by Judith Stacy
“Oh, Jared…” Tears sprang to Mattie’s eyes and she wanted to run to him, hold him, but couldn’t find the strength to move. “The…the baby?”
Jared shook his head. “He didn’t make it, either.”
Protectively, Mattie’s hand went to her stomach. Jared followed her movement, and it seemed to rob him of all his strength. He sank into the kitchen chair. With his foot, he pushed out the chair next to him. Mattie sat down.
“After that, I couldn’t bear living there,” Jared said. “I sold the farm and took off. Ended up a marshal. Dealing with scum and criminals seemed a relief, in a way. I didn’t have to be nice, didn’t have to pretend I cared about anybody or anything. They were easy to hate—and I hated everybody.”
“But you changed, Jared. You’re not that kind of man now.”
“It finally wore off. Took a long time, but it did. Took a lot longer, still, to figure out what I wanted in life.” He uttered a short laugh. “In a way, I have Del Ingram to thank for that.”
“Because he died?”
“Probably the only good thing the bastard ever did,” Jared said. “When I laid eyes on you at Del’s funeral, Mattie, I knew what I wanted. I knew I was ready.”
She smiled. “You wanted a family again.”
“Yes.” He reached across the table and took her hand. “So you see, I do know what it’s like to love a woman. To have a wife. A home. To want a baby. You don’t have to be afraid, Mattie. I won’t change. I know what I’m getting into.”
She covered his hand with hers. “I know it was painful for you to tell me about your wife and…baby.”
“Is it enough to prove that you can trust me?”
“Jared, I—”
A fist pounded on the front door with such force that both Mattie and Jared jumped. She followed him through the house and, when Jared jerked open the door, saw Billy on her porch. His face was white.
“You’ve got to come, Sheriff. Right now. Trouble at the McCafferty place.”
Jared took off without a backward look. Mattie clung to the door, watching him and Billy hurry away.
A pool of uneasiness welled inside her. She wanted to run after Jared, make him come back to her, back where he’d be safe.
He’d left without a word. She hadn’t had time to say anything.
Not even to tell him that she’d fallen in love with him.
At the jail, Jared heard what had happened from Mr. Pitney, while Billy got the horses ready.
“I don’t know what set McCafferty off,” Pitney said. “Just before dawn, I heard him yelling. Heard his wife crying. Terrible things he accused her of. Terrible. That went on for a while. Then I heard gunshots.”
“Did you go over there?” Jared asked.
“Sure. Me and Hopkins together. But McCafferty opened fire on us through the window. I came to fetch you, and Hopkins stayed to keep an eye on things.”
“Did you see or hear anything of Mrs. McCafferty after the gunshots?”
Pitney shook his head.
“She had the baby yet?”
“Don’t know.”
Jared pulled two rifles from the rack and left the jail with Pitney as Billy rode up, leading another horse. Jared mounted and tossed one of the guns to Billy.
“The other deputies can keep an eye on things in town,” Jared said. “I want you with me.”
The three of them rode out of town.
When they reached Pitney’s farm, Hopkins came out on the porch to meet them.
“I tried to go over there again, Sheriff,” he said. “I worked my way through the trees and called out, but McCafferty opened fired like before.”
Jared dismounted. “Could you see inside the house?”
“No, sir.”
“Hear anything?”
“You mean like the wife?” Hopkins shook his head. “Not a sound.”
“What about the baby? Did you hear it crying?”
“Didn’t hear nothing.”
Jared studied the lay of the land between Pitney’s place and McCafferty’s. Trees offered enough cover for him to get close, but the yard that surrounded the house was wide-open.
“What’s your plan, Sheriff?” Pitney asked.
“With the woman in there and maybe a baby, I don’t want any shooting. I’ll try to talk him out first,” Jared said. “If that doesn’t work, Billy, you draw his fire and I’ll go in through the back.”
Billy straightened his shoulders. “Yes, sir.”
“We’ll cover your right flank,” Pitney said. He ducked inside and came out with two rifles.
