I stop off quickly in the nursery, kissing each girl, breathing them in. I can’t help but chuckle as I take in Preston and Tate. Preston looks like he stuck his finger in a light socket. My friends have no idea what they are doing, but they are here, trying, and I am forever grateful.
"Tate," Loki says behind me. "Trevor is ready to finish breakfast, and I'm back for diaper duty, wanna trade?"
Tate gives him the biggest smile and darts past us down the stairs.
“I’m going to go check on Lanie. Thank you both.” They each come in for a one-armed hug and pat on the back, neither of them saying anything, they don’t have to. These guys are my family.
I enter Tate’s room and freeze. Lanie is asleep on her left side with her hands tucked up under her face. I notice the bruise on her cheekbone from the doorway and I feel murderous.
Slowly, I make my way to her. Even with the bruised face, she is gorgeous. My chest aches with an unfamiliar feeling as I gently sit beside her and watch her sleep for a few long moments. I reach out to softly brush her hair away from her face, startling her awake.
“Hey, it's me, Dex. Sorry to wake you,” I say gently.
“Oh my god! What time is it? The kids…” she starts flustered, but I cut her off.
“The kids are fine. The guys are taking care of them...for the most part,” I try to smile. “Are you okay?” My throat feels like I’m swallowing razor blades. I feel shame deep in my gut for not protecting her. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to protect you.”
Lanie smiles sleepily. “I don’t need protection, I’m fine. I admit I wasn’t expecting a boot slap from her, though. She is stronger than she looks.”
I chuckle at her use of boot slap and shake my head. It’s just another thing to love about her. I startle at my thoughts. It’s way too soon for love. Even when I believed in love, I never really bought into love at first sight.
I realize I’ve been staring at her for too long and move to stand. Before she can protest, I’ve scooped her in my arms and am carrying her to her room.
“Wait, put me down. I can walk!” She exclaims loud enough that both Preston and Loki stick their heads into the hallway, snickering. I narrow my eyes at them, she laughs.
“Not today,” I grumble in response.
I walk to her bed and pull down the covers, gently laying her down. I’m so close I smell the light floral scent of her shampoo. Her hand skims my jaw as I lay her down, and she thanks me.
I want to ask her why she is thanking me. Instead, I’m so caught in her gaze; I feel lost. Slowly, I lower my mouth to hers and kiss her like my life depends on it. I don’t know if I can ever come back from this kiss. Her lips are so soft and gentle, my need for her is intoxicating. My tongue teases her seam, causing her to gasp. Opening those delicious lips for me, I dominate her mouth. When I finally pull away, we are both breathless and appear a little lost.
“What was that for?” She asks in a whisper as her fingers reach up to her lips.
“Me,” I answer honestly. “Thank you for saving Tate again. Stay in bed. He wants to bring breakfast up to you. I’ll get you some ibuprofen and an ice pack too.”
Lanie sits up in the bed, staring at me with heat in her eyes. I have to look away before I take her right here.
“Honestly, I’m fine. I do not need to stay in bed,” she finally protests.
“Please?” I ask quietly, “It’ll mean a lot to Tate,” I turn and head for the door. “We will have to talk about Anna later. I want you to file a police report, but we can do that after the kids are in bed…if you don’t have any plans tonight.”
“No plans, I'm not sure about the police report, but we can talk.”
Downstairs, I find Tate and Trevor plating a tray of food for Lanie. Preston and Loki are on the floor playing with the girls, looking a little ragged but still managing to make the girls laugh. I peek at the tray and turn to Tate.
“Hey, buddy, do you think you can carry that up yourself, or do you want me to help you?” I ask gently.
Very quietly, he replies, “I’d like to do it myself.”
I smile and can’t help but notice how fast he is growing up. “Okay. That is a very nice thing to do. I know Lanie will love it. How about we put covers on the cups so nothing sloshes around, then you can take it up, sound good?”
He smiles and gives me a nod.
