by Eason, Mary
“Why did she come back? Has she said yet?” Aiden asked.
Jase shook his head. Truth was he’d been afraid to have that discussion with her. He’d kept his distance. “We, uh, haven’t...talked much.” He didn’t have to look at Aiden to know his friend didn’t approve.
“Why not? Jase, you need to tell her the truth. Come clean finally. No secrets, remember. She needs to know how you feel, and you need to hear her out. You can’t hope to have a marriage without honesty.”
Jase’s bottom lip turned up into what passed as a grin. “Well, that’s just it. I’m not so sure we have a marriage yet.”
Aiden leaned closer. “Okay, buddy, I’m going to tell you something you’re not going want to hear. You’d better find a way to tell her truth about everything while she’s still here in Montana and before it’s too late. Don’t put it off any longer. Because as your friend, I’m telling you, you won’t survive if she leaves again without hearing the truth. And that piece of advice isn’t coming from God. It’s coming from your former drinking buddy.”
*****
The house appeared dark when he pulled into the drive. Cara hadn’t waited up, but in fairness, it was well after midnight. When he’d dropped off Aiden, he’d driven around town for a while to clear his head.
Jase unlocked the front door and stepped inside, trying to be as quiet as possible. The familiar emptiness of the house gnawed at him. Was she still here?
He made his way up the stairs, conscious of his injured leg every step of the way. Outside their old bedroom door, he hesitated. What if she wasn’t there? Could he bear the loss again?
Jase slowly turned the knob and peeked inside. He could make out her silhouette in the bed and then softly closed the door.
After a quick shower to get rid of the cigarette smoke the former drunks at the meeting used to assuage some of their torment, he dressed in an old tee shirt and jeans and went back downstairs to his study. He didn’t have much use for a study anymore. At one time, the cattle business had built the ranch and provided a nice living for the Cartwright clan. The same wasn’t true anymore.
In recent months, Jase had turned to alternative means to make the place profitable again. Most had failed. He’d tied up a great deal of his liquid assets making the ranch more into a farm to raise organic foods, which seemed to be all the craze lately. He still kept cattle on the south pasture, and he’d recently partialed off a piece of property for free range grazing turkeys and chickens. Things he’d started to believe in more and more since getting sober. It took having a clear head to realize what his old man meant when he said you don’t own the land; you’re just its caretaker for a few years.
So far, he could see a glimmer of hope he was on the right track, but it would be a long and slow haul and money was tight. At times, if felt as if every decision he made was a wrong one. The desire to soothe his worries away in a bottle was a temptation that followed him through every day. Most days he was able to shut out that temptation. Others, well, it was all he could do to resist it.
He switched on the computer and fished out his latest receipts from the desk drawer. The bottle he kept there as a reminder of what he’d once been and where he didn’t want to return was more of a temptation tonight than ever before.
Jase slammed the drawer closed and plugged in the numbers before shutting down the computer entirely. Tonight, he needed sleep.
As hard as that prospect would be with Cara just a few doors down, if he didn’t want to return to the wretched man he’d been after she left the last time, he’d better find a way. Otherwise, he may well drive her away forever.
He took out Maudie’s old Bible and opened it up to the concordance. He found the word strength and looked up the Bible verse, Isaiah 40:29-31, God supplies power to the weak.
Was there ever a soul as weak as he was tonight?
*****
Cara was determined not to let Jase see she’d spent most of the night until his return wide awake and listening for his truck.
She was up before dawn to finish what little packing there was. The water had ruined most of her stuff, but then she hadn’t really possessed anything of value. Just a few clothes and some personal items belonging to her aunt.
She dressed and went downstairs to find Jase was still not awake.
Cara was halfway through preparing breakfast when he materialized in the doorway. Dressed in an old tee shirt and pajama bottoms, she managed only a second’s glance before returning to the task of scrambling eggs. Hoping he didn’t spot the bright red color creeping up her neck. Don’t go there.
“You’re up early,” was all he said in way of greeting as he made a beeline for the coffee pot.
“Looks as if you had a rough night.” The nasty comment rewarded Cara with his full attention.
“I met a friend for coffee and talk,” he assured her quietly. So unlike the old Jase. “Those smell good. Why don’t you sit down and I’ll finish up? You’ve done enough.”
All the anger went out of her at his gentleness. The old Jase would have challenged her. She wasn’t used to this humble side of him.
Cara sat because she really didn’t know what else to do. She took a sip of coffee and studied Jase’s back. He’d lost weight in the time they’d been apart. His clothes almost hung on his frame. He wasn’t taking care of himself. His hair looked as if it could use a trim. It was as if he’d stopped caring.
Pain stabbed through her at the image of the once vibrantly alive man she’d married. What had happened to him? She didn’t believe for a minute it had anything to do with her leaving.
He turned and caught her watching him. A devious grin curled up the corners of his mouth. He dropped a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of her. “Eat up. You look like you could use a few pounds.” His gaze swept over her, and she flinched. He had no way of knowing the physical torment her body had suffered since they’d parted.
Jase caught her reaction. “What? What is it? What’d I say wrong?”
