"Fucking. Love. You." Thaine jerked, heat filling him.
Groaning, he tugged the man down to him, taking a kiss. "Love you, too, T. I do."
"Good. Keeping you."
"I think I'd like that Thaine." He was pretty sure he'd like it a whole lot.
Chapter Sixteen
Thaine drove for hours, down to the coast, then to the Valley toward where they said his momma was buried.
Shit.
He'd done the doctor thing -- listened to them talk about bone chips and arteries and shit. Listened to them talk about riding and losing and dying and chances.
Listened to them damn near castrate his ass.
Fuck a duck.
Finally he stopped, just stopped at this piece of shit cemetery at the border near Reynosa, smoking and thinking and hurting, wandering through one lane of tombstones after another, looking for the one that said Russell. Judith Gonzales Russell.
When he found it, he sorta stumbled, hitting his knees. Oh, fuck him.
"Shit, Momma. What the fuck are you doin' out here?"
This wasn't right. This wasn't anything even close to right, his momma's name carved into a stone like that.
He sat there and started talking, started just telling her all the shit in his heart about being pissed and being scared and being a cowboy. About all the shit he hoped he'd done and about all the shit he wasn't sure if he'd done or not.
The sun was gone, the place quiet and peaceful when he ran down and headed back for his truck. It wasn't right, but as far as resting places went, it wasn't bad.
He headed back toward McAllen, eyes focused on the lights. He got on the highway headed home when his cell phone started ringing. He let it go to voicemail, but fuck if it didn't start again a minute later, and then a minute after that when he ignored it again.
He finally flipped the phone open, growling out a “Whut?”
JJ growled right back. "Where the fucking hell are you?"?
"Driving. Been a bad fucking day."
"Driving? Jesus, T, we were supposed to be having dinner almost three hours ago."
"I." Fuck.
Goddamn it.
Just goddamn it.
"What? Shit, T. You remembered."
"Huh? Remembered what?" Hadn't he just proved he'd forgotten supper?
"Oh. I thought. Well, if you haven't remembered the five years you lost, then what's the matter?" JJ sounded part worried, part impatient.
"The doc says if I ride again, it could kill me." There. There it was.
"Oh. Oh, damn, T." JJ sighed. "That bites."
"Yeah." No shit.
"Where are you?" There was ringing in the background. "Just a second." He could hear JJ talking, barking out orders. "Okay, I'm back."
"I'm down near Reynosa. I wanted to see Momma." He waited for the explosion. He'd needed to drive.
"Excuse me?"
"I'm. Down. Near. Reynosa."
"You're in fucking Mexico?"
"Not quite." Not for twelve yards or so.
"Christ, Thaine. What the fuck were you thinking? That's fucking hours away!"
"I was thinking about my fucking career. My life. My sponsors." His momma.
"And you couldn't do that at home? Jesus, T, do you even have enough gas to get home?"
"I got my wallet." He sighed, lit another smoke. "I just... I didn't know what to do."
"You come home like you should have from the start and let me take care of you."
"Yeah... shit. I reckon I'm just a washed-up piece of shit cowboy now." Hell, he didn't have a single head of cattle, land, nothing. Just a bunch of boxes that his ex-best friend sent.
"You can stop that shit right now, T. And if I hear you call yourself that again I will kick your ass to Mexico and back. Which won't be too painful right now as you're already fucking there, but it'll mean more once you get your ass back here." JJ was practically growling. "You get your ass back here."
"Pushy fuckhead." He growled back, half-pissed, half-excited.
"And you're a stubborn ass. And I swear to god, T, you make me come down there and drag your ass home, and you'll be not sitting right for weeks."
"Promises, promises." He headed back for the truck. "I just needed to drive, JJ."
"Yeah, I know, babe. And now you need a dozen beers or maybe a bottle of Jack. I'm pretty sure we've got both at home." JJ's growl had backed off some.
"Yeah? You got other stuff I need, man? 'Cause... I do. I need it."
"I've got what you need right here, T." JJ's voice dropped good and low, went right through him. "You just come and get it."
He stopped, head down, arousal moving through him. "I'm on my way."
He'd be there as soon as he could.
Chapter Seventeen
Jerry worked for another couple hours and then headed home, bringing a bunch of files with him to work on until Thaine showed up. He stopped at Salvadore's on the way, because Italian reheated well and the place was open late, and picked up a bottle of Jack as he wasn't sure if there was much left in the one at home.
He settled in to work in his office, making a set of notes for Helen and another for himself as he went through files and did some research, the light spilling out around his desk.
Thaine would know where to find him when he got in. This room was his favorite in the entire huge house - except for possibly the bedroom.
He heard the door open and close, then the bathroom. He waited a second to see if Thaine would jump in the shower or...
His office door opened, Thaine standing in the shadows. "Hey."
He put down his pen and closed his file, leaning back in his chair. "Hey yourself, Cowboy."
