Cross My Heart
A Waverley-Cay Novel
Avery Maxwell
The Best of Us LLC
Copyright © 2020 by Avery Maxwell
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
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For my Family & Friends,
Thank you.
Avery
In loving memory of my very own real-life GG
While my GG was the exact opposite of Lanie’s in almost every way, my Grammy-Gilman and I were so very much alike.
At the age of ten, my GG unintentionally passed on her love of romance novels to me. She was always a thrifty shopper, so one day while out “yard-sale-ing,” she found her passion, a $5 paper bag full of romance novels. After bargaining her way down to $3.50 for the entire bag, we were on our way to go blueberry picking on the side of a random Vermont road.
After picking for about an hour, I was hot and getting sunburned, so I headed back to the car to wait for her and guess what I found while waiting? Her bag of treasures. I remember sitting there reading a book with a half-naked man on the front while continually looking over my shoulder, waiting for her to come back. It was a learning experience for sure.
GG’s love of these stories is just one of the many things I inherited from her. I know she would have loved Lanie and Dex, and she would have been so proud of me. Gram, you will always be missed.
Disclaimer & Trigger Warning
While Burke-Mountain is a very real place in Vermont’s North-East Kingdom, everything else in this book is a work of fiction. All characters, scenes, and other settings were all created in my imagination.
If you ever get the chance, I highly suggest you visit Burke, Vermont and all the surrounding towns. Mimi was right when she said it’s a place that builds character. Vermont is a place I’ll always hold near and dear to my heart, from the people to the landscapes, it is truly a one-of-a-kind place.
*This romance novel is a work of fiction. However, Lanie has had a hard life. Before the story begins, Lanie was a victim of physical abuse. Although I tried to discuss her attack as vaguely as possible, I am aware this may be a trigger for some readers.
If this applies to you, I am genuinely sorry for all you have had to endure. I hope I was able to tell Lanie’s story respectfully and if you are ever in need of help, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/
Contents
Prologue
1. Lanie - Present Day
2. Dex
3. Lanie
4. Dex
5. Lanie
6. Dex
7. Lanie
8. Dex
9. Lanie
10. Dex
11. Lanie
12. Dex
13. Lanie
14. Dex
15. Lanie
16. Dex
17. Dex
18. Lanie
19. Dex
20. Lanie
21. Dex
22. Lanie
23. Dex
24. Lanie
25. Dex
26. Lanie
27. Dex
28. Lanie
29. Dex
30. Lanie
31. Dex
32. Lanie
33. Dex
34. Lanie
35. Dex
36. Lanie
37. Dex
38. Lanie
Epilogue
Extended Epilogue
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Prologue
Dexter - 2 years ago
“Hey, Dad, it’s me again. The doctors and nurses don’t know if you can hear me but said it’s worth a shot. You were in a car accident almost two weeks ago. Drunk driver. You never even saw him coming.” I can’t help the deep, painful sob that escapes from my soul.
I feel the heavy hand on my shoulder, already knowing it’s my best friend, Trevor. I’ve known him since kindergarten and he loves my dad like he is his own. I raise my head and see my other friends, Preston and Loki, on the other side of the bed.
“We know you said you would do this alone, but we are here for you, man. Mr. Cross?” Trevor asks, “I can promise you, Dex and his family will never be alone. We will always be here for him.”
Loki and Preston nod in agreement.
“Loki and I are also here, sir.” Preston makes his presence known.
“Dad, the doctor told me you are not going to wake up. I have to say goodbye, except, I’m not ready. I need you. Anna was just here in the hospital too. She had an ultrasound and we found out the twins are both girls. We already named them Harper and Sara after your mom. Anna didn’t mind either way, and I thought you would like that.” I break down with my hand in his hand and cry, “You’re never going to meet them. You’re never going to know my daughters. You’re not going to see Tate grow up. I love you so much, Dad. I’m so sorry there isn’t anything I can do. Please know, I love you.”
I hang my head once more and cry with no shame as if I have never cried before. I give the nod to Trevor, who calls the doctor in from the hallway. When the doctor comes in, we all say our goodbyes. He is gone within the hour.
“Dex, you want us to take you home to Anna? I mean, I know she hates us,” Trevor tries to joke, “but maybe you need someone?”
I shake my head, “Thanks, I’m alright. I’m sure it will probably be best for you to wait and come over later.”
“Okay, I’ll stay close by. If you need anything, text me. I know this is hard, but the girls and Tate are going to need you. Two girls, Dex. I can’t wait.” Trevor hasn’t even met the girls yet, and he loves them as much as I do.
Eyes red and puffy, I try not to vomit as I make my way home. I pull up to our house, taking only a moment to collect myself. I open the car door when a man in a designer suit exits my home. I know I should wonder who he is, but my brain is too tired to think much of it.
