I ripped the keys out of the ignition and got out of the Impala, slamming the door as I walked away. I headed out the door at the back of the garage and made a beeline across the yard to the detached garage, determined not to let myself lose control again. My determination faltered when I made it to the garage's side door and noticed my hand was shaking as I stuck the key in the lock. I turned away leaving the key dangling then paced in a circle, trying to tamp down my swirling emotions. The fear, pain, and anger threatened to send me into another anxiety attack. I latched on to the anger, hoping it would be enough to give me the balls to do what I had to do. I stoked the fire, feeding it with all the rage I'd been keeping locked inside, all the anger I felt for myself and the things I had done. I turned back to the door and slammed the bottom of my fist on it, cursing loudly, then I unlocked the damn door and forced myself to walk through the door.
I stopped just inside the doorway as my resolve began to waiver. I hadn't set foot in here since the accident, and the force of the emotions blasting through me were almost enough to drive me to my knees. A crushing sense of grief and loss fell down on me as I looked at my dad's 1971 Corvette convertible sitting in front of me, its deep purple paint looking nearly black in the low light from the open door behind me. I stumbled forward helplessly, Mom's set of keys slipping from my fingers to fall on the concrete floor with a loud crash in the quiet garage.
I thought about all the time we had spent in here, working on cars, laughing, drinking. I thought about all the things that I no longer had, a brother I looked up to and the father I idolized. I left a path of destruction across my family, leaving two widows and two fatherless kids behind. All of this was from a moment of stupid, selfish recklessness. I deserved all this pain and then some. I deserved to hurt and to suffer. All the guilt and shame were mine to bear. It was my penance to carry for the rest of my life. There was no forgiveness for me.
I ran my hand up the Corvette's front fender as I walked toward the driver's side door. I opened it and lowered myself into the tan bucket seat, intent on punishing myself with the anguish sitting in my dad's car caused me. The grief was like a fist around my heart, crushing the breath out of my chest. I leaned my forehead against the steering wheel, and felt my mind slip into the past.
"Jensen," Jordan said my name again, and I tore my eyes away from the metal sticking out of his chest. Even more blood was pouring down his chin now, running down his neck and soaking into his shirt.
"Holy fuck, holy fuck!" I started screaming as panic flooded my brain. I pressed my hands to Jordan's chest, trying to hold pressure on the horrendous wound, but the blood wouldn't stop. I could hear the gurgling in Jordan's chest getting worse.
"Jensen, stop!" Jordan's sharp voice snapped me back to reality, and I met his eyes. "That's not going to help," he said his voice a faint whisper again, and I wasn't sure if he meant the hands I had pressed to his chest or my panic. "My phone...you...you need to get it from my right jacket pocket. Okay?" More gurgling followed as he struggled to breathe.
I pulled my blood-covered hands away from his chest, trying not to notice just how much there really was, and reached around the piece of metal protruding out of my brother. He grunted in pain as I bumped the fence post to reach over far enough to get at his pocket.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I told him, my voice on the edge of hysterics. I finally got my fingers on the damn thing and pulled it out of the pocket. I almost dropped it from my blood-slick fingers as I leaned back into my seat. I hastily dialed 9-1-1 and when they answered I started babbling hysterically. The dispatcher had to calm me down before she could understand anything that I was practically screaming into the phone. She insisted on staying on the line after she dispatched the police and an ambulance. She told me to keep Jordan awake and talking. I looked at him. His eyes were closed, his breathing fast and shallow now.
"Jordan!" I yelled at him. His eyes snapped open, and it took a moment for his eyes to focus on me. His face was pale and filled with pain and anguish.
"Tell...tell Annie...tell her..."
"No, goddamn it!" I yelled at him in denial. "Don't you dare fucking say it! You're going to tell her yourself, goddamn it!"
"Annie...I love her," he panted, ignoring my anger. "Take care of...of the kids...they'll need...you." He started taking small, fast sucking breaths through the blood bubbling from his mouth. "Love you...Jen."
And then he just stopped, no more words, no more breaths. Nothing. I watched the life bleed out of his eyes, and my brother was just, gone.
