She understood why Ken had killed him. In fact, when she heard the story, she told herself that she would’ve done the same in that situation, but she still felt like he had amputated a limb from the body of her family.
Claudia met a guard at the desk and was instructed to wait. Several minutes later, she and Christian were led to a room in the back which held a row of partitions. Claude was surprised to see that, like in the movies, she would have to see Ken through a window and talk to him through a phone hanging on the partition. She sat in the chair and waited for her son’s father. Christian started to cry. Claudia took a bottle of apple juice out of her bag and gave it to her son.
He didn’t look that different to her. A bit skinnier and a bit lighter skinned, but he still walked with the same confidence that had attracted her to him when they first met. Ken sat down in front of her and smiled. They both picked up the phone. They both tried to talk at the same time. Ken stopped and let Claudia speak. “You look good, Ken. So how bad is it?”
“Bad. Fuckin’ bad. But hopefully I’ll be out of here within a year.”
Claudia knew he should have been let out already. He had been charged with involuntary manslaughter and after two years he should have been let out on parole. But Ken had never made this entire ordeal easy on himself. He had refused to hire a lawyer and instead had relied on a public defender. A good lawyer might have gotten him off on self-defense, or at least convinced the court that he was defending his girlfriend and unborn child, but Ken had let the public defender plead the case down to involuntary manslaughter and had gone to jail without a word of complaint. It was because Ken himself didn’t really remember what had happened and he refused to have his public defender call Claudia as a witness.
Claudia had not seen any of this process. She was in the hospital when he got arrested and charged. She was instructed by her psychiatrist to stay away from him during his arraignment and sentencing. She heard the story secondhand from the only person who really stuck with Ken through the whole thing, Uncle James Puana. He had somehow found her mother’s telephone number and called to tell her what was going on. She was able to tell from the tone of his voice that Mr. Puana thought she should go visit him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
So as Claude looked at Ken through the glass, she felt a deep sense of guilt.“I’m glad to hear you’ll be getting out soon,” she said. “We both know you shouldn’t be in here.”
Ken’s eyes were pre-occupied with his son. He did not even glance at Claudia when he spoke. He stared at his son and smiled. “No, we both know I should.”
Ken’s eyes drifted up to Claudia.“Did you get the money?”
“Yeah, I did. I got the money from the bank, the money your father left for Christian, the money from the house and car. I left an account for you when you get out. Ten thousand.”
“Take it all.”
“Ken, you need it more than I do. I have my mother helping me. You’re going to need some money to start over.”
Ken laughed. “Claude, I’m not starting over. I’m too damn tired to start over. Don’t worry, I’m not going to follow you and the kid or anything. In fact, I want you and Christian to stay far away from me. I don’t want the kid near me. But start over? I ain’t starting over shit. But on a positive note, I ain’t coming back here either.”
Claudia sighed. “Well regardless, the money will be there.”
Ken drummed his fingers on the counter. He looked back at his son. “Don’t tell him about me,” he said.
“Listen,” Claude said, “I don’t want to argue. He has a right to know about you. When he asks, I’ll tell him. If he wants to find you, I’ll show him how. Ken, I’m not ashamed of you, and he won’t be ashamed of you. You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself.”
Ken’s eyes drifted downwards. He looked back up. “Guess what, I got a new tattoo.”
“Let’s see it.”
Ken turned around and lifted his shirt. Claudia saw the enormous tattoo stretched across his back. It was kanji. The black was scabbing. Ken put down his shirt and turned around. He smiled and picked up the phone. “The Book of the Void. Sums it up nicely, doesn’t it?”
“Your life isn’t over, Ken.You can change all of that.”
Ken smiled. “Yeah, probably.” He drummed his fingers on the counter. “Listen,” he said. “Anyway, thanks for coming. But listen, I think I should be going now.”
Claudia looked at her watch. She had been there for only about ten minutes. “Come on, Ken,” she said,“we have an hour.”
Ken’s face turned angry. Claudia felt the legs of her chair inch back, scraping against the floor. For the first time she saw the resemblance between Ken and his father. “Listen,” Ken said, “I was under the impression that this hour was for me. Well, I’m saying it’s over. But before I go back in, I want you to know, that night, that night Koa died, I was ready to go to the mainland. I want you to know, I was willing to go.”
Ken looked at his son one more time before standing up. Christian was still silently sucking on his bottle of apple juice. Before putting the phone down, Ken asked, “Hey, isn’t he a bit old to be drinking from a bottle?”
Claudia laughed. Ken started to laugh, too. He put down the phone and waved to his son. Christian waved back. With that done, Ken turned his back and stepped to the door. He pounded on it. Claudia watched as he walked through the door without turning around one more time to say good-bye.
On the ride to the airport, Claudia wondered if Ken was going to be o.k. She ran the image of his new tattoo through her head. The Book of the Void in Japanese. Suddenly she realized the tattoo wasn’t about Ken, that he didn’t mean for it to represent only his life. Instead it represented the fate of the entire Hideyoshi line. Most importantly, it represented the fate of the son he would not raise. It was a fate no longer infected by a lineage of hate and pride. Ken had cut the ancesteral thread, and when she realized this, she felt an instant of complete love for the man. He had fought, and he had won. Because of his sacrifice, though unconventional and twisted, she would no longer have to strike an unbreakable blade on stone. Yes, she remembered Ken’s father’s demonstration of the sword well. She had gotten the message, but tried not to accept it.
As the car neared the airport, Claudia saw a plane shooting up above her. She wondered if Ken knew he had won. She wasn’t sure, but she thought if he didn’t, he would. She looked up again and knew that at least she and Christian would be o.k. And she knew that, at least, was enough.
glossary
The Tattoo Page 24