"They're saying I cain't ride again. That it could kill me. I got sponsors, JJ, commitments."
"I know, T. We'll figure it out, yeah?" Sponsors and commitments be damned, Jerry knew how much his stubborn cowboy loved what he did -- not riding again itself could kill Thaine.
"I hope so." Thaine leaned on the doorframe, face hidden by the hat brim. "I sure do."
Jerry shook his head. He wasn't going to let Thaine stand there and mope. He pushed himself up. "You want a drink or a blow first?"
"Huh?"
He snorted and went over, grabbing Thaine's shirt in one hand and tugging him close, knocking the man's hat off his head with his other hand. "Blow it is." He took a kiss, pushing Thaine's lips open with his tongue. His cowboy whimpered and bucked, dark eyes flying open as that whipcord lean body arched against him. Yeah. Yeah, somebody needed.
He didn't waste any time on niceties, just took Thaine's mouth like he owned it, and backed the man up against the nearest wall. It was in the hall beyond the door to his office, and they hit it with a thump, his hips pushing, giving Thaine something to rub up against. Thaine's hands held his head, the kiss going deep and hard, Thaine shaking with it.
He worked Thaine's belt open, tugged on the stubborn button and then yanked down the zipper. He could give Thaine exactly what the man wanted. That long cock leapt out, popping right into his hand, hard and hot. Oh yeah, he could give Thaine what was needed, and take what he wanted at the same time.
He dropped to his knees and swallowed Thaine's dick down, lips tight around the hot flesh.
"Jerry!" He heard Thaine's head knock against the wall, those heavy thighs parting, spreading wide.
He hummed around Thaine's cock and worked on tugging the tight jeans down a little so he could get to the tight balls. He finally had them down far enough and he could do it, so he did, weighing them in his palm, rolling them gently. All the time his tongue swirled and slapped and worked Thaine's cock hard.
"Shit. Shit, love. I'm fixin' to. Damn." He grinned around the hard flesh, loving that random babble.
He sucked all the harder, head bobbing away as he went down on Thaine over and over. Thaine's cry echoed, hips jerking, that cock fucking his mouth, over and over. So strong. He moved his head with the thrusts to keep from gagging. Come on, he thought, give it
to me. Just like Thaine'd heard him, spunk splashed on his tongue.
Jerry swallowed and swallowed, drinking it all down. He spent some time loving on Thaine's prick, too, soft kisses and long licks, keeping the good feelings going.
"Damn, JJ. You're like fucking magic."
He pulled off slowly, grinning right on up into Thaine's eyes. "That's me -- JJ Wortmeyer and his fucking magic show."
"Bitch." Thaine looked like he might live. Maybe.
"Takes one to know one." Leaning in, he took a bite of Thaine's hip.
"Uh... uh-huh." That ridged belly went tight, tiny line of black hair leading the way to glory.
He pushed up Thaine's shirt and licked his way from hip to navel, teeth scraping over skin for the last inch or so. "You want that drink?" he asked casually.
"I want you," Thaine panted, eyes burning down at him.
"You've got me, babe. Any way you want me and twice on Sundays." He stood, holding that gaze. "I could bend over my ever-so-expensive cherry wood desk right over there if you want it."
Thaine shivered, eyes going hot. "You have to get me up again."
"Oh, I think I can manage that, lover."
He pushed Thaine back up against the wall, teeth worrying the man's lower lip before his tongue plunged in for another hard kiss. That amazing fucking cowboy held on, kissing him back for all he was worth.
He worked Thaine's shirt open first, tugging on the buttons and not caring much if they flew every which way -- he wanted naked. Then he started touching, hands sliding over Thaine's chest, fingers finding the little nipples that were raised and hard, begging for his attention.
He got these fine fucking little noises, Thaine's hands hard and rough on his skin, making him tingle. Nobody ever wanted him like this man did. Keeping one playing at Thaine's nipples, he slid the other south to find the man's prick. Already hard again. Yes, sir.
He broke the kiss to step back and strip off his own clothes.
"You look good." Thaine nodded at him, eyes watching him like a hawk. "Real good, JJ."
"I'm all yours, too." He toed off his socks and stepped out of his pants, standing there for a moment, his cock high and proud, nudging his belly. He let Thaine get a good long look, and then he turned and pushed some stuff off his desk, bending over it, legs spreading some. "Come and get me."
"Oh, sweet fuck..." He could hear the need in Thaine's voice, sort of throbbing there, making him shiver in the seconds before those hands landed on his ass.
He pushed back into them, his cock jerking, starting to leak. "Sweet, hard, wild -- as long as there's a fuck attached go for it." He was trying to tease, but his voice was a little ragged, betraying just how much he wanted.
"There's a fuck. Like I could resist this ass..." Thaine kissed the base of his spine, then slowly eased himself down, tongue sliding down, circling his hole.