I jumped in surprise as my phone started ringing in my pocket. Shit, how long had I been like this? Thank God, Sydney didn't find me here. I took a few seconds to calm myself before pulling my phone out to see Andy's name on the screen.
"Hey," I forced out tersely, still trying to gather my scattered mind back together.
"Hey," Andy replied. "We have a problem."
"We do?" I asked as I sat up in alarm. Andy hadn't made a joke or made a sarcastic comment. Something was wrong.
"Someone jumped Denny while he was closing up tonight. Beat him pretty bad, too."
"Holy fuck!" I responded. "Is he alright?"
"He will be," Andy's voice was tense and angry. "He got his bell rung and a couple of cracked ribs. It could have been a lot worse."
"Does he know who did it?" I asked, my voice becoming low and dangerous. Denny was a decent guy and good friend, too. A little payback sounded nice.
"No, the fucking coward hit him from behind, and I'll give you one guess who."
"Who..." I began, but trailed off as I realized who Andy was referring to. "Fucking, McCallister."
"Yup," Andy agreed in an angry clipped voice. My anger began to rise again, and it was a welcome change to the crushing despair I had been trapped in just a few moments ago.
"Do you have any proof to back that up?"
"No," Andy said in disgust. "I've been badgering Dad to install security cameras for years. He keeps insisting it's not necessary. I guess now he'll probably listen to me."
"What are we going to do about it?"
"Nothing, right now," he said. "But give me a little time, and I'll think of something."
"You always were a devious bastard," I told him with a snort.
"That's me," he replied with a small hint of humor. "Always thinking." I pictured him tapping the side of his head with his index finger as he said it. He'd been saying that for years. "Anyway, I just left the hospital. They're going to keep Denny overnight so they can make sure his head injury isn't serious, but he should be a fine to go home tomorrow."
"Good," I answered with relief.
"Watch your back, though," he said, his voice turning serious again. "I have a feeling this isn't over."
"Yeah," I agreed reluctantly. "Let me know if you think of a good way to deal with this shit."
"Oh, it's not an 'if'; it's a 'when' I think of something," he assured me with a hint of darkness in his voice.
"Talk to you later, brother."
"Later," Andy replied and I ended the call.
My rage stayed at the forefront of my mind enough to get out of my dad's car and get the spare battery, before getting the hell out of that damn garage. I was shocked that I could hold it together this long. I guess anger had it's uses. Unfortunately, by the time I replaced Mom's battery the anger had ebbed, and I was going to have to go back into the house for Sydney. I could feel the panic rising inside me again. I needed to get a grip, for fuck's sake. If I could just get in and tell Sydney we had to go, then get out, maybe I'd be okay. This out-of-control nightmare was getting old. I just wanted to go home with Sydney, wanted to be alone with her. I wanted to bury myself inside her and pretend that everything was fine, that I was in control of myself. I wanted to bind her arms again and revel in the way she submitted to me; to latch onto the heady rush of being in control of her body and her pleasure. It made me feel whole and filled me with a calmness I hadn't had in months. My sudden rush of need gave me a
focus I hadn't had in a long time.
I walked into the house, leaving Mom's keys on their hook. The kitchen was empty, the table cleared of all its dishes. I move to the living room to find Mom and Sydney sitting on the couch together, while Quentin and Olivia were coloring with crayons on the coffee table. I focused all my attention on Sydney. She was smiling at my mother, her gray eyes shining with laughter. There was a light inside her that drew me in, and I was helpless to resist. My God, I loved this woman. The impact of that raw emotion threatened to overwhelm me. They both turned and looked at me expectantly.
"I replaced your battery, Mom," I said after wrenching my eyes away from Sydney. "You should be good to go." My voice sounded deeper and a little shaky to me, but Mom didn't seem to notice. However, one glance at Sydney told me that she knew something was off with me. Her eyes locked onto my face, watching me, her eyes narrowed in thought again.
"Oh, sweetheart, that's wonderful," my mom said as she stood and came up to me. "Thank you." She wrapped her arms around me, and I hugged her back awkwardly, my jaw tightening with my discomfort. I really needed to get the fuck out of here. I pulled back from Mom's embrace before it overwhelmed me. I made a show of looking at my watch. It was almost seven already. The amount of time I had lost track of startled me. I had been sitting in my dad's corvette for almost a half hour. It only felt like seconds.