It took everything not to burst into tears once more when she remembered the loss. “Nothing. What time do you want to head over to my aunt’s house?” The words and her tone sounded cold. Cara felt cold inside and had ever since she had checked herself out of the hospital in Paradise.
Jase sat down across from her. “You’re really in a hurry to get out of here, aren’t you?” Cara ignored the remark and he answered, “As soon as you’re ready, we can go over. The place has some damage, but nothing too bad. It just needs a little TLC and TYG, as Maudie used to say.”
Cara smiled at last. She remembered the countless times she’d heard Maudie use that term. Whenever something appeared impossible, Maudie would tell her all it needed was a little tender-loving-care and a little thank-you-God prayer.
“Take the jeep and use it as if it was yours. It needs driving.” Jase’s husky voice wasn’t a welcome interruption to her thoughts of her aunt.
They finished the meal in silence, and Cara helped Jase clear away their plates.
“If you’re ready, I’ll change and take your things out to the truck.” Without waiting for her consent, he left her alone.
The drive to her aunt’s house was filled with past memories. She still remembered the first time her mother brought her there when she was five years old. For a time, she spent summers and holidays with Maudie when her mother still lived close by in Butte. When Cara turned ten, her mother remarried. Her new husband didn’t much want any kids hanging around as a reminder of his wife’s past life. Cara had been shuffled off to her aunt’s to live. Cara couldn’t have been happier. She’d stayed with her aunt ever since.
Until a little more than year ago, when her world had fallen apart. Her aunt had passed away just a few short months after she and Jase were married.
Jase pulled up in front of the house, and she parked behind him.
He climbed out and grabbed the box of junk she’d brought with her. “Ready?” he asked when she stopped next to him and retrie
ved her luggage.
“Yes, I think so.”
When her aunt died, Cara couldn’t bring herself to come near the place, even to clear away the house. Now as they stepped inside, she was glad that she hadn’t. It would have hurt too much to come here and not see all of her aunt’s things.
“You okay?” Jase watched her carefully. He expected this to be an emotional time. She had to be strong. She wouldn’t fall apart in front of him.
“Yes. You can just put that anywhere. You don’t have to stay, Jase. I’m fine, really. I want to start cleaning.”
He hesitated then let it go. “Okay. I’ll just bring in the rest of your things. I had everything turned on, so you should be comfortable. You’ll call if you need anything?”
She nodded, but she wouldn’t. “Thank you.”
“I’ll stop by tomorrow and see how you’re doing.”
“You don’t have to…”
“I’ll stop by tomorrow,” he reassured her then left to retrieve the last of her stuff.
Jase dropped the rest of the boxes in the living room and came to her. Cara froze over each of his labored steps. He was close enough to touch. Miles away emotionally. And between them stood all the doubts and questions, the uncertainties that had been there on that final night.
He gently touched her cheek, and it was then that she noticed it. Jase still wore his wedding ring. Before she could make sense of it, he kissed her cheek and left her alone. Like she’d asked. But not like she wanted it to be.
Chapter Six
Two weeks of searching for a job in Cartwright proved to be an eye-opening experience for Cara. It showed just how dire things had become in the small town. None of the local banks were hiring until the upcoming year. A couple of credit unions in Butte were interested, but they wouldn’t know anything until after Christmas. Cara couldn’t wait that long.
To pay the bills and eat, she took a job at one of the few businesses in town that seemed to be flourishing. Resale Dreams. A resale clothing store that carried gently used clothing of all labels along with other next-to-new items of need.
Even though her shift at the store started at nine, she couldn’t break herself of the habit of waking before dawn. In Paradise, she’d had a half-hour commute to the bank where she’d worked until the economy took away the job.
Those first few days back at her aunt Maudie’s house had been an oddly comforting experience. She hadn’t been sure how it would feel living without Maudie. Seeing the pieces of her past that had been good made the transition less painful.
Cara spent most of the first day cleaning the place and rearranging some of the furniture, not that house needed much cleaning. Jase had taken care of that as well as stocked the panty and fridge. He was still watching out for her.
As was her usual routine, Cara got out of bed before dawn, made coffee and toasted a bagel, then sat down at the kitchen table to consider the future. She’d come here because there was no place else she could go. At least that’s what she told herself. The truth was there was no place else she wanted to be. She needed healing. Physically, emotionally.
Even if it wasn’t with Jase, this house, Cartwright, represented places filled with her aunt’s memories. Good memories. The only other place she’d ever considered home.
She’d closed her bank account in Paradise with just under a thousand dollars to her name. The drive here had taken some of that. She’d make the rest last as long as she could. With the new job, even if it did only pay slightly above minimum wage, she could at least keep the bills current and eat until she had a clearer plan in mind.
She poured another cup of coffee into a travel mug and swallowed the last of the bagel before heading out. Since that first day here, she hadn’t seen Jase again. He’d called to see how she was settling and to ask if she needed anything, but their conversation had been brief and her mood had turned dark afterwards.
Cara parked the jeep in front of Resale Dreams. She still had a half-hour before her shift, but she knew the owner, Lucy Anderson, wouldn’t mind the extra help. Especially not on a Friday. This was one of their busiest days.