I get the covers on the cups and hand him the tray, then watch him walk down the hall. I’m lost in thought for a minute when I realize Trevor is beside me trying to hand me something. Glancing down, I am shocked to see a child’s handwriting on a very old envelope. I take a closer look and realize that it's mine.
“Is this the letter I wrote to you the summer you got sent to the camp in England?” I ask incredulously.
“It is.” Trevor grins. “We were about twelve at the time. I think it’s time you read them. Remember who you used to be. Who you should be. Then think about everything going on right now and make a choice.”
I try to wrack my brain but cannot for the life of me remember what I would have written so long ago that made such an impact he kept it for twenty years! Preston walks over and joins us; they have clearly discussed what is in the letter.
“Why don’t you head to your office and read it,” he suggests. “I’ll head up to check on Tate and Lanie. Trevor can clean up here while Loki watches the girls.”
I feel a little ganged up on, but I know they love me, so I head to my office as they asked.
Dear Dex, June 28th, 2002
Dude, camp here sucks. I haven’t found anything I can eat, the people all talk weird, and they are so formal I want to poke my own eyes out. I miss being at home. Please send me some snacks! Anything American will do. Seriously, anything!
The only thing that hasn’t sucked is a girl I met here. She is super cool, I think I might like her, like really like her but I don’t know. How do you know? You’re the sappy heart of our group. Tell me how you’ll know when you love someone? I’m not sure I believe in love anyway, thanks to my parents, but, Dude. This girl! She makes me feel different, so I need some advice…and snacks, don’t forget the snacks.
See you in a couple of months,
Trev
I can’t help but laugh. I remember that summer. It royally fucking sucked. That was the only summer we ever spent apart. Our only means of communication was through snail mail. I go to slip the letter back in the envelope and realize there is another page. I pull it out and am shocked to see my handwriting.
Dude, July 10th, 2002
Why so formal? Are they monitoring your letter writing too? It wouldn’t surprise me. I looked up the camp yesterday. Who has a dress code for summer camp? It must be so stuffy and boring as hell.
I’ve included as many snacks as I could fit in the box. I hope they get to you and they don’t confiscate this stuff. It cost me a small fortune.
Ok, about the girl. Do you realize you never even told me her name? I need names and descriptions to give you proper advice, but this sappy heart will improvise just this once. Here are Dexter’s rules for knowing you’re in love:
Are you willing to do anything to keep her safe, like from snakes and big ass spiders?
To see her happy?
Can you always put her first, even if that means leaving in the middle of the most epic game on X-box?
Think about her dating someone else. How does it make you feel?
Are you happier around her than when you’re not?
Does she make you want to do better? Be better?
I know we aren’t old enough to have fallen in love a bunch of times, but I know you, dude. You’re always going to run from it. When you find the girl that makes you feel all the feels, don’t be an ass. Go for her.
You deserve to be happy, you always have. When we grow up, we will make sure we are all happy, always. We are family, remember that.
Pretty deep for a couple of twelve-year-olds, right? I believe in love, Trev, I have to. I know we wil
l all find it someday. If I ever forget, you remind me, and I’ll do the same for you.
Get your ass back to Waverley-Cay. Summer sucks without you.
Dex
Well, fuck! I guess this is Trevor reminding me.
Does Lanie make me feel all this? My heart says, YES, YOU FUCK, but my mind is a mess. I know I want to date her, but where could it go? How could we do it without hurting her relationship with the kids? Will I be strong enough when she leaves us?
Too many questions are running through my head. I slip the letters in my desk and lean back in my chair. I’ve got a lot of shit to think about.
Lanie
Chapter 15
Tate has barely left my side all day. We have snuggled, watched movies, and played game after game. As much as I love it, I’m itching to get out of bed.
“Hey, buddy?” He stares up at me with the same deep green eyes of his father. “I’m feeling a lot better, but I think I need to take a shower. It would also be good for me to walk around a little. Can you go down and help daddy come up with a dinner plan? I’ll be down as soon as I’m showered.”