Searching for Anna, I walk through the garage to our kitchen. On my way, I pass through the mudroom and take a minute to study all of Tate’s shoes, jackets, and hats spilling out of every bin in here. I smile when I realize it will soon be covered with pink too.
I find her sitting at the island, so I lean in for a hug, hoping she will comfort me just for a minute. That way, I can care for her and our children in return. I just need this moment with my wife, except, she is stiff and not looking at me.
I sit beside her, “Anna, is everything okay?”
“I’m sorry about your dad,” she says while frowning out the window.
“Me too. Are you nervous about the girls? The doctor said everything is looking great.”
Anna sighs. “No, Dexter, I’m not upset. Here.” She hands me a manila envelope, and as I turn it over, my chest constricts more than I thought possible. “I want a divorce. I’m sorry to do this now, but it’s best for everyone if I just leave before anyone gets attached.”
Gets attached? I want to yell, but my mouth feels like it's full of sawdust, so she uses my silence to continue. “I had these drawn up about three-months ago. I’m not asking for anything but a little money to get me on my feet…”
I interrupt her, finding my anger. Anger at her in this situation. Anger that my father died less than an hour ago. Anger that nothing will ever be the same again.
“You are not taking my kids away from me. Do you hear me, Anna? You will not take them.” I scream.
“Dexter,
if you will calm down and look at the paperwork, you will see all I’m asking for is ten-thousand. You will also see I have signed away all parental rights to you. I have a ride waiting. I ask that you give me a few hours alone later this week so I can collect the rest of my clothing,” she says coldly.
That’s when I notice the suitcase at her feet. “You have a ride? There’s someone else, isn't there?” She doesn’t have to answer; I can see it in her face. “What are you going to tell Tate?”
“I texted Preston’s mom. She came and took him to the park for a few hours. I’ll be gone before he returns.” Anna turns to stare at me, “You can still be involved in this pregnancy if you’d like to be, Dexter. I’ll keep you updated on all appointments, and as soon as I give birth, I’ll walk away.”
I don’t recognize the woman before me—the woman I met when I was sixteen. This woman is cold, unfeeling. She is exactly who my friends saw when they first met her.
“You don’t even have the courage to say goodbye to Tate? Don’t do this to him, Anna. Please don’t.” I plead. “You know how my mother left. Don’t do that to him too.”
I’m numb.
Anna shakes her head, then turns and walks out of our lives while I slide down the wall to the floor.
How am I going to do this? My dad is gone. My wife is gone. I have a four-year-old and twins on the way. Just before I have a heart-wrenching breakdown, I text Trevor.
Dexter: My house. Now.
Trevor: On my way.
Lanie - Present Day
Chapter 1
“Lanie, wake up! Lanie!”
I feel small hands on my shoulders, shaking me. Don’t make a sound, Lanie, stay quiet for Max. Don’t let this asshole find him. Wait…small hands, female hands, that’s not Zachary’s voice. It's Julia’s. My best friend, Jules. She can’t be here.
“Lanie, Jesus Christ, wake up!”
Wake up. Wake up. I’m dreaming. Slowly, I open my eyes. Nothing is in focus. I jump back and my head hits the headboard. Headboard. I’m not on that filthy floor. I’m in bed. My bed, right? But it’s so dark. Jules turns the flashlight on from her phone and I glance around.
The light coastal-themed bedding Julia picked out for me right before I moved in is pooled at my legs. The pale grey walls covered in pictures of Julia and me, artwork that little Charlie has made, along with all the random stuff I’ve been able to collect since college. A second-hand aqua-colored armchair and an antique white desk I found at the only antique shop in town sits under the window. This is home. I'm safe.
“Lanie, it’s me…it’s Jules. The power went out again. You’re okay.”
“I’m okay. Yes, I’m a survivor. I’m a protector. I’m okay. Julia is here.” I say, obviously more for my benefit than Julia's.
“Julia? I’m so sorry. I didn't wake up Charlie this time, did I?” Charlie is Julia's ridiculously cute toddler. I love him like my own, but he is another of my failures. It's my fault he will never know his dad.
“No, Lanes, you didn’t.” I see her shake her head with sad eyes. “Are you alright here for a minute while I go get the flashlights? Here, hold my phone so you have some light. I’ll run to the kitchen and be right back.”
“M-hm, thanks, Jules.”
Julia retreats, her shoulder-length brown hair swaying behind her. She and I couldn’t be more opposite. Where I am six feet tall with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes, she is barely five-foot-two with dark chocolate hair and green eyes. The only similarity between us is our Irish skin and the smattering of freckles covering our faces. Regardless, I had promised her this wasn’t happening anymore.