“No shooting into the McCafferty house,” Jared told them.
Jared and Billy crossed the road and eased through the trees. Pitney and Hopkins worked their way to the opposite side of the McCafferty house, using Pitney’s barns and outbuildings for cover. When Jared saw they were in position, he called out, identifying himself and telling McCafferty to come out with his hands up.
Gunfire shattered a side window and a bullet dug into the tree just above Jared’s head.
At the next tree over, Billy gulped. “Guess that’s your answer, Sheriff.”
“I guess it is.” Still, Jared tried again. A hail of bullets peppered the trees. Bark splintered. Limbs and leaves ripped away. Jared and Billy dived to the ground.
“I’ll work my way around back,” Jared said. “You cover me.”
Billy nodded. “Yes, sir.”
“And don’t fire into the house.”
“No, sir, I won’t.”
Jared looked at him for a moment. Billy seemed to know what he was thinking.
“Don’t worry, Sheriff. I got you covered.”
Billy squeezed off a couple of shots as Jared made his way toward the rear of the house. In the distance, he heard Pitney and Hopkins firing, too. When he reached the back door, Jared kicked it open. He sprang inside, rifle at his shoulder, finger on the trigger.
He only had a second to see Mrs. McCafferty on the floor before a shot exploded in the room.
“Come, sit down,” Mrs. Nance said.
Mattie pressed closer to the front window of the Cottonwood, her gaze trained on the street, and shook her head. “No, I can’t.”
Most of the breakfast crowd had left the café already, yet those remaining talked about the same thing. Word had spread quickly through town this morning about the shooting at the McCafferty place.
Rumors and speculation had hopped like wildfire from table to table since the restaurant opened. McCafferty was unstable. He’d had problems before he’d moved to Stanford. People talked about his wife, whom almost no one knew. The baby.
And Jared was there now.
Mattie pressed her fingers to her lips, trying to keep calm. That he’d spent ten years as a marshal dealing with criminals far worse than McCafferty should have relieved her concern for Jared. It didn’t. He knew what he was doing, she knew. Still, she worried.
“It’s not good for you to be standing here like this,” Mrs. Nance said. “You or the baby.”
Mattie touched her hand protectively to her stomach. The baby. Jared’s baby. What if—
Mrs. Nance took her arm. “Come into the kitchen and get off your feet.”
Mattie shook her head. “No. I want to stay here. I want—”
“He’ll be fine,” Mrs. Nance said. “The sheriff knows his business. He’ll come back to you.”
“And if he doesn’t?” The horror of that possibility sent a wave of panic through Mattie. What if Jared didn’t return? If she never saw him again? If she lost him—forever? How could she go on without him when she loved him so much?
And, yes, she did love him. She’d loved him for a long time—probably right from the beginning—but had been afraid to face her own feelings.
Mattie wasn’t afraid anymore. Except for Jared’s safety.
“Now, don’t get yourself all upset,” Mrs. Nance said, leading her across the dining room. “You don’t even know for sure what’s going on out there. Co
me into the kitchen.”
A rumble rose from the diners. Mattie spun around as several clattered to the windows. She tore away from Mrs. Nance and pushed through the crowd.
A wagon rolled down Main Street. Billy sat up top. Pitney and Hopkins rode beside him. A single horse was tethered to the tailgate. Inside lay two shrouded bodies.
Mattie gasped and plastered her palm to the glass, her gaze sweeping the street. Jared. Where was Jared?
She shoved her way through the diners. Mrs. Nance grabbed her arm, but Mattie shook her off and charged outside, running after the wagon.
People gawked from the boardwalk. Traffic slowed, the drivers looking.
“Billy!”
The wagon stopped. There were two bodies in the back, Mattie saw. One small. One big. Big enough to be Jared?
Mattie bit back tears. No, no, it couldn’t be. It just couldn’t.
Breathless, frantic, she gazed up at Billy. He seemed to have aged ten years. No expression showed on his face, just a blank, haunted look, as if he’d seen too much.