He looks at me skeptically but agrees and heads out of the room.
In the shower, I finally have time to think about that kiss. What did it mean? Did I like it? Can I handle a no-strings hookup? The one thing I do know is that I can’t stay forever, even though the longer I’m here, the more my heart falls.
That was one hell of a kiss though, I have never been kissed like that. I have a feeling if anyone could help me be comfortable enough to be intimate with someone again, it would be Dexter Cross. The thought is both terrifying and exhilarating.
My heart beats rapidly as I tuck a towel around myself and head into my room. I somehow miss Dexter sitting in the chair in the corner. I’m just about to drop my towel when he clears his throat.
“Ah, Lanie?” His voice is hoarse.
I jump right out of my skin. Dropping the towel, I dive-bomb to crouch on the opposite side of the bed. I raise myself just enough for him to see my head and maybe my shoulders. “What the ever living-helpers are you doing in here?"
I know the deep chuckle he lets out is at my expense, and I feel my cheeks flush.
“Well, Lanie, I didn’t know you would come out here and just drop your towel. Not that I didn’t enjoy the show, but I figured sitting directly in front of your bathroom door, you would notice me. You seemed lost in thought…something on your mind?”
“I, oh, well…geez, no! Nothing. I was just daydreaming, I guess.” It's a little white lie that has my face flushing hot. I quickly change the subject when I realize a) I’m still naked, and b) he is still sitting there like the cat that got the cream. “Seriously, what are you doing in my room?”
He shifts then and sits up. “Well, Tate insisted I come up and carry you down for dinner.”
I can see the seriousness in his face, but I can’t help but laugh. “Dexter, I got hit in the face, my legs are perfectly fine.”
Dexter clears his throat uncomfortably. “Yes, I can see that they are.”
The heat in his eyes is unmistakable. He doesn’t look away. “Lanie,” he sighs, “Tate is pretty shaken up. He begged me to come up here and get you. It’s the most he has spoken to me in months. Please just let me carry you down to the family room.”
I hear the sincerity in his voice, and I can’t say no. “Can you just give me five minutes…you know, to get dressed?”
The smirk on his face says he doesn’t want to go anywhere, but he stands. “You sure you don’t need any help? I wouldn’t want you to get dizzy and fall over. I’m more than happy to help you dress.”
I don’t know what the hell comes over me. When I’m with Dex, I feel like the confident girl I used to be, not the shell I’ve become. I used to be somewhat of a flirt but nothing like this, and definitely not since I was released from the hospital. I stand up, completely naked, throwing a pillow at him. With my hand on my hip, I point to the door and tell him, “Out.”
He stands there, mouth agape for a moment too long before striding to my side of the room. A starved expression in his eyes that darkens when they land on my lower abdomen.
What was I thinking? I don’t have the same body I used to have. My lower abdomen is covered in scars, no man like Dexter is ever going to think that’s sexy. I make a move to cover myself with the second pillow on the bed.
“Don't,” he warns. “Don’t cover your scars for my benefit. We all have scars, Lanie. They make us who we are. They don’t make you any less beautiful. One day you’ll tell me how you got them. One day I’ll tell you about the scars that mark me here.” He points to his heart as he says it. Then he turns, “Get dressed, I’ll be back in five minutes.”
What the hell did I just do?
Dexter
I’m sweating like I just ran a freaking marathon. What the hell just happened in Lanie’s room? Holy shit, I saw her completely fucking naked. My God, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten hard so fast in my entire life. Now I’m pacing the hallway trying to calm my dick the hell down, but it seems to have a mind of its own.
I hate the way she reacted when I noticed her scars. I know it was my fault. I must have looked murderous when I finally saw them, but fuck, she was so stunning, I honestly almost missed them completely. That fucking monster really carved her up. Still, I was honest when I said it didn’t make her any less beautiful.
