Let Me Love You: Beautifully Broken Book 1

by Samantha Wolfe

  "Fuck, fuck, fuck," Andy continued cursing and pressing his right hand on his left bicep. He pulled his hand away, and it was covered in blood. A blast of panic hit me hard at the sight of my best friend's blood.

  "Holy fuck!" I yelled as I sat up next to him. "You've been shot!"

  "No shit, idiot!" Andy replied in irritation. "It fucking hurts like a son of a bitch!"

  One of the officers walked up to us. "You guys alright?" he asked us.

  "No, man." Andy growled in pain. "He hit my damn arm."

  "You, sir?" the cop asked as he looked at me.

  "I'm okay," I answered him with a nod.

  He nodded and got on his radio once more to call a second ambulance for Andy, who wasn't cussing anymore. I looked over at him to see a scowl on his face as he looked back at me, his hand pressed to his wound again.

  "Keep pressure on that, sir," The cop told Andy after his radio call. I saw Andy press his lips together to bite back a sarcastic comment, and I felt a wave of relief.

  "Is he dead?" I asked the cop as I looked over at Clay again.

  "Not yet, but it doesn't look good," he replied as he followed my gaze. "You guys want to tell me what was going on here tonight?" he asked as he turned back to us.

  And so began the hour's long ordeal of explaining ourselves to the cops. We told them everything that had happened in the last few days, except for my stupid visit here by myself the other day. I did not need an assault charge. They seemed a little suspicious about our lame excuse for being here tonight to talk to the guy, but who was going to dispute it.

  They rushed Clay to the hospital, but from the looks on the paramedics faces, I didn't think he was going to be a problem for us anymore. Andy's wound was pretty superficial despite the blood. The bullet had just grazed his arm as he had pushed me out of the way. The paramedics cleaned and dressed his wound without even having to take him to the hospital. By the time they let us go, the sun was up, and I was getting antsy to get back to Sydney, who was probably a basket case from worrying about me by now.

  Andy and I walked the few blocks back to my truck where I could see his car parked behind mine. I felt a wave of relief that he had shown up when he had. Clay must have planned on killing me all along, and I would have walked right into his trap. Andy saved my life.

  "Now you owe me three," Andy announced as if reading my mind. I paused next my truck and looked at him. He was smiling at me, but I couldn't return it. I almost got him killed right along with me. Now I had more guilt to add to the pile.

  "I'm so sorry I dragged you into this, brother," I told him, the smile on his face disappearing.

  "Hey, no worries," he said as he put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm glad I was here to save your sorry ass."

  "But..." I began. He interrupted me.

  "Just shut up," he said smiling again. "You're my best friend. I'll always help you out when you need it. That's what friends do, you idiot."

  I glared at him calling me an idiot again, although I was pretty sure that was an accurate description of myself today. He just kept smiling at me, and I shook my head at him with a sigh.

  "Besides, now I'll have a cool scar." He smirked as he pulled his hand back. "Chicks dig scars."

  "Lydia's going to kill you when she finds out you got shot. You know that, right?" I said, knowing his girlfriend would probably want to kill me, too.

  "Are you kidding me?" he asked with a wink. "I'll be riding this pity card out for at least a week. See you later, dude." He walked over to his car. A sudden thought occurred to me.

  "Hey, Andy!" I called after him. "What happened to the crowbar?"

  "I threw it down the sewer grate when the cops pulled up." His shit-eating grin was huge as he looked back at me. I shook my head in disbelief. Andy was a fucking genius, but I wasn't going to encourage him by telling him that.

  "See?" he said pointing his finger to his temple. "Always thinking." He got in his car then and drove off, nodding to me on the way by. I climbed into my truck and drove away too, wondering how much trouble I was in with Sydney. I almost wished I had gotten grazed by a bullet, just so I could use a pity card for myself when I got home to her.

  "Sydney?" I called out as I let myself into her apartment and didn't see her anywhere. A moment later, she flew out of the hallway and across the room to me, flinging her arms around my neck and slamming me back against the closed door behind me. I wrapped my arms around her and took all of her in, her smell and the feel of her body as she pressed herself against me. I shuddered as I thought about how close I had come to never being able to hold her again.

  "Oh my God," she said with tears welling up in her eyes as she pulled back and put her hands on the sides of my face. "I'm so glad you're back." She pressed her lips to mine and kissed me with a desperation I couldn't help but reciprocate. Fuck, she tasted good. I was so lost in her that I was completely shocked when she finally pulled away and punched me in the chest, hard.

  "Ow! Goddamn it!" I yelled. She hit me a second time, and I grabbed her wrists to stop her from doing it again.