“Jared?” she asked, barely able to choke out the word.
Billy seemed lost for a moment. “At the jail. The reverend’s on his way.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Mattie hurried toward the jailhouse, a hundred thoughts exploding in her mind. Would Jared be there? Was he injured? Why had Billy sent for Reverend Harris?
As long as Jared was alive, Mattie silently swore, she could deal with anything else. Please, God, make him be alive.
Steeling herself, Mattie burst through the door to his office. Her knees nearly gave out.
Jared. There he sat, calm and composed, gently swaying in the rocking chair beside the stove.
Tears sprang to her eyes. Thank God. Thank God everything was all right.
Mattie rushed to him, but stopped abruptly halfway across the room at the sight of the odd little bundle cradled in Jared’s arms.
A sickening knot rose in her throat. No, everything was not all right.
A few seconds passed before Jared’s gaze came up to meet hers. His face was drawn, haggard, as if, like Billy, he, too, had seen too much.
“The…bodies in the wagon?” she asked.
“The McCaffertys.” Jared’s voice sounded hollow, empty.
Another moment passed while Mattie pulled together enough courage to question him further. She gestured to the bundle in his arms.
“Is that—” Her voice broke. She tried again. “Is that…their baby?”
Tears welled in Jared’s eyes. He nodded slowly.
Mattie blinked hard, trying to hold back her own tears. “Is it…?”
“Sleeping.” Jared gulped.
Her knees nearly gave out. “It’s all right?”
Jared glanced down. “He slept through everything. As if, somehow, he knows what’s waiting for him when he wakes up.”
She sank to her knees beside the rocker, tears trickling down her cheeks.
“The little fella’s got nothing,” Jared said hoarsely. “No mama. No papa. Not even a name.”
Gently, Mattie pulled the blanket away from the baby’s face. Tiny, fragile, the newborn had his eyes closed in peaceful slumber. She glided her thumb across his cheek, the softness skimming up her arm, straight to her heart.
She sniffed back her tears. “What happened?”
“From the looks of things, Mrs. McCafferty gave birth during the night. Her husband shot her, killed her, this morning.”
“But why?”
“Damned if I know…. Pitney said he heard McCafferty screaming at her, saying she wasn’t pure anymore, the baby wasn’t his. Crazy things like that.” Jared shook his head. “McCafferty turned the gun on himself, took his own life.”
“Now we’ll never know the why of it.” Mattie stroked her fingers through the baby’s dark hair. “What will happen to the little one?”
“Billy’s sending Reverend Harris over here to get him. They’ll take care of him, find him a home.” Jared snuggled the baby a little closer. “I…I just wanted to hold him for a while.”
Mattie wanted to hold them both. She pressed her palm against the baby and settled her head on Jared’s shoulder.
Sometime later, when the reverend and his wife arrived, Jared reluctantly turned the baby over to them.
“Oh, you poor little dear,” Mrs. Harris murmured, folding the child in her arms. “Don’t worry, we’re going to take good care of you. Find you a new home, and a mama and papa who’ll raise you proper.”
“Did the McCaffertys have any family?” Jared asked.
Reverend Harris shook his head. “None I know of. I’ll send a telegram, see what I can uncover.”
“Do you know any families around here willing to take a newborn?” Jared asked.
“We’ll find someone,” Mrs. Harris promised.
“But what if you don’t?” Mattie asked.
“There’s always the orphans’ asylum over in Carson City,” the reverend said. “Hopefully, it won’t come to that.”
When the minister and his wife left with the baby, Mattie felt a little part of herself going with them. She glanced up at Jared. He took a step toward the door, and for a moment Mattie thought he intended to take the baby back, but he didn’t.
He shook his head wearily. “Let’s get out of here.”
They headed to the Cottonwood. Jared seemed to walk a little slower, hold her arm a little tighter. Mattie stepped carefully. The life growing inside her suddenly seemed more fragile and precious.