The letter from my twelve-year-old self comes to mind. I know right then I am going to make her mine, but for how long? She is gun shy and has been adamant about only staying a year.
Will I survive if I fall for her? What if she leaves too?
What I need is a plan. Tonight, we will talk about God damn Anna. Tomorrow, I’ll call in reinforcements and develop a plan to make Lanie mine forever.
Lanie
Precisely five minutes later, Dex is knocking on my door. I open it, unable to keep my snarky comments to myself.
“Sooo,” I drawl, “You do know how to knock?” It’s a shitty thing to say I know, but I’m feeling shaken and a little lost after our naked, well, my naked encounter a few minutes ago. He leans in and picks me up like a baby who weighs nothing.
“Honestly, at least let me walk down the stairs, so you don’t kill us both. You can pick me up at the bottom if it means that much to Tate.”
“Not going to happen, Lanie. I promised Tate, and I never go back on my promises.” Something about the way he says it while staring into my eyes with such open honesty makes me shudder. I know he is talking about more than his promise to Tate.
Dex carries me down to the family room, where I see Tate has set up a makeshift hospital tray on the couch. He has the girls in their high chairs on either side of the sofa. A chair for Dex in the middle. My throat feels too tight, I can’t speak for a moment. Dexter seems to understand and takes extra time tucking me in, allowing me to collect myself.
“Tate? You did all this for me, buddy?” I eventually ask him.
He nods his head, and I can’t stop the tear from rolling down my face.
“Come here, buddy.” I choke out.
Tate walks over to me slowly, unsurely, and I grab him into a fierce hug. He sags into me, burying his face in my neck when I feel his tears.
“Hey, hey, look at me.” I coo.
He tilts his face up but not before trying to wipe away his tears.
“Are you crying for me or because you were scared?” I ask gently.
“Both,” he sobs, and my heart cracks wide open.
“Listen to me right now, okay?” I tell him, my voice finding strength for him. “Do not cry for me, you understand me? All adults should always protect you, no matter what. You matter to me, Tate. You, your sisters, even your cranky old dad matter to me.” I hear Dexter snort and a short burst of laughter from Tate.
“I will never let anyone hurt you, I promise you that. As long as I am around, I will always keep you safe, that’s what your dad and I are here for,” I tell him. �
�To love you. To protect you. To make sure your days are filled with love and laughter. If we get a little banged up in the process, we did it to keep you safe. That is the only thing that matters to me. I will always protect you.”
He doesn’t say anything but nods, so I keep going. “Crying because you’re scared is normal. There have been many times in my life when I was so scared. Sometimes crying makes you feel better. But having someone you can turn to, someone you can trust is always the best. And Tate, you can always come to me. No matter what or where or when, I will always be there for you.” I promise him.
With his voice so low and shaky, he looks at me with big sad eyes, “But who will protect you, Lanie? Who is there for you?”
I’m so affected by his words that a small sob gurgles in my throat. I try to speak but choke a little. Before I can say anything, Dex comes forward.
“I will, Tate. I will protect Lanie just like I protect you and the girls. Lanie is part of our family while she is here,” he looks over to me and adds, “a part of our family as long as she wants to be. Lanie has proven her love for you time and time again, so I promise you, little man, I will protect her.”
The sentiment scares the hell out of me, I’m so shocked I can’t say anything.
How could he tell Tate he will protect me? He has no idea what my life is like. He knows I can only stay a year, that’s why I told Tate no matter where or when he can always come to me.
So, why is Dex making it sound like forever? I can’t do forever. I certainly don’t have a good track record, not to mention he doesn’t know the permanent damage Zachary did when he cut me open. There is no happily ever after for me. The sooner he realizes that, the better.
Dex
Chapter 16
The rest of last night was slightly off. We ordered take-out and Tate made sure to stay as close to Lanie as humanly possible, but she was quiet, subdued. Nothing like the Mary Poppins cyclone I’ve grown to really fucking adore.
Cross My Heart: A Waverley-Cay Novel Page 11