"Sorry Mom, but we have to get going," I told her as she looked up at me with a slightly disappointed smile. I glanced away from her to look at Sydney again, her pensive expression worrying me. I reached for Sydney with an outstretched hand, and she rose to come to me. She clasped my hand tightly, and I almost sighed at the relief of feeling her hand in mine again.
"It was so nice meeting you, Sydney," Mom said as she turned to Sydney with a huge smile. "I hope to see you again."
"Me too," Sydney said with a smile just as warm. She turned to my niece and nephew. "Bye, Quentin. Bye, Olivia." Quentin gave Sydney a huge grin and waved, while Olivia screamed good-bye at the top of her lungs. Apparently, we were all in love with Sydney now. I dragged Sydney out of the house before Mom had the chance to hug me again. I led her silently out to the garage where the Camaro was still parked, my strange mood enough to keep Sydney from saying anything to me until we were both in the car.
"Jensen, what...?" I turned, grabbed her face in my hands, and kissed her. I let my mouth do all the talking as I fed all of my emotions into the kiss. My need, my sorrow, my pain, and my love, I gave it all to her, and her body softened into me. Her lips began kissing me back just as desperate as mine. I broke the kiss with a determination of will I didn't know I had. I stared into her eyes, seeing my need reflected back in them.
"I'm taking you home with me now," I told her, in no uncertain terms, my voice deepened with lust. "I'm going to tie you to my bed and fuck you until you scream my name over and over again."
She gasped in reply to my words, and I watched her eyes dilate as her cheeks blushed pink with her arousal. She nodded, still speechless. I turned, put the car in reverse, and backed out into the street. Neither of us said another word all the way back to my condo.
The garage fell silent after I shut off the Camaro's engine, and the garage door had closed. I turned to Sydney and opened my mouth to speak, but the intense look in her eyes shut my mouth. I felt her arousal like a tangible force. I watched in fascination when she bit her lower lip, then her tongue flicked out to lick her lips. I sucked in a breath and let it out, my lips parting in reaction to Sydney. She met my eyes, and I lost myself to her. She scrambled from her seat over to me, and I pulled her into me, our lips coming together in a fiery kiss. She straddled me as she tried to devour me, her kiss desperate and wild. I felt her nails clawing into my chest through my shirt, and I gripped her hips in my hands, grinding her pelvis into my erection. A low guttural moan escaped my mouth. Fuck, I wanted to rip her clothes off and take her right here, to let go of everything and let all my control slip, but I needed something else. If I let go of everything, I was terrified of what I might say. Afraid I'd tell her I loved her, and that she'd tell me she didn't love me at all.
I pressed my palms against Sydney's shoulders and pushed her away from me. "That's enough." I growled at her, my voice low and controlled. She whined with disappointment, and it took her a moment to focus on my face. Her chest was heaving as she panted for breath, her fists clenched in my shirt. My God, she looked beautiful in her arousal. I felt my control slipping again.
"Please," she pleaded as she rubbed her pelvis against me, and I had to close my eyes to keep from giving in to her.
"Stop," I commanded with every ounce of will I had, opening my eyes and locking them onto hers. She froze, her fingers falling away from my chest. Her eyes suddenly looked hurt and confused. Fuck, she thought I was rejecting her. I thrust my hands up to the sides of her face and kissed her. This time I devoured her and showed her my barely restrained desire for her. I fed on her, desperate and out of my damn mind with wanting her. When I finally pulled my lips from hers, the hurt in her eyes was gone, replaced by stark need.
"Go up to my room and take off your clothes," I told her, my voice hoarse with desire. "I want you on my bed waiting for me." She nodded her reply, unable to find words after my kiss. I opened my door and lifted her from my lap, helping her climb out of the Camaro. She stood there for a moment, an unsure expression crossing her gorgeous face. "Go on," I reminded her, putting more force into my words. Her eyes and body both relaxed this time. She nodded, turned from me, and I watched her cross to the front of my car. A moment later, she disappeared through the door to the foyer.