"Oh, shit. Fuck." So fucking good. But Thaine's leg... "Baby, don't hurt yourself."
"Uh-huh." That touch came again.
And again.
Oh, fuck him, that was hot.
He spread his legs a little wider, ass pushing back eagerly. He rested his head on his hands, just panting. T didn't rush them. No, that evil bastard fucked his ass with that hot tongue until his eyes were rolling, his cock dripping on the smooth veneer of his desk.
"T. Fuck, please. God." He begged and arched, knees locking so he could push back into the hot, wet thrusts.
"Need you now, JJ." Thaine levered himself up, panting, forehead sweaty on his back. "Now, honey."
"Just fucking do it already." Now, ten minutes ago; he needed it.
"Pushy bastard." Thaine arched, cock filling him up.
He might have bitched about the comment except his ass was too busy clamping down on Thaine's prick, that heat and hardness so damn good nothing else mattered. Thaine settled against him, hips pumping hard and fast, that cock filling him right on up. He held onto the desk and braced himself, loving the way Thaine's hips thudded against his ass with every thrust. He was making noises, sounds he couldn't control.
"You're it, man. My one true thing. That ain't changed." Thaine moaned the words out, fucking him good and hard.
He nodded, grunted, words beyond him as Thaine pounded into him. He knew it. Some part of him had always known it. He could feel Thaine, feel the rhythm change, feel the hard prick inside of him swell. Oh, fuck, yes. He might have said the words out loud, he might have just cried out as he shot, spraying all over the fucking desk. Heat flooded him, Thaine thrusting just a few more times, filling him up.
He panted, and reached back with one hand, petting Thaine's thigh. "T."
"Yeah. Yeah, JJ. Right here."
"Yeah, T. Right here." Right where the man fucking belonged. They just had to make it work this time.
Chapter Eighteen
It was getting harder and harder to rest. The dreams were getting to him. Long, involved things that he knew were memories, that he knew were flashes of his life before.
It was fucking driving him crazy, between the idea of not riding and not sleeping and knowing -- knowing -- that even if everything came back in a rush, he hadn't been being fair to the kid, hadn't been in love, not really.
Thaine was just fixin' to get in his truck and drive.
One of the worst things was that the guy he'd usually call was Jesse and goddamn if Jesse hadn't gotten all puffy at him. Still, it was worth a try, he guessed. He got his cell phone, pushed the number in, fingers knowing exactly what it was, listening to the ring and knowing -- all of the sudden-like -- that Jesse's ring tone was the theme song to Bonanza.
"'lo?"
"Jess? 's me."
"What do you want, man?"
He sighed, rubbed the back of his neck and set to pacing, boots clicking on the boards of JJ's deck. "I just wanted to talk, man. We're still friends, ain't we?"
"I. I don't know, man. I don't know that we are."
"Shit, I didn't ask to get hurt, you gotta know that. I seen the replays. I rode that bull right." He'd got hung up on the dismount and been tromped like a ripe watermelon. He hadn't gone out to go down.
"What do you want, Russell? I got shit to do."
"I. I just wanted to tell you it was cool with me. You and Drew. I mean, I don't remember much, but I remember a little..."
"You cain't have him back, you motherfucker. I watched you do him half-assed for years when there was someone here who could give him all he needed."
Thaine jerked, reacting like he'd been stung. "Fuck you, Jess. You ain't all that, are you? What? I'm supposed to think good of you for sitting back when you care for the guy? Fuck that. And fuck you, man. I just..."
"I wouldn't touch your sleazy ass with a ten foot pole and I don't know why anyone would. You stay away from Drew, you hear me? He's happy."
"If he's so fucking happy, Jess, why're you so fucking scared?" The words came out and then the line went dead. Shit.
Just shit.
"Hell, I don't want the fucking kid. I got who I need." He growled the words out, staring out into the city lights.
"Who are you out here growling at?" asked JJ, coming to join him at the railing.
"Jesse. I called to talk and he..." He pondered just throwing the fucking phone into the darkness. "He's fucking pissed at me, JJ. And I don't fucking know why."
Jerry moved to stand behind him, hands landing on his shoulders and rubbing. "You want me to go beat him up, T?"
"Yeah." He chuckled, the sound a little bitter to his own ears. "Did you miss me when I was gone?"
"You mean in the last five years? I spent the first couple of months pissed as hell. Then I started wishing I hadn't let you leave." Strong fingers pushed into his muscles.
It was easy to moan, to lean forward and brace himself on the railing. "I keep seeing flashes of things, keep remembering shit and, I tell you what, I'm sort of ashamed. I mean, did I take advantage of the kid? I couldn't have felt for him what I feel for you, JJ."
"I
don't know what to tell you, T. You must have been some good to the kid; he was clinging to you like a burr at the hospital, looking at you with these big sad eyes." JJ snorted. "You must have cared for him some to put up with that kind of mooning."
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