.
“All right, you can come inside,” Mattie said. She looked at him sternly. “But only for a few minutes.”
Jared took the key from her, walked inside to the kitchen and lit the lanterns. He hung her shawl and handbag on pegs by the door. When Mattie opened the top cupboard, he reached over her head and picked up the vase she was going after, then pumped water into it.
“Did you arrest anybody else after you left the restaurant this afternoon?” Mattie asked, arranging the flowers in the vase. “Yell at old ladies? Frighten any small children?”
Jared leaned against the sideboard beside her. “I know this is hard for you to understand, Mattie, but I’m pretty much lost when it comes to this ‘being nice’ business. Up until I came to Stanford, being nice would have gotten me killed.”
“When you were a marshal, you mean?”
“Riding the trail, hauling in desperados…I couldn’t let my guard down, not for a minute.”
“I see your point. All right, let’s see what we can do for you.” Mattie stepped in front of him, tapping her finger against her jaw, assessing him. He just stood there, letting her look him over from head to toe, not the least bit uncomfortable under her scrutiny.
And just why this made Mattie’s stomach tingle, she didn’t know.
“Let’s work on your appearance first,” Mattie decided.
“What the hell’s wrong with the way I look?”
She rolled her eyes. “Maybe we should work on your language first.”
He sighed irritably. “Nothing’s wrong with the way I talk.”
“Didn’t you come here for my help?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Then hush up and listen,” she told him.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Mattie looked him up and down one final time. “You should try not to make that face so often.”
He squinted at her. “What face?”
“The one that looks so mean.”
He frowned. “I don’t know what you’re—”
“There. That’s it. Don’t tell me you didn’t practice that in the mirror.” Mattie touched the deep ridges between his eyebrows, making little swirls with her fingertips. “Relax your forehead. Relax. There, that’s better. Now smile.”
“I am smiling.”
“No, you’re not.” She tugged at the corners of his mouth, then leaned back a little. “Well, that’s somewhat better. You look nicer already.”
The crease came back between his brows. “Is that so?”
She shrugged. “It’s a place to start.”
Jared straightened away from the sideboard, towering over her. He used his size to bully and intimidate. She’d seen him do it.
“And another thing, you shouldn’t crowd people,” Mattie said.
She placed her palm against his chest to demonstrate. Heat suddenly radiated up her arm. Her fingers began to tingle.
Jared froze. The little lines between his brows disappeared in earnest now. But instead of backing up, he eased forward.
“You don’t like me being close?” he asked softly.
Mattie looked up at him. “N-no, I don’t.”
“Do I frighten you?”
“No,” she whispered, “of course not.”
“Then what is it?” Jared asked. He rested his hands on her shoulders and inched closer.
Mattie knew she should insist he take his hands away; she should pull her own hand off his chest. But she could do neither. Her gaze locked with his and she couldn’t turn away.
Jared leaned down. “Does it make you…remember?”
She gulped. “Remember…what?”
“You know what.” His breath brushed her cheek. “Is it because you’re afraid if I get too close this will happen?”
He kissed her on the lips. Tenderly, so tenderly, as if she were a fine wine and he wanted to savor the taste. He slid his mouth over hers, tightening his arms around her. Mattie trembled with the delight of it.
Jared ended their kiss but didn’t release her. He pressed his forehead against hers, keeping her in his embrace.
“This afternoon at your restaurant you asked why I came to Stanford,” he said softly. “I didn’t tell you the truth, not all of it, but I want you to know now, Mattie. I came to Stanford because I was lonely. I wanted a home. I wanted to live in a place where I belong.”
Mattie gazed up at him. “Is that the only reason?”
“No. I came because you were here.”
“Because you thought that I—that we—would…you know?”
“Make love again?” Jared smiled sweetly. “I thought about it, Mattie. I won’t lie to you about it. Sometimes, on the trail, thinking about you was the only thing that kept me going.”
“I’m not like that, usually,” Mattie told him. “That night, the night of Del’s funeral, I don’t know why I…”
“I know why. You were lonely. You needed somebody,” Jared said. “I guess I’d been lonely, too, and didn’t realize it until that night.
That’s why I came back to Stanford. Not because I wanted to bed down with you again, although it would be nice, but because I couldn’t quit wondering about you. What were you doing? How were things going for you? I wanted to get to know you better, Mattie.”
She eased away, needing distance from Jared. He didn’t let her go far.
“Jared, I don’t have the time or energy for anyone else in my life right now. I have a home to take care of, a business to manage, a baby to get ready for.”
“I don’t want to add to your burden, Mattie. I want to ease it.”
“That’s just it,” she said. “It’s my burden to carry. I don’t want any help. I don’t want any more complications. It has nothing to do with you, Jared.”
“The hell it doesn’t,” he said.
Mattie stepped back, escaping his grasp. “I’m living my life and raising my baby. Alone.”
“And you won’t even give me a chance?”
“I gave Del a chance and look what happened.” She shook her head. “I’m not going through that again.”
Jared glared down at her, sure that crease she’d cautioned him about was cutting into his forehead, giving him the “mean look” to end all mean looks.
Where the hell had this woman gotten that stubborn streak of hers? Rolling around in bed with him that night, she’d been warm and giving beyond his wildest dreams. He’d never imagined she’d be this hard-headed, this determined.
But still, Jared found it captivating, like most everything else about Mattie. Knowing this about her just made him wonder what else there was to learn. Made him want to fight that much harder to make a place for himself in her life…in their baby’s life.
For a moment he considered telling Mattie he was in love with her. That his heart ached just thinking of her. That his body yearned for her—only her.
But he didn’t dare say the words. He’d scare her off for sure. Mattie was already retreating. His confession of love would undoubtedly send her hightailing it away from him at a dead run.
He didn’t want that. He wouldn’t stand for it. Jared wasn’t about to let the woman he loved—or his baby—get away from him.
Getting Mattie to open her heart to him would require some finesse. Too bad finesse wasn’t one of his strong suits. Jared preferred a straight-on confrontation. Just as he’d have to work at getting the townsfolk of Stanford to accept him, he’d have to earn his way into Mattie’s life.