Fuck. I want to string together every four-letter word I know but refrain myself. Peeking around the room with the phone light I try to determine what could have alerted her other than the power being out.
The freaking power. Will I always be afraid of the dark now? I look next to me and realize another bedside lamp has bit the dust. I lean over the bed and see it smashed to pieces.
Well, shit. Maybe I need to go to HomeGoods and see if they have any wooden lamps or perhaps something made out of concrete, preventing me from breaking another one. This makes the second broken lamp this month, not to mention I’ve lost a couple of picture frames as well. If only we didn’t lose power so often up here in the mountains.
Jules is going to want to talk. Maybe she’s right. Perhaps I do need to get out of here.
Interrupting my train of thought, Jules walks in with a battery-operated lantern and two sleeves of thin mints. Yup, she wants to talk, alright.
“Don’t give me that look, Lanes. It’s my turn to take care of you for a change. You have been watching out for me since wretched old Mrs. Ford yelled at me for picking up my pencil too early on the first day of school.”
“Ugh, she was the worst. She had it out for you just because she couldn’t ever teach you anything you didn’t already know!” I’ll never forget that day. Mrs. Ford was horrid to Julia, her only crime was being smarter than the teacher.
Julia swings her hair over her shoulder and climbs into bed with me. “That’s true! That old hag seriously had it out for me, but you never let her get to me again. I swear you probably should have been expelled for the torment you caused her.”
“Hey! I was just taking the heat off you.”
“I know that, Lanes…just like I know it was you who gave Amy Warback the swirly after she told the basketball team I had herpes.”
“She deserved it,” I grumble.
Jules is the friend I needed when I was a poor kid from the wrong side of town and the friend I still need to this day. She has saved me in more ways than I can ever repay her for.
"Lanes?” The nickname she gave me in fifth grade when we started running track to get out of gym class with the mean girls always makes my lip curl up into a smile.
“Yeah?”
“We need to talk about this,” Jules says. “You promised me this wasn’t happening anymore, but I’ve seen the broken lamps on the curb in the recycling. I know you’re trying to hide it, so I don’t worry, but you can’t live like this.”
It has been eighteen months since my attack. Six months since the doctor said I was better, that I was all healed up and ready to move on. All healed. Right. That’s the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever heard in my life. I roll my eyes.
Jules smiles, "You're swearing in your head again, aren't you?"
"Like a sailor.” Damn it, Jules. “You know me better than I know myself sometimes."
She looks at me with sadness in her pretty green eyes. "Lanes, you haven't sworn out loud since you were ten years old and your mother's douche-canoe of a boyfriend tripped you, then punished you by making you swallow that bottle of Purell."
"I didn't think you knew about that," my eyes downcast in shame.
"You ended up in the hospital and your mother told them you were always doing shit like that. I knew the first day I met you that you were neither stupid nor suicidal. Your mother made you cover for him. She was always doing that."
Shocked and a little unsettled, all I can say is, "She always chose her boyfriends over me, she still does, actually."
"Oh, honey," Julia sits closer and wraps me in a hug. "We are your family now. My parents have made you call them Mimi and Pawpaw since you were ten years old. You are a McDowell in all but name."
Maxine and Pete McDowell never did let me call them Mr. or Mrs. It’s like they knew I needed them. It was my third sleepover at Julia's when my mom forgot to pick me up again, and Mrs. McDowell told me I was like a second daughter to them, so the Mr. and Mrs. business wasn’t going to work anymore. I called them Mimi and Pawpaw ever since, except in front of my mother as I never knew how she would take it. Mimi seemed to understand that.
I can't help the tears that flow. "You always did know how to cheer me up."
“Lanes, you know I love you, and this is going to break mine and Charlie’s hearts so much, but I think it’s time you consider getting out of here.
You know I will never kick you out, and you are always welcome. I kind of like the idea of growing old with you on the porch with unlimited Bahama Mama’s, but you deserve better, and I’m not sure staying in this town or even this state is what you need.”
I laughed as I’m sure she had intended. Bahama Mama’s had become our drink in high-school. We always liked to pretend we were somewhere warm and not in this little Vermont town. Don’t get me wrong, I loved growing up here with Jules. The trouble is, if you’re not in a large ski town, many people in Vermont live in poverty. With no real job prospects, it can make for a tough living.
"I'm so proud of you, Jules. You are so smart." Right after college, Julia landed this amazing job in Boston. It gives her the ability to work remotely to take care of her parents, and Charlie. "You have your life together."
"Lanie, you graduated right behind me at BU, you’re just as smart. You know me though, I'm not great socially with most people, everyone thinks I'm weird or quirky. I'm just too uncomfortable all the time. There is no way I could have ever lived in Boston and I can't make that kind of money here. Plus, Mimi and Pawpaw aren't getting any younger, they'll need me soon enough."
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