She knocked on the locked door and waited for Lucy to realize someone was out there. The petite, late-thirties, blonde peeked through the curtains separating the storage area from the rest of the store. When she spotted Cara, she smiled, waved, and came over to let her in.
“You’re early and. boy, am I glad. We have so many boxes of new items to get out on the shelves today.” Cara followed her back through to the storage area and saw what Lucy was talking about right away.
“Polly Walters dropped these off late yesterday. She must be getting ready for her Christmas shopping and needed extra closet space.” With the exception of the Cartwright family, Polly Walters was one of the wealthiest people around the county. Lucy told her that with every change of season or holiday Polly brought a ton of clothing and other items in to the store.
Cara let out a low whistle. “This will take a while. Do you want me to start color-coding and pricing the clothing first?” Cara glanced up from the box of sweaters she’d been admiring to find Lucy watching her with the usual look of compassion on her face.
Cara suspected the only reason Lucy had hired her in the first place was she’d seen the desperation in her.
Lucy and her husband were not from Cartwright originally. They’d moved to town a few months earlier from New York because Lucy’s husband, Bob, worked for a company that had transferred him to Butte and the couple had wanted to get their two teenage daughters out of a big city. They’d settled for Cartwright, and Lucy had come up with the idea of opening a resale shop because they were doing so well in New York.
In the two weeks that Cara had worked for Lucy, she’d never once mentioned Jase or their marriage and Lucy never asked. Yet there were times when she suspected someone from the community had filled her employer in on Cara’s past life.
Lucy drummed her index finger on her chin while studying the cluttered floor. “Yes, that’s a good idea. You start getting the sweaters and coats, anything that looks like fall or Christmas out on the floor. I’ll handle the store for a while. It’s slow first thing in the morning anyway. Grab some coffee first. It’s a special blend I found in Butte.” She disappeared through the curtains, and Cara got to her feet and dusted off her knees.
Lucy loved flavored coffees, and the latest Hazelnut Vanilla blend aroma was hard to resist. Cara poured a cup, grabbed the pricing gun and some labels, and went to work. There was something cathartic about the simple task of putting price tags on clothing.
She was on her second coffee when she finished the last of the winter clothes and took them out to the racks. Lucy was busy checking out her first customer of the day when Cara joined her behind the counter. Too late, she realized the woman was actually someone she knew. Ginny Davis. Cara and Ginny had been in the same grade throughout school.
“You got some nice things here, Ginny. Did you take a look at the new stuff?”
“Yes. But if I spend any more money this week, Blake is threatening to put me on an allowance.” Ginny grabbed her purchases and started to leave when she spotted Cara.
Ginny couldn’t seem to believe her eyes. “Cara Cartwright?”
“Stevens. Yes, hello, Ginny. How are you?”
For the longest time, Ginny seemed incapable for words “Fine. I’m fine. How are you? I didn’t know you were back in town. It’s good to see you again. Are you and Jase…?”
Cara glanced Lucy’s way and saw she was listening with interest to their exchange. “We’re not really together right now. How’s Blake?” she asked because she was desperate to change the subject.
“Oh, um, fine. He’s fine. We’re fine. We’re expecting our first baby in March.”
“That’s...great,” Cara managed. “Congratulations, Ginny. You two must be very happy.”
Ginny nodded, her face beaming. “I should be going. I have a doctor’s appointment in an hour.” She glanced at Cara once m
ore. “It really is good to see you again, Cara.”
When the bell above the door chimed Ginny’s departure, Cara could breathe again.
“I didn’t realize you knew Ginny Davis?” Lucy watched her closely, seeing all the things Cara had tried hard to cover up.
Suddenly, Cara desperately needed someone to talk to about her worries. “We went to school together.”
“Why did she call you Cartwright? What’d she mean about you and Jase? Are you…”
Cara cleared her throat. It was time to come clean with Lucy. “There’s something I haven’t told you. I was married…I’m still married…technically. We’re not divorced yet. I thought we were, but I found out that…” Cara stopped when she realized she wasn’t making any sense.
Lucy took the coffee mug from Cara’s hand and pulled out a stool for her to sit on. “It’s okay.”
Cara blew out a breath. “I’m married to Jase Cartwright.”
Lucy stopped fussing and stared at her, mouth gaping. “The Jase Cartwright?”
Cara had to smile at the way Lucy phrased the question. “I think he’s the only one in town, so yes, the Jase Cartwright.”
“I had no idea he was even married. He…well, I don’t know, I’ve just heard…” Lucy bit her lip. “I shouldn’t be repeating gossip. I’m sorry.”
Cara digested the uneasiness in her boss that in itself was strange. Although she hadn’t known Lucy very long, the woman appeared to be a rock.
“What gossip?”
Lucy didn’t look at her. “Nothing. I shouldn’t have said anything. I spoke out of turn.”
“No, it’s okay, you can tell me.” Brave words. Cara wasn’t anywhere close to being so confident. She’d known since seeing Jase again, he carried a dark secret. It surrounded him like a storm cloud.