Billy sat on the restaurant’s back steps when they arrived, still looking as if most of the spirit had drained out of him.
“You did yourself proud out there today,” Jared said. “I was glad to have you as my deputy.”
Billy shook his head. “You can forget about talking to Aunt Frannie about me being a lawman. I don’t want to be no deputy anymore. Not after today.”
Mattie couldn’t blame him. Jared didn’t object, either. “What will you do?” she asked.
“Reckon I’ll head back East and work in my uncle’s can factory.” Billy rose from the steps. “I’ll help you out here at the restaurant, Miss Mattie, until I go. If’n that’s all right with you.”
“Of course, Billy,” she said. “But you don’t have to work today. If you need time off, it’s understandable.”
“No, ma’am. I’d rather stay busy.”
He ambled into the Cottonwood. Mattie hated to see him leave Stanford, but couldn’t really blame him. Even Jared, hardened by years as a lawman, had been affected by what he’d seen today. It was all the more difficult for Billy.
“Hungry?” Mattie asked.
Jared shrugged, as if it didn’t matter. “I have to take care of some…things.”
He’d have to write the official report, answer questions of everyone he’d encounter, relive this morning over and over. Mattie wanted to shelter him from that, even if it was just for a short while.
“You need to eat something first,” she said, overcome by the need to feed him, take care of him.
Inside the Cottonwood, Mattie made sure Mrs. Nance, Billy and the Spencer girls had everything under control, then packed a basket. She and Jared went to her house.
“Do you think Reverend Harris will find a home for the McCafferty baby?” Mattie asked, as she emptied the basket on her kitchen table.
Jared hung his hat by the door and took plates from the cupboard. “Sure.”
“But a good home? One where he’ll be loved?”
Jared shook his head wearily. “I don’t know, Mattie. I just wish…”
“Wish what?”
“I don’t know.” He turned away.
What he needed at the moment wasn’t the food she’d brought. Mattie looped her arms around his waist and pressed herself against his back. He was tense, rigid.
“You don’t feel guilty about what happened, do you?” she asked. “Thinking that if you’d done things differently, or gotten there sooner, it would have c
hanged things?”
“No.” Jared covered her hands with his and seemed to relax a little. “No matter what I might have done differently, it wouldn’t have changed anything. McCafferty being the kind of man he was, things would have ended the same, sooner or later.”
He turned in the circle of her arms. “It’s just such a waste,” he said.
Mattie snuggled closer, resting her head on his chest, anxious to comfort him, to give him what strength she had. They held each other for a long while, content with the silence.
Finally, Mattie spoke. “Would this be a good time to tell you that I love you?”
She felt him grow tense again. Mattie looked up and smiled. “I love you, Jared.”
He frowned. “You do?”
“Yes,” she said, smiling wider.
His frown deepened. “What made you decide that?”
“Your considerable charms just won me over.”
“Finally?” He snorted. “I sure as hell worked hard enough at it.”
“You’re not done yet.” Mattie looped her arms around his neck. “I don’t want to think about death anymore. Or husbands hurting wives. Or babies being orphaned.”
Jared leaned his head down. “I can make you forget.”
“I seem to recall that you’re quite good at that,” Mattie said, rubbing her cheek against his.
He captured her lips with a deep kiss. “You’re sure?”
“Very sure,” she whispered.
Once more he kissed her, blending their mouths together until he moaned. Mattie rose on tiptoes, welcoming him, twining her fingers through his hair. He stopped, took her hand and led her to the bedroom.
A cool afternoon breeze floated through the windows as Mattie stood with Jared at the side of the bed. When they’d done this before, it was in the dark, and in a frantic rush. Now, neither of them hurried.
Slowly, Jared undressed her, stripping away the layers of her clothing, tossing them aside until she was naked. She returned the favor, pulling off his clothes, revealing his hard, muscular body. They gazed at each other, smiling, enjoying the sight.
Mattie had never felt so at ease before, yet never so excited. And never so sure that this was exactly where she belonged in life. Here, with Jared.