  "You fucking moron!" she yelled back at me, her eyes bright with anger. "What the hell were you thinking?!"

  "What the fuck?" I asked her as she fought against my grip.

  "Andy called a bit ago and told me everything," she fumed. "You promised me you wouldn't go after Clay. You promised!" Yeah, I definitely wished I had a bullet wound right about now. I sighed and let go of her wrists, knowing I deserved to be beaten on for what I had done to her. However, instead of hitting me again, she burst into tears. I grabbed her as she collapsed against me with deep painful sobs racking her small frame. "You promised," she repeated with another sob, her anguish causing an aching twisting sensation in my chest as guilt rose up inside me.

  "I'm sorry, baby," I whispered to her, my voice harsh and broken. "I'm so sorry."

  "If you had died, I don't know what I..." she whispered and trailed off.

  "Shh, baby, I'm here, and I'm okay." I took her chin in my hand and kissed her. She melted into me, her relief almost tangible, and kissed me back fiercely, moaning and digging her fingernails into my chest. Sudden desire overtook me, and I scooped her up in my arms and headed toward her bedroom, needing to feel her, to be inside her, now.

  We collapsed onto her bed, ripping at each other's clothing, desperate to be skin on skin. There was no finesse, no foreplay, no teasing. It was just desperate lust and need as our naked bodies finally came together. She rolled onto her back panting with need as I spread her legs and plunged my cock inside her, finding her already soaked and ready for me. I groaned as her tight wetness engulfed me. She clawed into my back and wrapped her legs around my waist as I started thrusting into her hard and fast. I pressed fierce kisses all along the uninjured side of her face, apologizing to her repeatedly as I fucked her. Tears streamed down her face as she continued sobbing and began chanting, I love you, again and again.

  My orgasm hit me with a blast of heat through my entire body and bright light bursting behind my closed eyelids. I shouted incoherently as Sydney started screaming underneath me, her climax hitting her as well, her sex clamping down hard and spasming around my cock. Deep waves of pleasure rolled through me like I had never felt before, and I collapsed on top of her when we were both spent, aftershocks making us shudder and tremble against each other. I lifted my head and looked down at her, noting the dark bruise that was covering her left cheek with another pang of guilt. I kissed her lips gently and circled her nose with mine.

  "I'm still mad at you," she whispered with a sigh, tears flowing from the corners of her beautiful gray eyes and down onto the pillow as she looked at me with a strange mix of anger and relief on her face.

  "I know," I whispered back, the painful twist in my chest still there. "I'm sorry." I pulled myself out of her and curled myself against her side. I laid my head on her belly, and wrapped my arm around her waist. "I love you," I sighed into her skin.

  "I know," she replied breathlessl
y and ran her fingers through my hair just the way I liked. I sighed deeply at her touch, her attention calming my racing heart. "I love you, too," she whispered, and I drifted off to sleep, grateful for her love.

  "Jensen," my brother's voice spoke out of the darkness. I moved toward the sound through pitch blackness.

  "Jordan?" I called out as I started running. I ran and ran, but the darkness was never ending.

  "Why did you kill me, Jensen?" Jordan's voice spoke again. "Why?"

  "I'm sorry, Jordan!" I pleaded as I kept running, trying to find him. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do it."

  "You killed your own brother and then me," my father's voice called from behind me. I skidded to a halt, whirling around. My father's face appeared out of the blackness, his dark eyes empty and hollow as he stared at me. "I dropped dead from grief, because you killed Jordan."

  "No, no, no," I whispered to him. "I never meant any of that to happen. I'm so sorry, Dad."

  "You destroyed your own family," he accused me, his voice becoming harsh.

  "I'm sorry..." I sobbed as I collapsed to my knees.

  "You destroy everything you touch," he continued cruelly. "You don't deserve to ever be happy again. You deserve to suffer for the rest of your worthless life."

  "No, please, I'm sorry, so sorry," I begged pathetically as I stared into his dead eyes.

  "How could anyone ever love you? You're weak and pathetic." My father's face became twisted with disgust as he stared at me. I looked down in shame.

  "You don't deserve to live," a different voice spoke. I looked up to see Clay where my father had just been. His face was gleeful, his eyes wild and crazed. "You couldn't even keep Sydney safe from me. She was hurt because you weren't there for her. You are pathetic, and she deserves better. It's only a matter of time before you get her killed too."

  "You fucking bastard!" I growled as I rose to my feet.

  "I should have killed you when I had the chance. It's what you deserve, isn't it?"