I let out the breath I had been holding and gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles. Fuck, the way she submitted to me was the hottest thing I'd ever seen. My cock was so hard it almost hurt. I took another breath and then got out of the car. I crossed the garage to my work area where there were several sets of shelves on the wall, and grabbed a coil of cotton rope off one of them. I carried it with me into the house, up the steps, and into the kitchen. I opened one of the drawers, pulled out a pair of scissors, and used them to cut four shorter lengths of rope. I left the kitchen with the four pieces of rope and paused by the bathroom as a thought occurred to me. I went into the bathroom and grabbed the first-aid kit out from under the sink. After opening it on the counter, I pulled out a set of bandage scissors to take with me, just in case Sydney panicked, and I needed to get her out of the ropes quickly.
I stopped at the foot of the stairs and looked up toward my room. I focused my mind on the here and now, on thoughts of Sydney, her face, her eyes, her body. My need intensified to a sharp point of heat inside me, and I moved up the steps slowly and with purpose, ready to feel the heady rush of control, instead of the madness I'd been lost in most of the day.
As I walked through the doorway of my room, I was stopped in my tracks by the sight of the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Sydney lay on her back naked in the center of my comforter, arms at her sides, her legs straight out and parted slightly. I could see her chest rising and falling rapidly, her perfect breasts mesmerizing as they moved up and down with her breaths. Her narrow waist led down to the swell of her hips, curving down into the most amazing toned legs. I wanted to lick and kiss every inch of her.
Her eyes met mine, and I felt the world fall out from under me. Was I imagining the love I saw in them? Holy fuck, was I deluding myself? I crossed the room and laid the rope and scissors on my bedside stand. Sydney focused on the rope, and fear clouded her eyes. I pulled off my boots and crawled onto the bed, laying my body next to hers. I ran my fingers down the side of her face and kissed her cheek.
"Shh, baby," I whispered as I ran a hand down her side, sending a shiver through her entire body. "Your safe, your...with me," My voice faltered as I barely stopped myself from saying "loved." "Nothings going to hurt you. If you tell me to stop, we stop. Anytime, no questions asked. Alright?"
She nodded to me, the fear dissipating from
her gray eyes. I leaned forward and kissed her, moving my lips slowly against hers, relishing how sweet she tasted, how soft her full lips were against mine. I pulled back and the trust in her eyes nearly destroyed me. I took a huge shuddering breath and got up off the bed. I turned my back to her while I took off my clothes, not wanting her to see the depth of the emotion in my eyes, the fear and the sheer bone deep connection I felt with her. Fuck, I had it bad.
When I finally grabbed the ropes and turned facing her, the look of pure lust in her eyes as she stared at me was enough to get my mind back in the game. Her eyes drifted down my torso and stopped at my cock. Her mouth parted, and she bit her lower lip again.
"Do you like what you see?" I asked her as a slow sensual smile spread across my lips.
"Oh, yes," she whispered, her eyes glassy with desire.
"Put your arms above your head," I growled at her, my gentle mood slipping away and morphing into something dark and possessive. She obediently raised her arms up toward my headboard, never breaking our eye contact. I took her left wrist and one of the ropes and wrapped it around her wrist. I tied her firmly to one of the posts of my headboard. "Too tight?" I asked, and she shook her head. I repeated the same on her other side. "Is that okay?" I checked in with her again and got another nod from her.
"Spread you legs and raise your knees," I said as I moved to kneel at the foot of the bed. "I'm going to taste you now. You will not come until I give you permission." I captured her gaze with mine. "Tell me when you're close." This was new for both of us, and I didn't want to set her up to fail. She nodded and bit her lower lip yet again. Fuck, she was killing me.
I leaned down between her thighs and took a moment to breathe in her scent as I pressed a kiss to the inside of each thigh. I met her eyes again and held her gaze as I lowered my tongue to her opening and slowly ran it through her already wet, swollen lips up to her clit and circled it once. Her sudden gasp made me growl, and I attacked her clit with a vengeance, feeling her hips bucking against my face. She tasted like candy, and I couldn't get enough of her as I flicked her clit repeatedly with my tongue. I could feel the tension in her body building and building; her body strung tight like a bowstring about to snap.
Let Me Love You: Beautifully Broken Book 1 Page 18