  "Not if I fucking kill you first!" I snarled and rushed toward him. I wrapped my hands around his throat and started squeezing, desperate to end him before he ended me. Clay started laughing as I strangled him. "Shut up!" I screamed, but his laughter wouldn't stop. "Shut the fuck up!"

  His face began to change in front of me; his features twisting and shifting. I could suddenly hear Sydney calling my name. She sounded desperate and afraid. I looked up to find her and saw nothing but the blackness all around me. I moved my eyes back down to Clay and saw my hands wrapped around Sydney's throat, her terror-filled eyes begging me to let her go.

  I woke up with a jolt to find myself lying on top of Sydney with my hands squeezing around her neck.

  "Jensen," she forced out in a strangled whisper. "Stop. You're hurting me."

  I recoiled away from her with a gasp. She started gasping for air as I released her, tears falling down her face as she pressed her hands to her throat. I pushed myself off the bed, backing away from her until I slammed against the wall. What had I done? What the fuck had I done? Clay was right. He should have killed me.

  "Jensen?" she called to me and I looked into her eyes, expecting to see fear and disgust. However, she looked at me with concern in them, and it nearly destroyed me. "Baby, it was just a nightmare. I'm okay, are you with me?" She got up off the bed and moved toward me, her hands outstretched in a calming gesture as she approached me. I recoiled in terror.

  "Don't touch me," I said harshly as I slid sideways along the wall away from her, terrified that I'd hurt her again. Her eyes looked hurt as I rejected her and my gut twisted in pain and guilt. It seemed that everything I did ended up hurting her. Everything. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I chanted over and over again.

  "Baby," she whispered, her hands still reaching out to me. "It's okay. I'm okay. Let me help you." I stared into her worried eyes, and I had a horrifying realization. I had to leave her. If I stayed, I'd only hurt her time and again, until I destroyed her. I was a broken empty husk that didn't deserve her love. Why couldn't she see that? The only way to protect her, was to leave her and never come back.

  "I have to go," I whispered raggedly as I looked away from her and started gathering my clothes up off the floor.

  "Go?" she asked in confusion. "Go where?"

  "I can't do this anymore," I said harshly as I pulled my boxers and jeans on.

  "Can't do what anymore?" Sydney asked as she came closer and touched my face.

  "I said don't fucking touch me!" I snarled, and she pulled her hand back as if she'd been burned. Her face twisted in hurt and confusion. I had to look away before I lost it completely. If she touched me again I'd lose my resolve and stay. I pulled my shirt over my head and looked at her. I regretted it immediately. Her face was pure anguish as she watched me helplessly, her arms limp at her sides.

  "Where are you going?" she asked as tears streamed down her cheeks.

  "I'm going home," I whispered as I pulled my boots on.

  "Why?" she sobbed.

  "I can't be with you anymore," I said hoarsely, forcing the words out of my mouth.

  "What?!" she asked in disbelief.

  "I'm a complete asshole, remember?" I said cruelly. "I get what I want, and then I get out." Her lower lip began to tremble, her face crumpling with pain. Maybe if I was cruel enough she'd hate me. It was what I deserved after all.

  "You son of a bitch!" she suddenly screamed at me, her voice shrill and angry. "You know that's a lie! Why won't you let me love you?!" Her eyes glared at me with disgust, which was what I wanted.

  "There's nothing here for you to love," I growled at her. "Nothing!" I snatched my phone off the nightstand and left the room before I could change my mind. I made it halfway across the kitchen before I heard her behind me.

  "Jensen," she pleaded. "Please don't do this." I stopped and took a deep breath as I turned back toward her. She stood in the doorway to the hall as she wrapped her robe around herself, the anguish in her eyes like a knife twisting in my chest.

  "Don't call me, don't come to my condo," I told her brusquely. "It's over and I don't want to see you again." I felt a numbing, cold emptiness seep into me as I killed a piece of myself with every cruel word I told her. I turned to leave again.

  "Jensen," she whispered, the desperation in her voice making me close my eyes and stuff down the overwhelming urge to hold her and comfort her. I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth together as I walked away. The silence behind me as I opened the door was deafening in its finality. I couldn't help myself, and I looked back one more time as I pulled the door shut behind me. Sydney's body collapsed onto the floor with a sob of despair as the door closed, and I felt my soul die inside me. You destroy everything you touch. My father's words from my nightmare echoed in my head as I turned and walked away. In time, I hope she'd realize that I did this for her, and that she'd be better off without me. After all, I'd do anything for her. Anything. Even destroy myself to keep her safe.

  COMING SOON

  Look for the next book in the Beautifully Broken Trilogy, Let Me Save You, coming soon!